Chapter 13: Professor Brangski and the First Year Plus Some Howlers
It was extremely unusual for Dumbledore to make a speech during breakfast. In fact, it had never happened before. Also there was the fact that an extremely pissed looking Minister of Magic was standing nearby.
"Students, I have a very important announcement to make. Due to the Professor Kirkland being placed on probation, the Ministry asked me to find someone to assist with his classes. I would like you to welcome Professor Ivan Brangski." he introduced as an extremly tall man with silver hair and purple eyes came up to the staff table. He wore a long scarf and a trench coat. He radiated an aura a of evil and fear. "Now-"
"There is no way in hell that I'm staying around that Commie Bastard." that first year, Alfred, declared, cutting the headmaster off.
"I am not happy about teaching teenage brat like you, leetle Amerika, but comrade England asked me to." Professor Brangski told him as he pulled out a silver flask and took a swig. "Plus he promised to pay in vodka. Besides, you are comrade too, da?"
"Look Red, I ain't risking World War III."
"Nyet. I do not want that either." the Russian replied cooly, ignoring the American's insult. "Now shut up and let headmaster finish or I'll rearrange your face with pipe, da."
"You wanna go Commie?" Alfred asked before pulling a gun from his military combat boots.
The Russian looked unfazed and pulled a pipe from the middle of nowhere. He charged at the first year, who aimed for the large man's knees and fired. He would've hit his target, had Russia not been expecting this. The seven foot tall man merely stepped out of the way and raised his pipe to strike the younger nation before it was yanked out of his hand.
Professor Kirkland held the suspiciously bloody pipe and wore a look of absolute rage. There was a seemingly eviler aura than the Russian's radiating off of him and people could swear his eyes were completely white.
Alfred saw his opportunity to shoot while his rival was distracted and pulled the safety back. But the gun was ripped out of his hand by Germany, who started yelling in fluent German about how America was a dumbass and how he and Russia can't fight like that.
Just as England was about to start screaming, an owl appeared out of nowhere, carrying a red envelope. It swooped down and dropped it on Umbridge's plate. The envelope opened itself and a male voice with a Polish accent started talking.
"YOU'RE TOTALLY LIKE THIS UMBRIDGE BITCH, RIGHT? MY GOD I'VE HEARD ALL ABOUT THE BITCHY THINGS YOU'VE LIKE DONE AND I'VE SEEN YOUR HIDEOUS OUTFITS COURTUESY OF A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE." Poland said. "ANYWAY, DON'T BOTHER TO, LIKE, TRY TO FIND OUT WHO I AM OR YOU'LL DISAPPEAR. I'M SO LIKE TOTALLY GOING TO KILL YOU FOR MAKING PINK LOOK HIDEOUS. LIET, COME HERE AND YELL AT THIS BITCH WHILE I SEND OUR NEW WORLD FRIEND AND SOUTHERN FRIEND SOMETHING TO FIX HER OUTFITS."
"I'm not going to yell at some random human just because you're helping Mr. America and Italy get revenge." Lithuania told his friend.
"LIET, YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT! ANYWAY BITCH, YOU'RE TOTALLY IN FOR A NASTY SURPRISE. SO IF YOU'RE HEARING THIS, THEN THEY FUFILLED THEIR END OF THE DEAL. ALSO, YOU, LIKE, BETTER HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU OR ELSE YOU'LL TOTALLY FIND OUT HOW MUCH GETTING TRAMPLED BY A PONY HURTS." the Pole announced before the howler burst into flames.
Suddenly, Umbridge's hideous pink outfit turned an ugly, puke green. It even radiated the smell of vomit. Everybody except the Minister, the teachers, some Slythrins, and the countries, save Russia, America, and Italy, were laughing. Russia was smiling like he knew exactly what was going on, which he did. Matthew slapped a hand over Feliciano's mouth so he didn't reveal that him and Alfred were behind it.
"Lithuania should've helped, da?" Russia asked. "Poland will make true to his promise to have pony trample you to death. Now I must go write leetle Latvia. See you later, da?"
