I decided to split the remaining part of the story, so there will be one more chapter after this one. Thank you for your support!
Breathesgirl takes credit for betaing this story.
HBO (and CH) take credit for True Blood.
I don't even have a mortgage credit.
Previously:
"What is it?" he asked softly, lifting his hand to brush the back of his fingers against her cheek – the gesture so tender and natural that it made her throat tighten with emotion.
"It's just…" the words failed her. Her eyes searched his. "Are you okay, Eric? Truly? And I don't mean just the virus."
His eyes seemed bottomless when he stared right back at her. Something in his expression made her heart race when he answered, "I'm getting there."
They stood for a moment in silence, looking into each other's eyes. Eric seemed perfectly calm; Sookie was anything but.
"I owe you an apology," she said before the silence could become too much. "It never crossed my mind that Bill might refuse the cure. I had no idea he was going to act… like this."
She made a vague gesture toward Bill's house.
It wasn't the only thing she was sorry for, but this one was the easiest to talk about.
Eric shrugged, dismissing her apology.
"Not your fault," he replied easily.
She licked her lips. She felt the need to continue talking, but she also didn't seem to be able to take her focus off the fact that he was standing so close.
"I'm sorry for putting you in such a dangerous spot, too," she added. "I didn't realize what I was asking you to do. I didn't really think it through and it hadn't occurred to me how much risk… a long-term risk you were going to walk into until tonight."
"It's done. I can take care of myself."
She stifled a snort.
"What?"
"Eric Northman, I recall you almost burning from the sun or fire so many times since I've known you that I have trouble counting them."
Eric smirked. She didn't even know about Mr. Gus chaining him and Pam in front of the window… nor his failed attempt at sunbathing.
"Touché."
He smiled wider when she glared at him.
"Don't worry about me, Sookie. I know how to spin a situation to my advantage. I gained an inside-man in Yokonomo tonight. He'll tip me off if the board decides to move against me."
She nodded.
"Good. Do you trust him?"
"To warn me? Yes. To take out one of his own for me? Not so much. As long as I don't ask for that there shouldn't be a problem."
They fell silent again; Eric's thumb was rubbing her knuckles slowly.
God, he was acting as if she had never let him down. How could it be?
"Why did you help me Eric?" she asked suddenly.
"What do you mean?"
"Why did you agree so easily to get the cure for Bill?"
Eric smiled.
"I care about very few people in this world. A small handful of vampires... and you. I want you to be happy. You've already lost enough friends this week and while I'm not sure if Bill is what you would call a friend to you these days, you certainly don't need to watch him die."
Oh yes. Not just Alcide, but Tara, too – and Eric was aware of that.
Of course he's aware – she scolded herself. – Tara was Pam's child. His bloodline.
It was an odd thought but it occurred to her that by a strange twist of fate, it was his loss too.
She shook her head. There were so many things she hadn't thought of...
"It still surprises me that you don't hate me," she admitted.
"Oh, I tried at first," he confessed. "I failed quickly and spectacularly."
She blinked and he chuckled at the expression on her face.
"I've never been good at letting go," he offered as an explanation. "It's my weakness – a fatal flaw, if you prefer. I suspect that's why Godric spent so much time drilling into me to not get attached in the first place. I'm not what you would call a people person and I don't exactly take a liking to people easily, but once I start caring for someone, well… Let's just say that forgetting has never been my strong suit… both when it comes to hate and to love."
The very sound of the word 'love' in Eric's mouth made Sookie gulp. She didn't know what to say to that, but she thought that it rang very true to what she knew about Eric. He might seem indifferent and egocentric at first glance, but she'd also come to know him as passionate and loyal to a fault. It was something that seemed to be ingrained in the very core of his personality and – in her opinion – it wasn't something that could or should be removed. It also gave her a glimmer of hope.
"It's not a flaw," she whispered finally. "It's what makes you you."
And she happened to like him a lot.
He inched a little closer and the action stole a little more breath out of her lungs. You would have never believed he was a vicious killer by looking at his face at that moment…
Well, that is, if you ignored the splash of blood on his neck and jaw – Sookie thought soberly.
Yet, she felt no desire to pull away.
"I used to want to change who I am… for my whole life, really," she said feeling compelled to continue this strange conversation in the graveyard.
"Like the fact that you are part fairy?" he asked.
Sookie smiled sourly.
"Oh, I didn't even know that until recently. For a very long time I only knew that I was a telepath. I thought there was no one else like me; that I was alone. I didn't know about the supernatural world back then so you can imagine how much I felt like a freak. I used to believe that if only I could somehow make it go away it would fix all that was wrong in my life: I would be able to have friends, a social life, I would be able to date, maybe even get an education, a better job… Did you know that after I found out that my magic is finite I once tried to get rid of it?"
"I didn't know that. Is that even possible?"
"Oh yes. I went to the field planning to blast it all away into the sky. I even started… obviously I didn't go through with that, but I was close."
