Chapter Eleven

Potty Problems

A very perplexed Sirius stood outside of the bathroom door.

"What am I supposed to do?" he said, glancing over at Remus.

"Well, just, let him watch you go." He replied with a shrug.

"WHAT!" Sirius exclaimed.

"How else is he going to understand?" Remus shrugged.

"You do it. Maybe we should call Mel, make sure it is even legal to do that…" he worried the hem of his shirt nervously.

"You prat, of course it is legal, honestly. Go in there."

"No, no I think you would be better at this. After all, you are doing brilliantly at teaching him French."

"Don't be ridiculous, I am not the one here with him every day. I am not even here with him every night. Look, I am going to take off his nappy, then you show him how to go and how to, well stand and stuff. Don't forget the stool." He said wisely.

"What if he falls off?"

"Well, we can always teach him to sit instead of stand at first." Remus shrugged.

"Hell no!" Sirius protested. "Jamie would come back from the grave and drag me back with him if I taught his son to wizz sitting down."

Remus laughed at the entirely correct thought. "Well then go show him." He looked over Sirius' shoulder at the entirely confused Harry who was standing in nothing but a nappy. This was not the usual early morning tradition as it were.

Smiling, Remus waved him over, he went obediently, and without laying him down Remus unpinned the white cloth and threw it into the bin.

"Alright cub, are you ready to be a big boy?"

"Me big boy!" Harry said, bouncing about the bathroom completely nude.

"Shouldn't we have had him keep a shirt on?" Sirius asked hesitantly.

"Well, I was thinking he might get pee on it if we did that." Remus mumbled.

"What do you mean? Is he not going to go in the toilet!" Sirius protested.

"Not if you don't hurry it up. Keep stalling and he is going to go on the tile."

Sirius frowned and pulled the door mostly shut. Alright Harry. Now listen, I am fully trusting you to not remember this when you are older. Do we have a deal? So, what you are going to do is stand here…stop stop stop…Ungh! No!" came Sirius' voice.

Remus bit his lips, a good idea of what had happened. Sirius came out of the bathroom holding Harry under the arms and away from his body like he might explode. He placed him in Remus' waiting arms.

"I quit, I don't think he is ready." He growled before limping dramatically away, his left sock in one hand, Remus noticed the trail of darker red flannel at the bottom of his left pyjama leg.

"What did you do Harry?" Remus said, trying to hide his grin.

Harry shrugged his shoulders and watched his godfather disappear into his room.

"Come on let's go try this out." He said, walking into the bathroom and setting Harry down.

A few minutes later Sirius rejoined them in Harry's room, where Harry was gripping a pair of small underpants in his hands. Remus was trying to coax him into putting them on.

"I thought we had decided he wasn't ready?" Sirius grumbled, kneeling on the floor and taking the little blue printed briefs from Harry's hands, looking at the little golden snitches that were patterned on them. "These might just be the smallest, cutest things I have ever seen." He said as he lifted Harry's leg and put it through the hole in the underpants, Harry held onto his shoulders for balance, lifting the other leg for him.

"I found them in diagon alley. I thought they were perfect, he has 20 pair, ranging from snitches to dragons. I even found a pair of red Gryffindor ones that I though you and Jamie would both appreciate.." Remus said with a grin.

"TWENTY PAIR! Are we only going to wash them once a month or something?" Sirius stammered, Harry looked between the two like they had gone mad, putting him in these underpants.

"First off, I would like to point out that if you are only doing wash once a month I surly hope you have at least thirty one pair of underpants. Please Merlin, change them daily. Second, if you think you are only going to go through one pair a day for the first several months you are delusional."

Sirius brushed off the first part of the conversation looking concerned about the second half, "Why would he need more than one pair a day?" he baulked looking down at his godson as Remus laughed before pulling a pair of shorts and cotton shirt over Harry's head.

"Somehow I think I am training you as much as we are training him. Did you not read the muggle book I bought?"

Sirius shrugged "No, I figured we could just put and impervious spell on him and call it a day."

Remus laughed harder.

Three outfits and pair of underpants later and they decided that clothes were now an unnecessary part of the equation, leaving him to run about in just his little briefs, it was much easier to get them down in time, and much easier on their wash load.

"The only thing that leaks more than you is an old cauldron." Sirius said, pulling a green pair of briefs on him, smiling at the dragon that was printed across the backside. "Are you sure about that impervious charm?"

Remus frowned at his own bare chest. He had been holding Harry in the yard when he had this accident. "Maybe we should call, Mel…" he said, losing confidence.

"We can call Andy." Sirius said lightly. "Dora seems pretty well housebroken."

"He is not a puppy, Sirius."

"Pup Pup Pup!" Harry cried excitedly, bouncing about, as he so often did. "Paaaeeeey Paaaeeeeyyy!" He chanted.

Sirius shook his head. "Nope, padfoot only comes to play with little boys who use the toilet and don't wet their pants."

Harry pouted out his lip, Sirius rarely told him no. "Yesh!"

"Uhm, no." Sirius replied.

