Chapter 17: "We're Still At War" (But It's Not Really a War)

Of course Alfred, Feli, and Arthur had been dragged to the Headmaster's office so Umbridge could tattle on them to the Minister. Arthur personally didn't care about the Minister's opinion. England was the oldest in the room and could easily make both officials disappear. But he decided it was best to behave. He didn't want to put any of the others in danger.

It was going rather well, until two teenagers burst in unannounced. Alfred groaned. One was a girl with long brown hair and blue-green eyes. She was fighting with a boy that had blond hair and brown eyes.

"You're a dirty thief and they fucking rewarded you for it by giving you more land." the girl growled.

"At least I'm not obsessed with dumb, useless, poisonous nuts. Maybe at the next meeting I'll suggest we change your name to Nutland." the boy teased.

"At least I don't have two of the most dangerous cities in America." she countered. "it must've been a major milestone for Detroit to go one day with out a murder."

"Well Cleveland's pretty dangerous." he argued. "So is Toledo. Man I'm glad you kept that."

"You take that back, you jackass." she screamed.

"Nutty bitch." he yelled.

At that moment she grabbed his hair. He yelled something about the Upper Peninsula and pulled her hair. The stood their beating each other up and screaming insults at each other. America sighed and rubbed his temples before walking up and knocking their heads together. There was a muffled yelp and muffled cry of "Father!"

"Now you two know how I feel when you fight like this. Honestly, can't you two get along?" America scolded. "Now Marie, tell me why you two, of all people, are here."

"Sarah sent us. She said Tía Rosa sent her a message of recruitment. She's looking for fifteen of us to help with something, so I volunteered and this bastard, I mean my loving baby brother, decided to follow me like some creepy stalker." the girl, Marie, explained. "It was bad enough when he was stealing my land, now he's stalking me."

The boy opened his mouth but Alfred cut him off. "William, think your next words over very carefully." He turned to Marie. "And Marie, stop antagonizing your brother. Now both of you come with me." He turned to the Headmaster. "Sorry Professor, I gotta situation to handle. Come on Iggy, Feli."

The three nations and the two states walked out the door and to the History of Magic classroom. They grabbed Germany, Russia, and Canada along the way.

"Uncle Mattie!" Marie cried as she threw her arms around the Canadian. "My favorite northern neighbor."

"Hello Ohio." he greeted as he hugged her back. "Michigan."

"Now what's this about Mexico recruiting you and who all has been recruited?" Alfred asked.

"Well she says she need help with something." Michigan replied. "As for who she's recruited, it's Pennsylvania, Texas, New York, Alaska, Virginia, Montana, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Jersey, New Mexico, California, Louisiana, Hawaii, Nutland, and me."

"It's Ohio, you asshole." Ohio growled. "We got involved because Uncle Mattie needs help, which is the reason Monty got involved. Texy's involved cause Tía Rosa wants him to be. Montana, Alaska, and Hawaii are total Daddy's girls. Louisiana and Massy got include cause of magic reasons. And you know if Massy joins, Yorkie has to. And if Yorkie does, then so does Cali and Jersey. Then New Mexico came just because. And then you know how motherly Ginny and Penny are. Also Tony's coming because him and New Mexico are inseparable."

"Wonderful." America mumbled sarcastically. "Oh, Feli, Artie, Ludwig, Commie Bastard, this Marie, the State of Ohio, and William, the State of Michigan. Hurt them, you die."

"Ve~ it's always nice to meet a bella ragazza." Italy said before he kissed the Buckeye State on the cheeks.

"Um... Thank you?" Ohio replied. "But that's not how we say hello in America."

"Hey buddy, hands off my sister." Michigan growled. "Or you'll see how bad Detroit can be."

Marie rolled her eyes. "I can take care of myself, lake boy."

"Nuthead."

"Dumbass."

"Cornfield."

"Asswipe."

"That's enough." America snapped.

"Yes Father." they said in unison while glaring daggers at each other.

"Zey fight vorse zen England und France." Germany noted.

"Well that's cause we're at war." Ohio stated.

"You are not at war." America growled. "The Toledo War was a political spat over land."

"Well he tried to take my land after I was already a state." Marie pointed out. "But I got him back by delaying his approval for statehood."

"At least I was only approved once." Michigan argued. "Yours wasn't confirmed until 1953. That makes you the 48th state not the 17th, little sis."

"Enough." Alfred growled. "You know Congress agreed that her original approval date was March 1, 1803."

"Anyway, we fight over everything. Football, Toledo, music, etc. You name it, we've probably fought over it." Ohio said. "We give Father constant headaches."

"That's not something to be proud of." Canada pointed out. "Now we have a problem. We've had Hungary, Slovenia, Austria, Romania, and Norway here."

"Vell, Feli und I met mein bruder in the forest. But zat vas because ve vere trying to hold off Mexico und Romano." Germany admitted.

"Da, and leetle sister might come." Russia added.

"And Mexico, Romano, an alien, and thirteen more states are on their way." America pointed out.

"Knowing that bloody frog, he might try to hunt me down." England said. "Those bloody gits that are my brothers might try too."

"Ve~ Seborga, Wy, and Sealand might come too." Italy added. "That-a means Sweden and his wife will follow to take them home."

"So y'all are royally fucked then." Ohio said slipping into a Southern accent. "Me and asshole here are waiting for directions from Tía Rosa."

She pulled out a rifle from nowhere and started cleaning it. Michigan just rolled his eyes and sat down, knowing better than to say anything derogatory when she had a gun. America snatched the gun from his daughter before she could start shooting. She gave a muffled protest but quickly shut up because the nation has more power than her.

"Tía says we're gonna kill that toad in pink but first we're gonna make her life a living hell." Michigan told them. "That's why she included some of us states. We're experts at chaos. And Ohio and I are experts on Hell. I have a town that's named Hell and supposedly there's a town in Northwest Ohio that's on the eighth ring of Hell. Oh, and Massy claims he's best friends with the devil. He's even tried to summon the devil in the kitchen. Dad didn't really like that."

"Daddy's face was priceless!" Ohio laughed. "Remember that time Massy and Louisiana tried to get him to play Ouija in the haunted Mansfield Prison? Massy's the reason I don't let Ouija boards in there."

"Yes, you're hilarious." Alfred said sarcastically.

"Und I thought meeting vere bad." Germany mused. "Is this a daily occurrence?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

Here's Ohio and Michigan! I tried to get as many of the suggestions as I could. A lot of you want Texas, so Texas will appear. I took at least on suggestion per person. Which, littelmeg, I included that fact on Ohio and the eighth ring of Hell. Just because the state wasn't mentioned, doesn't mean they won't appear later in someway. I just decided on fifteen for now. I had to dig out my old dictionary to get the dates of statehood. By the way, my dictionary has two whole pages dedicated to Canada. Unfortuantely for poor Canada, who reads the dictionary on a daily basis? And littelmeg and I have a surprisingly sad theory on why America acts the way he does. It's because he doesn't want to be forgotten like Canada and so many of his states. Because let's be honest, if you don't live there, how much do you know about places like Wyoming or Idaho without studying them? Anyway, if you see mistakes, tell me. Thank you to my reviewers and followers. I don't own Harry Potter or Hetalia.