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October

Peeta was immensely proud to be walking hand in hand with such a gorgeous creature. Dressed in a loose-fitting Jim Morrison t-shirt, jeans shorts, tights, Doc Marten style boots and an oversized pleather jacket she'd borrowed from him, and with a guitar slung across her back, she was every inch his dream woman. He glanced across at her. Her face was set in a hard look of determination, but there was a definite underlying nervousness.

"How are you doing?" he asked her.

"Fine," she answered, sounding thoroughly unconvinced.

"You'll be amazing, seriously."

She smiled tightly and looked down at the floor while Peeta squeezed her hand to reassure her. Finnick had mentioned how she ought to sing a song or two at an open mic night he often attended. At first she had shot the idea down, but Peeta had been very persuasive. Eventually she had given in to his persistent requests, but he could see how nervous she was. She had absolutely no idea how talented she was, and he found that humbleness so appealing.

When they finally reached the pub, Katniss tensed slightly next to him as they looked in through the window. It was already starting to get busy and it was only half past seven.

"I'm not sure if I can do this," she said, turning to him.

He placed his lips against her forehead and enveloped her in his arms. "No one's going to make you," he answered. "But they'll love you if you do it, I promise. You're so good, Katniss."

She nodded and took a deep breath. "Let's just see what happens, then, ok?"

"Sure," he replied, opening the pub door for her and standing back to allow her to go first. "But fair warning; you know how persuasive I can be."

Peeta got the first round of drinks in at the bar while he pointed out to Katniss the last available table, signalling for Finn and Annie to go and join her when they finally entered the pub a couple of minutes later. Peeta carefully picked up the three pints as well as Annie's vodka tonic, manoeuvring his way through the growing crowd before setting the drinks down on the table and settling himself down next to Katniss. "Cheers," he said, raising his glass slightly before taking a hefty swig.

It wasn't long before the night began to get fully underway. The first act was pretty terrible: two girls with ukuleles who could neither play particularly well nor hold a tune to save their lives.

"At least I won't be the worst one here," Katniss said in a low voice, cringing as one of the girls failed to hit an especially high note.

"You never would have been anyway," Peeta reassured her. "Finn's playing, don't forget."

"Oi, you watch it, mate," replied Finnick. "Else I'll force you up on that stage with me."

The next act was equally awful: a male/female duet who had gotten far too drunk before getting up on stage. Peeta thought they probably would have been good if they hadn't overindulged; they could clearly sing, but neither of them could remember what they were playing and they mostly fell about on stage laughing until they apologised and gave it up.

Peeta could see that the next act did little to settle Katniss' rising nerves. The solo girl played fiddle as she belted out old English folk songs. Her voice had power and soul and the longer she sang, the more Peeta noticed a nervous twitch in Katniss' leg. He placed his hand over her thigh and gently squeezed her to reassure her. "Stop it. She's good, but you're better," he said to her, nuzzling into her neck and placing a series of kisses just behind her ear.

She playfully pushed him away and focused her attention on her pint. "You're just saying that because you feel obligated."

"No, I'm seri—" That was when he noticed her, taking him so much by surprise that he was unable to finish his sentence. Crossing in front of his line of vision, heading towards a small table near the stage. Jenn. He hadn't seen her since the morning of his accident, having left her to look after their animals while he went sabbing. He marvelled at that for a moment; Ipswich wasn't a large place and to have managed to avoid someone for nearly three years….

"Ow," Katniss hissed. Peeta withdrew his hand immediately; in his shock he had gripped tighter than ever on to her leg. "Sorry," he apologised. "I'm so sorry."

"What is it?" she asked.

"Nothing," he lied, unsure if he should mention her name. Instead he reached for his pint with a shaking hand, cursing himself for allowing her appearance to rattle him so much. And cursing her for doing this to him in the first place.

Finnick noticed Peeta's behaviour; how grey and ashen he had become, how quiet and withdrawn. "What's up, mate?"

Annie noticed her first. She nudged Finnick and nodded in the direction of where Jenn was sat. He visibly tensed then turned back to Peeta. "Do you want to leave?"

He shook his head. No. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to be able to go out for a pint with his girlfriend and not have an anxiety attack just because his ex was in the vicinity.

"What is it?" Katniss repeated, more urgently.

"My ex is here," he said, the strain apparent in his voice.

"The one who…?" There was no need for her to finish her question. Peeta nodded and downed most of his remaining pint. "Fuck her," she said venomously.

"I'm sorry?" he said, startled by Katniss' language. She swore so rarely that hearing swear words come from her, particularly said with such aggression, came as something of a shock.

"Fuck her," she said, shrugging. "Don't let her get to you. You've done nothing wrong, and her loss is my gain. Fuck her." She also knocked back the majority of her pint. "Who wants another?" she asked the group. Everyone nodded and Katniss stalked off towards the bar.

