"Okay – first off, class, I have to admit I don't know Spanish. I think it's something to do with Switzerland or something, and something about ski slopes or something along those lines. So, considering I actually don't know Spanish, we can just speak English and talk about Switzerland and ski slopes, right? That's the usual lesson? That still counts as a Spanish lesson. So – uh – there's trees in Switzerland, yeah? So we can just talk about trees, right? And me. I'm really big in Switzerland. It's true – Chris McLean is really famous there – I'm in so much magazines and I used to work as a model and all in Switzerland but apparently they got really angry at me calling it Switzerland saying weird words like 'Spain'," Chris blabbers on.
"Chris, I'm pretty sure Spanish is from Spain," Bridgette points out.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, surfer girl," he replies.
"And I'm 100% sure that Spanish has literally nothing to do with ski slopes. I'm pretty sure you're mistaking Spanish with Swiss," I tell him.
"Swiss, Spanish, German, they're all the same at the end of the day, aren't they?" he asks.
"No. They're completely different languages," Gwen mutters frustrated.
"I thought we were talking about grass," Lindsay objects, confused.
"Yes, blonde one! We're gonna talk about grass!" Chris says excitedly.
"Grass has nothing do to with the Spanish language," Alejandro says, annoyed.
"One with the red top, I'm pretty sure grass is mentioned at least once in Switzerland," Chris says, rolling his eyes at Al.
"You mean Spain!" Heather shouts.
"Now class, please quiet down. Grass is well-like-green, I'm pretty sure. It might be blue, as I'm just taking a random guess that's it's involved with some green kind of stuff. Some people like grass. Some people don't. Some people find it annoying to have to mow their lawns – so that's why rich people like me hire people to do it for them. And some people think it's just wonderful – and considering I'm in that 99% that hate grass, I can't tell you what that 1% that love grass are actually feeling. So – um, grass originates from a place, I take it. I'm not exactly sure where, though, and to perfectly honest I can't be bothered to find out. It's, like, probably green for a reason, but I really couldn't be bothered to find that reason out. So," Chris says, putting his hands together, "any questions?"
"What actual relevance does this actually have with Spanish?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
"I think the word grass appears in the Spanish language. Next!"
"Why did we just bother learning about grass?" Duncan questions, visibly enjoying himself.
"Because, you'll probably see grass at some stage in your life, and you might as well be prepared for it," Chris answers. "No one else?" We all shake our heads – it's pointless to ask any more questions because we'll just get insanely stupid answers.
"Okay, now the actual learning part is over, I wanna talk to you guys about something. Well, you see, I was thinking about hosting a show in a few years – when you're 16. Probably calling it Total Drama Island. It would kind of be this show where you're stuck on an island, trying to be the last man/women standing to win $100,000. You'll get eliminated one by one by competing in challenges. But even if you lose, it's gonna be a pretty big show and you'll probably get famous anyway. So anyone up for it?"
Total Drama Island? It sounds weird enough – but that fame I could really use. Being famous could really help me if I ever run for something major. And we all kind of need it – Duncan's never gonna stay out of juvie/jail long enough to get a job, Lindsay would be too dumb to actually get a job in the first place…we've all got our reasons, I guess.
"So, why us?" Bridgette asks, but you can already see on her face that she's going to agree to it, whatever the answer.
"Because, my niece – Gwen - is in the class, and a few of you are all relevantly famous after the whole kidnapping thing that happened earlier this year," he says, shrugging.
"You never told me you're related to Chris McLean!" Bridgette exclaims at Gwen.
"I never knew until about half an hour ago," Gwen objects sulkily.
"Well, I guess being famous would really boost my modelling contracts…" Justin says, looking at himself in a pocket mirror.
"I guess it's worth a try," Gwen says to me and Bridgette.
"I'm not sure," I reply, "Fame's wrecked a lot of people."
"But it's not wrecked everyone. I say we go for it. It'll be awesome," Bridgette puts in. Duncan walks over, and since he's taller than me he puts his elbow on my shoulder and leans on me. For once I'm not really bothered.
"So you up for it, Princess?" Duncan asks.
"I guess…" I reply. He laughs at how unsure I am.
"It'll get me out of juvie for a while, and it'll let you have at least some fun."
"I have fun occasionally!" I say in my defence. "Just not a lot. Fun gets you kidnapped, remember?"
"They're in juvie, remember?" he says, chuckling.
"Yeah, but I don't want to take the chances. You've probably got another gang lined up that'll want to hurt me, so you know; I think I'll just find some other hobby for now. You should probably consider it too."
"Nice try, Princess," he grins.
"Okay, so any of you made up your minds? And, should I like, come back tomorrow? Do you want to ask your parents or what?" A few of us nod and he says, "I'll be back tomorrow then."
"OMG, you're a great teacher, Calum," Lindsay exclaims.
"Uh – thanks?" Chris says, confused. "Also, Gwen, I'm gonna come home with you. Meet Jess and all," he says, now grinning.
Gwen turns to me, "I think I'm probably gonna be the first person to ever say this – but I wish he wasn't my uncle. Courtney – come on, you're free, right? PLEASE, come home so I don't have to introduce McLame by myself."
I think about it. Honestly, I've got nothing better to do. And it'll give me some time to think about this whole Total Drama Island thing. It seems crazy, really – but it's a hard offer to turn down…
"Sure," I say, "I've got nothing better to do."
"Thanks. It's still kind of heard coming to terms with the fact he's my uncle – and I kinda want to see how my mom will react. Anyway," she says, smiling "I plan to get something out of this."
"What?" Bridgette asks. "A Ferrari? Mercedes? A house?"
"Actually, no. Well, kind of. I'm gonna try and get the old newspaper place. Technically, it is my mom's. I can kind of ask it as a, well, a you-didn't-tell-me-Chris-McLean-was-my-uncle-but-I-forgive-you present."
"Because, Gwen, you get those types of presents tons," I reply sarcastically.
A/N – So the idea of Total Drama is revealed to them, and Chris has horrific teaching skills. That's pretty much it. I'll write a new chapter soon enough hopefully. Anyway, school's gonna be easy for the next week, so I'll probably write some in school. Half the class are away skiing so the teacher will probably go easy on us…