Housekeeping: For anyone wondering - I figure Jubes is about twenty at this point. (Well technically she'll physically always be seventeen with her condition...)

You'll also notice I'm not strictly sticking to the Marvel vamp rules. Direct sunlight still kills without a lightbender and factor 400 Beastie-improved sun block.

After the whole Forgiven thing, Jubes doesn't need to be dosed on Wolvie's blood except if she about to go crazy vamp-way style.

Oh and eyes and complexion are normal as long as the former firecracker has enough blood in reserve to maintain it.

I'll be tweaking the Forgiven a bit too, but we'll get to that in a later chapter...

Also, as not to overwork my poor beta, I'll be posting chapters on Thursdays. (I know, that's a whole week between updates, but that's still more frequent than Matt Fraction's Hawkeye.)

Most importantly, loads of thank-yous to Amy and AVP5 for the reviews. :)

Chapter Two: The Perils of Orange Goo

Henry McCoy was a firm believer in the notion that any day that started with copious amounts of chocolate and caffeine could not possibly go wrong. So after polishing off three helpings of Cook's triple chocolate chip waffles and washing them down with a quadruple shot of espresso, he was more than adequately motivated to place the finishing touches on his quantum bio-mechanics paper.

For the first time in years, Hank was submitting something of which he was truly proud. As complex as the raw data had been, he had managed to simplify it enough so that even the brownnosers at the Royal Society would be able understand it.

Once that was done, and thanks to a celebratory Twinkie sugar-high, he spent the next hour drawing up the schematics for a new batch of image inducers: the 168.4b series. The new updates would reduce the facial mapping latency by a whopping 0.00003%. And wouldn't that be sticking it to Forge and his precious 168.4a?

It truly was a glorious day.

That was until his peace was disturbed by a rather abrupt phone call. Before he'd even put the receiver to his ear he was assailed by a torrent of verbosity. It took a moment for him to determine who was calling (Miss Wernbacher, the head administrator for Columbia University's Science Department) and what she was calling about (details of his itinerary, apparently).

She hurled questions at him with light speed and he hardly had time to answer one before the next was asked. Would he be staying in the city or would he be driving himself to the university. Did he prefer to be chauffeured instead? Would a light buffet suffice for the final day? And most importantly, did he have any idea what he would be talking about?

'I'm a busy woman,' she informed him breathlessly, 'I do not have the time to chase after tardy guest lecturers, Dr McCoy.'

As he bristled instinctively at the inference that he had committed some heinous offence, he also found himself apologising; Miss Wernbacher had that effect on people.

'I can assure you, madam, that it was never my intention to inconvenience you.'

Miss Wernbacher ignored his apology and continued unabated: 'And if it's not bad enough that I have to chase after you, that nosey journalist, Nancy Fairfax from the Daily Bugle, is sniffing around – and what am I suppose to tell her?'

For what felt like an age the conversation, if that's what you could call it, alternated between Miss Wernbacher scolding Dr McCoy like am errand child, and Hank quite honestly denying he had any idea what she was talking about. There seemed no way to persuade her that he was not the doctor she was looking for; what's worse, she didn't even seem to get his Star Wars reference.

Still, the woman kept insisting she had a signed contract with Hank's name on it, negotiated on his behalf by a member of staff from Grey's School.

Eventually he managed to persuade Miss Wernbacher – AKA The Devil's Own Administrator – to email him a copy of this supposed agreement, with a solemn promise to phone her back before the end of the day.

Now, checking his email, Hank was even more confounded than before. The email contained a scanned copy of the contract, under a Columbia University header, which stated that he, Dr Henry McCoy, world-renowned geneticist and part-time Avenger, had agreed to an unprecedented series of lectures. There was even a three-page proposal for a publicity tour he was to undertake in the spring.

But it was the last page that particularly vexed him. There at the bottom was a competently forged version of his signature, with a smiley face at the end.

Hank knew of a handful of individuals who could replicate his intricate penmanship, but only one who'd dare to add such a ridiculous hallmark.

And it was this troublemaker Hank went to find.

'Sho, this isn't funny. You need to eat something.'