"She's right, mate. This was bound to happen sooner or later. I'm surprised it hasn't already. Don't let it ruin your night. And don't forget what you've got now. The last thing Katniss wants to see is you moping around because your ex is in the room."

"I'm not moping," he protested fiercely.

"Doesn't look that way, mate."

Katniss returned a few minutes later carrying their drinks on a tray. Peeta was ashamed to notice that she seemed to be in a foul mood now. Slamming his drink down in front of him and spilling it a little, she grabbed the tray to return it to the bar. On her return she grabbed hold of the guitar that she had left propped up in the corner. "I'm going to see if I can go next."

She left the three of the alone and marched towards the compere. "I think I know someone who won't be getting laid tonight," Finnick said.

"Finn, stop," Annie admonished. "And Peeta, I know it must be a shock. But think how this feels to Katniss. You look like you're pining over her."

"I'm not pining!" he objected.

"But that's what it looks like. What it probably feels like to her."

He felt the bottom of his stomach drop out. Before she got up on stage he had to talk to her; there was no way he could allow her up there if that's what she was thinking. He pushed forward through the gathered crowd until he reached her. "Katniss?" he called to her as he got a little closer and she turned around to face him. "I'm sorry. Don't think badly of me, please."

"I don't."

"It was just a shock. That's all."

"I know, Peeta. It's not you I'm not angry at, ok?"

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure," she replied, cupping the side of his face before placing a soft kiss on his lips.

The relief he felt at her words was clearly palpable, as half the tension in his body left him. "Good luck. You'll be amazing, I know you will."

She smiled a little, a rosy glow creeping over her cheeks. "Peeta, it's just a small pub gig. It's hardly the Albert Hall."

"Gotta start somewhere though, right?" he grinned at her as the compere announced that she was up next. Peeta mouthed 'Good luck' at her again before returning to sit with Finnick and Annie.

He picked up his pint, eagerly watching the stage as Katniss came and sat on a stool in front of the microphone. Discomfort from the attention was emanating from her in waves but Peeta willed her to keep going.

"Hi," she said, not really looking into the audience. "Ummm, I was going to do Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, but I've changed my mind." Some heckler in the audience shouted out, "Thank god!" and Peeta tried to find the culprit, immediately flashing the suspect a glare. Katniss swallowed and when she looked up the look on her face was more determined than ever. "This one goes out to anyone who has ever been burned by love."

The first time he heard her sing the he felt as though the world could have ended without him noticing. And that still hadn't changed. The notes that came from her were strong and clear, and he couldn't tear his eyes away as he allowed the song to wash over him.

"I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know…."

He barely heard the rest of the lyrics, so mesmerised was he by her presence and vocal prowess, but it was clear that she was singing directly to him. Yes, he'd been cut deeply, he'd been burned badly by love, but with her help he could recover and love again…As the final chord on her guitar slowly died away Peeta remembered to breathe. He was on his feet, clapping and cheering with the rest of the assembled audience, but while the rest of the audience was blown away by her sheer talent he was also taken aback by her song choice, knowing how apt those particular words were in his life. He risked a glance over to where Jenn was sat. She was clapping along with everyone else, still entirely unaware that he was in the room. He looked back to Katniss on stage and as their eyes met across the room she flashed him a small half smile. "Thank you," he mouthed back at her.

Several people were calling for an encore. Katniss looked at the compere and her question to him, "Have I got time for another?" resonated out across the microphone. When the compere nodded another loud cheer went up from the crowd.

"Ok," she said. "Well, I guess I have my father to thank for my musical interests. He was a mod in the sixties, and growing up at home if you didn't at least appreciate the mod scene you'd go mad. I'm going to do a song called Afterglow by Small Faces. This has always been a favourite song of mine, and I want to dedicate this to a really special guy." Peeta suddenly felt as if the room were empty apart from the two of them. His heart skipped several beats as his feet carried him closer to the stage. "Peeta Mellark. This is for you."

At the mention of his name he became aware of Jenn spinning in her seat and looking around the room. Her mouth fell open at the sight of him and he forced himself to keep looking at the stage. Katniss was giving him the opportunity to show Jenn that he was fine, that he was strong without her, and he was going to grasp that opportunity with both hands. She began to sing, and her eyes were on him; no one else in the world mattered except the two of them.

"Love, love is all around me, everywhere,
Love has come to touch my soul
With someone who really cares.
No one can deny us,
People who once passed me by
Will turn their heads round.

"I'm happy just to be with you
And loving you the way I do,
There's everything I need to know
Just resting in the afterglow of your love.

"You, yes you have always been here,
Feeling deep inside.
A feeling that I could not see
Or touch, or try to hide.
My love is in and around you,
I bless the day that I found you,
So listen up baby.