Alfred stormed back to his seat, amused at Poland's howler, but pissed off that Iggy would bring Russia to Hogwarts. Germany started muttering under his breath about how he was surrounded by dummkopfs before going to drag Italy out of the room and yell at him for getting involved in America's schemes.
That Professor Brangski gave Ron, Harry, Hermione, and everybody else in the class the creeps. Well, everybody except that first year that sat in on Professor Kirkland's class. He treated the Russian with open hostility and was treated with subtle hostility. Professor Kirkland would repeatedly stop the lesson to tell them to get away from each other."
"But he's a Commie, Iggy. I can't let him infect you with Communism." Alfred argued.
"Alfred, the Soviet Union broke up years ago and China, Cuba, Vietnam, and North Korea are the few countries that are still Communist." Arthur snapped. "And England is a constituntional monarchy, it'll be hard for Communism to take over."
"He's Capitalist swine, he must become one with Mother Russia, da." Ivan said.
"No way in hell, Red. Me and my states ain't turning in to Commies and if you dare go near one of them, I'll wipe you off the map." the American replied calmly. They'd been fighting for so long they didn't need to put anger behind their threats to each other. They both knew they'd do it. "We're a democracy and there's things that pervent our government from turning into a dictatorship."
"Then Kanada and Mexico will become one, da." Russia told him, knowing exactly how to get America mad.
A look of rage appeared on Alfred's face. You could threaten him all you wanted, but nobody threatened his states and his siblings. He went to lunge at the taller nation, but England saw what was going to happen and grabbed him around the waist. America started kicking against his brother and screaming profanities that no eleven year old should know.
It would've been funny had the American not been radiating an aura that was darker than the Russian's. Also, Ivan had his pipe out. Professor Kirkland held on to Alfred with all his might, but he forgot about America's super strength and he wasn't the empire he used to be when America was a child.
"Nobody threatens Mattie or Rosa." he screamed. "Let me go, Iggy! I won't fucking let that Commie Bastard get away with it."
"I think I will take leetle Alaska too." Russia added, amused at the American's reaction. "She is neighbor of Kanada and Mother Russia, da?" He let out a string of "Kols."
"You won't fucking touch her." America spat. "Lay a finger on her head and I can guarantee it'll be nuclear war. Iggy, let me go so I can put a bullet between his eyes."
"That is enough!" Professor Kirkland yelled. "Ivan, put that bloody pipe away and stop threatening Alfred's family. And Alfred, settle down. He can't touch them here. He's only saying that to get a reaction, git."
America started to go limp in his former caretaker's arms. The adrenaline from Russia provoking him was starting to wear off. He would've grabbed his gun, but Germany took it in order to prevent World War III. He was still seething with rage, but he wasn't kicking at and cussing out England anymore. He was settled enough that the older nation released him.
The American sulked off the corner and pulled out some paperwork to work on. It was better than talking with his two fellow nations. Besides, if he didn't get it done before winter and that damn polar vortex rolled in, he'd get sick from the declining economy courtesy of the bad weather. Honestly, snow doesn't belong in Flordia. But as long as they get the citrus off in time, it shouldn't be a problem.
Yeah, America had a million things to worry about and neither Umbridge nor Russia were helping anything. All of those torture sessions with Umbridge were taking precious time away from his paperwork. At the rate it was going, the agricultural and economic losses this winter would be worse than last. Every second that toad tortured him was another hundred couple dollars the U.S. lost.
Alfred really wanted to punch her in the face. When the U.S. economy fell, so did the economies all over the world. That meant other nations would be mad at him. It was bad enough China was always on his case about the money America's country owes, Alfred really didn't need everybody else blaming him for another recession.
"Ve~ Germany, Professore Umbridge looks mad." Italy whispered.
"Of course she does, dummkopf. You und that American arschloch decided to get revenge on her by having Feliks send her a howler und changing her clothes green und making zem smell like vomit." Ludwig replied. "Keep your mouth shut. Verstanden?"
"Sí Doitsu."
"No talking!" Umbridge snarled before returning to her conversation with the Minister.
