Death and Pestilence

Chapter 7- A Little Bird Once Told Me…

A/N- Hey guys, I'm back after finally realizing how long it's been since my last update (so sorry about that)! I know you guys want the sexy times, so I apologize for being a huge cockblock with this chapter. They're PROBABLY coming soon. I'm still working out how it would go since I've never written a sex scene for a non-RP story. So if I do write it and it comes out under par, than I'm really sorry.

Also, I'm like beating myself up over here because I keep introducing headcanons you guys may or may not have or can't visualize. So I at least drew a picture of my headcanon Plague Knight without his robes, and annotated it with parts of the headcanon I've referenced in this/previous chapters. If you'd like to see it, it can be found at this link art/Plague-Knight-headcanon-484846795 and if that doesn't work you can just search up my profile "Derpknight47" on deviantart and find it in my (near empty) gallery.

Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Those foolish words reiterated behind my skull again and again.

"Oh. Um, I-...I don't think I'm ready for that."

I slammed my head against the old, metal desk (well dented from my having done so several times beforehand). It produced a dull clamor which shook the walls of my study. I couldn't believe myself. Not ready? Not READY?!

I've been ready for over five years!, I thought, I couldn't have been any more prepared for that moment!

I sighed hoarsely, running tiny fingers through burned, crow-black and crow-feathered hair. So...what in the world could have compelled me to utter such nonsense? 'I don't think I'm ready...' Why would I even-

...Was I afraid?

Afraid of what? Commitment? Binding myself to another man? Being with not only another man, but also a man who possessed an entirely different personality than of the one I had obsessed and slaved over for half a decade? "Hmph..."

"...Ehee, hee, hee." I snickered. My taloned fingers rapped restlessly against the cold metal. Of course. Of course that was it. The only thoughts that passed my mind all these years were to revive the man I had killed. I scarcely pondered what I would do upon his revival.

Well...I couldn't claim that either. I assumed that once I gave him life, he would abandon me and my goal would be reached. Perhaps he would thank me, perhaps we could create a bond of some sort; yet, despite my enthusiasm and rebuttal of Robert's claim, those were both highly unlikely to occur. Especially in joint. Lightning would gratefully strike the same spot twice than would my assassin behave as such.

Then, years later, my trip to the Lich Yard taught me to consider statistics with a grain of salt. Specter Knight had not only done BOTH of those things, but he had also complimented me, offered to become intimate. It was all too much for me, and perhaps that was why I backed down.

I stood up from my desk and began to pace the room. My electric crow cocked her head and cawed from her perch. The undead knight's soft chuckle and words of response now rung in my head. "Hmmm. Curious. Well, upon the completion of your...preparations, return here. I'll be waiting for you, my dear. Eheheheheh..." He said, backing off of me with a deep, ominous laugh and dissipating into the empty evening air in a flurry of darkness. (Just as unnervingly as I expected him to behave.)

I put a claw to my chin and commenced pondering.

Now, there were two modes of action from there on out. I could rush into things and accept his offer tomorrow, even this afternoon as the day was still young and fresh. Throw my cares to the wind; whatever happens, happens!

On the other hand, I could think things through, get to know him better, become his friend and eventually his lover if we were truly compatible.

A smirk played on my lips at the plan. A chuckle escaped my throat as I mumbled to myself, "When have you ever been the type to take things slow?"

Because, of course, I never was. When faced with a difficult task, I would always tackle it without regard to precautions or prerequisites. If I needed to test out a new biological weapon, then I'd just walk over to the nearest village and surprise them. (Free subjects! Even if that wasn't...you know...humane. Well, I'm not human anyhow. But those angry mobs at my doorstep can be quite a bother.) If the Explodatorium required enhanced guarding, I'd just create a new species of enemies for the purpose! (Might be why those faulty lab rats self-destruct haphazardly). If I needed to bring a man back to life, then by George I was going to formulate a revival potion! (Of course, I did spend several years on the project and still it never got finished.)

...Oh.

Jumping into things...doesn't usually work out. I guess I had that all wrong as well.

So approach one was far out of the question! Now...how could I approach approach two? Should I simply inform Specter Knight that I wished to build a relationship from the ground up, rather than from up and possibly crash to the ground? Or should I just avoid him for a while until things...settle down between us and the reaper becomes less expectant? Or...no, perhaps-

"Sir Plague Knight, mi' lord, do you intend on holing yourself up in this stuffy study all day?"

"Keh, what?" I twitched from where I was standing, my feathers standing on end in annoyance. The voice plunged me out of my thoughts and drew my ears in its direction. "Oh, it's just Robert. What can I do for you, colleague?"

