Pinky, Voltron & the Brain
A Crossover Literary Work of Shameless Fandom
By KittyLynne and The Bandit
Chapter 2
Planet Arus: 5:05 am
The appearance of five lion ships was as appreciated by the residents of Arus as the sun and blue sky of the dawning day. The ships flew above the landscape, close enough for people to feel safe, and high enough not to disturb the peaceful ambiance of the morning.
"Can someone tell me why I was dragged out of my nice warm bed at this ungodly hour?" Hunk grumbled as he maneuvered Yellow Lion into formation. "We kicked their butts but good, so it's not like Doom is waiting for us around the corner."
"Nanny is planning a special breakfast for us after drills in honor of our latest victory!" Pidge consoled his friend. "So cheer up big guy!"
"As well she should!" Another voice interjected with a cackle. "It's gonna be a heck of a challenge for Hagar to find and grow any more RoBeasts after what we did to the last ones."
"You said it, Lance! Those giant anti-lazon enemas were just what the doctor ordered; the RoBeasts on Doom will be running on empty for days!" Hunk declared with glee.
"All well and good, but we're out here because we can't afford to be complacent." The ever-somber Captain Keith said firmly, ignoring the chorus of disgruntled grumbles that greeted his statement. "We can't let down our guard. Who knows what evil magic Hagar has put away for emergencies?"
"Or what evil Prince Lotor might have up his sleeve," a sweet feminine voice added uneasily, putting an end to further grumbling. "He never seems to give up."
"Don't worry Princess, you know that I-that we won't let that creep lay a hand on you!" Keith vowed earnestly. On screen, his strong jaw was set with determination, and his dark eyes flashed with intensity. Protectiveness oozed from his every pore. Or perhaps it was just sweat. "He doesn't stand a chance!"
Lance rolled his eyes at Hunk and Pidge's images on his view screens. Everyone was very aware that the pilot of Black Lion would do anything to keep the Lothario Lotor from having his way with Allura, he had said so several times in and out of battle.
"So brave!" Allura gushed. "So noble! I don't know how I can ever thank you for all you've done for me, Keith, or any of you boys, for that matter."
"I can think of a way for you to thank me, Princess," Lance told her in a helpful tone. "It involves you and me and some cheesecake."
Keith glared at the smirking Red Lion pilot on his screen with narrowed dark eyes that smoldered with suppressed emotion. "No cheesecake."
"It was just a thought," his friend shrugged. "Can't blame a guy for trying."
"Yes, I can." Keith stated. "I can definitely blame you."
Hunk spoke up. "Jeez, Keith, it sounds to me like you're kinda jea-"
"Why don't you want Lance to have cheesecake, Keith?" The pilot of Blue Lion broke in, her voice sounding reproachful. "I'd be happy to get him some if that is what he likes."
Lance turned to look at Allura with an innocent smile on his handsome face. "That'd sure be swell. Do you know what my very favorite kind of cheesecake is, Princess?"
"Please tell me." She replied, returning his smile warmly.
The Red Lion pilot's smile broadened to epic proportions. "Royal cherry. It's the best-"
"Enough, Lance!" The Captain abruptly cut off his second-in command.
Allura protested, "Keith, you're being so harsh."
The Black Lion pilot's eyes closed for a brief moment as unnamed emotion sliced through him. "Princess, please. You don't understand. Lance was making a inappropriate joke, the kind Terrans call a double entrendre."
"A sexual joke with a hidden meaning? I do know about those!" Allura declared with spirit. "I don't think it applies to this situation. What hidden meaning or ambiguity can be found in enjoying any variety of cheesecake? If Lance thinks royal cherry is the best kind, I am sure I can procure some for him."
Distinct choking noises could be heard coming over the Red, Green and Yellow Lion intercom systems, but Allura appeared not to notice. She smiled into her viewer, meeting her commander's bewildered stare, then blinked as she saw him shift uncomfortably in his seat. Comprehension dawned, and her expression became apologetic. "Oh dear. I've slighted you, haven't I, left you 'out in the cold', as I believe your Terran expression goes. Do you like royal cherry too, Keith? Or would you prefer a different kind?"
"Uh...well..." The Voltron Captain stammered. He felt the sweat break out on his forehead and wondered if it would turn to vapor as his face grew ever hotter. The thought made him cut off his visual connection to the other lions, just for a moment, so he could recoup his composure. With one unsteady hand, he wiped his visor, which was rapidly fogging up, all the while trying to think of an appropriate, or at the very least, matter of fact explanation for Allura of how this specific flavor would qualify as a double entrendre.