Baby food in hand, Jubilee was doing her best to ignore the stifled laughter from Paige, Remy and Bobby, who sat with her and Shogo at a picnic table in the backyard under one of the mansion's many ancient oaks, shaded from direct sunlight but still making the most of the unseasonably pleasant weather.

Sitting in his mother's lap, the infant was having the time of his life avoiding the food-filled spoon she was offering. Whenever she brought it close to his lips, the little rascal would either duck at the last second, or thump the offending implement away with a bop of his tiny fist. On the rare occasion she did managed to outsmart him, Shogo chose to spit or dribble the contents right out of his mouth, much to the annoyance of his exasperated mother.

So delighted was he with this new-found game that the boy didn't even mind the thick orange goo dripping off his chin, or his mother's black uniform and hair.

'Come on, Shogo, we've gotta be at Mommy and Me Yoga in thirty minutes.' The boy responded by blowing her a wet raspberry, spraying even more of the goop on her combat gear.

There was a round of unsympathetic snickers from the spectators.

As Jubes once more tried to out-manoeuvre her shrewd son, curious Remy inspected the little jar of purée the infant was so determined to avoid ingesting. The label promised only wholesome, organic, preservative-free goodness for your growing baby.

Tipping the jar slightly, he saw the price printed on the lid and winced.

'Dat bebe eatin' better den Gambit.'

'What?' quipped Jubilee testily. 'Mother and Baby voted it the top baby food brand in their August issue.'

'At $4 a jar it better be,' Bobby remarked as Remy shared the lid for the rest of the group to gawk. 'For that price, it should also rotate your tires and turn lead into gold.'

'Don't listen to them hun, they're just jealous,' said Paige in an attempt to console her now clearly fed-up friend.

'Yeah, we're so jealous of not having diaper duty or sleepless nights,' said Bobby, his voice dripping with good-natured sarcasm. 'By the way, J, there's some food in your hair.'

Jubilee stuck her out tongue at him – then tried again with feeding Shogo, lifting the spoon to the infant's face. But the boy turned his head away at the last second, causing the spoon to collide with his cheek and the contents to spill onto his saturated Yoda bib.

There was another round of snickers from Bobby and Remy; Paige at least had the good grace to try and hide her grin behind a napkin.

Jubilee threw her "friends" a sour look. 'You know, you guys are so not helping.'

'Face it, Jubilee,' said Paige. 'This is karma – payback for all the stuff you pulled on Sean and Emma in Massachusetts.'

'I'm pretty sure I never vomited a $4 jar of butternut squash all over Frosty, Hayseed,' Jubilee retorted as she used a handful of scrunched up napkins to remove the sticky mess from Shogo and herself.

'Although...' – her hands stilled and she cocked her cherubic face to the side, an evil grin spreading across it – '...all that white could use a splash of colour.'

Paige nearly choked on the apple juice before returning her friend's smug grin. That mental image of the usually pristine White Queen with orange goop dripping off her bleached hair and decolletage brightened the southerner's day.

'Let me try,' the metamorph offered as she reached out her arms towards the baby. 'The twins never wanted to eat, either.'

Shogo squealed happily as his beloved aunt picked him up. Paige deftly dipped the tiny plastic spoon into the jar, held it up to the child's mouth and was rewarded with Shogo slurping the purée right off the spoon and swallowing the lot.

His mother rolled her eyes: 'Oh so you'll eat it when a leggy blonde feeds it to you. You men are all the same.' The boy ignored her and snuggled closer to his aunt.

'You're so totally spoiled,' Jubilee huffed, but she still reached across to tickle one of his chubby feet.

'Petit, you just keep raisin' him and leave da spoilin' to his oncles et tantes.'

Glancing towards the school building, Bobby spotted his usually jovial best friend steaming towards the group with haste.

'Hey, look who's finally come up for some air.'

While he admired Hank's dedication to his work, Bobby worried that the furry mutant was becoming too isolated, spending days at a time in his lab, effectively shutting out the world and his extended family.

But Hank ignored Bobby's greeting, his attention completely focused on the reason he had left the comforts of his lab.

'Jubilation, might I have a word with you?'

Refusing to meet his eyes, Jubilee was all of a sudden intensely fascinated in the picnic table's wood grain.

