Chapter 7
Author's Note: 25 Reviews. TWENTY. FIVE. REVIEWS! *Dances on the roof* Oh my gosh I love you all! :D I'm so happy that you like reading this story as much as I like writing it! I'm going to aim to make my chapters just as long as the last one, if not longer! So thank you all and keep sending me the feedback. It's greatly appreciated. God I can't wait for a Kyman episode this season… Well lets get on with it :) This chapter is entirely Kyle's P.O.V. Cartman's P.O.V. will come back very soon I promise.
…..
Stan, Kenny and I finished the poster board in less than an hour which gave us plenty of time to chill out. The pizza was gone almost as soon as it came through the door, most of it eaten by Kenny. Surprisingly, Cartman only had one slice. I was floored.
"Uh, Cartman… you do know theres like two more slices left, right?" I asked, getting a dark glare from Cartman who had been scribbling away on the floor. Stan laughed a bit and took a paper bag from Kenny, drinking from the bottle inside it.
"Shut up jew. I'm on a diet." Cartman muttered, turning back to his work. Stan choked, spitting out what he was drinking all over me. I shoved him in disgust, wiping my face with my pajama sleeve.
"YOU?! On a DIET?!" Stan exclaimed between choking and laughing hysterically, almost dropping the drink. "No fucking way dude!"
"Hey, watch the booze Marsh." Kenny snatched the drink back eagerly, taking a swig. "So a diet huh? Who the hell are you trying to impress?"
"None of your goddamn business poor boy!" Cartman snapped, his nose turning a slight shade of red. "As if I would tell you losers anyways."
"Kenny…" I muttered in annoyance. "Alcohol? Really?"
"It's Friday night, Kyle. Live a little will you? You really need to loosen up." Kenny replied, took another swig, and passed the bottle to me. I took it hesitantly and held it up to my nose, sniffing. My nose instantly scrunched up at the putrid smell and I shook my head, offering it to Cartman who waved it off in annoyance. Kenny snickered. "What's your problem?"
"I don't feel like having a hangover tomorrow morning dipshit." Cartman growled under his breath. Stan raised his eyebrow.
"Oh really? What are you doing that's so important anyway? Going to a gym?" Stan snorted, snatching up the bottle from my hand and chugged some down. He obviously did this a lot… I'd have to have a talk with him about the dangers of alcohol. I noticed Cartman shift uncomfortably.
"…Yes actually." He finally murmured. I shook my head.
"No way dude." I said. "There's no way you would waste your time on a gym."
"You don't know anything Kahl!" he snapped at me, turning to face me. I raised my eyebrow, unconvinced.
"Oh yeah? When did you start going? And how much is the membership?" I replied with a sly look on my face, folding my arms across my chest. His eyes narrowed.
"The membership is 18$ a month and I… I was going to start tomorrow!" he lied. I couldn't help it. I joined Stan and Kenny's laughter which pissed him off even further. "STOP LAUGHING AT ME YOU GUYS! I'M SERIOUSLY!"
"Wh-… ha… why the fuck would you want to go to a gym?" Kenny asked through his boisterous laughter. "You're Eric fucking Cartman!"
"Maybe I just fucking want to you ass licking dildo!" Cartman snarled, grabbing Kenny by the collar. He kept laughing as he was lifted off the floor.
"C'mon Cartman there has to be a reason." Stan chuckled. Cartman dropped Kenny and glared at us, clenching his fists.
"Is it so hard to believe that I want to be healthier, assholes?!" he yelled. I smirked.
"Yes."
The look he gave me was one of pure hatred. I felt a rush of warmth shoot down my spine as his glare hardened.
"Maybe I'm fucking sick of you calling me a fatass." He growled.
"Well that's just too bad. I'm sick of you calling me a kike, but you still do it!" I replied. He rolled his eyes.
"But Kahhll, you are a kike." He whined.
"NO, I'm Jewish! Kike is a rude, ignorant, and degrading term for my people!" I exclaimed. Cartman scoffed.
"Oh. Right. Like fatass is any better."
"It's your own fault that you're fat!" I retorted. That seemed to send Cartman over the edge.
"No its not you fucking RAT! I grew up this way! I'll always be big boned! You fucking toothpick, I should kick you in the NUTS! I could break you in fucking half!"
"…Goddamn it Cartman!" I growled under my breath. He had me there. The anger instantly receded from his face and was replaced with That. Fucking. SMIRK. "Wipe that damn smile off your face!"
