Chapter 18: Attachment
What was life's value? What is life? How to live? When does living take place and when does it stop? Edenia was sure, she was taught, life did not stop with death. Death sounded like something worth striving for. Striving for it seemed unbelievably beautiful; a place beyond happiness. A place where she could await her friends that had endured the worst and now had the best. One day, she would close her eyes but see. Death, sweet death. She would wait.
"Crying again? Aren't you a crybaby?" Mocked the voice next to Edenia. But it was wrong. Edenia did not cry and she did not turn her head towards the woman. Instead, she closed her eyes and imagined drawing her last breath. But she did not. Not yet. Bellatrix walked around the girl with a mischievous grin on her lips, then seemed taken aback when she realized that Edenia's face was dry. Not a single tear rolled down her cheeks. Nothing.
"You know...I have been sending out someone to...find your ugly friends...and kill them..." She suddenly smirked and stared at the girl with eyes lit up in pleasure. But they dimmed once she has come to notice that Edenia did not react to those news. Bellatrix frowned darkly, her mouth parted in surprise when she saw Edenia's lips curl into a soft smile, not a smile of spite. A smile as though she was at peace.
"They will wait for me..." Whispered Edenia and her eyes stared out of the window. Dull, powerless eyes.
"Wait?! Hah. No...they will die and you will live! Like I do! Like I have to!" Growled Bellatrix and knelt down to the bed, to Edenia's level, blocking the girl from looking out of the window. She cast herself in front of the sunlight with her blackness and her mouth gapped open again, her eyes widened when Edenia showed no reaction but that's when something in Bellatrix stirred.
"Now I know what you want to do!" She hissed at Edenia, then laughed before she added, nodding in awareness.
"That's why you haven't been eating anything for the past two days, huh?! You're trying to escape me! Tell you what, girl! Not even death will help, I promise you this! You will not slip away like that!" And a hand reached out to Edenia's head, laced itself in the girl's hair to rip on it. Yet again, she had to grasp a little more to the side. She managed to get a firm grip and pulled Edenia's head up to face -level and glared, but her glare replaced itself with surprise when she stared into dull, empty eyes. Whereas tears showed emotions of sadness, depression, turmoil or maybe even gratefulness to some extent, nothing reminded Bellatrix of something alive now. She let go of Edenia, walked out of the room and did not come back even when the girl woke up from a nap possibly hours and hours later.
Edenia looked around and wondered if she was alone, felt easy at first but that easiness vanished. After quite a while, she began to feel insecure. She used to enjoy the peace, the silence and the absence of danger, but now it felt like it became a threat. Like something was lingering. Maybe something would attack if she moved an inch. Maybe she would be punished if she tried. For all the girl knew, Bellatrix had the right mindset to leash out without any kind of warning. She always did. Whatever was done, Bellatrix knew how to make things worse. That was the only awareness that ever given to her: Knowing things could be worse than they are now. But how could Edenia ever assess a situation when she did not even know whether it was real or not. What was there, that could be worse, when it might not even have happened? When everything happened in her mind and her mind only? Edenia did not budge but her eyes wandered out of the window; it seemed like a grey afternoon. It must have been cold outside, but still. The world stood still. Did the trees outside know what was going on? Did the birds know? Would everything still be the same tomorrow? Would the world continue rotating, with or without Edenia, did it even matter? Feeling the sensitivity to do something, to find out, she got up and looked around, opened the door to observe the bathroom. Maybe Bellatrix was in there. But she was not. Edenia closed the door and turned around to walk out of the room; that, surprisingly was not even locked. Something must have been going on, but she did not know what it was. Instead of questioning herself too much, she decided to walk around the whole manor. But she was alone. Nobody was here, not even the house elf. Was he even here at all or has it just been imagination? Was he not here that one time when Bellatrix let Edenia down? Has Bellatrix ever let Edenia down that one day? The girl shook her head in disbelief and reached to her neck, and could not feel the collar. With a frown on her face, Edenia had to realize that it was not attached to her anymore. It was gone. Was it ever there?Has Bellatrix been here at all or was everything just a sick mind game, an awful nightmare?