'What can I do for you, Blue?' Her normally clear voice sounded flighty and fake.

'I received a rather fascinating call from Columbia University this morning. I was quite surprised to learn that I have somehow managed to sign-up to a lecture series, and subsequent tour, without my prior knowledge.'

'You have?' Jubilee's usual muted Californian accent burst to life in its full, garish glory. 'How totally weird is that? Don't you, like, totally hate it when that happens? I went to this grody mall on Melrose once and, like, came back with this super-gross pair of Mudd jeans I like totally did not remember buying.'

Bobby knew that tone: the sudden regression to "valley girl". Innocence tarred with a whole lot of guilt; Jubes had often reverted to that when she was younger.

'Jubilation...' The doctor's baritone held the slight hint of a growl, and Bobby could tell Hank was slipping into "Screw your innate cuteness, I'm pissed" mode.

Knowing she was caught, Jubilee gave in – surprisingly quickly for her.

'OK, geez Blue, so I might have signed you up for a lecture or five… but it's really not a big deal. Look, just spout some science mumbo-jumbo for an hour or so and they'll lap it up. Heck, I bet you could read them Charlie Hung's takeaway menu – twice, in Cantonese – and they'd still go nuts. You should've seen Dr Garu's face when I mentioned your name; I thought his head was gonna explode.'

'Young lady, I do not have the time nor the inclination to say anything to a bunch of Ivy League brats. Not only did you forge my signature, but you had the audacity to pass yourself off as a faculty member of this institution. What were you planning on answering if someone asked what subject you taught? Or wanted to see your credentials? You hardly look old enough to drive, let alone teach.'

At those words, Hank hit a nerve – and Jubilation Lee shot up like a loaded spring. For the briefest of moments her eyes blitzed with indignatious fury, and with the added height of the bench beneath her, the firecracker could just about look the resident genius in the eye.

Hank took a step back.

While most members of the X-Family towered over the 5'1" former gymnast, Jubilee had never let it stand in her way. The taller among the gang – Gambit, Cyclops and Bishop – had often found themselves in eye-level confrontations with the vertically-challenged youngster, who was never above climbing, scaling or clambering onto the furniture – or other X-Men – to get in your face.

'I'm not a faculty member, Beast? Well that's news to me, since just I spend the whole freakin' morning teaching a bunch of snot-nosed X-Kids how not to run right at a bad guy in a straight freakin' line. It was Logan who decided to make me the juniors' combat instructor, so if you've got a problem with that, take it up with him.'

'Dat's teachin'? Les enfants say it's more like torture.' Gambit was muttering under his breath, but the vampire's sensitive hearing picked it up loud and clear and she swung around to face him, her eyes piercing like daggers.

'When they come back alive, they can thank me,' she spat back at the Cajun.

Hank sighed. 'Jubilation, no one is dismissing your contribution to this fine institution, but...'

'But what, Hank?'

There was a dangerous edge to her voice, and Paige noticed the girl's hands tightening into fists – a coping mechanism from a time when the girl's hands would dangerously spark and fizz whenever she lost her temper.

Hank took a deep breath. 'We cannot risk anyone asking too many questions right now. No matter how trivial they might seem. After the whole Phoenix debacle and with Cyclops playing revolutionary, humans are more suspicious of mutants than ever before. Kitty has her hands full right now keeping the Department of Education off our backs; they're just begging for an excuse to shut us down. We're treading water in turbulent seas here, Jubilation, and the last thing we need is someone taking an interest in your past. Heaven knows your New Warriors shenanigans were bad enough, but what happens when they find out you're not exactly "among the living"? They'll close this school in a New York minute! So if you expect us to treat you like an adult, it's time you stopped pulling silly pranks and start acting like one.'

Hank had expected the girl's hot temper to flare at those last words, but something foreign seemed to darken those unnatural eyes for a moment, and she simply backed down. Her fisted hands uncurled and fell limply to her sides and her whole body slumped as she sank defeatedly back down onto the bench.

The utter despondency that radiated from her form tucked at the Beast's heartstrings, and he gently rested one of his huge paws on her small shoulder. When he spoke again his voice wasn't angry, but soft.

