Hello! This chapter has to do with Murphy's internal struggle and her growing relationship with Tyler. I had so much fun writing this chapter, and I hope that you have fun reading. Thank you for the reviews and I hope that you all continue to like the story.

There are two songs for this chapter because it's a bit longer. They are:

The Walk, by Imogen Heap and Viva la Vida, by Coldplay- the links are in my profile.

Chapter 5

Out of Control

I woke up the next morning knowing exactly where I was. I remembered everything from the night before. As I rolled over and looked at Tyler's sleeping form, I couldn't help but let a huge smile come over my face. He looked like a sleeping Michelangelo statute come to life. I'd never felt this way before and I was a little scared. What if we didn't work out? Was this really what falling in love felt like? I was so mixed up with emotions that I felt the smile slowly slide off my face. There was such a mix of hot and cold emotions battling inside me that I started to feel claustrophobic. The sheets were wrapped too tightly around my legs and the walls were closing in on me.

I stood up and placed my feet on the fluffy blue carpet of Reid's bedroom and let out a deep breath. Walking over to the door I paused, glancing back at Tyler before I left. I walked to the end of the hall way, passing closed doors with my sleeping friends behind them. I went down the grand looking staircase that I remembered all too well being carried up the night before. I walked through the kitchen and into the back yard to the pool. It was a beautiful morning and I could hear the birds chirping. It was early, I guessed about seven. I sat down by the pool and put my feet in the water.

I let my mind go which I didn't do very often. Every thought and emotion was ripping through my head at warp speed. I'd always been the kind of person who needs to be in control of everything and I was scared because for the first time in a long time, I wasn't in control and I was scared. I had always functioned independently even when I was a little kid and for someone to come into my life who I wanted to let in was daunting. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff with a backpack, hoping that when I pulled the rip cord a parachute would pop out.

This felt like more than just a stupid crush and I had to admit it was a little embarrassing to think that I was in love with someone that I'd only kissed once, but it was what it felt like. I had a plan for my life. I was going to do well in school, go to Harvard, and become a top journalist. That was my dream, that was what I'd always wanted even if I hadn't always understood why. In no way did falling in love come into play in that plan, at least not for a long time. I always thought that this would come later, but I guess it came sooner than I expected. The question was, would I take the chance? I'd always been afraid of being one of those girls who changed their plans and dreams to fit around what their boyfriend wanted. I always looked down on them because I never knew how they felt.

I wouldn't give up on all I had worked for. Maybe I could go on some dates with him, but I wouldn't under any circumstances fall in love with him. I couldn't.

The lack of control I was feeling was really freaking me out. I would show how in control I could be. I wasn't going to fall in love. I said it, and I could do it.

I had to think of something else, something I had control over. What was I going to eat for breakfast? What was I going to do today? These were things I could handle.

I realized then that I was starving.

I got up, looking at my feet as I pulled them out of the water. I must have been in there for a long time, because my feet had started to prune. I whipped my feet on the mat just inside the door, and walked into the kitchen. To my surprise, Kate and Pogue were sitting at the kitchen table, eating cereal.

"You want some?" Pogue asked me with a mouth full of food. The way his mouth looked would put anyone off of cereal for life.

"No thanks," I said reaching for a piece of fruit as I took a seat at the table. "I'm in training."

He let out a laugh and went back to his cereal. I looked around the kitchen and realized that it was spotless. When I had walk by earlier on my way to the pool, it looked like a bomb had hit it.

"It looks like someone was visited by the cleaning fairy," I observed. Pogue looked at me and swallowed his food this time before he decided to speak.

"Reid always gets up early to clean his house. He works really good under pressure you know."

"I should get him to clean my room for me… he must be so fast."

"Yeah," he said shortly to finish off the conversation.

I heard someone coming to the door of the kitchen and looked up. Sarah came through the door wearing a big t shirt and some boxer shorts.

"Nice outfit, where did you get it?" I said sarcastically.

"I could say the same for you," she laughed. We were wearing almost the same outfit, only my boxers were blue, and hers were red.

"How was your night?" Sarah asked in a suggestive tone. "I never heard Tyler come out of Reid's room."

"You spent the night with Tyler!" Kate asked, full excitement was in her voice.

"Not like that," I shut her down immediately giving her a look so she would keep her voice down. "He was just looking out for me, I was pretty far gone." This was sort of a lie. I was drunk, but not that drunk. I remember everything, and I didn't do anything too stupid.

