Trigger Warning - Self Harm
Clove POV:
I reach out, searching for Katniss on her side of the bed. I open my eyes when I find nothing but air, sitting up I glance around the room, sunlight shines through the curtains. I blink slowly remembering that Katniss was going hunting with Gale this morning.
Ignoring the stab of jealousy when I remember how she's with Gale I get up. I enter the en suite bathroom to have a shower. I'm glad these houses have showers, I've noticed how Katniss' old house had no shower, instead it has an old metal tub that Katniss had informed me they used to use for bathing.
I wrinkle my nose at the thought of Katniss living in those conditions, although she seemed to feel more comfortable in her old home. I sigh as I step out of the shower wishing I could do something to make her feel more at home in this place.
I pull on a fresh set of clothes and reach for the knives I keep in the top drawer of the bedside table, putting one on my pocket and another in my boot. I feel safer if I can carry my weapons with me.
Downstairs I find Prim and Mrs Everdeen in the kitchen. Prim grins when she sees me and waves me over. I give her a small smile and sit next to her at the table. Mrs Everdeen greets me with a nod before turning back to the herbs she's sorting though.
I sit awkwardly waiting for Katniss to return, unsure of what to do with myself. "So Clove what is your talent going to be now that you're here?" Prim asks suddenly. I turn to he my eyes widening as I remember that victors of the Hunger Games are supposed to have a talent that they will then show to the people of the Capitol at the end of the Victory tour in a few months' time
"Er…" I bite my lip, I've never been very good at anything besides knife throwing and killing. "I…Don't know…"
"Katniss is obviously going to sing, she's amazing at singing." Prim tells me beaming.
"Really?" I ask, I've never heard her sing, Prim nods.
"She used to sing to me when I was younger." She tells me. She's thoughtful for a moment before she continues. "Can you sing? Maybe you could both sing." I laugh at the thought of me singing and I shake my head.
"No, singing is not my thing."
"Well what are you good at?" She asks, staring at me with her blue eyes. I shrug, the only thing I can do is throw knives and that's not what the Capitol will want to see.
"Nothing I could use as a talent." I sigh, what am I going to do? I bit my lip again, hating the Capitol and wishing that I could just be left alone to live my life with Katniss and not have to worry about the Capitol peering into our lives.
Prim opens her mouth to say something but at that moment we hear the front door open. A few moments later Katniss walks through the door, her hunting bag slung over her shoulder. She grins at me when she sees me and I get up to kiss her.
When we part I notice her mother glancing between us and I can't help the blush that creeps onto my face. Katniss gives me that goofy grin I love so much and kisses me again. Her mother coughs and we turn to her, she smiles at us and asks Katniss how her hunt went.
Katniss smiles and approaches the table, slinging her bag off her shoulder and opening it. "2 pigeons and a rabbit." She says pulling out the kill. He mother nods.
"Perhaps you and Clove can prepare them." Mrs Everdeen suggests, we agree and Katniss pulls a knife out of the drawer and starts to skin the rabbit. I start to pluck the pigeons and we're silent for a while.
There's a knock at the door and Katniss' mother goes to answer it. Moments later Haymitch stumbles into the room followed by Mrs Everdeen. He squints at us, an empty bottle in his hand. He's obviously drunk and I'm instantly on guard, scowling at him I grip the knife in my pocket
"Katniss…y'got any more?" He asks holding up the empty bottle. He takes a couple of steps forward towards the table. I tense as he moves closer to us, not wanting him anywhere near me o Katniss.
"Erm, no… I gave you what I bought." She frowns in confusion at the empty bottle in his hand. "You…You didn't drink both bottles already did you?" She asks biting her lip, I turn to her scowling. She gave Haymitch alcohol?
Haymitch grunts and flops down onto a chair. He surveys me with unfocussed eyes. "What 'bout you District 2? You got any?" He asks holding the empty bottle up to me. I wrinkly my nose in disgust and take a few steps back.
"No." I snap glaring at him, I can feel my muscles starting to shake and I try to take a couple of deep breaths to calm myself hating my body for betraying me in this way. He grunts again glancing around the room. I share a look with Katniss, trying to communicate how irritated I am, I hate drunk people, you never know what they're going to do.
I'm even more irritated when Haymitch stays for the day. Drinking all of Mrs Everdeen's alcohol she uses for wound cleaning. I'm not even sure how he got his hands on it and glancing at Mrs Everdeen's face I can see she doesn't either.
Every time the man comes near me I have to resist the urge to put a knife though his head. The only reason I stay is because of Katniss. I don't know what he's going to do and if he threatens her in any way I will not hesitate to kill him.
Eventually Haymitch slumps over the table and starts snoring obnoxiously, I glare at him for a moment before deciding I have to get out of here, Katniss should be safe enough with him out for the count. I stand up and exit the house without explanation.
I've only made it halfway down the street before I he Katniss calling me. "Clove, wait." I slow my walking as I hear her running towards me. I stop when I feel her gab my wrist and refuse to look at her even when she hugs me. "What's wrong? Is this to do with Haymitch?" She asks finally getting me to look her in the eye.
You gave him alcohol and he turns up at our house completely drunk and you ask what's wrong?" I snap at her. She winces at my tone and tries to hug me but I pull away, trying to ignore the look of hut in her eye at my actions. "Why do you even associate with him, he's an alcoholic. Gale sure I can understand at least you can hold a conversation with him but Haymitch?" I shake my head, trying to stop myself from shaking. Desperately wanting to hide my weakness.
