Disclaimer: I do not own ABC Family's The Fosters or any flashbacks that occur in this chapter.

Connor

Connor shifted his weight in his bed, eyes closed. He didn't want to talk to his father, or Daria, or anybody-not even the seemingly nice doctor that probably heard his entire argument with his father. All he wanted was for Jude to stand in the doorway and crawl into the bed beside him and rest his chin on Connor's good shoulder and they could sleep like that. Connor could wake up to the smell of Jude's hair and maybe holding Jude's petite hand in his own, Jude lightly snoring.

Connor kept his eyes closed so he wouldn't have to hear the voice around him, wanting to sink back into subconscious where Jude smiled at him and held his hand.

Jude tossed in his sleeping bag on the opposite side of the tent. Connor rolled over to face him. Jude now sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"Can't sleep?" Connor asked.

Jude nodded. "In my last foster home, I had to sleep outside when I wouldn't take off his ex-wife's dress. He kept shouting at me to stay outside and then he locked me out. It was cold and I don't remember much, but I woke up on the concrete outside."

"Jude," Connor sighed. Jude had this kicked puppy look in his eyes that made Connor want to wrap him up in a blanket-or better yet, his arms-and cuddled Jude till he fell asleep.

No. No. He is your friend, not a…significant other, Connor chastised himself. You are straight. You like boys-no, girls, you like girls.

But his mind didn't listen. Connor opened his arms and hugged Jude, who buried his face in Connor's shoulder.

"You don't have to do this," Jude whispered when he pulled away from Connor.

"I know, but I want to."

They had kissed and then rolled over awkwardly so as to not disturb the thoughts of the other. But, Jude clutched to Connor and Connor did the only thing he felt natural. He scooted over to his sleeping bag and propped himself up with Jude beside him. Jude leaned against him and curled into his side.

"It's okay, Jude. You're safe. You aren't really outside. You're in a tent, safe from the outside, I promise," Connor soothed. Jude nodded and closed his eyes beside Connor. Jude scooted away slightly, but Connor kept their fingers locked, a blanket over them in case they slept past wake up call.

Connor didn't want to answer Daria's question, but she stared at him with big doe eyes and Connor's stomach did that guilty lurching thing where if he lied he'd be stuck using a girl who didn't deserve it, but telling the truth could ruin his friendship with her-and she was actually really sweet and amazing, just not his type. Taylor was nice too and he didn't want Jude to lose that friendship because he screwed up.

"You know, it's okay if you are. I won't care. I just want to know if it's true," Daria elaborated.

Connor nodded the slightest increment. "I'm so sorry, Daria," he apologized. "I should've told you when I first figured it out-but when I was dating you—"

"You could see Jude," Daria finished. "Taylor'd been speculating about you two since I asked you out."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. You're an amazing friend, and if we were friends first that would've been the best, but we weren't. I'm just so sorry I led you on, and I'm sorry for leading Jude on too, and now I can't even talk to him and apologize."

"Connor, it's okay. I forgive you, but we might want to take a break so that I can heal. I don't know how I'll react if I see you immediately in a relationship-even if it's with someone like Jude."

Connor nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. But I'm really sorry."

Daria smiled and gave his hand a delicate squeeze. "I know you are."

Connor ran back into the classroom to retrieve his textbook when he heard the scuffle in the hallway. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Jude being pushed against the locker as Blake held him by the shoulders of his jacket.

"You wearing a bra too?" Blake jeered.

Jude shook his head and glanced down at his nails. Blake shoved him into the locker and a teacher ran forward.

"Hey! Hey!" she interjected. Blake was whisked away to Ms. Adams's office. Before Jude trailed along behind Blake, he turned his head and caught Connor's gaze, who stood in the doorway, stunned. Jude glared back at Connor and walked away.

Crappity crap. Connor ran home from school that day.

"Mom?" he called. "Do you have blue nail polish?"

"In the drawer in the bathroom!" she called from somewhere in the house.

"Thank you!"

Connor twisted open the cap and hesitantly dragged the brush along his nails. It was crude and messy, but he stroked the brush along every nail and allowed for the paint to dry.

The following day, Connor saw Jude sitting by himself at a table closest the arched doorway back into the school. Jude's finger nails were noticeably a shade of cobalt blue, and his fingers held a sandwich that he brought to his mouth. Connor set his lunch tray down on the table at the seat next to Jude. He took a bite of his own sandwich, showcasing his blue nails. He flashed a close lipped smile and Jude smiled back.

"Is Connor okay?" a blunt voice asked.