'I understand that this isn't easy for you, Jubilee, but when we agreed to let you go to college, you promised Logan and Ororo that you'd keep your head down and stay out of trouble.'

'I'm sorry Hank, I should've asked you…' She let the sentence dwindle into nothingness.

Shogo, sensing the tension around him, gave a nervous squeak in Paige's arms and she immediately handed him back to his mother.

'Shhh… it's OK sweetie,' Jubilee cooed softly, 'Mommy's not angry with you… Shhh…'

After a little reassurance the boy settled, but the playfulness of earlier had disappeared and instead Shogo gazed at the world around him with a guarded wariness far beyond his years.

Never one for uncomfortable silences, Bobby tried to break the tension: 'What I don't get is why you signed Hank up for these stupid lectures? If you wanted to pull a fast one on the old fuzzball, I can think of twenty-nine – no, wait, thirty-two better ways to do it, and I'm not even counting hiding his Twinkie stash.'

Without a word, Jubilee awkwardly propped Shogo on her left shoulder and, patting the child's back with her left hand, struggled to open her bag with the right. Remy stepped in to help, taking the giant messenger bag, deftly unzipping it and handing it back. She flashed the thief a quick grateful smile and started scavenging through the holdall.

Not finding what she was searching for, Jubilee went for a different approach. Instead of trying to support the infant on her shoulders and fiddle with the bag's chaotic contents, she simply upturned the bag and dumped the whole lot on the table. Among the items that tumbled out along with her cell phone, wallet and papers were: some forgotten day-glo make-up; a number of outdated X-Communicators; a collection of various baby soothers; and an extra lightbender. Souvenirs of a very full life.

Amid the chaos, hidden under a pair of gloves Rogue had lent to her just before the belle's sudden passing, Jubilee found an envelope emblazoned with the Columbia University logo. She handed it to the blue doctor and returned to comforting her son.

As he read the letter inside, Hank's face became a mask of puzzlement and confusion. Usually such a verbose man, he was mute as he passed on the letter to his icy friend.

'This is a joke, right?' asked Bobby when he finished reading.

'No,' said Jubilee, 'I'm deadly serious.'

The original twosome looked sceptical. Jubes was offended.

'What? First I'm not good enough to be a teacher and now I'm not even allowed to sit in on some fancy math class?'

Bobby gave her a quizzical look. 'Why on earth would you apply for second-year math course? You're a first-year psych major.'

Paige raised a shapely blonde eyebrow. Jubilation Lee was notorious for dodging her math classes – that is, when she wasn't trying to disrupt them. In the most entertaining way possible, of course. The stories of the endless pranks Jubilee had pulled on her appointed tutors during her first year with the X-Men (tutors who just happened to be Hank McCoy and Bobby Drake) were the stuff of legend, and still recounted to new JGSHY teachers as cautionary tales.

One infamous episode was The Case of the Missing Jubes. One morning the duo had been waiting for the habitually late Jubilation Lee in the mansion library for quite some time, much longer than usual. Finally, after twenty minutes, they concluded she had cut their class, and deciding that they, as teachers extraordinaire, didn't deserve such treatment, the two went in search of their errant student.

The hunt was extensive. They searched high and low for the girl, turning every common room upside down without any luck. The firecracker had simply vanished into thin air.

Feeling slightly worried at this stage, the two men went to see Jean Grey. The telepath performed a quick surface scan of the school grounds and traced the girl's whereabouts back to the library, much to Hank and Bobby's astonishment.

They raced back to the study hall with a bemused Jean in tow. It was still deserted.

Suddenly, something high above their heads, way up near the ceiling, caught Jean's eagle eye – and she burst out laughing.

'Umm… guys?' was all she was able to get out between fits of very un-Jean-like giggles, as she pointed up towards the far side of the large room.

Both men looked up to see Jubilee lazily lounging on a wooden beam, the image of teenage cool with her shades, headphones and Game Boy, popping her ever-present gum, and tapping a foot along to an unheard beat.

Feeling eyes on her, the thirteen-year-old looked down and gave them a wave before stretching her limbs and gracefully leaping off the beam, landing solidly in front of the two stupefied tutors.

'Like, where have you been? I've been waiting for, like forever.'