Dammit, he couldn't think of any.
"Cat got your tongue, Keith?"
Over the comm, Lance was openly chortling. Hunk's deep chuckles and Pidge's snickers also could be heard.
"Keith? Did you copy? "Allura was sounding slightly vexed. "Would you want the royal cherry cheesecake? If you don't, just say so, and I'll give your piece to someone else!"
Keith winced as deafening laughter crackled over the system. This conversation was wiping out all hope of being able to focus on the exercise at hand.
He needed help.
~Good King Alfor!~ He prayed desperately. ~I really could use some help here. Your daughter's virtue might be at stake!~
As if in reply, an alarm going off on his console mercifully diverted everyone's attention.
"I'm picking up an anomaly on long range sensors, Chief." Pidge spoke up, moving various levers and switches.
"What is it?" Keith asked, turning his visuals back on and moving various levers and switches.
"I don't know, Skipper, I guess that's why we call it an anomaly. And gosh dang it, moving these levers and switches never tells me anything," the Green Lion pilot grumbled. "I've lost it now, couldn't even get a fix on it."
"Oh no," the Princess breathed, while pushing buttons and turning dials. "I hope it's not Lotor."
All his previous discomfort gone, Keith growled, "Don't worry, Princess, if he touches one hair on your head, I'll-"
"Yeah, yeah, we all know the drill!" Lance said impatiently.
"Actually, we don't, Red Lion," Hunk corrected his irritated teammate. "Keith never finishes that sentence."
"That's right!" Lance responded, looking thoughtful. "What would you do if Lotor tries to fondle the Princess, Keith?"
"We'd like to know too!" Hunk and Pidge chorused.
"Me too," Allura added, her blue eyes sparkling with mischief and a hint of something else.
"Uh...er...well..."
"Holy cow, Captain Vengeance, surely you have thought of something appropriately nasty for that arrogant SOB after all this time?" Lance needled his friend. "I'm sure Lotor has something really good cooked up if he ever caught you!"
Allura gasped audibly. "Lance! What a terrible thing to say!"
The Red Lion pilot winked flirtatiously. "It's all right, don't worry about it, Princess! It won't come to that! Ole Blue Ears will never get the drop on Keith, because, unlike Prince Ally-Obsessed, our leader's iron clad discipline doesn't allow for a lovely woman to distract him from his mission."
"Of course." Allura said, softly, not sure if she was relieved or disappointed at hearing this piece of news.
Keith sighed in exasperation and tried to run his hand through his ebony locks, but stopped the motion when he realized he still had his helmet on. He settled for adjusting his visor, taking a moment to gather his composure. As he met the gaze of a smirking Red Lion pilot, who was watching his every move on the screen, an inscrutable mask dropped over his boyish features.
"I have a plan, but I'd rather not disclose it. Rest assured it involves plenty of gratuitous violence." He said, a thread of steel running through his words. "But if you really want to know what it is, Lance, just continue to pursue that cheesecake scenario you've concocted." Keith sent his friend a feral grin as sudden silence reigned over the airwaves. "Red Lion, do you read?"
"Loud and clear," Lance mumbled. "Sheesh."
"Whoa Nellie, did I just hear that?" Hunk boomed. "Chief, it almost sounds to me like you've got a thing for-"
A sudden alarm went off on his console, mercifully diverting the VF's attention, but frustrating everyone else.
"I've got a fix, Keith. The dials and buttons did it!" Allura exclaimed, happy and completely oblivious to the unresolved tension simmering around her.
"Nice going Princess! " Keith turned to smile at her. "I knew you could do it!"
Their gazes connected through the comm. They gazed deeply into each other's eyes. Time seemed to freeze.
"Hello, what are we doing about the anomaly?" Pidge prodded his leader back to reality.
The ebony haired pilot blinked, and tore his gaze away from the golden haired goddess. "Oh. Yeah, let's check it out! And look sharp team, we don't won't to get caught off guard by one of Doom's minions!"
"Oh dear, I hope it isn't Lotor," Allura whispered, her blue eyes wide and troubled.
Keith's jaw tightened. "Don't worry Princess, if he tries anything-"
"Keith will give him a dirty swirly!" Lance said, interrupting. "Can we go now?"
