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Neque Malam neque Bonum Patriae Nostrae habeo. Still a sad fact in Latin.

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Chapter 7

Elphaba

I couldn't help but tremble as Pfanee walked towards us. I had good reason; Pfanee Mordam was the colony's most difficult convict, always getting into fights and such. She eyed my script, and her scowl deepened. "You can't do the play without me!" she exclaimed. "I'm in it! Where are we?"

"She's teaching me my lines," Glinda said haughtily. "Scene between Silvia and Rose. No Melinda to be found. Sorry!"

Pfanee turned to me. "Why aren't you teaching me my lines?"

"We're not doing your scenes," I replied.

"Well, do them." She grabbed one of my scripts. Glinda stiffened. I shot her a look. You don't want to fight with her.

I sighed. "Fine. We'll do the first scene between Melinda and Silvia."

"What?!" Glinda shrieked. "Are you her friend now?! Elphie, the holy innocent and thieving bitch!" Pfanee started to make a move, but I quickly intervened.

"Glinda. Pfanee. Calm. The first scene, Pfanee?"

Pfanee opened the script. "Yeah. The first scene." She sat down on the ground next to me and stayed silent. What? She was supposed to start the scene!

"You start."

Silence.

"What are you waiting for, Pfanee Mordam?" Glinda asked. "A blind man to buy your wares?!"

More silence.

I huffed. "You start! 'Welcome to town, cousin Silvia …'"

"'Welcome to town, cousin Silvia.'"

"Go on: 'I envied you …'"

"'I envied you.' You read it first." Oh, Lurline help me …

"Why?"

"So I can hear how you do it!"

"Why?!"

"So I can do it different!" I could have argued with her further. In fact, I wanted to! But, if I didn't read the lines, Pfanee would probably kill me.

"Fine. 'Welcome to town, cousin Silvia. I envied you in your retreat to the country, for Shrewsberry, methinks, and all your heads of shires …'"

"Stop! Say it slower."

"Why don't you say it slower?"

Glinda cut in. "Why don't you read it?!" She gasped in mock surprise. "You can't read!"

Pfanee shot up. "You wanna say that again, Blondie?" I went into panic mode as they started trying to pin each other to the ground.

"Stop!" I shouted. "This is senseless, you two! Do you WANT Major Morrible to kill all three of us?! I really don't want to use my powers!"

"Oh, go ahead and use them, Elphie," Glinda groaned, in Pfanee's headlock. "Turn her into a dog for me! It wouldn't be much of a change!"

"Ladies!" We all turned to see Freeman approaching us. "Good morning! And why aren't you at work instead of at each other's throats?"

Both Glinda and Pfanee were so shocked to see him that they released each other. Thank Oz for that. They rounded on Freeman. "I wouldn't talk of throats if I was you, Mr. Hangman Kalidah Freeman!" Pfanee threatened.

"Yeah!" Glinda added. "You're a sucker!"

Freeman looked a little put off. "I was just asking what you were doing, you know, friendly like."

"You already delivered me your message from the lieutenant like a little pigeon bird," Pfanee mocked. "So don't bother the actresses."

"Actresses? You're practicing the play?"

"We are! It seems like a better hobby than turning off my own kind, noser!"

Freeman flared his nostrils. "I'll nose on you, Pfanee, if you're not careful!" Sweet Lurline, they were about to start another fight!

"Just stick to your ropes, my little galler."

"Crap merchant!" Glinda added.

"Roper!" I practically yelled, feeling like I should get him back for what he had said to me earlier that day.

"Now take your whirligigs out of our sight, Hangman!" Pfanee concluded. "We have lines to learn!"

"Well, I have lines to learn, too," Freeman said, hurt. "But I guess I'll have to learn them on my own. Good day, ladies." He slinked off.

"Don't hangify too many people, Kalidah!" Glinda called after him. "We need an audience!"

"'Welcome to town, cousin Silvia!'" I recited, trying to get them back on track. "It says you salute."

Pfanee nodded at me and gave a military salute. "'Welcome to town, cousin Silvia."

What do y'all think of Pfanee now?

The next chapter won't be from Elphie's POV again, don't worry. But it won't be from Fiyero's either ...

Thanks for reading!

Cheers,

Elle Dottore