The wizard scoffed. "JUST Robert? How rude. What were you expecting, a parade in your honor?"

"Hee, hee. You're much too sensitive, old man."

"Old? Old, yes, of course…coming from a being who's older than time itself."

"What?! I'm not that old! My trade may be, but I'm just shy of two centuries."

"Yes, and surprisingly so. I cannot believe you haven't croaked yet- I mean, there's someone here to see you!"

I permitted seconds to flow by. Robert seemed to tremble. "...You really do underestimate me, don't you, Robert?"

"...There's...someone here to see you!"

"MARVELOUS, and to whom may I bestow said honor?" I replied cheekily, subtly reminding my underling not to SASS me.

"Why, an ally of the Order, so it seems! Although witty, I cannot recall his name. Though I do remember him having a silly hat..." The old man, unfazed, scratched his bearded chin.

"Well don't just stand there like a statue, bring me to him!" I squawked.

"Right away, your high and mighty, follow me."

And so I did, and so I was led downstairs to the Explodatorium's dingy lobby. It was unkempt, with peeling paint due to the factory's humidity and stains due to bloody explosions and elixir spills. Cobwebs and mouse-dens decorated the corners and cracks the walls. It was all so beautiful, so decrepit, my meticulous design.

My guest, unable to place value in such terrible, unsanitary conditions, stood skittishly rather than sat comfortably in one of the lobby's available chairs. How offensive. Waving Robert off with a sweep of my hand, I hopped silently over to the vertically gifted knight (who was facing away from me so I could catch him off guard). To voice my annoyance with having to look up at people all morning, I teased. "Hee, hee, doesn't that heavy helmet get hot and stuffy after a while?"

He glanced over his shoulder through the cross-shaped visor. "Oh, au contraire, does not this fuming laboratory get 'hot and stuffy' after a while?"

"...Touché." I grumbled as he turned to face me. Faster than I could comprehend, I was seized in a bear hug that should've broken ribs.

"OHOHO, my petite little friend, how do you fare? You look, oh...how you say...so ADORABLE without your scary Halloween mask!"

"ACK..damnit Pr-propeller Knight, I n-need to BREATHE like everyone else!"

Thus, I was unceremoniously dropped to the floor. The extravagant pilot stared down at me. "Ah, my apologies, might I help you up?"

"'M fine." I grunted, arching my back and pushing myself up in one fluid motion. I wiped the dust off my robe.

"So sorry, er...I just couldn't help noticing how you have such a smooth, pretty face, disregarding your scars! And such a stylish cut of hair! What a surprise you radiate health as the sun radiates flame, and are not as sickly as your trade might imply."

I laughed as he fawned over me. "Hee, hee, you treat me like a suitor does a woman! And that's a foolish assumption. I afflict diseases; if I were to be afflicted by them I'd be long dead. I possess an immune system of diamond."

"Oh, yes, so true, I see! But lighten up, Plague Knight, I was only complimenting you! Hon, hon, hon, a woman? You sprout such silly conjectures with that clever little head of yours. Although...ermm...you do convey 'femme,' now that I think about it..." Oh gods, this guy. I didn't need another Specter Knight to consider. What was his deal?

"...Are you into girly men, Propeller Knight?" Maybe he'd lay off me if I tormented him.

"What- EH, what is this nonsense?! No, no, do not take me for such a dog of a man! I am a gentleman who seeks the companionship of fine, classy women-"

"Short, girly men who will look the part on the streets but pleasure you in ways only a man knows how in the sheets?"

"W-why does your mind wander so?! When EVER did I say a word to suggest such a VILE-"

"Have you thought of courting me on that fetish? Or was I simply a thought...perhaps your wandering eyes seek a more petite, prettier young fellow?"

I loved the stunned, agonized look on his seething face. It was just perfect, just classic! I yearned so dearly to capture the moment.

"Hmm...whom might you have chosen as your victim of such lecherous affection? Mayhap...the youthful and charmingly cute Tinker Knight, with fair ginger skin and an intelligent head on his shoulders?"

The pilot paled for a moment, his eyes growing wide and muscles stiff. "I...erm...ah...n-NO, such a thought would NEVER cross my mind! No, no, you have confused my intentions! I am a lover of good women, that is all!" He assured shakily.

"Hmmm...sure! I'm convinced! Hee, hee, so what brings you here, fellow knight?"

"...Do you not take me seriously?"

"What? Why would I? You told me yourself to lighten up!"

The other man sighed. "Yes, yes, of course I did. Of course…but I am merely here to say hello! I set out at dawn's return to give a brief welcome to all of my new friends of the Order! Haha, it has been a merry day, and merry were our hearty comrades upon my visitations!"