"He's in his room," Mr. Stevens replied.

"Thanks. My dad is really sorry, by the way."

"I'm sure he is."

Taylor entered the room. She skittered to Connor's bedside which was bland and devoid of any get well cards or flowers like she'd been expecting. She sat in the chair beside his bed with her phone in her hand.

"Hey Connor," she said solemnly.

"Hey. Have you seen—"

"Yeah. He told me he wanted to talk to you." Taylor unlocked her phone. She handed it to Connor, who took it and opened Jude's contact.

Jude: How is he?

Taylor: Im fine

Taylor: its me

Jude: ?

Taylor: Taylor let me use hr phone

Jude: How's your foot?

Taylor: Hurts like a bitch

Jude: Y did you tell your dad it was my idea 2 sneak out?

Taylor: What? I didn't

Connor took a second. He hadn't told his dad it was his idea to sneak out. It was all their faults that this happened, and Connor wasn't pushing the blame on Jude. All his dad had said after their disagreement was that he didn't think Connor and Jude could be friends anymore.

Taylor: I told my dad im gay

Connor waited for Jude to respond, but deep down he knew his friend wouldn't. Reluctantly, Connor gave Taylor her phone back.

"Thanks," Connor replied.

"No problem." Taylor slid her phone into her pocket. As she stood to leave in a quiet undertone she added: "he really likes you, you know."

She left the room believing Connor hadn't heard her. A small smile played at Connor's lips when his father walked into the room.

Connor would lie in his bed at night and stare up at the ceiling wondering why he had always needed Jude. Maddie seemed like forever ago when Jude stopped talking. Their argument over who got to go out with her seemed petty now that Jude wouldn't mutter a peep.

Shakily Connor walked into Mrs. Adams Foster's office. She had been on the phone, but quickly ended the conversation to speak with him. Connor took a seat in front of her desk.

"Hey, Connor," Lena greeted.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Connor asked.

"Of course. Is everything okay?"

"Uh no, not really. I wanted to know if there's anything I can do to help Jude," Connor offered. "Besides making sure other people aren't making fun of him."

"Are people are making fun of him?" Lena inquired.

"No. Not in front of me, not anymore."

"Thank you for that. I appreciate you looking out for him and being such a good friend."

Connor looked at his lap, shaking his head. Lena noticed.

"Did something happen?" she asked gently.

Connor bit the inside of his cheek before he responded.

"My dad thinks Jude is gay," he said in a hurried rush. "It's why I can't spend the night at your house anymore."

"I see," Lena sighed as if she had been through a similar situation. Connor thought she might've when she was his age, going through the same thing he himself was going through.

Every nerve in Connor's body worried about Jude, and he got the inkling that it wasn't just in that best friends sort of way. He didn't understand it. He liked spending time with Jude and when they'd sit side my side, shoulders touching, his stomach would flip flop, but he enjoyed the feeling of Jude's proximity to him.

"Did he say that to Jude?" Lena asked.

"No," Connor shook his head in shame. "But I did."

"You told Jude you thought he was gay?"

"No! I told him my dad did," Connor clarified. He rubbed his hands together in search of comfort. "I didn't stand up to him and I think that really hurt Jude's feelings." Connor paused and glanced at Lena in shame. "I'm sorry. I wish he'd talk to me again."

"It's okay." Lena rose from her desk and walked over to crouch by his chair. "It's okay. It's all right. You're not your father."

Connor glanced at Lena in an 'are you sure about that' way.

"Jude knows that. And he's gonna speak to you again. You know, I think we all just need to give him some space…to figure out all the stuff he's feeling inside."

"So…so it's not my fault?" Connor asked sheepishly. His eyes bled guilt and worry from all the crap he'd put Jude through-the batting cages with his dad, then not being able to sleep over anymore, and then that almost kiss during spin the bottle. If only he'd had the sense to say no, but he hadn't. In truth, in the dark depths of his mind, he knew he wanted to know what it felt like to kiss a boy-to kiss Jude.

"No sweetie, it's not."

"Thank you," Connor murmured. He rose and left Mrs. Adams Foster's office to head back to class.

AN: There's chapter 5! I hope you liked it! I have no schedule for updating this, and for that I am sorry, but I am trying to post a chapter every other day right now, but that will not happen this weekend because I will be out splunking, so I won't be near my computer for the time being. Please check out my tumblr theasexualbookworm and my website .com. Remember to review and I am accepting suggestions for plotlines and scenes to incorporate and you can leave them in a review! Thank you so much!