"Not like what?" an all to familiar voice said, stepping into the kitchen. Of course Tyler had to pick that moment to show up.

"Nothing!" I said at the exact same time Kate said, "That you and Murphy spent the night together!"

"What are your intentions?" Sarah asked, sounding like a concerned father. Tyler laughed at her.

"They're good ones I promise, sir." he replied jokingly. I laughed grateful that he had a sense of humor about the situation. He looked at me and we made eye contact andI blushed a little as I looked into his clear blue eyes. It seemed like every time I looked at him, he got more and more beautiful.

"I am starving!" Reid yelled as he made his grand entrance into the kitchen. Caleb was following close behind.

"If you were really starving Reid, you would be dead," Caleb said matter of factually. He was trying to annoy Reid and it was working.

"You know what I mean," he said to Caleb and rolled his eyes. "Hey woman!" he said to me. "Make me some waffles!"

"I would love to, but I'm pretty sure the rules are, who ever does the cleaning also does the cooking," I said back sarcastically. He looked at me like he didn't know what I was talking about, and then he said,

"Yeah well we all have our talents. You know I could clean your room for you. I won't ask for cash or anything, just a few favors," he looked me up and down. I rolled my eyes at him, and then threw the box of Wheaties at him.

"I hate Wheaties, it's for old people," he complained.

"Don't talk shit about Wheaties," Pogue said. "I love Wheaties." With that comment Tyler burst out laughing which made me laugh.

We all sat down together and ate our breakfast in relative peace. We were all laughing and joking together about the party the night before and it felt like I had been friends with them forever. I looked at the clock and realized that it was one in the afternoon. Reluctantly I told them I had to get back to Spencer. I had a bunch of homework to do.

I went upstairs to get my clothes from the night before. I found them on the floor and they were still a little damp from the pool. I heard someone behind me and turned around. It was Tyler.

"I just came up to get my stuff. I have to get going too. Do you want a ride?" I was going to get a ride with Kate, but this was better.

"Sure," I said with a smile. He picked his own damp clothes off the floor and tucked them under his arm. We walked back down the stairs and said goodbye to everyone, then we walked to the driveway and over to his massive car.

"I still don't see how you drive this thing," I commented as I climbed into the passenger's seat.

"You get used to it after a while," he replied. There were a few moments of silence. He looked like he was trying to say something, but just didn't know what. We started down one of the long and windy back roads that would take us straight to Spencer. Finally after five minutes, he spoke.

"Did you have fun last night?" he asked, trying to sound casual, but failing.

"Yeah, I really did," I said trying to hint subtly that I liked him.

"Good because I did to." He smiled at me and I smiled back. I knew it was going against my plan to want him, but at that moment I wanted him so bad that I felt a pleasant shiver run down my spine.

There was another moment of silence as we pulled into the dorm parking lot. He turned off the car, but made no move to get out and neither did I. He turned and looked at me again.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go out with me sometime during the week. Not a big date or anything, just sort of hang out, just us." He got the invitation out all in one breath. It was so cute, he was nervous and I was nervous. I was so happy; I didn't even care if this interaction reminded me of a middle school.

"Yes. I would really like that."

"Good," he smiled again and opened the car door. I followed suit and he walked me to my door. He lived on the floor above me.

"I'll see you at dinner tonight right?" he asked.

"Yeah, save me a seat."

"I will, and I'll protect you from Reid," he joked.

"My hero," I joked back. He laughed and leaned in to kiss my cheek. After I closed my door, I could still feel a tingling feeling where his lips had touched my skin. I touched my cheek and smiled.

"What happened to you?" Keira asked rudely, taking in my walk of shame outfit.

"Nothing that concerns you," I told her. She didn't even care when I insulted her anymore.

A feeling of foreboding washed over me. Almost as quickly as it had come, my happiness was fading. I couldn't fall in love I told myself, I just wasn't ready. I intended on keeping that promise, but right now, it didn't seem so easy. I learned this from my mother. She told me never to trust a man, that they would always break my heart. This was true for her. Every man that she's ever loved has left her except for my dad, but she didn't love him anymore. She hasn't loved him for a long time. I feel like this can only end in heart break. I knew we weren't getting married or anything, so why set myself up for heart break?

Why did I always have to be so negative? Why couldn't I just live my life like other teenage girls? Why did I have to plague my mind with so many negative things? Maybe I could learn something from dating Tyler. Maybe I could learn to let go.

