Disclaimer: I do not own ABC Family's The Fosters characters or flashbacks.

Connor

Connor stood outside the Adams Foster house. He had tried all afternoon to find privacy in the house, but it was practically impossible with four other teenagers and two parents. Jude and him faced each other on the porch.

"There is nowhere to be alone in this house," Jude stated once they had the front door closed.

"Hey, if we sneak out tomorrow night, after teepeeing, we could hang out…you know, by ourselves." Connor said. He raised his eyebrows for emphasis on alone. Jude nodded, understanding. He didn't reply.

Connor arose from the stifled fog. The buzz that once clouded his head had eased. He felt his fingers twitch for a second and then go limp. There was a bang as a door closed close by. Someone sat down in the chair by his bed, the chair creaked as the person adjusted their weight.

"Uh, hey," the voice was quiet and staccato. "Connor?" Jude's voice was like an angel sent from Heaven above. He was there, actually there finally. "I'm sorry for not coming earlier, I just didn't think I could do this. I'm sorry for being mad at you for dating Daria. She allows for us to hang out, and I know it must be hard for you to have that confusion over what you're feeling and maintaining a relationship and keep a friendship that always feels like its crumbing together. Moms said there was a chance that you're like this because of anxiety, and I want to apologize for being any part of that." Jude gripped Connor's hand, and he felt the pressure Jude enclosed there. "I can't let you feel obligated to make up your mind about something as confusing as this. I want you to figure this out, and I don't think you can do that with both your father and me."

Jude released Connor's hand and the chair creaked and squealed as he stood. He turned his back on Connor and walked away, unaware of the twitch of Connor's fingers and the minuscule flutter of his eyes as they urged to waken.

Connor wanted to hold Jude's hand as he walked the halls, and in his head, he did. He walked down the halls of Anchor Beach with Jude's hand clasped in his own, an idiotic grin plastered on his face. Outside, Taylor waved them over, Daria beside her laughing at something on her phone.

Connor wanted the courage to sit on the bench with Jude so close where he was practically in his lap, kissing him like he did with Daria, but slower, realer.

Where was his courage to do that now? He had painted his nails for Jude and now he can hardly talk to his friend without the words is this something a gay person does? Running through his head. He head shouted at him to stop and to throw his heart at Daria, but his heart didn't pound in his chest like when he was with Jude. Connor could be devouring Daria's mouth and he wouldn't get the same feeling he got with Jude when their knees, or fingers, or even their toes touched accidentally.

You stopped as soon as you noticed his smile and how white his teeth were, and his laugh that started as a conserved giggle but could escalate quickly to a vibrant chuckle that made his eyes seem brighter than stars, his mind said. That was how Connor would describe it. He remembered that smile from Jude's Adoption Day.

Connor's eyes fluttered briefly. He heard the heart monitor beep with every pulsation of his heart. He could smell disinfectant-a real smell for the first time since he had been drifting in and out of the fog. His arm was cold with the ghost of a hand encasing his own.

"Connor? Are you waking up?" His father's voice was lacking its usual firmness. Connor blinked a few times and pushed the fog away for the first time instead of giving in.

Sleep crusted his eyes and his throat felt like sand paper. His dad handed him a glass of water. Connor took a slow sip and handed the glass back.

"Connor," his dad began. "What's been going on between you and Jude Foster?"

Connor walked up to Jude's locker.

"Hey I just got Dawn of Armageddon 4 wanna play it when you come over tonight?" Jude asked.

"I can't-I can't come over tonight."

"That fine, is Saturday better?"

"I can't stay over at your house anymore," Connor said quietly. He paused.

"What-why?"

"I know it's not true but I can't sleep over at your house anymore because my dad thinks you're gay." His father did think that, but he was more worried that Connor might be.

He can't stay over if you think you might be… his mind trailed off.

Jude hadn't replied.

"I don't care you you're...you know if that's what you are. It's my dad," Connor protested.

"What gay? It's not a bad word. Why do we go around, putting people into boxes?"

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry," Connor apologized immediately.

"But would you still want to sleep over at my house if I really was gay?"

Connor didn't have time to reply as the bell rang. He rushed off to class and he regretted every word he had said to Jude in that conversation.

Throughout school that day he had caught wind of a party Callie and Brandon were hosting. Maybe he could…he shook his head. He met up with Jude at his locker again toward the end of the school day.

"Jude,"

Jude raised his eyebrow at me He shoved binders into his book bag and zipped it shut.

"We could still hang out-my dad just doesn't have to know-"

"I…I don't want to be anybody's secret. Tell your dad it was nice knowing you."

Still, that night, Connor walked over to the Adams Foster residence and rang the doorbell. Wyatt answered and sent him up to Jude's room with a comment about Jude having two girls from their class over. He ascended the stairs and turned into Jude's room where he stood with Maddie and Chelsea by the window seat.

"Hey, Jude," he smiled. Jude's face lit up and Connor smiled wider.

"Now there's four of us," Chelsea said, waving her phone back and forth.

They sat in a circle, the two girls on either side closest and furthest from the door. Jude sat across from Connor. The phone rest between them, spinning after Connor had pushed the virtual glass bottle. It spun and spun and halted across from him-directly across from him. Jude blinked at the phone; his brain slowed to process what had happened.

"Do we-" Connor began.

"Well, those are the rules," Chelsea interrupted.

"Fine, whatever," Connor relented.

"No. We can't do this-" Jude protested.

"C'mon."

"Fine. Whatever."

The leaned in. Closer and closer. Connor could smell the mint toothpaste on his friend's breath, and he could see the light hairs rested just above Jude's lip, barely noticeable. Did his breath smell bad? What if he sucked? Connor shook his head. Why was he worrying about that now, when he was kissing Jude, and not when he was kissing Maddie, the girl he actually liked.

They were an inch apart when the door burst open. The two split apart. Callie walked into the room.

"Connor, your dad's here," Callie called.

"He can't know I'm here." Every eye on the room was on him. "I-I snuck out."

Connor blinked away drowsiness. His father stood guard at the door.

"What happened between you and Jude?" he boomed.

Connor shrugged. He had a smart ass response of "which time" but that seemed irrelevant to his father's anger.

"Nothing." We just kissed on a school trip, held hands in a movie theater when I had a girlfriend, spent the night at said boy's house and kissed him in his bedroom, and had gone to get drunk after TPing a house just so he could hang out alone with him. But otherwise, no, I have done nothing with this boy, Connor thought.

"Are you dating this boy?" his father spat the word as if it were worse than the most obscene words he'd ever use.

"No-"

"So then why is it that your phone has suggestive text sent to and from this boy?" his voice boomed, and Connor wanted nothing more than to cringe, cover his ears, and hide under the sheets like he used to when he was small.

"They're nothing."

"What did I tell you about this? We agreed that you had no feelings for this boy!" his voice shouted. "You are not allowed to see this boy if he is going to corrupt you the way he already has been!"

"But Dad—"

"No. I've had enough. You are to rest and get better so you can get back to school. You've already missed too much class time."

"Dad," Connor called to his father at the door. "I'm gay."

AN: And there is chapter 3! Thank you for reading, I will take flashback and scene suggestions if you have any! Please leave a review of this and I will have the next chapter up as soon as I can!