One Of The

Most Difficult Tasks

In Life

Is Removing

Someone From Your

Heart.

~Unknown

If you think about it. No matter how romantic or different I act this time.. it doesn't change the fate of me dying again.. Just thinking makes my heart ache.. Me believing I had a normal life.. When having the complete opposite...

It's been eating at me that I've been killed, loved , alive for 72 years straight... there's got to be more to life than dying and reliving over and over and not even knowing that you are.. He can tell I've been thinking about it, after all.. I haven't been to cheerful lately anyway.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm being mocked.. And I know He doesn't know I saw more than I should've when he kissed me. Maybe if we didn't fall in love... maybe if I really pushed myself away it would actually work.

I could pretend to hate him.. he will be fooled and so will everyone else.. I watched as Logan came in smiling. He went for a hug but I pulled myself from hugging back and picked up a jar of peanut butter trying to control the urge of hugging him back.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Yeah. why? do I look like I'm not?" I snap putting my finger in the peanut butter.

"I-I wasn't implying..-"

"just - I need to be alone right now..." I turned away walking to the balcony.

"no no.. don't do the same thing you did in 2002... you went through a phase of sadness and eventually you drowned to death in that beach.." His voice cracking gripping to my hands pleading.

"No.. it's not that.. I-I just want to be alone.." I pulled away harshly closing the door behind me as I left the room crying. I ran through the hallways onto the beach. I went and sat on the sand ... crying on my knees.

After 3 minutes I started putting my feet in the water as I watched the waves. I looked at how clear blue it was..

I knew what I had to do in order to live this time.. I would put my own will against itself and convince myself that I despised him.. It was the only way.. It could be the only way.

I went to turn around when I saw someone staring..

"Hey You!" I holler. The person comes. There's 3 other people.. 3 guys and 1 girl..

"You're Chance Harbors right?" The girl asked. I nodded.

"I'm Kim this is Henry, Jake and Tom" The girl introduced. I nodded as we conversed and talked.

"Well I'm gonna go " I yawn saying. They all nod. I pull my cardigan sleeves down and walk to the front desk so I could go pick up my takeout. The room had purple walls and a white ceiling.

The woman nodded as I showed my ID and left but then a familiar voice spoke.

"You didn't think to scan it? she is not allowed to leave the premises without the authority" he says patiently.

"Logan.."I mutter.

As we walk out the building everything is quiet. He doesn't talk to me at all. I mean it makes my job ignoring him easier but in my gut I feel this pain.. I hide it as we turn to the square. I head inside a chipotle. I get my food and walk right passed him..

As I'm walking still with no silence- I realize he isn't behind me. I hear grunts, groans and smash noises.

I go to a corner to see a bunch of guys beating on LOGAN.

I take out the tazer I bought earlier and taze all the guys so Logan can get up and beat them. Afterwards as they're on the floor, I decide to act again.

"maybe if you weren't so worried about me you wouldn't have gotten into this-" I narrow my eyes.

"I- Can protect myself.. I don't need you" I dramatically walk away.. leaving him there... but my heart starts to regret it as I look back to see Logan's hurt face. I press my hands against my face and start running and sobbing.

I had to do this. I needed to break this curse.. falling for him would just make me die again.

The three locks appear in-front of me.. the 2nd lock unlocks.. smoke comes out of it...

"BREAKING MY OWN HEART - LYING TO MYSELF UNLOCKS THE FUCKING LOCK?! THAT'S WORSE THAN DYING!" I screech as I run toward a bridge sobbing. I looked up at the sky as I sat on the bridge and wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

Logan's face appeared over and over again in my mind. As if my mind were a broken record..

I want to feel alive.. I want to feel with who I want to.. maybe that could happen...if I unlock the next lock without dying.. I have 4 months left... I needed to survive just 4 more months... I felt the wind knock me off the bridge,.. I scream as I felt myself falling the 4 feet into the water. I gasped for air over and over as the water danced with my nose.

I pushed myself up and threw myself on the grass, gasping for air. Tightening my grip on the ground as I lifted myself fully from the water.. I rinsed my hair and walked on the pavement crying and now shivering..

This was honestly killing me mentally.. I had to find out what exactly happened and who else were apart of it...The Library..perfect for research.. Logan... I could've sworn I heard him.. I turned around and see him crash into a car..

"LOGANNN!" he got up fixed the car and continued coming after me.

"What did I do?" he says looking at me.

"not tell me the truth from the beginning" I snap.

"wait, a lock unlocked.." He trails off..

"so? can you just leave?" I sigh.

"alright" and like that he was gone..

I cupped my hand over my mouth and felt my heart sink..

I cried hard running back to the college/high-school...

what had I done,...to Logan..to my heart...why?