"I'm happy just to be with you
And loving you the way I do, yeah,
There's everything I need to know
Just resting in the afterglow of your love."

The room broke out in tumultuous applause as soon as she finished the song. Peeta leapt up on stage, picked her up in his arms and swung her around, pressing his lips in to hers over and over and over again. "That was wonderful," he whispered to her, and not caring that the whole room was watching them he kissed her again, weaving his hands in to her hair to hold her steady.

"Thanks," she grinned when they finally broke apart, her forehead resting against his. She grasped his hand in hers and together the two of them climbed down from the stage.

Finn was up next, and as he took his place on the stool he said into the microphone, "Before I start I just need to check, Peeta, if I dedicate a song to you will I get the same treatment?" The crowd laughed appreciatively as he began to play, wowing them with an acoustic rendition of Jeff Buckley's Lilac Wine.

The room was becoming hot and stuffy, and after Finnick had finished playing, Katniss asked if the two of them could head outside to get a little fresh air. On their way out, Peeta heard his name being called. He spun on the spot and was face to face with Jenn. "Do you want another drink?" Katniss asked him, her hand resting on his lower back.

"Please," he responded, realising how dry his mouth had become.

"I'll, um, I'll see you in a minute, ok?" said Katniss, briefly kissing him before walking away.

Face to face with the woman who trampled on his heart, Peeta found that he simply had nothing to say to her. His mind was completely blank. "Hello, Jenny," he said at last.

She seemed similarly unsure of what to say. "It's um, it's good to see you."

"Ok."

She looked over Peeta's shoulder in the direction Katniss had walked. "She seems nice."

"Yeah. She is."

An awkward pause before she asked, "Have you been seeing her long?"

"It's been a couple of months."

Jenn nodded and looked away for a moment. "Well. I'm glad you're happy."

Peeta felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. To say 'I'm glad you're happy' after what she had done to him….? He swallowed the feeling away. Katniss had given him this opportunity to show her how well he was doing without her. He didn't want to ruin it. "And you? Are you seeing anyone?"

"Yeah…." She looked over her shoulder and Peeta caught the eye of a tall, handsome, but rather arrogant looking blond guy looking over at them. "We've been seeing each other about three-and-a-half years now."

Three-and-a-half years…. Peeta stared at her, that feeling of being punched in the gut returning ten times as strong, as a massive piece of the puzzle fell in to place. Three-and-half-years ago they'd been engaged. Three-and-a-half years ago they'd still been living together. And it was a little over three-and-a-half years ago that cracks had started to appear in their relationship. She had been having an affair for the last nine months of their relationship. He could have kicked himself for not spotting it sooner; she had become more and more distant, she had spurned his advances repeatedly…. But the idea of cheating on her was such an alien concept to him that he hadn't even contemplated that she could do it to him.

Nine months of their relationship was a lie…. But they had only gotten engaged two months prior to that...

Swallowing the bile that had risen to the surface, he said in a voice of forced calm, "So, where did you meet?"

"At the gym," she replied. "We got talking after one of my yoga classes."

"I see. Well, thanks for telling me, Jenn. Thanks for being so fucking straight up with me, that for two-and-a-half years I was tearing my hair out thinking no one would ever want to be with a deformed freak. Thanks for giving me absolutely no fucking clue about the truth, and leading me to think that this—" he pointed at his lower left leg, "—was the sole reason you walked out on me. Fuck. An affair I could have dealt with. What you did, how you ended it, was un-fucking-forgiveable."

"Peeta—"

"Would you have ended it with me if I hadn't been unconscious? Or would you have just kept stringing me along, maybe waited until we were actually married?"

"I wouldn't expect you to understand. I'd just…. I'd fallen out of love with you, Peeta. I'd wanted a way out for a long time."

"When? At what point did you decide you no longer loved me, but that you didn't respect me enough to end it?"

"It wasn't like that, Peeta. At first I wanted to love you. When Cato and I met, I still wanted to be in love with you. When you proposed I thought it would make me fall in love with you again."

"Wait, you were feeing this before we got engaged? What kind of twisted fucking logic is that, Jenny?"

"Peeta, don't make a scene."

"Sorry, what?" he said, as all the anger and hurt he had felt after her total rejection of him bubbled up to the surface. "Don't make a scene? How did you expect me to react?"

"Well, you've obviously moved on. I just thought we should wipe the slate."

"Are you for real? Moved on? Yeah, I've moved on. Took me fucking long enough but I finally managed to pick myself up out of the shattered mess you left me in and yes. I'm happy now. No fucking thanks to you."

Jenn's boyfriend, Cato, stood up and came over to her side. He loomed over Peeta, trying to look intimidating, but Peeta was too angry to be bothered by empty threats. "Is there a problem, babe?"