Of course they dragged her before the professor, in what she classified as a 'totally un-cool move', and she made a point of defending herself.

'Look professor, I was, like, totally early for class. I picked a seat and was ready to go. It's not my fault Tweedledee and Tweedledum here didn't look up.'

The professor grounded her for a week. But Cyclops had been impressed with this hyperactive teen who'd managed to sit unnoticed for hours on a crossbeam in the rafters in her blindingly yellow coat.

So, going by the girl's long-standing aversion to academia, Paige doubted her friend was serious. Jubilation Lee volunteering to do math? Never in a month of Sundays.

Remy just shook his head. 'Why you wanna sit in some stuffy class, petit? Leave dat borin' stuff to the eggheads.'

'I thought the X-Men needed another scientist?' Jubilee answered, knowing full well no one would buy it.

'Yeah, because we have a real shortage of those right now,' said Bobby, who started to list them off with his fingers: 'Hank, Kitty, Moira, Cecilia, Forge and Danger.'

Jubilee made a valiant attempt to kick Bobby's shins under the table. Hank turned a blind eye to the horseplay.

'Jubilee, even if we believed you were serious about this, the university would simply not allow it. There's just no way they'd let a BA freshman into a second-year science class.'

The girl's face suddenly lit up. 'Oh yes they would! Dr Garu's already agreed to it. I get to sit in on CSP 201, and he receives all the credit for securing an exclusive round of lectures by the world's leading authority on mutant genetics!'

The blue doctor gave an exasperated huff. 'So that's the going rate for a geneticist today... Paige, my dear, when you help Cook with the shopping this month, don't bother with the institute credit card, just take me along and you can use me to batter with. An arm for some carrots, an ear in exchange for some parsnips and maybe a leg for a summer melon? Unfortunately you cannot have my brain, because Jubilation has already acquired a buyer.'

'Geez, Hank, your being totally melodramatic here. I'll get into some dumb class, and the school bags some cheap publicity. Everyone wins. Besides, you're the one always complaining mutants don't get any good press.'

'You know she's right, Blue,' said Bobby. 'I can picture it now: your face in the Daily Bugle next to Lady Gaga and the latest summer fashions.'

Jubilee detected the slightest hint of a blush beneath the doctor's blue fur.

'Well actually, Miss Wernbacher did mentioned that Nancy Fairfax from the Bugle has shown some interest in the lectures.'

Seeing the shade of purple his friend was turning, Bobby knew Jubilee had stuck gold. While Hank never lorded his genius IQ over his friends, he was still the tiniest bit vain. His love of tailored suits and European sports cars was a testament to that.

'See?' Jubilee prodded. 'You haven't even done it yet and reporters are already calling.'

'Jubes?' – Paige nervously cleared her throat; she hated being the bearer of bad news – 'You do realise that even if you where to get into this class, it's going to be pretty tough. This is university-level stuff. It would be difficult even for me and I'm not even…' The word got stuck on the tip of her tongue.

'No, you can say it. I'm not ashamed of it – dyscalculic.'

'But Paige does raise a good point,' said Hank. 'I'm sorry, Jubilee, but the fact remains that this course will be exceptionally difficult, if not impossible for you.'

'So I'll work harder, and stay up later, just like before. When Shogo starts teething I'll be up all night anyway.'

She lifted her head, and he could see the determination shining in those eyes.

For the fifth time that day Hank asked himself: Why me? As Jubilee peered up at him, he got the distinct impression that nothing short of a nuclear blast would dissuade the vampire from her ambitions. If he didn't agree, she would simply find another way, and who knew what that would bring down upon their heads?

So, lifting his eyes to the heavens, he relented.

'If I agree to this, you will aid me in preparing for these lectures – oh, and Miss Wernbacher is now your problem.'

Jubilee let out an ecstatic squeal and Hank had to brace himself as the vampire hit him like a baby-loaded missile, flinging her free right arm with force around his neck. 'Thank you, thank you, thank you!' she chirped between light kisses of one furry cheek, while Shogo drooled on the other.

Today really was a glorious day – for Jubilee, at least.

Next Time: Meet Dr Mattias Holgersonn and his Mangled Appendage...