"You don't feel that way anymore, do you?"
She shrugged.
"I don't know. I thought I was over that, but now… I'm not so sure."
"What do you mean? Why?"
She hesitated.
"How much did you hear at Bill's?"
A flash of anger flickered over Eric's face.
"Enough to know he was spouting bullshit."
"Something he said made me think. He has a theory. He believes I'll never be able to stay away from danger for two reasons: one, the vampires would always seek me out, lured by my light. That actually makes sense."
Eric looked at her sullenly. In a way, it was true, but at the same time it wasn't: Sookie's magic was extraordinary and beautiful, but it wasn't just the Fae 'light' that was so alluring about her. Sookie possessed a different kind of light as well, all on her own. Without it all her faeness would do would be to present the temptation to suck her light, along with her blood, to the last drop. It created craving, not feelings.
"That's only part of the truth," he said.
"Well, the other part isn't any better. According to Bill it works both ways: I attract vampires, because I attract darkness. Something inside me seeks it. That's why I am and always will be a trouble magnet. Dangerous things follow me because I'm drawing them in."
"So you'd squash the light along with the darkness? What's the point then?"
"I don't know, Eric," Sookie sighed, suddenly feeling tired. She had hoped that sharing her doubt with Eric would help her get rid of it but, when she voiced it, it sounded even more real. She remembered how outraged she had felt after the attack at Bellefleur's when everybody – including Alcide – had been thinking that it had been somehow her fault that the infected vamps had showed up at the party, but what if there had been more merit to the story than she had thought? "I no longer want to get rid of it, but with everything that's going on lately… There is always so much death around me and if I'm somehow making it worse…"
"A half-truth is not the truth," Eric cut her off brusquely.
"What is the other part of the truth then?" she asked. She really wanted him to have the answer to that.
"You're missing the point. You are the light one."
She dropped her gaze and he cursed inwardly, because he realized she didn't believe him.
"Sookie. Look at me," he said lifting her chin. He waited until she looked up. "Out of the two of us which one do you think is Danger, Darkness and Death?"
He knew he surprised her when she didn't try to speak again.
"I am the Night. You are the Day. You are the sun. I am the monster that lurks in the shadows. I am blood, fear and pain. I am the killer."
She freed herself from his grip on her chin.
"No. That's not who you are!" she protested hotly. "You're… more!"
If Eric noticed that in her search for words she uttered the same phrase he had used when he had been trying to convince her that he wasn't lost to her after he had regained his memories, he didn't let it show.
"But isn't it?" his voice was cool and calm. "Look at me. I'm covered in blood. I have killed someone – more than one person, in fact – tonight, without sparing a second thought. You know that's just the tip of the iceberg. You've seen me ripping a person's heart out of their chest. You're telling me that's not true?"
"It's not…!" she stopped in the middle on the sentence when the realization hit her and then she finished slowly: "…the whole truth."
She looked at his face amazed, finally understanding what he was doing.
"A half-truth," she echoed softly.
And the half-truth is not the truth.
"Yet, I remember asking you once if I'm evil and you denying. I'm going to ask again now, and it's not just a rhetorical question: do you think I'm evil?"
"No," She whispered, feeling tears prickling at her eyes. "No, Eric. You're not evil."
"And you thought that you were the villain here?"
She flung herself forward and hugged him tightly. Much to her surprise, he stiffened initially.
"Ahhh, Sookie? I really am bloody… You'll… Too late," he ended grimly.
She smiled but didn't look up when he sighed resignedly and gingerly put his arms around her.
I love you, she thought, but the words didn't slip out just yet.
She stood still, clinging to him until she felt him relax.
"You know, you were right about one thing," he said to the top of her head.
"About what?" she asked dreamily.
"There is no one else like you. I just don't see how that is a bad thing." She shut her eyes and just listened to his voice with her ear pressed against his chest. "And you're not alone," he added. "Not unless you wish to be left alone."
Sookie squeezed him tighter in answer to the unvoiced question. 'Alone' was the last thing she wanted to be.
She looked up at Eric.
He was so close now that had he still needed to breathe, she would have felt his breath on her face - and she just knew what he was going to do next.
She stood frozen, still indecisive as to what was the right thing to do under the current circumstances. She knew what she wanted – but was it the same thing? Was it what she should do?
She didn't move a muscle when he leaned down, battling with her thoughts to the last possible second, until his mouth was just one hair's breadth away from hers – and then every thought in her head simply evaporated.
The kiss was both familiar and new, because this Eric was a slightly different person than both his amnesia and pre-amnesia self. Sookie found herself sinking into it the way you would sink into a soft cushion after a long day. There was no nervousness, only relief.
This is right – said a voice in her head.
This is wrong – said the other.
The first one sounded like Eric. The second one like Alcide.
She stilled.
"Wait," she whispered against his lips.
Why is she stopping? Everything will be explained soon. Only one more to go.