Chapter 23: The Bad Touch Trio Down To One
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the library doing their transfiguration homework when Ivan came in. He muttered something about it being the perfect place to hide from her.
"Hello Professor." Hermione greeted.
"Oh, hello children." he said looking around the bookshelves. "You by any chance haven't seen a pretty blond girl in a blue dress with a knife? She has accent similar to mine, da."
"No, but if we do, we'll tell her you're looking for her." Harry offered.
"Nyet! Natalya cannot know I am in here." Russia said fearfully. "I will kill that Capitalist swine for telling her where I am. It was bad enough Wang yelled at me, I do not need Natalya dragging me off."
"Who is Natalya?" Hermione asked polietly.
"She is leetle sister. She is very pretty and she is very determined, just not in a good way." Ivan replied. "She lives in Belarus. Now if you will excuse me, I must ask Kiku to help me with her."
He left and America stepped out from behind a bookcase and started laughing. Canada followed with a look of frustration on his face. He really wanted to tell America off, but his brother would end up guilt tripping him over the whole hockey incident.
"What the bloody hell was that about?" Ron asked.
"I told the Commie Bastard's little sister where she could find him since I want to annoy Ivan and Natalya and I have diplomatic relations." Alfred explained. "Natalya wants to marry that Commie and openly stalks him."
"You shouldn't abuse your diplomatic relations like that." Matthew scolded. "Remember how you felt when Natalya started getting clingy to you? Ivan can turn that around and it'll come back to bite you in the ass, eh."
"Relax Mattie. The Commie Bastard doesn't have any evidence and there's no way Kiku's going to help him. Remember their history of fighting? Besides, if Kiku even comes, Feli will kidnap him so they can hang out and do Axis stuff with Ludwig." America pointed out.
"Axis? Like the Axis Powers from World War II?" Hermione asked. Harry and Ron gave her a confused look. "The Axis consisted of Germany, Italy, Japan, Bulgaria, Austria, Hungary, Romania, and Finland. They were fighting against the Allies which consisted of the United Kingdom, America, Russia, China, Canada, France, Australia, and a bunch of others."
"Well, they're big into history and that's what they call themselves since Ludwig is from Germany, Feli is from Italy, and Kiku is from Japan." Matthew explained. "Sometimes they hang out with Feli's older brother, Lovino, and Ludwig's older brother, Gilbert."
"Gilbert's that German bloke that claims to be your boyfriend, right?" Harry asked.
"Prussian technically." Canada mumbled that only America heard him.
"Of course that's my future brother-in-law!" Alfred exclaimed excitedly. "Speaking of Mattie, did Francypants kill him yet? Is the Bad Touch Trio down to only Antonio?"
"Papa hasn't killed Gilbert yet. I told him if he does, I won't bail him out when he and the other two get arrested; that he'd have to call Arthur." Matthew replied.
"What are you two talking about?" Ron asked.
"The BTT of course. Mattie's big brother, boyfriend, and Feli's brother's boyfriend go out and get arrested. They usually call Mattie or Feli because they know that they won't yell or start cussing." America explained.
"You know a lot of... interesting people, don't you?" Hermione asked.
"Duh. There's Elizabeta. She carries her frying pan and is into yaoi. She also used to think she was a guy. There's Rodreich, Feli's former caretaker. He's an aristocrat and plays the piano. He also thought Feli was a girl. And they have a son named Aleksander. Feli knows him better than I do. There's also Berwald, Tino, Lukas, Wang, and others. The list goes on and on." Alfred said. "Y'all are kinda nosy, aren't you?"
"Did Mr. I-Can't-Read-The-Atmosphere-To-Save-My-Life just read the atmosphere? Mon dieu, it's the end of the world, eh." Canada said sarcastically.
"It's not that I can't, I just choose not to. I thought you knew that?" Alfred pointed out.
"I'm just joking Al. I know you choose not to read it." Matthew replied. "Come on, let's go to dinner before Arthur yells at us, eh." He turned to the other three. "See you later, eh."
The twins waved to the golden trio as Canada lead America from the library. The southern twin was still a little off balance thanks to the concussion courtesy of the northern twin. Hermione pulled out the book over Imperialism that she still had. Things the twins had said made her more suspicious.