"Heh heh heh heh heh heh! I could kick your aaassssss." He sung to himself, sitting back down by the paper he was writing on.
Stan pulled me back and sat me on the couch when I was about to go over to Cartman and kick him in the face. I sighed, folding my arms across my chest. I hated feeling defeated. He handed me the bottle which was almost empty. I looked at Stan unenthusiastically pushing it back towards him, and he just laughed as he pushed it back to me.
"There's one sip left dude. You need to relax." He said. "You can't get drunk from one sip."
I sighed and pressed my lips to the bottle. Cartman and Kenny watched as I drank the little bit of vodka that was left. The liquid ran down my throat and stung on the way down. My eyes watered at the scent of the strong drink and I choked, wiping my mouth as Kenny and Stan cheered.
Gross…
"Welcome to manhood, Kyle." Kenny chuckled and slapped me on the back. "If you like that, you should come over Sunday and smoke with us. Vodka and weed make it easy to believe in paradise."
"I don't like it. That was nasty. It smells almost as shitty as it tastes dude." I said, eliciting a small smile from Cartman. Stan looked at me like I was crazy, shrugged, and grabbed the xbox remote. Kenny turned on the television and started playing against Stan as Cartman spent half his attention watching them, half his attention writing away. I leaned back on the couch and picked up my SAT practice test book.
Might as well get started so I don't have to deal with so much tomorrow…
A couple of hours passed and my phone vibrated in my pocket, breaking me out of my SAT trance. I slid it out of my pants and opened it, my eyebrows shooting up.
Ike.
'What the fuck is going on at home bro?'
I swallowed nervously. Shit shit shit…
"Everything okay Kyle?" Stan asked noticing my expression. I nodded quickly.
"Y-yeah… Just texting my brother." I replied. He looked concerned, but said nothing and turned back to his game. I felt Cartman's eyes burning into me, but I pretended not to notice and turned back to my phone.
'Things are really weird since divorce finalized. Mom's kind of different now. I haven't seen Dad since the blowout.'
'Dad called me. Said he's worried about you being at home without him. The fuck does that mean? Is Mom okay? Different how?'
I bit my lip. He didn't need to know what was going on. He had enough shit to deal with right now. He didn't need more drama from anyone else. Especially my drama.
'Forget it. How is Dad?'
'Kyle don't fucking do that shit. What is going on with mom? Dad's a wreck. He's drinking again.'
Oh no…
'I'll go talk with him. Mom is fine she's just a lot more tired and sad now. Don't worry about it ok?'
'I'm coming home.'
SHIT!
'No! Don't! You're in the middle of the semester dude!'
'Idgaf. I hate being here when you're getting a shit storm.'
'I can handle this Ike. Please just finish the semester?'
'You're a bad fucking liar.'
'Please? You'll make it worse.'
…I hated sending that. But it was the truth. He took a while to respond to that.
'Fine. But you better keep me updated bro. Don't talk to dad.'
'Why?'
'You don't know what he's like when he's drunk'
'Alright. Nite.'
"Kyle?" Stan slurred. I looked up, putting my phone away. "I'm going to bed upstairsss… Cartmann I'm ssstealing your bed."
"Whatever." Cartman muttered, lost in what he was doing.
"Me too." Kenny yawned and put the remote next to me. "You two behave while we hog that king sized marshmallow in your room."
While Stan tripped up the stairs, Cartman acted as though he hadn't heard a word, completely focused on the essay draft I asked him to write. Kenny raised an eyebrow and nudged him with his foot, which got Cartman's eyebrow to twitch slightly.
"Did you hear me? Me and Stan are gunna hog your bed." He chucked, trying to get a response. I was shocked when Cartman continued to write. Kenny looked irritated at this, and glared. "Oi. Tubby."
"Fuck off McKormick!" Cartman snarled, kicking him in the shin. Kenny cursed under his breath with a slight laugh in his voice, running up the stairs as fast as he could go. I watched him disappear behind the railing and looked over at Cartman who was skimming through my SAT book.
"Cartman!" I exclaimed, but didn't make an effort to grab it. He smirked as he flipped through the pages, reviewing my work. I sat back in the couch, my arms crossed once more. "I don't know what you're looking for."
"Mistakes." He replied. I raised an eyebrow as he quickly read each page. I couldn't help but scoff.