The week went by painfully slow. My classes droned on and on for hours; I had a hard time staying awake through most of them. Cross country practice wasn't exactly a treat either. Don't get me wrong, I mean I loved cross country, but I had other things on my mind, and the extra hard workouts weren't exactly helping.

There were a lot of things on my mind, and those thoughts were keeping me awake through my classes. I was unfocused, and my mind was moving as a million miles per second. Most of my thoughts were taken up by Tyler, which wasn't necessarily bad, but once I started thinking about him I couldn't stop, and it wasn't really helping with my school work. In the rare moments that I wasn't thinking about Tyler, I was thinking about Mel and Chase. They were still going out and it was still bothering me. It was always in the back of my mind, like a ringing in my ear. He just made me so uncomfortable. I would catch him looking at me sometimes, especially in the last few days. I wasn't the only one he stared at though. He also looked at Sarah and Kate. It was really creepy.

Tyler and I had a date on Friday night, and he wouldn't tell me where we were going no matter how many times I asked him.

"It's a surprise," he told me, "but you'll love it."

"How do you know if I'll love it if you won't tell me?" I hated surprises and I really wanted to know where we were going so I could figure out what to wear.

"Just trust me," I gave him a playful dirty look. My mother always told me never to trust a man who said just trust me.

On Friday afternoon I had given up asking. I met him outside the locker room after gym.

"How should I dress for tonight?" I asked him. "I mean I don't want to wear a ball gown if we end up going sky diving."

"It's not fancy or anything, just wear some jeans or something. We're going to be outside."

"Alright. I'll see you in a few hours," I said as I walked away. He waved to me and I waved back. heading to my room to get ready. Just because it was casual didn't mean I wasn't going to look hot.

I took a shower; blow dried my hair, and put it in soft curls. I picked out some jeans, like he said and a cute green top to bring out my eyes. I put on my make up and grabbed a sweater. I was ready to go in almost record time. I must've been looking this more than I expected.

Fifteen minutes later there was a knock on my door. I sprung off my bed where I was sitting and dashed for the door. I opened it with a smile on my face, but didn't see the person I was expecting. Aaron was standing in the door.

"Well don't you look nice this evening?" he said in a tone that was anything but nice. "Going somewhere? he asked.

"Nowhere where you'll be. If you're looking for Keira, she's not here," I was hinting that I wanted him to leave, but he didn't get it.

"Do you mind if I wait?" he asked eying me.

"Yes I do mind, because I'm going out," I said sternly.

"Who would go out with you?" he asked with a disgusted look on his face.

"I would," Tyler said coming into the room.

"Go figure. You know I don't want to get into whatever weird deal you two have worked out, because I have it on pretty good authority to say that you're both gay," he said trying to sound sympathetic, but he just couldn't keep that sneer out of his voice. He was looking to pick a fight with Tyler and I just hopped that Tyler was a big enough person to walk away.

"Go to hell Abbot. You're just jealous that the only person who likes you is Keira," he made a face when he said her name. I laughed. It was true; no other girl would go near him.

At that moment Keira walked in the room in all her glory.

"Don't you have some where to be?" she asked me.

"I was just leaving, don't worry about it," I said to her condescendingly, taking Tyler's hand. We walked down the stairs and out of the dorm before we spoke again.

"God, I hate people," I joked. He laughed

"Yeah, some people just deserve the worst, don't you think?"

"I completely agree." This was going to be a good date I could tell. We got into his car, and headed off to the unknown destination.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going now?" I asked. It didn't really matter where we were going now. As long as I was with Tyler, I would be happy.

"Nicky's," he said in a voice that was too flat, and I realized that he was lying.

"Tyler Simms you can't lie for shit!" I said laughing.

"Yes I can," he said, determined to prove that he could. "No one else can tell when I'm lying."

"Let's test you then," I said, thinking of a stupid game I used to play when I was little. "We'll play a game called four truths and a lie. Tell me five things about yourself, four of them are true, and one is a lie, and I'll try to guess which one is a lie."

"Okay. Give me a minute," he said, thinking about his answers. "This is going to be hard for you. My birthday is in December. I'm an only child. I'm kind of clumsy. I'm really close to my mom. My favorite holiday is the fourth of July."

"Hmmm," I pretended to think even though I already knew what it was. "You don't consider yourself an only child do you?" I asked.

"No I don't. I don't have any biological brothers or sisters, but if anyone asked me, I have three brothers."