"So this is about Gale as well?" She asks and I sigh.
"No it's got nothing to do with Gale…I just…You made Haymitch drunk…" I shut my eyes and take a deep breath. I can't deal with being around a drunk Haymitch.
"I didn't make him drunk…He was my mentor in the games…I was just trying to be friendly." Katniss insists. I shake my head in irritation that she's not getting it.
"I can't talk about this right now." I snap before running of, half of me hopes she'll follow me but I know nothing god will come of that. I run the entire distance to the fence that separates District 12 and the forest.
As I stop to catch my breath I glance behind me, Katniss hasn't followed me. I sit down not sure whether I feel relieved or disappointed. I can't believe Katniss would do that, how could she give Haymitch alcohol? She knows how I feel about being around drunk people. I shudder and screw my eyes shut trying to empty my mind as memories course though me.
Katniss POV:
I take a few steps to follow Clove as she runs but stop myself. She obviously wants to be alone right now. I bite my lip and return to the house. "Is everything alright?" My mother asks but I don't answer her as I move over to the still sleeping Haymitch.
Perhaps I shouldn't have given him alcohol but I feel sorry for him. I have my mother, Prim and of course Clove but he has no one. No family and no friends. I'd thought that the best way to be kind would be to give him a bit of alcohol, it definitely gave me an excuse to talk to him.
I sigh and try wake him, he should go back to his own house. I don't think Clove would be very happy to find him still here when she returns. He grunts and waves his arms at me in his sleep. I try to dodge as he jumps up and waves his arms around but I'm not quite quick enough as his fist connects with my cheek.
He calms down and looks at me blearily. "What're you doing there sweetheart?" He asks and I shake my head, holding a hand against my stinging cheek. He frowns when I pull my hand away. "Huh…Sorry about that." He seems more sober after his short nap and he gives me a wonky grin as he straightens.
"Don't worry about it, I think it's time you went back to your own home." I say, he snorts and nods.
He grunts and starts to stagger towards the door, when he's halfway he turns to me and my mother. "Thanks for the liqueur." He smirks before stumbling through the door. I glance at my mother who's staring at me with wide eyes.
I enter the hallway and notice that Haymitch has left the front door open. Sighing I close it and rest my still stinging cheek against the cold glass. I find that it soothes it a bit, reluctantly I pull my face away.
When I return to the kitchen my mother seems to have snapped out of her stupor and is searching for something. She beckons me over and hands me a small pot. "For your cheek, that looks like it's going to bruise." I nod and apply the salve to my face, sighing in relief as the pain leaves completely.
I sit down and my mother stares at me. "Is…Clove alright?" She asks, I shrug, sighing before shaking my head. I meet her eyes and she nods. "Have you talked to her?"
"She said she didn't want to talk about it right now." I sigh, folding my arms across my chest. I need to talk to her but as I have no idea where she's run off to I'll have to wait for her to come back. I get up deciding to go put my hunting bag back in its place in the hallway.
As I dump my bag in the corner I now keep it I stare at it. Remembering the contents of the smallest compartment inside it glancing around to make sure my mother is still in the kitchen before opening it and pulling out the knife, smiling slightly when I find it still there.
Quickly I pocket it and walk calmly upstairs. Once I reach my room I enter the en suite and lock myself in. Slowly I unfold the knife and pull up my sleeve. I take a deep breath as I stare at the knife blade, guilt floods though me as I remember the look on Clove's face, she's upset and it's all my fault.
I settle myself down on the bathroom floor and lower the blade to my arm, reopening a few old scars and sighing in relief as the blood seeps out of the wound. Eventually I reach for some toilet paper, using it to stop the bleeding before rolling my sleeve down and standing up straight. I pocket the knife before unlocking the door and walking out confidently.
As I walk downstairs the front door opens and Clove steps through. She holds her head high but I can see from her puffy red eyes that she's been crying. I approach her and try to hug her but she pulls away. "Clove I'm sorry alright, just please let's talk about this." I beg.
"There's nothing to talk about…It's fine, you don't have to apologise." She says not looking at me. I bit my lip, I can see she's lying, it's not fine.
"Clove please…"
"I said it's fine." She finally looks me in the eye, her eyes drift to my cheek and her lip pulls back into a snarl. "Who did this?" She asks furiously. She reaches for my chin, trailing her fingers underneath the bruise in a surprisingly gentle manor considering the furious tone she'd just used. Her eyes soften as they stare into mine, trying to find the answer.
"It's nothing." I whisper causing her eyes to harden into a glare once more.
"It's not nothing, someone hurt you." She growls her hand reaching into her pocket where I know she keeps her knife, her eyes widen in realisation. "It was him wasn't it? It was Haymitch." She snarls, when I don't reply she takes a couple of steps back pulling the knife from her pocket. "I'll kill him!"
She's about to storm out of the door but I grab her. She can't kill Haymitch. She fights against my hold but I refuse to let go. "Clove please, don't, you can't kill him. He didn't mean to hit me." I say frantically.
She takes a deep breath and stops struggling and turns to me, looking into my eyes searchingly. She purses her lips and shoved the knife back into her pocket. "If he hurts you again I will kill him." I let go of her and she moves closer to me, placing a hand on my uninjured cheek for a moment before kissing me. " I love you, I don't want you to be hurt." She whispers.
A small smile appears on my lips as I wrap my arms around me. "I love you too and I'm alright you don't have to worry about me."