My computer is about to undergo a major Virus removal,

I am sorry, but it may be a week or so before I can update.

I am stuck until it is fixed, I hurried to put this up.

It is unedited b/c of that reason. When my comp is back up I will go in and edit.

I hope it is alright.

I am not JKR

Chapter Fourteen

One Year Later

He needed to get up. He had to get up. He couldn't keep putting himself through this. Sirius opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling of his room. He felt rather lonely in this huge bed, all alone. He had woken up from nightmares four times already, a swift look at the clock told him that it was only 3:30 in the morning. He stood and shook out his hair, he nearly pushed his hand through it but stopped himself, it was too much a reminder of what today was. He stood and walked to Harry's room. He was still asleep in his own bed. He had been getting better and better at it. Oddly enough, as Harry's nightmares settled down, Sirius' seemed to pick up. The closer he had gotten to today it seemed that every time he closed his eyes the blank face of James was there, or the empty eyes of Lily, the pair of them lying lifelessly on the dew wet October grass. Even, several times, the bloodied, screaming face of Harry himself appeared.

After two weeks of sleeping like shit, last night had been the last he could handle. And he knew better than even to try and sleep tonight, when it would actually be the same time as it had been one year ago. He wished he could say that this day snuck up on him, unfortunately it had not. He had been dreading it for weeks. Knowing Harry was safe in his bed, Sirius walked downstairs and out the back door. He was so preoccupied that the chilly October air didn't even phase him. He sat himself on the side of the wrought iron garden table and stared into the sky. The stars twinkled back harmlessly, they seemed to mock his mood.

"I thought I heard you come out here."

Sirius grunted a reply as Remus sat a bottle of muggle beer in his hands.

"I was thinking about vodka, tequila or firewhiskey, but remembered that we do still have Harry to care for."

"Good point." Sirius said, accepting the beer and taking a long drink, draining three quarters of the bottle. He took a breath and then finished it off, glaring at it menacingly as if it had personally offended him. Suddenly another one was plopped in his hand, he glanced at Remus who had an entire twelve pack sitting beside him.

"I've got you covered." He said evenly before taking a drink of his own.

"Cheers." Came Sirius' toneless reply.

"You know, this sucks." Remus blurted, scowling and narrowing his turbulent gray eyes.

Sirius chuckled lightly, "I don't think that even begins to cover it."

"I don't think much does." Remus added.

"You know, I don't think I realized how much of my life revolved around the marauders and Lily, until none of it existed anymore."

Remus nodded in understanding. "I didn't either. It just sort of became part of who we were you know? It was a given, Remus, Peter, Sirius and James. And Merlin knows, if there was James, Lily was somewhere nearby. He was so obsessed." He couldn't hold back the grin as the memories washed over him. "Do you remember in fourth year, when he flipped the cauldron in potions because he was staring at her?"

Sirius laughed out loud, "And it spilled everywhere and hit all the Gryffindor's feet." Sirius let out his bark like laugh, "My shoes didn't fit on my feet for a week, damn swelling solution. Lily was so furious, she was sure that he had done it as a prank."

Remus was shaking his head, his blonde hair flipping about, "I never did understand why she thought he would prank himself or the Gryffindors though."

"Are you kidding? We pranked each other and our house so much I am surprised that tower is still standing."

"I guess it is the Slytherin pranks that stand out in my head." Remus said thoughtfully.

"Like when we used a sticking charm to stick them all to their beds and they were late for classes?"

"Or when James made the great hall ceiling really rain? But only on the Slytherin side?"

"Oh, but what about when he tried to charm that Valentine for Lily and turned the entire girls dormitories pink and ruffly."

"I will never forget the day she kissed him." Remus mused, his eyes glassy from unshed tears. "I thought he was going to float away."

"Me either, I had to pay him five galleons because of it." Sirius grumbled, albeit with a smile on his face.

"Don't feel bad, I had to give him ten on their wedding day." Remus chuckled.

"He was so happy. And not just about Lily, though that was near sickening to watch, he was just happy, all the time." Sirius felt the sadness seep back into his chest. "Do you think Harry will be like that when he grows up?"

Remus finished off his second bottle and popped open a third. "What, happy?"

Sirius nodded, "Yeah, like overly happy, like James was."

Remus didn't reply right away, he was thinking about everything that he knew Harry already was and everything he could grow up to be. "I-I think he will be happy. But I think he will have emotions and think of things that James never imagined. He is going to know that his parents died. No matter how much he loves us, he will miss them. He is going to go back to London and be famous for something he doesn't remember or understand. And one day, Voldemort is going to come back, and he is going to come after Harry. I don't think we can keep that from happening."

"I will die trying." Sirius said firmly.

"And then Harry will have just lost another parent, though he will remember this one."

