Soooooo, I was wrong. This isn't the last chapter - turned out, there is still too much to say to squeeze it into one chap. The good news is, the final part is already written (though it still needs editing), so there won't be long breaks between the updates. I'm not sure yet if I'll give it to one in one longer chunk or two shorter, but there will be at least one more chapter after this.
Are you ready to see what happens when Sookie and Eric finally have a moment alone?
Wonderfully betaed by Breathesgirl :)
Disclaimer: I don't sue you. It's a common courtesy that you don't sue me.
Sookie took a deep breath of the fresh evening air. A gentle breeze was cooling her face. The night was colder than usual this season in Louisiana, but it was cloudless and bright.
They walked unhurriedly, as if they were enjoying a leisurely stroll, not as if Eric was walking her through dangerous territory looking out for the zombie-like creatures lurking somewhere in the shadows.
It crossed her mind that they should probably cross the distance as quickly as they could but the thought didn't worry her as it should have. She felt safe with Eric.
It reminded her of another time when he had walked her home through the cemetery after burying a werewolf. She remembered how he had shared a piece of advice about disposing of bodies with her, as if he was giving her a practical tip for her day-to-day routine. Her lips quirked and she glanced at Eric from the corner of her eye: was he thinking about that night as well?
She looked up at the starry sky. Neither of them had spoken since they stepped out of Bill's home, but that was okay too. The silence wasn't uncomfortable and she didn't feel the need to fill it with words. It struck her how relaxed she felt around Eric.
She and Eric, they had something, something more than just attraction, or even feelings for each other: an understanding.
It occurred to her that she was always slipping into some role, depending on who she was with at the moment, be it by her own or by the others doing.
She had been working hard not to disappoint her grandmother and live up to her gran's idealistic vision of her; she was acting in a certain way around the townsfolk, always on alert, trying not to let on that she wasn't as 'normal' as they wanted; in a different way around her fairy kin, whom she wanted to have a connection with so they wouldn't see her as too 'ordinary' and boring for them; with Bill when she had moulded herself into the form of that darling girl sighing to her hero, his muse and a guiding light, salvation for his tainted soul; then with Alcide when she all but allowed herself to be turned into a housewife, only without actually getting married, hanging on his arm and seconding his opinions… just to make herself fit into the life she desperately yearned for … always trying to find the balance with the different expectations the people in her life were throwing at her… stuck somewhere between a human and a supernatural…
A girl-next-door, who tells you hello every day and babysits your children.
A responsible sister who can take care of herself, but who drops everything if you need help.
A good girlfriend who always stands by her man.
A supportive friend who takes whatever you throw at her.
A lover – that seductive, fairy-wrapped little tease everybody wanted to have a piece of.
A tough girl who takes everything life gives her.
A telepath.
A Southern Belle.
The list went on.
In essence she was trying to be everybody's little darling. The problem was that nobody was buying the act.
It was nice to simply… be with someone. For some reason, she had never bent to Eric's expectations, but he hadn't damned her for that either. She wasn't sure if he even wanted her to bend. It appeared that he didn't wish to change her, just to have her to himself in all her incarnations. It was almost like he enjoyed the argument and the challenge of finding the compromise; of fitting into her life without changing who she was and without changing the core of who he was.
It occurred to her that maybe he understood her so well because he too knew what it meant to wear a mask. He had many of them himself.
The badass Sheriff to all the local vampires.
The dutiful child to Godric.
The teacher and maker to Pam.
The vengeful son and brother for his human family.
The lost soul who made questionable decisions.
The selfmade millionaire.
The lover and friend.
Was he still wearing one around her? She didn't think so, not anymore. It seemed that just like her, he didn't feel the need to be anyone other than himself when he was with her.
She felt a pang of guilt at the thought that not so long ago she was mistaking the man for the mask he was hiding behind, certain that it was his real face – because he was a man too, of that she was certain now, he was both a man and a vampire, just as she was both human and a fairy. That was probably why he was able to recognise that about her so easily. In the beginning it had been infuriating that he seemed to sometimes see through her without dropping his own mask.