"B...Bella?" Shouted the girl. No answer. She tried again. "Bella?!"' This time with a little more effort. No answer. She tried again. "BELLA?!" She walked around in hope, not knowing what exactly she hoped for but it died out when again, there was nobody answering. Stricken with panic, Edenia began to pace around the manor which, now that she took a look, seemed to be very dusty, as though nobody had been here for years. Edenia shook her head in denial, no, this could not be, Bellatrix was here. Bellatrix Lestrange was here and tortured Edenia. Kreacher was here, she was quite sure. He used to prepare the food, there, proof would be in the fridge, there must've been food inside. Edenia opened the fridge and almost puked at the smell and instantly shut its door again when bugs of sorts slithered out of its green, slimy environment; it was horrible. She turned away and supported herself on a chair, feeling dizzy and nauseated. No. This cannot be. She shook her head and walked upstairs again, Bellatrix would wait for her up there, she was sure. Or she would come just like she always did. Edenia passed by the large mirror but ignored her reflection when she opened the door to the bedroom and gasped, the whole room was a complete mess. The bed's foot was broken, it lay down to the ground on one side and the curtains were spread on the floor, along other things that once were somewhere else in the room. It looked like it had not been entered for ages. Her heart began to beat faster, she turned around hastily and tried, just tried so hard to understand, but she couldn't. Her heart beat so incredibly fast, almos painfully so. That's when panic took over her body. Where was Bellatrix? Would she let her whither here all alone, like she said, would she want Edenia to perish? The fear got more intense. What happened to the manor? Was everything just a dream, a spell maybe, causing a fake reality? What was reality? Edenia spun around, the pictures in her mind started to rotate, she shook her head, shook it severely and screamed with all the might and volume that her lungs allowed and then she dropped to the floor, staring to the ceiling for as long as her eyes allowed until she drifted away to sleep.
With eyes wide open, Edenia woke up. She did not know for how long she had slept but she remembered, on an instant so, what happened. Stricken with panic, her eyes searched around the bedroom hastily. Her head turned to the left and she instantly recognized Bellatrix beside her in the bed. Out of a first instinct, she clung to the dark witch with tears streaming down her face, almost embracing her with her whole shaking body. Bellatrix stared, a slight curious expression started to creep up her features as she rubbed her fingernails through Edenia's hair and pulled her closer. She shut her eyes and listened to the girl's quiet sobbing, however, did not comment it at all.
"B-Bella, you, you will stay here, r-right?" Asked the girl in between crying however, did not receive an answer yet.
"Don't go away, please!" Squeaked Edenia again and clung to her tormentor even more, curled herself around the witch's body and snuggled against her bosom. Bellatrix watched the girl with that ever so present grin and did not take it off when when she finally spoke.
"Now, now...so...attached to me, aren't you, dear?" She purred and pulled Edenia up on her body so that she was on top. Edenia stared into Bellatrix's face deeply, looking for some warmth in those black, in nothingness vanishing eyes, but this mission was over when she burst out in tears again and clung to Bellatrix like a monkey, not wanting to let her go, making sure that she was with her, making sure that whatever happened so close to Bellatrix was real. A dark cackle caused her to look up to the witch. Confused and innocently, Edenia tried to understand what was so funny. Thick droplets of tears still streamed down her cheeks and suddenly, they were removed. Bellatrix reached out her hand and rubbed the tears away, another hand forced the back of Edenia's head down and a soft kiss was placed on her temple. It felt good, so good. Edenia thought she had never felt something like this before when she closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling only to carefully rest against Bella's chest. A cautious glimpse shot up to her before that but Bellatrix did not seem to mind, at least not negatively. She merely did not further react any longer and silence invaded the room yet again, causing Edenia to be scared to fall asleep now, scared Bellatrix would be gone when she opened her eyes again, scared of whatever the witch had planned and only let Edenia know when it happened, scared of her dreams and scared of life, all that Edenia wanted was to stay like this forever, until it's over, until it begins. With all that fear, she squeezed on Bellatrix's forearm, whimpering inaudible nothings but somethings, and all that the dark witch did was to stare for a while until she raised her eyebrows when Edenia asked a curious question.
"Why..do you hate me so much?" Her croaked voice sounded raspier than ever, tear-drowned eyes searched for Bellatrix's black and calm own.
"I don't hate you dear." She then answered. Edenia felt excited, she wanted Bellatrix to keep talking, it was the only thing that reminded her that this was somewhat real. That she was alive.
"But why...did you choose me at Hogwarts? It...it was like...you just wanted to play with me..." Said Edenia.
"I don't hate you." Repeated Bellatrix again and glanced into Edenia's eyes deeply. Edenia felt a sudden jolt of happiness and she cuddled against Bellatrix, nuzzling under the witch's chin as silent sniffling slowly died out.
For the first time, she felt squeezed back; Bellatrix wrapped her arm around the girl tightly and pulled her closer.
"You won't let me go, right?" Asked Edenia gently, her eyes widened slightly at the mere thought of being all alone with herself.
"Right? You...you won't..?" Added Edenia with a shaky voice. Bellatrix inhaled deeply, shook her head and smiled as she pulled the girl against herself again.
"No dear. I will never let you go." She responded with the same gentle voice, but her smile turned into a large smirk behind Edenia's back.
She would never let Edenia go.