"You automatically know what I did correctly? If you think I'm going to believe that-" I began, but trailed off as he smiled and held up the answer key. I groaned, taking the book back. "I didn't even get to the essay part yet…"
"Finish it tomorrow. You got all of the multiple choice right. I don't know why the bitch beats you over this shi-." I cut him off smashing my palm over his mouth, my eyes burning into his.
"Shut the fuck up they'll hear you!" I whispered harshly. Cartman grabbed my wrist and shoved my hand away laughing whole heartedly. I felt the tips of my ears get warm.
"Silly little Jew! They're both hammered. I doubt they'll be hearing anything for the next few hours." He replied and stood up, snatching my book back once more. I tried to grab it this time, but he held it away. I glared up at him with all my might as he taunted me. "Ah ah ah. You need to have some fun."
"Fun?" I chuckled, my eyes burning with sleepiness. "I don't remember what that means."
"Exactly." Cartman responded and threw one of the Xbox remotes at me. I was able to catch it and stared at it in my hands as if it was an ancient relic from some lost civilization. "I bet you can't beat my high score, ginger."
"You're on asshole." I retorted, gripping the controller.
An hour or so later, Cartman switched off the television. I came so close to winning, but he managed to beat me by a few seconds. Typical. He was in the middle of gloating when I noticed it was 3 in the morning. I yawned, stretching out on the couch after Cartman took his controller back.
"I almost won." I murmured and he laughed again.
"Psh, as if I would ever let you beat me. Anyway, aren't you glad you didn't break my Xbox 5 years ago?" he asked settling next to me on the couch. "Heh. You were so pissed."
"…Yeah. Because you gave me fucking AIDS." I growled, kicking him slightly. He grabbed my foot and held it there as I tried to pull it back. "Cartman let go."
"Yeah yeah leave the past in the past Jewrat. I cured you didn't I?" he smirked, dropping my foot and letting my leg rest across his. I blushed slightly, picking at my fingers again.
"Yeah. …Can you believe they thought we were lovers?" I laughed nervously. Cartman moved his leg letting mine drop, his face turning red as he looked away.
"…That was kind of awkward wasn't it?" he replied, lowering his voice. There was a long period of silence and he looked over to me, handing me the paper from the floor. "…I finished the draft."
"Oh nice!" I responded and took it from him, starting to read it silently. Halfway through I could hardly believe this was the same person who took the easy way out of all his projects. "…Wow. This is really well written."
"Don't act all surprised Kahl. I'm capable of anything." He said with a hint of sarcasm in his tone. I smirked and looked up at him.
"Anything huh?"
"Yeah. If I feel like it." He muttered, taking the paper back. "Now go to sleep jew. Your eyes keep fucking drooping and it's annoying the shit out of me. You look like you have a fucking disease. You know besides the whole gingeritis thing you already have going for yourself of course."
I yawned, laying back into the cushions. "Cartman…?"
"Ugh you never stop talking. What?"
"…I don't think you're fat. I mean- not as much as you were before." I muttered. There was yet another long awkward moment of silence. I heard the sound of him sitting up. The look on his face was of complete and total shock. I looked away.
"The fuck is up with you?"
"…Nothing. Forget it." I replied nervously. He started laughing again. Between gasps of laughter I could hear him say something like 'pussy whipped ginger going soft on me'. I grit my teeth. "Shut up fatass!"
"HAH! I thought I wasn't fat, Kahl! Make up your stupid Jew mind!" he howled.
"I'm not stupid!" I snapped back at him. He wiped the amusement from his eyes and sat back trying to breathe normally again.
"H…Hahaha… You're kind of funny sometimes. For a Jew." He managed to get out. I blinked a couple times and smiled slightly.
Well it was sort of a compliment.
"Well at least I don't pretend to be an asshole all the time." I said, hugging one of his couch cushions. He raised an eyebrow after calming down from his laughing fit.
"What do you mean pretend?" he inquired. I leaned back and looked him up and down in thought.
"Well," I began. "I think I have you all figured out."
"Oh this I've got to hear." Cartman snorted. "The Jew's transformed into a psychologist has he?"
"Maybe." I pursed my lips mischievously. "I don't think you can handle it though."
"How can you play therapist when you don't even have your fucking life together?" Cartman asked, his hands against the back of his head as he sat back into the couch. "Yeah. We'll see. Let's hear it then?"
"I'll tell you in the morning asshole." I said turning over and burying my head into the pillow. "I think I can actually get some sleep tonight."
"Whatever, jewrat." Cartman muttered and turned off the light. All I could think about as I drifted into unconsciousness was the soft warmth of his leg against mine.