"Well, merry am I as well!" I offered my hand. The vivacious man shook it enthusiastically in return, giddy as if I had not just soured his mood. What a carefree man. I had to give him credit for that. "It has been a pleasure to meet you, Propeller Knight, and to have such lovely conversation the day prior." I said with a warm smile that I hadn't shown in ages.

"Ah, the pleasure is all mine, friend! How do you fare?"

"Well...although I am pensive of late...bah, that's none of your concern."

"Oh? Perhaps I might be of some assistance? I am your comrade, after all."

"Hmm...are you quite sure you wish to be bothered with such things? It's all rather silly, actually."

"Oh? Unless it is relevant to our...previous discussion...I do not see how it could be so. Care to explain?"

"Erm...sure. You are a romantic after all, so who better to ask-"

"WHAT, did I hear that correctly?! Ohoho, you, Plague Knight, are in LOVE, eh?"

I didn't particularly liked how he emphasized the word. But, I could not say his insinuation was incorrect. "Hee, hee…you assumed it correctly, at least."

"Then, sit, sit, tell me who the lady is! A local villager perhaps? A well met traveler?" He sat me down on an ancient, rusted lobby chair, then sat on another adjacent to me. Dust puffed up from the aged cushions, yet he paid no heed to that. Seems in his excitement he forgot about the disgusting conditions of my furnishings.

...And how ironic were his assumptions?

"Erm...the one I've fallen for...is not...really a...lady, i-if you know what I mean." I didn't really know how to break this to him without offending the poor man any further.

"...Oh?" He stared me down, pursing his lips as he mused over the notion. Suddenly, enlightenment washed over his face. "Ah, I see! But do not fear, my friend, there's nothing wrong with a taste for fauna femmes!"

...What?

"Mares, ewes, does, what does it matter, as long as they are pretty and kind? She doesn't have to be a 'lady' to be a lady!"

"Um...Propeller Knight..."

"I too have taken a sip from that cup of tea! I once met an elegant mare whose beauty put me in a trance! And she was quite the cute one as well! (If only from behind…) Flattery left her blushing, and jests made her giggle. Ah, a lovely woman indeed, but alas, her singular appetite for hay and sugar cubes got in the way of our lavish dinners, and her hooved legs were…quite the awkward sight to behold, once you got past her dress..."

"...Hee, hee, that's a rather humorous (*cough*gross*cough*) story, Propeller Knight. However, that's not what I meant. I do not fancy-"

"Oh, then perhaps you were referring to something...not mammalian?"

"No, wait, Propeller-"

"Aha, yes, why did I not think of that before! You are fond of the birds, yes? Might you have a majestic peacock mistress in your eye? With luxurious tastes and luscious tail feathers-"

"Propeller Knight, only male peacocks have those kinds of tail feathers."

"Eh? No matter, then 'tis not a peacock. Oho...no, it must be a bird of death, hence your trade! Perhaps a crow lady...are there crow ladies? Hmm...of course there are, anything can exist in this realm! So, how about it, Plague Knight? Has a certain miss murder stilled your beating heart?"

"Ooo, lovely phrasing, my friend. And no, none of your conjectures are correct. Just calm down and let me talk."

"Alright, then spit it out! For whom have you fallen?!"

I took a deep breath. Alright, I had to tell him. "A...um..." I looked him warily in his eager eyes.

I couldn't tell him.

"Um...someone you know."

"Eh? Is this a game? How do you know whom I know? You just met me yesterday!"

"And you just met them...erm...yesterday as well."

"Eh?" He considered the notion for a second. Then his eyes grew wide as a bird's wingspan, gleaming in part with interest and part with fear. "Wait...do not tell me you love the Enchantress?"

"I do beg your pardon?! Oh no, definitely not. She's a monster."

"Agreed. Well, there's no one else."

"There were plenty of others. I'd say about six."

Shock remained in his gaze. "What? You don't mean...no...oh gods, just tell me, Plague Knight, I still have to greet King Knight and Specter Knight-"

"Yes..erm...y-yes, that's him." I admitted coyly.

"Eh?! King Knight?"

"No, no, no! The latter!"

"So...Specter Knight? That devil?"

"He's not a devil, he's a reaper."

"Hon, hon, close enough. So, you are in love with a dead man? Wow. That's...surprisingly homosexual of you."

"I'm more concerned your concern lies with homosexuality rather than necrophilia."

"Ah. Touché. Two wrongs make a right, they say!"

I huffed. How close-minded could this man get? It's as if he weren't a criminal! "Sure...can you help me?"