Neither of them spoke for a while, they sat and watched as the blue black sky shot through with pinks and purples, slowly turning orange and red. It was Remus who broke the silence. "Harry is going to be up soon."

In reply Sirius held up the muggle baby monitor that had been sitting on the chair between his feet. Remus nodded and handed him one more beer before standing and grabbing the 8 empty bottles from the table and walking inside, leaving Sirius to his thoughts, alone.

0o0o0o

Sirius watched as Jessalyn lifted Harry into her arms, his little fuzzy lion's tail swinging back and forth.

"I rawwweeerrrr!" Harry yelled, holding his hands up and bellowing in his imitation of the lion he was dressed up to be.

"You are such a scary lion." She said with a grin.

"Yer not commin?" Sammi asked, hanging off Sirius' leg.

"Nope, you, Harry, your mum and Remus are going trick or treating. I am not fond of Halloween." He said. "But you are a beautiful butterfly."

"Do the costumes scare you?" the inquisitive four year old asked.

"Yup, they sure do. They scare the fur right off me." He joked, they had only just recently told Jessalyn about Remus and as such, about Sirius. Well it had been Harry who had told. Pointing furiously at Sirius and declaring him to be a woof woof doggie.

"Come on Miss Priss, let's get on to the candy." Remus declared holding out his arms for Sammi to jump into them.

"We'll be back once the houses run out of treats." Remus said, picking up Harry's candy sack.

"Have fun, don't lose any children." Sirius replied, trying to look for all the world, happy. "Bring me back some chocolate peanut butter pumpkins, I love those things."

"Of course." Jessalyn said as they headed out the door.

Sirius waited a few moments, long enough for the foursome to be gone before he stepped out into the lane and walked the proper distance to apparate away.

Even in the dusk, the burgeoning night sky was darker than normal. The stars seemed to be cooperating with his mood tonight and had taken refuge behind a blanket of clouds. He hadn't really thought about people that would be paying their respects at the cottage tonight. So when he approached the dilapidated house and there were people in front of it, he was brought up short. He wasn't certain on what to do. He made the snap decision to push his way past them and open the gate.

"Uhm, you can't do that. Ministry order." A man's voice said quickly.

Sirius might should have been thankful for the person that was standing up for James and Lily's property, as it was, he was just irritated. He turned and glared at the man.

"I am Sirius Black. I was their best friend. I am raising their son. I carried their fucking bodies from this house, I think I can to whatever I damn well please." He snapped.

All eyes trained on him, he was pretty sure that most, if not all of them, had stopped breathing.

"Of course you can. I didn't know. Of course you can." The man stammered, scrambling for anything at all to say.

Sirius spun on his heel and walked through the gate, letting it slam closed behind him. He winced briefly, nearly expecting Lily to come bursting through the door berating him for shutting her gate like that. He couldn't make himself go into the house again. He hadn't since the day he and Remus had come. He certainly couldn't do it alone, and definitely not tonight. So instead he folded himself down onto the grass, unintentionally in the same place that he had laid their bodies.

He didn't notice that after his spiel to the man at the gate, the other people had dispersed as well. The man that had spoken placed a protection charm over the area and a temporary concealment charm to keep the house hidden for the next 24 hours. In his irritation and blatant grief he hadn't recognized the former auror that he had helped train. Nor had he noticed Severus Snape standing against the beach tree to the side of the house, concealed in darkness hidden from the others. Instead of bothering to afford any attention to the people paying their respects he stared at the house that he still knew so well. It seemed as lifeless as its owners. Like the soul of the house had seeped out over the last year. He sat staring at it and running his hands over the grass for a long time. This was the last place he laid them, the last place they existed in a real way in his life, he had never seen them make it from this spot.

Suddenly he knew that right now, he needed more. Without giving himself a chance to think about it he rushed into the house, pushing every thought that was screaming at him to stay out, away. He found himself standing in the place where he had found James' body. This had been the place that his life had poured out of him, this had been where James lived last. Sirius sat, hoping that somehow a last bit of James might still exist here.

"Hey mate." He spoke to the dusty air, only feeling slightly stupid. "I didn't know where else to go talk to you. It doesn't feel like you are at that grave, having never seen you there I guess. But somehow, it still feels like you are here. I know you aren't, but, well one can hope can't they?"

He sighed and pushed his hands over his face and through this hair, pulling at it and leaving it a mess. James would have been proud.

