Chapter 7: The High Inquistor's Inspection
Umbridge had been made the "High Inquistor" of Hogwarts, which caused Arthur to write to his brother, Wales, about how the Ministry was going to hell in a hand basket. William had of course pointed out that England and America were at fault for yelling at her. But he agreed that the Ministry was full of naïve, stupid, racist assholes, as America would put it.
America had skipped every defense lesson since Umbridge had accused Arthur of disloyalty to the Ministry. Of course the old toad tried to put him in detention, but he didn't go to those either. Instead he'd hang out in England's classroom and help teach fifth year Syltherins and Gryffindors. Matthew would give him any notes he needed for finals, but didn't try to force him to go. Even Ludwig stopped trying to get him to go. Alfred sure could be stubborn when he wanted to.
Besides not going to the toad's class, his mood had improved overall. He still got snippy with Snape, but that's because Snape was a biased jerk. And he still did his nation work in history of magic, but he didn't ignore his older brother.
Alfred was sitting in the corner of the history of magic classroom grading tests for his brother when Umbridge came in to inspect Arthur. The island nation had a look of disgust and displeasure on his face but he didn't say anything.
"Alright, we have a guest today. I expect you to be one your best behavior or I will be issuing detentions." he told them. "Today we will-" A knocking noise cut him off. "Alfred, can you get that please?"
The younger nation pulled back the curtain and saw Oliver standing there along with their world's Russia.
"Hello Alfie, want a cupcake?" Oliver asked.
"No thank you, Oliver." he said as polietly as possible so he didn't anger the insane version of England.
"So sorry to bother you Artie but Ivan here has urgent business with Alfie and I really don't want to end up on the receiving end of his water pipe. I also might as well give you your mail so I can get back to sleep." the 2P said. "Lucino's not very happy when we sleep in and I really don't want to answer to his knife in the morning either."
He handed the American a stack of letters as the Russian stepped through the mirror. Alfred quickly closed the curtain and put the mail in Arthur's desk.
"I am interrupting, da?" Russia asked.
"Not at all, Ivan." Arthur replied the color noticeably draining from his face.
"Leetle sister cannot reach me here, da?" he asked.
"N-Not unless she goes through the mirror." England replied.
Russia pulled out a water pipe that was covered in dried blood. More color drained from Arthur's face, as if that were possible. He grabbed Alfred's wrist and started backing up.
"Now Ivan, there's no need for violence. Especially in front of witnesses." he stuttered.
"I need to speak with Amerika, da." Ivan told him.
"What do ya want, Commie?" Alfred asked from behind England.
"Oh that's not very nice. I only wished to speak with you about your relationship with Estonia, da." the Russian said.
America gulped. "I was only helping Eduard find that hacker, honest. I ain't interested in Imperialism any more. Please don't hit me!"
From the corner Umbridge scratched notes on her clipboard. "Hem, hem." The three nations looked at her. "As entertaining as this is, don't you have a class to teach, Professor Kirkland?"
"Yes." he spat before turning to Russia. "Look Ivan, I'll buy you a case of vodka and you can hide from Natalya and we'll all talk later. Okay? Perhaps Alfred can get Kansas to send you some sunflowers too."
"Hmm... Okay." he agreed before turning to Umbridge. "You are lady that Amerika wrote Poland about, da? I only know because Lithuania told me about you."
"Why don't we go get that vodka now? I'm sure Artie brought some along." Alfred suggested before dragging Russia to England's room.
If Russia wasn't so intimidating, everyone, save Umbridge, would've laughed at the sight of a first year dragging a seven foot tall man to a professor's room to get vodka. Five minutes later the American returned without the Russian and sat down at Arthur's desk.
"Today we will start World War II. Now, you should be thankful Alfred's here because he can tell you every detail of America's involvement in the war. I also have some friends that I may ask to come in and explain in detail about their country's involvement." Arthur announced. "Actually, Ivan's one of them. He's an expert on Russian history and could tell you-"
"Hem, hem."
"Would you like some cough syrup, Dolores?" he asked sarcastically.
"No thank you, Arthur. I was just wondering, this is history of magic, is it not?" she asked.
"Yes." he hissed through his teeth.
"So silly of me, but it sounds as if you're teaching muggle history." she stated.
"Muggle history is entwined with magical history. Several witches and wizards have been drafted into Muggle wars. For example, American wizards were drafted during Vietnam just as English wizards were drafted into World War II." he explained. "Muggle history effects magical history. Had the Axis powers won World War II, the United Kingdom could very well have ended up under the control of either Nazi Germany or Fascist Italy. Had the Cold War heated up, the entire world could've ended up as a part of the Soviet Union. Like it or not, Dolores, but Muggle's have had a huge impact on the magical community." He turned to his class. "Now, I want fourteen inches on how England, America, Russia, China, France, Canada, Germany, Italy, and Japan were involved in the war. You have the rest of the class to work and ask questions."