"What's a dirty swirly?" Allura asked.
"Don't ask." Hunk told her. "It's better if you don't know."
The Five Lions changed course, and headed for a small forest just a few kilometers from the Castle, where their sensors showed the anomaly had now landed.
A few thousand feet below...
"Egad, Brain! You did a smashing job of bringing us in!" Pinky trilled as he clambered out of the charred mechanical suit.
"Smashing is right! Look at our suit, Pinky! It's in pieces!" The Brain cried. "How will I ever get it back together? The exoskeleton has been compromised and the circuit board was fried during network entry. We've lost everything!"
Pinky counted. "Narf! Two arms, two legs and a body; five pieces, just like Voltron! Too bad we can't fly the Big Suit parts like the lion ships fly. Zort!"
For a few stunned seconds, Brain blinked at his companion in astonishment. "You know, every so often, a bit of light peeks through that dust-covered porthole you call a brain, Pinky. You have just come up with a splendid idea! All is not lost! We have some quick work to do before we make first contact, help me gather together the Big Suit into one pile."
They had just finished when a thundering sound reverberated through the trees as the five lion ships buzzed the area.
"Five lion ships! It's them! It's the Voltron Force!" Pinky screamed in jubilation. "They've spotted us and they are coming to help!"
"Of course they are," The Brain cackled. "The poor, misguided, trusting saps!"
"Oh, pretty, pretty! There's Blue Lion, the Princess is here, poit! Maybe I will be able to entertain her!" Pinky cried. He began to groom himself, then faced his big-headed friend. "How do I look, Brain?"
"Like a mouse without a clue." The Brain scoffed, cynically. "She has her own mice to amuse her, remember? Besides, they are Space Mice, you're just a low born, laboratory specimen."
"I can dream can't I? Poit! One's status shouldn't matter at' all when you are in love." Pinky sniffled, his eyes filling with moisture. "Just wait until you meet your dream girl, and you'll see how marvelous it is! Zort!"
The Brain snorted. "Not likely, unless there happens to be a witty, pink haired warrior woman with megalomaniac tendencies and a passion for nuclear physics around these parts."
"Well, now that you mention it-" Pinky began, when he was cut off by the sound of a high- pitched human voice hailing them.
"Let me handle this, Pinky," The Brain hissed as the bespeckled boy ran up to them.
They're mice!" Pidge exclaimed, staring at the two wide-eyed rodents who stood rigidly at attention near what appeared to be pieces of a spacecraft of some sort.
Lance eyed the rodents suspiciously. They looked like some sort of mutant mice. Obviously their genes had been spliced; possibly by Witch Hagar. "I've got a funny feeling about this...I don't like it. They don't look like normal mice at all. If you ask me, this has all the makings of a Hagar/Lotor scheme."
"I didn't ask you." Pidge retorted. "Anyone ever tell you that you have a tendency toward paranoia? For Gosh sakes, Lance, they're just mice!"
"Well to be fair, that's what you said the last time strange critters showed up around here, and they ended up trying to take over the Castle!" Hunk reminded his diminuitive friend. "And I don't think I need to refresh your memory about what happened when you brought the Princess some tadpoles..."
"Yeah, yeah," Pidge muttered grumpily. "A couple of miscalculations, one or two mishaps. Excuse me for being human."
The three men stared intently at the tiny intruders.
"Narf! Poit! Zort!" Pinky hiccuped nervously, earning him a harsh glare from his baggy eyed companion.
"Poit? Zort?" Pidge asked, to no one in particular. "Narf? Whattaya think, Hunk? Do you think he's trying to communicate?"
"Nah."
They exchanged glances. Then they turned to their companion, who had visibly relaxed.
"Harmless?" Hunk asked Lance in a low tone.
"Yeah, I think so. Especially the goofy looking one."
"Which one are you talking about?" Pidge snickered, a mite too loudly. "They both look goofy to me!"
The Brain bit his tiny tongue at hearing the comment. ~I wouldn't talk, my little pre-pubescent pawn; anyone wearing a headband like that should be immediately scheduled for a fashion lobotomy.~
An evil smile curled his mousy lips at the thought.
Allura joined her comrades, Keith at her heels. He continued to hover protectively in the background as she walked up to them. "Oh look, boys, the mouse with the huge head is smiling at us! Perhaps Cheddar can talk to them."
Without more ado, she reached down inside the front of her uniform top to bring out her special friend. After a few seconds, it became obvious she was having some difficulty locating the creature.