"I have him, Harry. I doing to really well, he is two and a half and he went muggle trick or treating tonight with Moony." He barely registered that he had used the old marauder nickname, they had been avoiding them for the most part. "I hope that you don't mind him helping me with the minion, I don't think I am ready to be doing it on my own. Harry loves him. He is nearly completely potty trained. It only took us six months. I know you and Lily would have been more successful, I doubt I will ever completely get all the piss off of me and the floor, not to mention the bed. He slept all night in his bed last night. It was a first, he normally ends up with me. I know you guys didn't sleep with him, but he has nightmares and then has these nights where he will cry for you. They are less now, he hasn't woke up crying for mum and dad in a month. He is getting better, and bigger."

He let out a heavy breath, like he was allowing all emotion to show through, "He has gotten so big, and Lily, he is talking so well. He is even learning French. I can't believe how much I love him. I mean I always have, but then, he was your kid, I could always walk away and leave you to deal with the hard stuff. Now, somehow, he became my kid. I worry about him and I think about him all the time, even when he is asleep right next to me. I haven't even pursed a real relationship with Mel because I don't think Harry is ready for a mummy figure. Do you think it is strange that I have made my piece for standing in as James but I can't even consider trying to find someone to fill Lily's role? It just seems wrong on every level. And if I have a serious girlfriend, that takes me from Harry, and I am not willing to do that."

He gripped his hair at the sides of his head pulling it out and letting it fall back to his ears. "I think I can be ok filling your role Jamie because I can try and make choices you would have made. We were so much alike and shared so many moments. I don't think Lily even knew you as well as I knew you. And with Harry in my arms, it feels like I can still have a bit of you. Even if it isn't you. He looks just like you though, and has your marauder flair already. Most of the trauma caused by the Dursley's is past, I don't think he remembers it at all. Though he does still freak out if you go bye bye and leave him behind."

"I don't know what the purpose of this was, really. I guess, I just need you to know that I miss you, and Harry misses you, I talk about you everyday, and I show him your pictures, they are all over the house. I have even reverted to calling him baby James or little bitty baby prongs. Though if I am honest, I never did drop Little Bit at all." Sirius mused over the memory of Harry's birth.

The walls were a butter yellow and Lily looked exhausted but thrilled. Sirius strode into the room and went straight to her side, kissing her cheek. "You are amazing." He said, smiling hugely.

"You haven't even seen him." She argued tiredly, "And James said the same thing."

"I don't have to see him to know how incredible you are. And James was right."

She giggled softly as the door opened and James came in carrying a tightly wrapped bundle, Sirius smiled, James had managed to convince them to wrap the baby in the Gryffindor baby afghan that Lily had knitted.

"There he is, the man of the hour." Sirius said in a quietly boisterous voice, he was completely awake for it being 4 AM

"Here I am, I have been in the nursery watching them check Harry out." James said, grinning wickedly.

Lily laughed and shook her head. Sirius scowled and met him half way looking down into the baby's face. "Not you, you prat. You are most certainly not the man of the hour. But this little pipsqueak is." He cooed at the sleeping boy.

"Well I mean it could be argued that you are the man of the hour. Here hold your arms out and take him." James said as Sirius backed away.

"What! No way! Lay him out on the bottom of the bed, I will drop him. And how am I the man of the hour, you just had a son and he just burst forth into life. I think maybe Lily should be that man…(EHEM) er woman of the hour." Sirius rambled as James used his extra hand to shove Sirius into a chair, hold him there with his knee and plop the baby into his arms. Sirius looked terrified.

"And I think that you would be at least one of the men of the hour. A godfather, holding his first godson. Not much bigger than that is there?" James said, his eyes twinkling.

Sirius looked up from the baby, his mouth agape. "What, Godfather, me? Are you sure? I am not the best role model."

Lily smiled at him, watching as he stared at the baby. "Sirius, I would trust no one over you. I am positive that this is the right choice. Besides if all else fails you can recruit Remmy."

Sirius had been a bit in shock and nodded. He remembered pulling of Harry's little hat and letting the blanket fall to the sides. "Hi little guy, I am your Godfather. You know what that means? That means I get to let mummy and daddy do all the mean stuff and I can give you anything you want. We will have so much fun and don't worry, your mum will enjoy yelling at me till the day she dies so she will blame me or your dad for it all. Look at all that hair, you look like your daddy. You are like a little bitty baby prongs. A little bitty tiny one though. You are a little bit of nothin. Tiny little bit of fluffy hair and full of pranks already, and this one is for daddy." He said with a wicked smile, handing the baby back to James.

"He left his first prank in his nappy for you." Sirius said, laughing with Lily. "I think that little bit already shows excellent skills."

Sirius brought his mind back to the present, Harry would be returning home soon, he wanted to be there. "I guess I just came to tell you that we are alright. We all miss you and would be better if you were here, but we are alright. Harry is happy and healthy and hyper. Remus seems, well he actually seems good, like he is enjoying life. We are doing it, we are living and we are doing alright. I think we are going to make it."