Hi! Sorry! I'm the WORST updater ever! First midterms, and then … stuff. Of course, I'm also working on two fics at once. What's the other fic, you ask? Well, if you've read The Little Witch, you know that's it's about a certain OC! Coming soon!

I don't own Wicked or Our Country's Good. Sad face.

Chapter 5

Fiyero

As soon as I entered the officers' dining room on the night after the auditions, everyone stopped talking almost immediately. I could literally feel everyone's eyes on me. Ignore them. I grabbed my ration of soup, sat down and began to eat.

"Lieutenant Tigulaar!" Governor Diggs greeted me cheerfully. "Good evening! How did the auditions go?"

"A play!" Major Morrible fumed. "A frippery frittering play! What in Oz is the purpose of doing a play?"

"It's to celebrate Ozma's birthday," I said bravely, hoping Major Morrible wouldn't kill me right then and there. "What harm can it do?"

"If more supplies don't arrive soon, we'll all be struck with strippering starvation! And you! A play?! You want the consummous convicts to act in this play?! The convicts!"

Captain Camball added his two coins. "Discipline's bad, very bad." Drunk, as usual.

"This play has several parts for women," I insisted. "There aren't any other women here except for the Major and your youngest, Brother Frexspar."

"My daughter abhors anything of that nature!" Brother Frexspar exclaimed indignantly. "Actresses, after all, are not famed for their morals."

"Neither are our women convicts," Judge Cherrystone pointed out.

"How can they be when some of our officers set them up as mistresses?" Frexspar looked pointedly at Lieutenant Longroad. Everyone knew that Lieutenant Longroad was involved with the convict ShenShen Avrems. He turned beet red.

Major Morrible exploded. "Filthy, thieving, lying whores, and now we have to watch them flout their flitty wares on the stage!" Oh Oz, she was furious! Yep, I was a dead man.

"Calm, Major," Governor Diggs said, trying to prevent the situation from escalating even further than it already had. "No one will be forced to watch the play."

"But I oppose the play as a whole!" Major Morrible shouted. "This is a convict colony! The prisoners are here to be punished, and we're here to make sure they get punished! Honestly, Jemmie! Plays!" She turned to Captain Camball for support.

"War … service … Gale Force," Captain Camball slurred, taking a swig of his bourbon. "Her Majesty!"

"We are here to supervise the convicts!" Governor Diggs argued. "They are already being punished by their long exile."

"A crime is a crime!" Captain Tenitch exclaimed. "You either commit a crime or you don't. If you commit a crime, you are a criminal. Surely that is logical! It's like the savages here. A savage is a savage because he behaves in a savage manner!" I had seen the Badlands' native people from a distance, and they had not seemed all that savage to me. But maybe Tenitch knew something I didn't.

"They can be educated, Wozkin." His Excellency's teeth were gritted, and I could tell that he really did not like Captain Tenitch. "And so can the convicts."

Tenitch stood up angrily. "Fine! Educate them! But teach them practical things! Teach them to build houses and roads! Teach them not to eat a week's rations in one sitting. It is just not necessary for the convicts to be sitting around laughing at a comedy!"

"Let me tell you something about the world where I come from," Governor Diggs said, getting comfortable. "There was this civilization known as Ancient Greece. In Ancient Greece, there was a city state called Athens. And in Athens, there was this grand theater known as the Theater of Dionysus. It was a citizen's duty to watch a play!"

"And from what I can recall, Oscar, these 'Greeks' were conquered by the Rom-mains, who were much more practical!" Sweet Oz, what had I started?

"And then the Romans were conquered by barbarians."

"Are you saying that this 'Rome,' this great empire that you always go on about, that it would not have fallen if the theatre had been better?!" I couldn't take much more of this.

"Why not?!" I exclaimed, shocking everyone. "In my own small way, I might be able to change things. Just today, I had some of the women read me some lines. And some of them, not all, but some of them started to gain some humanity back! There was one, Elphaba Thropp …" I saw Brother Frexspar's jaw tighten, but I went on anyway. "She read so well! Maybe this will stop her from selling herself to the first Gale Forcer who offers her bread!"

"She'll sell herself to him instead," Faddie murmured. I shot him a glare. I respected Thropp to much to hire her as my whore.

"Well, if you want my opinion," Frexspar started. "I've read The Recruiting Officer, and I think it's alright. It sanctions Holy Matrimony, which the Unnamed God smiles upon."

"It also sanctions insubordination!" Major Morrible shrieked. "Revolution! I'm writing to the Head Gale Forcer about this!" And she stormed out of the dining room in a rage.

"Well, we all know how Delva feels about the play," Judge Cherrystone remarked. "Does anyone else have any objections?"

There was a slur from Captain Camball. "I … I … Delva … confusion." He stumbled out after Major Morrible.

"Right, that's a 'nay' from Captain Camball. Anyone else?"

"I don't trust the director," Lieutenant Faddie said. Oh, Faddie, you are just asking for a broken nose!

"Waste of time," Tenitch added.

"Well, since we've agreed it could do no harm, since it could possibly do some good, I think we should let Lieutenant Tigulaar carry on with his play." Wait a second, what this actually … going in my favor?

"I agree, Trapper," His Excellency said. "Good luck, Fiyero."

I didn't know what to say. "I … um," I stuttered. "Thank you, Your Excellency! Thank you very much! I'm … gonna go to bed now." I stood up to make my escape.

"Yes, a director needs his sleep!"

Still dazed, I started making my way to my tent. I was now officially in charge of this play, which could either turn out a success or a train wreck. And now I was on Major Morrible's bad side for good, when I already was petrified of the woman. His Excellency wanted Pfanee Mordam as Melinda, and I had no idea how I was going to manage her! But all that didn't seem so bad for one reason. Elphaba Thropp was going to be my Silvia.

By the way, Deeply Shallow, if you read this, I know I borrowed your first name for Madam Morrible. Yeah. Take it as a compliment!

Thanks for reading!

Cheers,

Elle Dottore