Alfred sat across from Ludwig with his bomber jacket on. He practically burst out laughing when he saw Belarus sitting between England and Russia. Everyone was trying to scoot away from her, even Russia. Arthur, Ludwig, and Ivan all shot America a death glare. Belarus just kept staring at Russia and trying to get closer.
"Please go home." he finally told her.
"Never. I said I'd stay with you and that's exactly what I'm going to do." she replied. "You should marry me so no one can ever break us up."
"That's kind of creepy..." Russia said.
America rolled his eyes and ran up to the Belarusian. He whispered something in her ear that caused a look of rage to appear on her face. The aura around her darkened and she started glaring daggers at Umbridge, revealing the real reason America brought her to the other nations. Belarus picked up a knife before Russia and England could pull them out of her reach and walked up to the toad.
"So you think you can keep my big brother from becoming one with me? You think you can hurt my big brother and try to to rule him?" she asked. "Nobody hurts big brother Russia and gets away with it. Amerika, get Ukraine here. My useless wimp of a sister will take care of Russia while I deal with her."
At that moment chaos erupted among the nations. Feliciano started screaming and clinging to Ludwig out of fear of Belarus. Engalnd started screaming at America while Canada started whisper yelling at him. Germany kept yelling at Italy to man up. Russia cowered behind America because of his little sister. And Belarus broke several of Umbridge's fingers and was about to break her wrist.
"Be quiet and sit down you dummkopfs!" Germany yelled as he slammed his hands on the table.
Unfortuantly, Prussia and Slovenia decided to walk in with Hungary. Prussia ran up to Canada and wrapped him in an awesome hug before dragging the protesting North American off to make pancakes. Hungary saw Italy crying and assumed Umbridge was behind it, so she pulled out her frying pan while Belarus moved onto using her knife. And Slovenia went up to comfort his friend while fanboying over how cute his godfather and Canada are.
Germany face palmed while America and England started bringing up the past. Why does he even try? The rest of the world will always be chaotic when they meet, so there was no point in even trying to get them under control.
Fate really hates Germany, because at that moment, France, Spain, Romano, Mexico, and two teenagers plus an alien walked in. France immediately started fighting with England, causing the island nation to forget about America and start beating up France. Romano started swearing at Italy and Germany and Mexico screamed at America. Poor Spain was torn between trying to calm them both down. And the two teenage boys started fighting while the alien kept repeating "Fucking" over and over again. Germany assumed they were two of America's states.
"Come on, Massy." the younger of the two begged. "Tony even agrees that you should let me show of my awesome nuclear weapons. Besides you're going to summon the devil, so why can't I play with my toys?"
"I said no, New Mexico. I'm older so what I say goes." Massachuettes told the younger state.
"Yorkie would let me." New Mexico grumbled.
Massachuettes started beating up his little brother for that comment. America escaped Mexico and pulled the magical state off of the other state. He started yelling at them for fighting while Italy started begging Romano for forgiveness.
Slovenia was trying to pull Belarus and Hungary away from Umbridge while Prussia and Canada returned to separate England and France. Spain was holding Mexico back to prevent her from joining the other two female countries trying to kill Umbridge. And Germany was pulling Romano away so he couldn't start choking Italy. And Russia returned with Japan, China, Austria and Switzerland.
China went to go help Prussia and Canada separate England and France while Austria tried to convince Hungary to stop fighting. And Japan tried to tell America to stop yelling at his sons. Finally there was a loud gun shot. Switzerland was pointing his peace prize at the now frozen nations, but avoiding that states, because he knew America would kill him for that.
"Anyone moves and I'll beat them with my peace prize." he threatened. "Now, Ludwig, you can take control."
"Danke Vash." Germany said. "Bruder, let go of Francis. Wang, Matthew, let go of Arthur. Aleksander, let go of Natalya und Elizaveta. Rodreich, you are completely useless, next time try pulling Elizaveta off of her victim. Antonio, release Rosa. Feliciano, settle down or you'll run ten laps. Alfred, take your relatives and zat alien from the room. Kiku, you can help him. And everybody vill follow me."
"Ve~ Japan!" Italy cried excitedly before flinging his arms around the Asian man.