"YESH!" Harry insisted, stomping his foot.

"No." Sirius said firmly.

"Yesh yesh yesh, Hawweee say yesh."

Sirius stood and crossed his arms. "And I said no. Not until you go at the toilet, like a big boy."

"No." Harry scowled

Sirius gaped at him.

"Siri, you do realize you are arguing with a not even two year old right?"

"He started it." Sirius grumbled.

"Tarted it." Harry mimicked, pointing at Sirius. The sight was so cute that Sirius couldn't not laugh.

0o0o0o0o

After two weeks Harry was learning, or rather Sirius and Remus were learning. They had started to recognize the potty warning signs, such as what had been dubbed the wee wee wiggle, and trying to pull of his underpants wherever he stood. They were getting faster at getting him to a bathroom, public was a hazard though. So far both of their library trips in the last two weeks had ended in a wet mess. Though, it did have the added bonus of Jessalyn offering her help with the situation. She had suggested that every single time one of them went to the bathroom they take Harry with them, just so he understood the purpose behind it. So far, while definitely not the smoothest thing the marauders would be known for, it seemed to be working. Until today…

Remus heard shouting from upstairs and bolted up, two steps at a time, to see what had happened. The sight that met his eyes was not a happy one. Sirius was standing in front of the toilet and Harry appeared to have climbed in between Sirius' legs and was turned looking up to see where the pee was coming from. Sirius had tried to push him back and in the coming moments he had lost control of his bathroom experience, pee had hit Harry, the wall, Sirius' leg and stomach.

Sirius was still shouting, "No. No Harry, No! Move!"

Harry was tangled up in Sirius' jeans and couldn't move he was holding his hands up crying. "No, no Siwi no wee on Haawwwweeee.

Remus stood at the bathroom door laughing hysterically at the pair inside. Harry looked back at him and started crying. "Unca Siwi wee, Unca Siwi ba ba boy, wee on Haawwweeee!" He cried as Sirius untangled him from his jeans

He ran to Remus, arms outstretched, Remus stepped back and put a single hand on his forehead, holding him at bay.

"Nu uhg, your Uncle Siri is going to be putting you in the bath and scrubbing you down before I hold you."

Sirius had finished adjusting himself and turned around, scowling. His own jeans had blotches of decidedly dark fabric, as well as his pale yellow button down. The walls appeared to be dripping a bit, there was also a small puddle on the floor.

"We are finding another method." He said darkly as he reached out for Harry's hand who jerked away.

"No, no Unca Siwi, Unca wee on Haawwweeee. Ba ba!" He declared.

Remus couldn't contain his laughter, when the floo alarm went off downstairs, indicating that someone was waiting to be let through.

"I got it." Remus said with a grin.

"Well isn't that swell of you." Sirius scathed as he tried to strip the struggling toddler.

Chuckling lightly, Remus took the stairs two at a time to get to the fire, after checking, he admitted Melanie through.

"Hey Mel, what brings you through here today?" he asked pleasantly.

"I am supposed to have a lunch date with one Harry Potter and Sirius Black." She said with a smile.

Remus nodded as he remembered the conversation from last night, it fell somewhere between actually letting Sirius impervious Harry's underpants for dinner and putting him kicking and screaming into his toddler bed. It had been a long couple of weeks. "Right, Sirius told me, I just forgot with the insanity that was today, and yesterday, and you know this fortnight in general."

"Ah trouble in pottyland?" she said with a grin, Sirius had detailed to her several of their exploits over the last two weeks.

"You could say that." Remus said with a grin. "Have a seat. I will make up some tea while you wait."

"How is he doing sleeping in his own bed?" she asked as she sat at the table.

"About as well as Sirius does if you take his broom away."

"Ahhh, that well then?"

"Precisely." Remus said with a shake of the head.

"Are the birthday plans coming along?"

"They are, just a month away now. Trying to remind Sirius that if he wants to invite the villagers he can't do anything magical is the biggest hiccup there."

She nodded in understanding.

"So, is this the first date? Well…this time around I mean?" he blushed slightly.

She laughed. "If you consider lunch out with a wet bottomed two year old chaperone a first date, then yes." She said with a grin.

"Hey now, no wet bottoms here, he is all cleaned up. And dry." Sirius said happily as he entered the room carrying a thoroughly disgruntled messy headed Harry.

"You might want to rethink the overalls." Remus said, noticing the red overall shorts that Harry was wearing.

"I think he looks perfect." Sirius said with a smile, Harry was looking murderous.

Melanie stood up and held out her hands, Harry went to her willingly.

"Why no smile little love?" she said, kissing his pouting cheek.

"Haweeee mad." He said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Why are you mad?" she asked, bemused at the little boy's attitude.

"Mad, me mad. Unca Siwi wee'ed on Hawweee! Wee'ed on Hawweeee" he exclaimed vehemently, holding his arms up in the air.

Remus burst into unrestrained laughter, Melanie's mouth dropped open and she turned to look at Sirius who was wearing a face of shocked embarrassment.

"In my defense." He stuttered. "It was his fault entirely."

."