"Can't blame the little guy for not wanting to leave," Pidge observed under his breath.
"Uh, maybe he got wedged in her crevice, and can't get loose," Hunk suggested quietly, assessing the situation with an experienced eye.
"It's called cleavage, Hunk." Pidge corrected in an undertone, rolling his eyes. "Not crevice. You make it sound like Cheddar was rock climbing."
"Sorry." Hunk blushingly mumbled, as Lance tried to hold in his giggles.
They all jumped as their leader made his presence known by clearing his throat from directly behind them, communicating his displeasure with their conduct without a word. Lance felt dark eyes boring into his back, and refrained from asking his comrades if the Cheddar situation warranted hands-on search and rescue supervision.
Pinky sighed and grew increasingly dreamy-eyed as he watched Princess Allura. The Brain gave his enthralled companion a sharp elbow and warning frown, although he admitted that the sight of the beautiful young monarch groping inside her clothing was rather compelling. To know that a variety of his species was of a status where he could take such liberties was fascinating. And unfair.
Where was the justice, the mousy mastermind reflected bitterly, that an equally low-born creature in this universe had attained a most exalted and comfortable seat within the bosom of absolute power by simply acting like a mouse? No elaborate scheming had been needed, it had happened simply because the creature had kowtowed to the female human's need for a pet. Even more galling was the knowledge that the Arusian mouse had total access and all the advantages but no ambition to demand more than a friendship and the occasional bit of cheese from the ruler of an entire planet.
If only he could be a Princess' confidante, he would make the most of it. It would be a splendid back up plan should things go awry with the Big Suit.
The Brain pondered, then dismissed the notion.
~Even if I were willing to go that route, there aren't any princesses on Earth that have enough power to rule the planet. ~ He mused, as he and the other males present continued to watch the Princess vainly try to get a grip on her pet. ~But in days of yore, there were perks aplenty. I must say it makes me long for the days of monarchies and feudalism.
"Need any help there, Princess?" Lance offered boldly, unable to hold himself back any longer.
"Lance." Keith hissed, jabbing a hard elbow into the ribs of his second-in-command while their gazes followed the moving, spandex covered lump that was Allura's hand.
"OW! Dang it, I'm only trying to help!"
"Assistance she doesn't need," Keith shot back, turning to glare at his friend, partly to intimidate, and partly to avoid staring at where the Princess had her hand at that moment.
"Lucky mouse." Hunk observed wryly, as Cheddar was finally pushed up into view.
Allura giggled as the mouse's whiskers tickled her skin, then blushed as she noticed the bemused expressions on her companion's faces. Realizing too late how her actions had appeared to her companions, she quickly tried to divert their attention.
"Cheddar, it seems we have some visitors in need of help. Would you talk to them, please?"
The mouse nodded, smiled and gave the universal peace sign, his little red eyes gleaming smugly.
"Good! Now be extra kind, Cheddar, these two are visitors to Planet Arus, and by the looks of them, they have had a very rough time." Allura said , while sending a winning smile at the strangers. "Convey our warmest greetings, that we wish to be their friends, and that we are sworn to help all those in need. I am sure we can help them rebuild their ship, we just need to find out what they require."
"Narrrrf. She's as lovely, kind and good as she seems on the telly," Pinky breathed reverently. "Don't you think so Brain?"
"She's all right." His grouchy friend grudgingly admitted. "A little too nice, and the blue eyed, blonde look is a bit cliché ...but she can definitely get away with it." He added hastily as Pinky turned to glare at him.
"I think she's beautiful."
"Quite." The Brain agreed. "We should cease our conversation now, Pinky. Quite obviously, they aren't aware we are capable of speaking with humanoids. Let's see if we can communicate with our peer before letting them know."
The two laboratory mice from Acme stood at attention as the big eared, red-eyed creature approached them on all fours, his whiskers twitching in a friendly way.
He rose on his back legs and looked the strangers over for a long moment, then bowed.
The Brain put on his most affable expression, which still made him look like he had a migraine, and returned the bow with studied dignity. Pinky bowed three times, grinning broadly, his large nose twitching with excitement at the possibility of making a new friend.
Cheddar smiled back, amused at the contrast between the alien visitors. Clearly and slowly, he began to speak to them in of 'Squeak and Chatter', considered the most common mouse dialect in the galaxy.
To be continued!