Takahiro leaned back into the cheap vinyl seat. He turned his blood shot eyes up to the fluorescent lights shining down on the hallway. Haven't we been through enough? Wasn't it enough for him to be hurt once? It seemed as though the fates were playing a fucked up game with their lives; ripping their souls apart for grunts and giggles.
A scrap of paper hung loosely in his hand. Manami had found it amongst Misaki's things and she brought it with her to give to him. It was the note, his last goodbye. Takahiro had read it so many times he could repeat it from memory.
Usagi-san,
I'm sorry. I never wanted to cause you pain or trouble. When you find this…I'll be…you know. I don't expect you to understand. Just know that I do not blame you. At times we must purge things from this world because they should not exist. That's how I feel about myself now. I am an ugly splotch that needs to be wiped clean. I simply don't belong anymore. Every moment of every day I am reminded. When I close my eyes at night I am gripped by terror. When I look down at my own body I am overwhelmed with shame and disgust. If I could take it back, I would in a heartbeat. I do not want to be trapped in this existence anymore.
Please take care of my brother. He's going to need you so badly. He deserved better than me. You both did.
Natsu-senpai gave me an orchid. He told me it symbolized beauty. I don't know if I've been beautiful in my life. If there was ever a moment it would be the times you looked on me with love. Your gaze was the magic touch. It had the power to make me feel like I, one person out of 7 billion people, was special.
Rare beauty is your love. Rare beauty is your soul. You are beautiful. I want you to have this now. Keep the flowers near your heart and when they bloom, think of me.
"I've had enough visits to the hospital to last me a lifetime."
Takahiro looked up. Usagi stood before him. He was wearing a hospital scrub top that a nurse gave him. He threw the ruined button up in the trash. He didn't want anything to do with it.
"I thought you went home."
"No. I lurked in the halls. I wanted to give you some space but I will not leave him."
Usagi-san sat beside Takahiro and placed a hand on his friend's back. He rubbed his shoulder blades in a circular pattern.
"This is my fault, Usagi-san."
"No, it's not."
"Before you say that, you should read this. It is addressed to you after all." Takahiro handed the letter to Usagi who read it silently. Takahiro could hardly bare to watch him. "If I hadn't…he wouldn't have thought…he wouldn't have...I just wanted to protect him from all harm but I don't know how."
"You know, I had this teacher when I was younger."
"What?"
"He taught literature. His name was Mr. Ito. He was a pleasant man. His wife was expecting a child. I remember a poetry assignment he gave us. We had to write five different haikus about the same tree emphasizing different elements of nature and the cycle of life." Takahiro was confused, "Anyway, when I came in the next day we found out he had suffered from an aneurysm. He was gone."
"Why did you tell me that? What was the point?"
"The point is that we cannot protect anyone from all harm as much as we may like. Even if you had not made the choices you made; even if I was not a known writer with a malicious stalker; even if I had never met Misaki at all…there would still be violence and disease and car accidents and aneurysms. There are no guarantees. Everything we care about, and everyone, could be gone in an instant."
Takahiro grew frustrated and moved away from Usagi.
"So what do we do then?!"
"We love them," Usagi stated plainly "for as long as we can. We do so without reservation or regret."
Usagi and Takahiro embraced. The two of them waited together.
Nurse Akiyama walked up to them timidly.
"Excuse me, sir? He's awake."
***"At times we must purge things from this world because they should not exist" :This line is actually a quote from the video game, Deadly Premonition. It's one of my favorite and the line really touched me so I included it here.***