Hermione was helping Harry and Ron with their essays because neither had ever read a book over World War II. Suddenly that American first year was at their shoulders looking at the essays.
"No, no, no. America was allowed to supply food to any country involved but they couldn't supply weapons to anybody. That was part of the Neutrality Acts. When they formally entered the war after Pearl Harbor, they stopped sending supplies to Germany, Italy, Japan, Bulgaria, and Romania. And Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Sweden, and Spain were neutral, but Spain supported the Axis. They didn't join because they were dealing with their own civil war. And then Switzerland and Sweden are almost always neutral and Liechtenstein depends on Switzerland for military protection, so they're always neutral too. But Sweden did take in Jews from Denmark. That's why the majority of Jews from Denmark were saved." he explained.
"Bloody hell, I think he has you beat 'Mione." Ron exclaimed. "Ron Wesley, by the way. This is Harry Potter and Hermione Granger."
"Alfred F. Jones." America introduced himself. "Iggy's my big brother. I also have a twin, Matthew Williams. And I hang out with Ludwig Beilschmidt and Feliciano Venezanio Vargas."
"That Vargas bloke was the one with the cat, right?" Ron asked.
"Yep. Feli's nice. I think he forgave me for pointing that gun at him and forcing him to give me and Iggy info. But that was his fault." Alfred rambled. "Anyway, I gotta go talk ta Ivan before he starts threatening people with his pipe and- Oof"
"Watch where you're going, Mudblood." Malfoy said.
Alfred was on his stomach because Malfoy tripped him. The Slytherins started laughing. Harry opened his mouth to say something, but a dark aura suddenly appeared. Professor Kirkland and Ivan were rushing over. The Slytherins quickly shut up when they saw the Russian's pipe.
"That wasn't very nice, da." he said. "Poor, leetle Amerika didn't do anything to you. You die now, da."
"Ivan!" Professor Kirkland snapped as he helped Alfred up. His aura was somehow darker than the Russian's. "I'll handle this. Draco I'll see you in detention for the next month."
"Can he become one with Mother Russia, da?" Ivan asked.
"No. Nobody in this room will become one with Mother Russia." Kirkland growled.
"Aw, is big bwother helping the wittle Mudblood?" Malfoy mocked in a baby voice.
"Why don't you pick on someone your own age, Malfoy?" Harry asked.
"Make me, Potter." Malfoy spat.
"Enough. Five points from Gryffindor and ten from Slytherin. I've told you several times to stop using foul language, Mr. Malfoy. And I'll see you after classes are over, Mr. Potter." Professor Kirkland said.
"I could take care of pale boy, da." the Russian offered.
"One more suggestion like that and I'll summon your little sister." the professor threatened. "I have the spell and I'll use it if I have to."
This had the affect he was hoping for because Ivan flinched and walked away. Umbridge finished making notes on her clipboard with a smug look on her face.
"Well, Arthur. I'll have the results of your inspection in two weeks time. Got that? Two weeks." she said as if she were talking to a stupid person.
"You get the hell out of my classroom before I let Ivan beat your head in with his pipe and summon Natalya to tell her you're holding Ivan hostage so I can have the bloody pleasure of watching her gut you." Kirkland spat, abandoning his gentleman personality.
"The day Artie cares what the Ministry thinks is the day the whole world becomes one with Mother Russia, Ivan and Natalya get married, Feli grows a spine and fights Iggy, Elizabeta doesn't hit Gilbert with her frying pan, Lovino invests in a swear jar, Lilli gets a military, Ludwig doesn't get a meeting under control, Vash joins a war, Tino admits he's Berwald's wife, Iggy and Francypants get along, Iggy and his big brothers don't fight, Scottie's sober, Kiku starts giving out free hugs, Rodreich stops acting like an aristocrat, and Sealand is recognized as a country." Alfred stated. "And that ain't ever gonna happen. So don't let the door hit you in the ass."
He pulled out his wand and flicked it lazily, not really caring what it did. Red, white, and blue sparks hit her on the behind. She looked outraged and started yelling about how the Minister would hear about this. She left the classroom, with Arthur and Alfred looking smug and Ivan smiling creepily and beating his bloody pipe against his hand.
Haha Umbridge needs to get acquainted with Russia's pipe or his pick ax. Which would be the most painful? Thank you to my followers and reviewers. If you see any mistakes, please bring them to my attention. I don't own Hetalia or Harry Potter.