"It's really cool that you guys are that close," I said. I was really sweet that he considered them his real siblings.

"Alright," he said eying me playfully. "since you're so smart, tell your four truths and a lie."

"Okay. My middle name is Elizabeth. My favorite band is Coldplay. I don't like pickles. I've never been on a real date. I love Shakespeare's plays." I looked at him smugly. There was no way he was going to get it; I'd always been an excellent liar.

"You don't like Shakespeare? That's a shame." My jaw dropped in surprise. I always used to win this game back when I played it at track camp.

"The characters just seem really stupid to me. I mean their just not realistic," I explained.

"So that means you've never been on a real date?" he asked a little surprised.

"No," I blushed a little. I didn't know what made me say that and it was kind of embarrassing. "I've had a few boyfriends, but none of them ever really took me out to get to know me or anything. I think a date should be just two people, not a group, and it should be a good time. If I don't have a good time I don't consider it a date."

"Do you consider this a date?"

"Maybe."

We pulled over onto a nonexistent road. It was a good thing we were in the Hummer, or this little off-roading adventure would have been very uncomfortable. He drove through the woods for a little while, completely concentrating on driving. There was a break in the trees and we pulled up to a beach and the ocean.

"It's beautiful," I said. It really was. The weather was perfect. There was a cool sea breeze, but it wasn't too cold.

"It's mine and my brother's secret spot. We come here to go surfing and stuff so we can be away from the crowds," he explained. "No one else knows that it really exists really because it's been part of Pogue's family's property since Ipswich was founded.

"It's really nice," I said taking off my shoes and putting them in the car. I loved the feeling of the cool soft sand between my toes. I rolled my pant legs up and walked toward the water. He was following close behind me. The water was surprisingly warm for this time of year. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I liked the feeling. It was dusk and the colors painted on the sky were breathtakingly beautiful. It was romantic, but I would be damned if I made the first move.

"I'm six feet tall," he whispered in my ear. "My favorite book is Catcher in the Rye. My recent favorite color is green. I'm really happy. I don't want to kiss you." It was obvious which one was the lie. I turned around and pressed my lips to his. He welcomed my kiss enthusiastically. This kiss was even better than the one at Reid's party. It was deeper, clear, and more meaningful. When he pulled away I was disappointed. I had to admit, the animal in me wanted to rip his clothed off, but the human in me wanted to get to know him better, and the human won out.

"I'm a Gemini. My recent favorite color is blue. I'm afraid of heights. I love the ocean. I hate cats."

"You're not afraid of heights," he stated.

"You're right," I said. "I love them."

We walked down the beach hand in hand and when we reached the rocks we and climbed onto them, playing the game as we went. There was a convenient couch shaped rock, just above where the water could reach us. We continued playing for hours, sharing stories about ourselves and our childhood. It sort of seemed like we didn't have any secrets. By the time we realized we should leave, I felt like I really knew him, and he really knew me. I told him about my family, and I never talked about my family. I really felt like I could trust him, and I knew that he could trust me.

"It's one in the morning," he stated looking at his watch. "We should probably leave." It was too dark to see the rocks, but the stars lit up his face, and I could still make out his blue eyes.

"How are we going to get back, I can't see a thing."

"Don't worry about it," he informed me. "I know these rocks like the back of my hand." I could see the side of his face, and I could have sworn that the whites of his eyes the stood out in the starlight had disappeared. 'Maybe it's a trick of the light,' I thought. 'Or maybe he closed his eyes'.

He turned around to take my hand, and his eyes were still the same brilliant blue. It must have been my imagination. We made it off of the rocks without any major incidents, although I did trip and almost fall off the cliff, which naturally sent us into a laughing fit. We had made it to the car without dying, when we both realized we were hungry.

"Where can we go to get food at one in the morning?" I asked thoughtfully.

"Denny's," he said. "You know it's completely inappropriate to go to Denny's unless it's really early in the morning, or really late at night."

"That's true," I agreed. "Let's go."

We got to Denny's and we were seated in a far corner away from the few seedy looking people who were scattered throughout the restaurant. That gave us an excuse to be as loud as we wanted. We were both overly tired, and we had abandoned the concept of the game, and were now blurting out random facts about ourselves.

"I went to the Junior Olympics when I was nine," I told him.

"I've always been jealous of Reid's pool skills," he blurted out.

The waitress came to take our order. She looked at us like we were stupid, because we were practically shouting.