"With what? Getting rid of your disgusting obsession?"

"Hell no, I've waited five years for this! I need a method or sound advice on how to court him at a proper pace."

"My word! You are actually going through with this?! That man looks to be a maniac!"

"Well, so am I!"

"...Touché."

"That's getting old!"

"Right, right, my apologies, calm down. Now...erm...considering the nature of your infatuation, I cannot really help you. I only know how to court women. Erm...do you have a specific, eh...problem?"

"Yes. Yesterday, I once believed he was, heh, not who he is now."

"What do you mean?"

"Hee, hee...that will require some exposition."

The pilot shrugged. "Alright. I'm have all day."

What a contradictory response, when he was in such a hurry a few minutes before! "Hee, hee that's laughable...anyhow, a long time ago, Specter Knight was once an assassin, but a mortal man gifted with great beauty. Because he wished for my execution, I was unfortunately forced to kill him."

"Did he steal your heart at first sight, by any chance?"

I grew an unsightly shade of red. "I-...y-yes, he did." I stammered in slight embarrassment.

"Therefore...you barely got to know him before he...erm, how you say...kicked the bucket?"

I snickered. "You don't have to use idioms if you can't remember them well."

He smiled. "No, no, it was just on the tip of my tongue, you see! I am just as good at English as, ehm...how- ah!, as the next guy!"

"Hee, hee, hee, you're too funny."

"Hon, hon, I think you mean 'charming,' my friend! Why else would so many women flock to me like crows to your feet?"

"Um...I don't believe that analogy...properly portrays the true abundance of your female suitors. And anyhow, yes, I hardly knew him before he was slain." I sighed. "I was spurred on simply by his gorgeous face, by that warm smile..."

"Ah, then that is your problem!"

"What?"

"It seems what is bothering you most is not 'how you should court him' but rather 'if you should court him.'"

"No, Propeller Knight, I already told you-"

"Yes, your brain is telling me one thing while your delicate heart betrays the truth! You are so stuck in the idea that he was a good man, your 'ideal' man. However, now that you are faced with the reality, you are slow to assume that he was never what you idealized him to be. I'm sure you gave him a number of qualities- sensitivity, naivety, gentleness, maybe- which might sprout from one looking so attractive, so pulchritudinous, as you say he had..."

"He still does."

"Eh? Does he?"

"Yes. He looks human under his cloak and darkness. You should ask him to show you."

"I'd expect him to much sooner show me the door than show me what he truly looks like." The man hypothesized with a hearty laugh.

"Hee, hee, perhaps if you ask nicely...oh sorry, I seem to have derailed you."

"Oh, no worries. If I've learned anything of controlling air flows, it's how to stop controlling them and simply ride with the wind. Anyhow, my point is: because you expected him to have a certain personality, you haven't accounted for the personality he actually has, and has most likely had even long before you met him. I'm sure he had always been a cold, heartless soul; one doesn't become that overnight, or over death, in this case. Therefore, your problem lies with one simple choice: you must either accept him for how he really is, or just forget about him. Once you overcome that first obstacle, the question of 'how' you court him will not be a problem. You will just act with the flow of things, as your opened heart desires."

I blinked. That seemed too bizarre, too impossible. One cannot jump into new terrains without showing concern for their predators. But even then, I had to respect the advice of one whose aid I myself had requested. I sighed. "I fathom what your intent. However, I know not of how to answer that question."

"Of course you don't! Not now, at least. This is not a little thing you can decide in an instant. You must think it through, only then shall you be able to run with what your heart really desires."

"Oh. Just as I expected, then." I still had to do my own independent thinking. "Thank you, Propeller Knight. You've been a great help."

"Have I? Aha, I didn't think I could help a man who likes another, but I did! Amazing! What do you think that makes me, my friend? A love expert? A doctor of amour?"

"...Curious?"

"AND JUST WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!"

"Hee, hee, oh, nothing. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Ah, you bring that NONSENSE up again?! I am SO insulted! And after I gave you such good advice, too, you ungrateful..."

"You're rather defensive about the topic, aren't you, Propeller Knight?"

"I DO NOT LIKE MEN!" He retorted fervently.

We continued on with such banter, until I shooed him off so he could arrive at the Lich Yard before sun down. (And before those annoying skeletons rose from their graves!) My mind laden with thoughts of Specter Knight, I could hardly focus on any projects or sleep a wink that night! So I made the resolve to meet with the ghastly shade on the morrow, and settle things once and for all. I would follow my heart, rather than my deliberative brain.

A/N 2- Hehehehe, can you guys what my next shovel knight fanfiction will be on? Tinker Knight better watch himself…