Japan's face slowly turned red, but he knew not to push the eager Italian off. "Itary-san, prease get off me."
Germany yanked Italy by the back of the robes, effectively getting him off Japan. "Arigato, Germany-san."
"Ja, no problem Japan." Germany replied. He turned to the Italian. "Italy you dummkopf, how many times must you be told not to do zat. Japan does not like it vhen his personal space is invaded."
"Kesessesees Vest, lighten up." Prussia said before he received a sharp blow to the back of the head. "Ow! France, vhat vas zat for? Zat vas totally unawesome."
"'Unawesome' is not a word, wanker." England snapped.
"Ja, it is. Ze awesome me said so." Gilbert replied. "But seriously France, tell me vhat zat vas for."
"For dating mon petite Matthieu and not asking mon permission. 'E is still mon petite colony." France stated.
"Mattie is not your colony!" America cried defensively. "He's a country. And you didn't take very good care of him when you had him. You were too busy fighting with Iggy over the Ohio River valley."
"If I 'ad not lost zat war, zen 'e would still be mine. Zat war is the only reason Angleterre ended up with 'im in the first place." Francis growled. "Just think Amérique, you could 'ave been a French colony. Zen maybe you would 'ave a sense of taste and good looks."
"Can you be any less narcissistic, frog?" England asked. "And are you insinuating that I was a bad guardian or something?"
"Well, Amérique rebelled, Afrique du Sud 'ates you, you gave Hong Kong back to China, India doesn't like you, you gave Canada 'is freedom, and Australia and New Zealand don't like you either. Need I go on?" the Frenchman said.
"Oh yeah, you lost Canada in a war, sold Louisiana to America, Vietnam rebelled against you, you failed to colonize both of the Italies and America, and Hungary hit you with a frying pan when she heard you wanted Austria to be a French territory." England countered.
"Black sheep of Europe. Remember when you were once my territory and spoke French?" he pointed out.
"Bloody frog, the Normans came from Normady. And I spoke Middle English."
"Zey were still French. Normady is in my country. And 'Middle English' sounded like French."
England started choking France again. Austria sighed. "You two are being very uncivilized. Vhy can't you act like adults. It is a good thing you didn't colonize Italy, France. I shudder to think how he vould have turned out. It's amazing Canada is the vay he is und not like either of you two."
"It's amazing cute little Italy isn't an unawesome stick in ze mud like hyu Austria." Prussia said. "Or mein awesome godson isn't like hyu either. Zen again, he hangs out vith Hungary, Romania, Italy, und anyone zat is not hyu."
"Vhat exactly are you insinuating?" Rodreich asked.
"Prusija! Don't say that to Oče." Slovenia told the ex-nation. "I am very lucky to have had him as a caretaker. It could have been worse. France could have colonized me."
Before Prussia could reply, Hungary hit him with her frying pan. Austria started going on about how she shouldn't be so violent, while Slovenia tried pull her off. Germany sighed and tried to rescue his brother while avoiding Hungary's frying pan of doom.
"Westerners are so immature, aru." China said to Japan.
"Hai, but it wourd not be Prussia-san if he wasn't angering Hungary-san and it wourdn't be France-san and Engrand-san if they weren't fighting." Japan agreed. "The onry difference is America-san isn't joining."
"Yes, I think he is trying to set an example for his states, aru."
"Ve~ Japan! I think Doitsu needs help!" Italy cried.
"I can help." Massachuettes offered with a suspicious smile on his face.
"Padre! Tell Massy that if I can't use my nuclear weapons, he can't use magic." New Mexico whined.
"Come on Father, my magic isn't going to start World War III like his nukes will."
At that moment, France remembered he needed to kill Prussia. Switzerland shot his peace prize several times, but it didn't work. Spain just sighed.
"I think I need to start accepting applications for new members of the BTT." he said softly.
Finally I updated. littelmeg gave me the idea for an ending. I noticed a comment saying that I offended someone, and I'm really sorry. I wasn't trying to offend anyone. I wasn't saying that China itself was colonized, I was say Hong Kong was colonized. And the Opium War was when England brought drugs to China. Anyway, if you see any mistakes, tell me. I don't own Hetalia or Harry Potter.