"Sí Professore." Italy replied sounding like a kicked puppy.
Italy returned to "The Divine Comedy," because he's an advanced student and already read the assigned lesson. Germany on the other hand returned to the lesson. Just the an owl swooped in dropping a howler in front of the three nations.
"HOW DARE YOU HAVE YOUR BASTARDO FRATELLO TRY AND KEEP ME FROM MIO IDIOTA FRATELLO, POTATO BASTARD!" an Italian man screamed. "I OUGHT TO HAVE THE MAFIA COME AND SHOOT YOU. LUCKILY THE TOMATO BASTARD'S COLONY IS WILLING TO DO IT FOR ME BECAUSE YOU ALSO HAD THE ALBINO BASTARD TRY AND KEEP HER FROM THE BURGER BASTARD AND THE SYRUP BASTARD." It turned to Italy. "AND YOU. I HEARD YOU AND THE BURGER BASTARD CAME UP WITH SOME HAIR BRAINED SCHEME THAT INVOLVES THE PONY BASTARD SENDING ONE OF THESE FUCKING THINGS TO ONE OF YOUR PROFESSORES. ARE YOU STUPID? DON'T FUCKING ANSWER THAT BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER."
There was an arguement in the background before a Hispanic woman started speaking. "MATTHEW WILLIAMS AND ALFRED F. JONES! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE AND NOT TELL ME. I THOUGHT TERRORISTS HAVE YOU. I SWEAR ESTADOS UNIDOS WHEN I FUCKING SEE YOU, I'M GOING TO SHOOT YOU IN YOUR GRINGO HEAD. AND CANADÁ, I EXPECTED BETTER FROM YOU. YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL FRANCIA."
She was cut off by a German sounding man. "THE AWESOME ME IS SORRY VEST! ZAT MEXICAN VOMAN SHOT ME IN THE ASS, VHICH IS TOTALLY UNAWESOME. UND ROMANO THREATENED TO HAVE THE ITALIAN MAFIA KILL ME. VHY CAN'T HE BE LIKE LITTLE ITALY?"
The howler burst into flames. Italy was freaking out and waving his white flag, scooting closer to Germany. The German wore a look of horror on his face that the Italian would even send that. And Canada was burying his face in Kumajirou's fur, hoping his invisibility was working. Unfortunately, fate's a bitch, which means everybody saw him.
Umbridge went up to Italy. The Italian started screaming for mercy and clinging to Germany's arm. His white flag had been abandoned. Canada and Germany prepared to defend the cowardly nation. He might deserve punishment, but he was still Italy after all. They didn't want him to be seriously injured.
"For your little prank, Mr. Vargas, you and Mr. Jones have detention." she said coolly before returning to the Minister.
I was planning Poland's howler when you least expected it. Plus when I was bouncing ideas off littelmeg, we decided it'd be funnier if the Minister of Magic was there. We also talked about what I'm planning for the Christmas chapter when I get there. As for who I ship America with, it's England depending on the situation or no one at all. I tend to lean toward the latter, but I like a few stories with USUK. They would make the perfect couple and if England wasn't his "big brother" I'd ship it a lot more. And I like FrUK more than USUK. It all depends on the situation. But I despise AmeCan and RusAme, because America and Canada are blood related whereas America and England are not and Russia and America are rivals. If you ship it, that's fine but I don't. America's hard to find somebody to ship with because he's technically related to everyone in the world because most of Europe had colonies and settlements in America. I don't really ship Japan, Russia, and China with anyone either. I also hate Itacest. Actually, I don't like incest couples from any fandom, ex: I don't like Pitcest (Kid Icarus) for reasons I stated on my profile. (I should really update that.) Anyway if you see any mistakes, tell me and I'll fix them. My iPod like to autocorrect stuff and sometimes that's stuff I spelled wrong and deleted or it thinks that's what I want to say. Thank you to my reviewers and followers. I'm really glad you're enjoying the story. Which, littelmeg, I can't believe you're waiting for this over Game of Mirrors. I don't own Hetalia or Harry Potter.