Chapter 8

"You know I love you, right?"

She looks down at you, startled, wondering where all this is coming from. Since the two of you got back from the prison, you've been quiet, silently processing everything. And she's let you have your time. She picks up the remote to put the tv on mute. Clearly, she sees something within you that says this warrants the silence, a discussion.

"Yes." You tighten your hold, bunching up the hem of the shirt she threw on after her shower. You want to hold on to her and never let her go.

"If I could turn back time..." Her hand curls into yours as she loosens your hold and she sits up, making you do so too.

"Maura?"

You look down at your hands now twisting your engagement ring. You've never taken it off. Not even when you were fighting all those months ago before she was shot, before your whole world crashed down around you.

"I just..." She takes your chin forcing you to look up at her. Her eyes are soft and understanding, compassionate and patient. She'd give you the world if she could and you know it. You just want to give something back. You want her to see how much she means to you.

"I didn't choose him!" you blurt out. She simply looks at you waiting for you to go on, waiting for you to say your piece. You take a minute to calm yourself before you begin again. "I didn't choose him...that day at the warehouse. I just...I don't want you to think that I chose him, because I didn't. But I know it looks like I did. That I took sides.I could never do that. I was angry, yes. Because ever since I found out he was biologically related to me, he's been lording it over me - the fact that only he knew who my mother was. Like it was something I was never good enough to know," she said bitterly. "And I felt like you had taken away my chance to find out who my biological mother was, is...my chance to prove to myself that I am nothing like the man. That nature does not win over nurture." You both know you're referring to the high you had gotten from graffiting walls with Dennis Rockmond as well as your awful history with men. You look down to fiddle with the hem of your shirt. "And I guess...a part of me kind of wanted to know whether I was wanted. By my mother I mean. The life I pictured growing up with is so different from the one that I actually had."

"It's a funny thing me being right...you hate it don't you?" she teases. The words are spoken lightly, in reference to how she had hit the proverbial nail on the head all those months ago. You know she's only doing it to ease you from your guilt, to lighten the mood. But most of all, you know that she doesn't hold it against you. You swat her lightly, rolling your eyes but you can't fight the grin that's on your face. However, you swiftly become somber once more.

"You were right. All those months ago, I was looking for something, some part of me that had been there all along. I just didn't realize it till it was too late, but it's true; what you said. I don't need a mother, Jane. Just like I don't need that biological connection to find out who I am really. I've got Constance and Angela." There comes the classic eye roll at the mention of her mother. "And Tommy and Frankie and Korsak and Frost. And even Bass and Jo Friday." The mention of both your pets names gets a snort of laughter from the woman in front of you. "I've got everything I want around me; warmth, acceptance, joy, laughter, friendship, tenderness, affection...it surrounds me. It surrounds us," you say gesturing to the photographs of both of you families that adorn the wall to show how they hold the influx of emotion you've just named, and lastly to her.

It's true. You have family and friends now; not a huge amount but enough to know you're wanted, loved, seen. You don't think you could possibly cope with anymore quite honestly. And yet, you're no longer the lonely little girl who used to bury herself in her books in a desperate attempt to escape the world and its true colors. Jane changed all of that.

"But most importantly, I've got you." You place your fingers lightly on her chin, forcing her to face you. "I do have you, right?" It comes out as a whisper. You search her eyes as insecurity laps at you, throwing doubts left, right and centre. She takes your hand that's resting on her face and brings it between you both before resting her forehead against yours. The warmth of her breath ghosts across you but it's her words that end up soothing you, that makes all of your doubts go away.

"You have me," she confirms.

And for now, that's enough.

Next chapter is the wedding! Stay tuned guys! :)