"No," said Peeta before Jenn could speak. "No, there's no problem. And you know what? I take it back. I want to thank you for what you did. Thank you for ripping my heart out, chewing it up and spitting it back out. Thank you for every fucking sleepless night, thank you for the anxiety and the panic attacks, for the uncertainty, for the insecurities you left me with, for the fear, thank you for every single fucking suicidal thought, and thank you for all the pain and misery you heaped on me. Because you know what? If I hadn't had that, maybe, just maybe I would have found someone else before Katniss. And if I had, I wouldn't be as happy as I am now. So thank you for the hell you put me through, because it was worth it in the end."

Without another word to her he turned away and practically bumped into Katniss. He was shaking with fury, but as soon as he saw Katniss he immediately began to calm down. "You did brilliantly," she whispered to him as she threw her arms around his neck.

"Thank you," he whispered back, struggling to keep his voice steady.

She released her hold on him just long enough to hand him a new pint, which we accepted gratefully, taking several large swigs to steady his nerves. "Can we go outside?" he asked her when he felt he was able to use his voice again.

"Of course," she said, leading the way through the crowded room and out to the beer garden. There were a couple of bench seats free and Katniss made a beeline straight towards them. "You know, I'm so proud of you," she said, turning towards him and twisting one of his curls around her finger.

"Thanks."

"Seriously, Peeta. You did really well back there. How are you feeling?"

He pushed his hair back off his face with shaking hands. "Shocked," he responded, his breath ragged. "Still shaking now," he said, holding his hand up and trying to hold it steady. "Look."

She took hold of his trembling hand and rested it on her leg, slowly circling the back of it with her thumb until his breathing started to return to normal. "I'll say it again, Peeta. I really am proud of you."

"Cheers. I'm proud of you. You were fantastic. I told you that you had nothing to worry about."

"You did. I need to listen to you more."

"Yeah, you do."

She placed her drink on the floor by her feet and took Peeta's pint from him in order to do the same before leaning in close to him once again. "Peeta," she breathed in his ear, and nervousness tinted the edge of her voice. "I need to tell you something.… I…. I love you."

His heart stopped for a moment before leaping into his throat and pounding with a frantic rhythm. Hearing her sing those words in someone else's lyrics was one thing. Hearing her say it to him, for the first time, was something else entirely. He could see his shocked reflection in her shining grey eyes. For quite some time now he had known that he was in love with her. The intense emotions he'd had for her when they first met had grown and developed into something very real and deep and he had wanted to tell those words her every single day since he realised that it was indeed love he was feeling. But he had wanted her to say it first. It was so important to him that she say it first, just in case it was too soon, in case she felt rushed. Or worse, in case she felt pressured to say it back without meaning it. Slowly his brain caught up with his racing heart and he pulled her into his tight embrace. "I love you, too," he said, peppering her face with kisses. "I love you so much."

"I know you do," she grinned.

Nothing seemed real in that moment; it was as if he were wandering through some wonderful dream. The background noise from the pub seemed to diminish and all that existed in that moment was the two of them. What he'd said to Jenn came back to him and rang truer than ever. He was right; all the hurt and misery he had suffered through was worth it in the end because it had led him to this moment in time, and that was something he wouldn't change for anything. A feeling of giddy light-headedness overtook him, and he was entirely unable to prevent the laughter that fell from him.

"What's so funny?" she asked him.

"Nothing," he said, trying to regain control of his breathing. "I'm just unbelievably happy, that's all."

He reached for her hand and held it against his lips. "Do you want to get out of here?" she asked him as he repeatedly kissed her digits over and over again.

"More than anything," he replied. He downed the remainder of his pint, the sudden influx of alcohol making him feel even more giddy, before staggering to his feet and helping Katniss up too. "Get your guitar and we'll go."

She flashed him a perfect smile before turning on her heels and practically skipping away from him. Looking around the beer garden Peeta caught sight of Finnick and Annie and made his way through the crowd towards them. "We're off," he said as soon as he reached them.

"Well, don't you look like the cat that got the cream?" said Finnick, raising his eyebrow at his best mate. "You ok?"

"More than ok," grinned Peeta.

"Jenn?"

"Can fuck right off."

"Good lad. Been saying the same for years, so I'm glad you finally caught up."

"I know, I know." He looked over his shoulder where he could see Katniss waiting for him. "I have to go," he said again, his heart pounding with desperation to be back by Katniss' side. "I'll see you soon, ok?"

"Go on, get out of here," he winked, raising his pint to his lips.

Ducking back through the crowds he soon found himself back by her side. Clasping her hand in his own he led her out of the pub, catching sight of Jenn watching the pair of them leave. He kept his head held high as he walked past, finally closing the door at last on the darkest chapter of his life. Katniss slipped her arm around his waist as they walked towards the taxi rank, and the pride he had felt earlier at being seen with such a beautiful woman increased tenfold. Now he wasn't just with her. He was loved by her.