She slowed down when they walked by her gran's grave, feeling a pang of regret. For a second she had an absurd urge to stop and introduce Eric to her dead ancestor, but she stifled it before it could manifest itself as anything more than a sad smile creeping up on her lips.
Eric squeezed her hand, still without saying a word, and it was only then that she realised they were still holding hands. She lifted her gaze to his face, porcelain-white in the moonlight. Could he still feel her? Or maybe he could just read her so well that he guessed what she was thinking about?
They passed the familiar gravestone and continued their walk toward her house, but now Sookie was acutely aware of the physical contact, filling her with both nervousness and longing, and her peace of mind was ruined as the questions started emerging:
What were they doing? What did it mean? Did she want it to mean something? Did he?
It would be so easy to just let herself drown in Eric and let everything fade away. She knew he could fill her whole essence: every cell and every thought, her whole body, her soul and her mind and he could make her forget anything else. She could forget every time her heart had been broken, all the suppressed grief, the loneliness, the danger that was always lurking in the shadows. Lost friends. Dead boyfriend.
She blanched.
It was too soon. Alcide had just died, and whether or not they would have worked in the long run, she needed to grieve and Alcide needed to be mourned. Her thinking about someone taking his place mere days after his funeral was no way to pay him the respect he deserved.
Her mind was telling her to take a step back and not to rush into anything – they needed to talk and she needed time – but her very being yearned for connection. She was tired of pretending, of crying, of always trying so hard to keep herself in check. She wanted to be accepted for who she was, not despite who she was. She longed to be held and loved and not to be judged for wanting that, regardless of who and when she wanted – whether it was too soon or inappropriate or just…
She missed him.
…but what if it was too late?
Her heart stuttered and she almost panicked at the thought of Eric disappearing again. The last six months with no contact had been bad enough. She knew how it was to not have him in her life now and she didn't like that one bit. Whatever the outcome, she didn't want that to happen again.
How had he done it when she had been away in Faery?
Well, it had been before the witch's curse, so he hadn't been in love with her yet back then…
Or had he?
He'd been waiting for her. He had told her as much that first night after her return, both with his words and actions, before he covered it up with crass comments and questionable bargain proposals.
She had hurt Eric and she had had more than one opportunity after that to try and fix it and she had thrown away every single one of them. Did he even want to see her ever again after this night was over or was this goodbye? Was he looking for closure? Was him giving the cure to Bill his parting gift for her?
"Please don't go," Sookie said suddenly, impulsively.
Eric's head whipped in her direction in surprise. He stopped and turned to face her.
"What?" he asked. "Where?"
"I mean…" she stuttered and licked her lips nervously. "I… Don't go away again. Don't… leave."
Don't leave me, the small voice inside her said.
Right – said the snarky voice. – You shut the door in his face and now you're accusing him of leaving?
She'd often wondered if he would have made a stop at her house on his way out of the country when he had been so obviously in dire need of an escape had she not made it painfully clear that he was no longer welcome there. She knew that her home had once been a safe place for him. Maybe he would have disappeared without a word anyway, but rescinding his invitation certainly hadn't helped.
She had often wondered if he had been all right but she had been alone in her longing and concern: she had had no-one to talk about him since none of her friends would have shared or understood her worries. Hell, the reason why she had kept her mouth shut had been because she had suspected that none of them had been willing to accept her thinking about Eric, especially once she'd started dating Alcide.
But she had been – and she no longer had to hide that.
She looked up at Eric nervously. His gaze was fixed on her face, examining it carefully yet gently.
"I don't plan to," he said.
She let out the breath she'd been holding.
"Good," she whispered and tried to smile but she didn't fool him.
"What is it?" he asked softly, lifting his hand to brush the back of his fingers against her cheek – the gesture so tender and natural that it made her throat tighten with emotion.
"It's just…" the words failed her. Her eyes searched his. "Are you okay, Eric? Truly? And I don't mean just the virus."
His eyes seemed bottomless when he stared right back at her. Something in his expression made her heart race when he answered, "I'm getting there."
Don't worry, there is more to come!
I realised after writing this that this is my second story where Eric and Sookie have a meaningful conversation at the cemetery. Oh well. What can I say? - there aren't many places to hang out in Bon Temps.
We're nearing the end of this story - let me know what you think!