"What can I get for you?" she asked.

"I'll have a Belgian waffle with whipped cream," I said. She nodded and turned to Tyler.

"I'll have French toast," he told her.

"Alright, that will be out shortly," she said, and walked away.

Without missing a beat, he said, "I've never broken a bone."

"I broke my nose once; I got kneed in the face," I countered and started laughing. The story was pretty humiliating, but looking back on it, it was pretty funny.

"I can't tell," he said studying my nose.

"My nose hooks a little to the left," I explained pointing to it.

"I still can't tell," he said. He wasn't even lying, he really couldn't tell.

"I almost drowned once. I was ten and I didn't really know how to swim. I was jealous of Caleb because he was really good and had been swimming since he was really little. I tried to show him up by challenging him to a race. Well it was a pretty long race, and I couldn't keep up so I slipped under. Caleb didn't notice at first so I was under there for a while and I swear I was so close to dying that I saw a white light, as stupid as that sounds. He finally noticed, and dove in to save me. I'm still grateful to him for that. It was the scariest moment of my life. I signed up for swimming lessons the next day."

"That's really impressive that you still wanted to swim after you almost died," I said. I know that I wouldn't be able to do that.

"Everyone thinks that Reid is my best friend, and no one else, but it's not true. Sure I love Reid and I spend most of my time with him, but their all my best friends for different reasons. Reid is exciting, and you will never be bored if you hang out with him. Caleb will never let you down. He's probably the most level headed reliable person I've ever met. And Pogue will never make you feel bad about yourself, and will be the first to beat the shit out of someone who messes with you." It was touching to see how much he really cared about his friends. I wished that I had friends like that. Our food had come during this talk, and I had almost finished mine.

"That's enough about me, tell me about your friends." This was what I feared.

"The truth is that I don't have many friends. I have you guys, and Kate and Sarah are amazing. I do have Mel, but we're kind of growing apart. She's been hanging around with that Chase guy and I really don't like him. He's creepy." When I said that, he looked like he didn't know what I was talking about. "I can't really explain it, but there's just something about him that's not right. It's not like I'm ditching her because of him, she won't return my phone calls or texts. It's kind of sad. But I like you guys a lot so I guess its okay."

He had finished his food too and was signaling to the waitress to bring the check. She brought it over, and he paid for it, without giving me time to offer to pay for my half.

"That's enough with sad stories," he said, trying to cheer me up. "Look on the bright side, at least you have Keira." I lost it. I think it was that I was over tired, but I started laughing, and I just couldn't stop. This made him laugh to. The waitress was looking at us like she wanted to come over and kick us out. Before she had the chance to ask us to leave, I stood up and grabbed his hand, and led him out of the restaurant.

"Have a nice night," I said to the waitress in an overly cheery voice as we left. She just grunted in response. We were still laughing when we got to the car, and I was feeling adventurous.

"Can I drive your yacht?" That's what I had taken to call the monstrous car.

"Sure, as long as you don't kill us," he said, tossing me the keys

"Don't worry," I assured him, "I'm a good driver." I got behind the wheel and started the car. The roar of the ignition scared me a bit, and Tyler was laughing at me again.

"I've got it under control," I told him, and pulled out of the parking lot, and onto the empty streets.

"There's no one around, it's not like you're going to hit anyone," he said, implying that I was a bad driver.

"Right," I said stepping on the accelerator. The yacht quickly sped up, easily reaching 90 in the 30 zone.

"That's all you've got?" he asked teasing me.

"No, I just don't want you start crying," I teased back. I slowly brought the car down to the speed limit as we approached the school. We were already out past curfew, and speeding wouldn't help if we got caught. I switched off the headlights as I pulled into the parking lot, like most of did when we were breaking curfew and turned off the car.

"That was really fun," I told him. It was. It was the perfect date, and I got to know him so much better.

"So was it a date?" he asked hopefully.

"Ummm…" I wanted to keep him waiting. "Yes, it was. It was perfect. Thank you." He smiled and leaned over to kiss me. This soon turned into a major make out session. I had no idea how long we were in his car, but I wasn't not complaining.

This time I was the one to break away from him; I wasn't too keen on getting busted by security. He took my hand and we walked over to the main door. He reached out, and tried to tug it open, only it wouldn't budge.

"Shit," he cursed. "We're locked out."

"How are we going to get in?" I wanted to go and sleep in my own bed; I was so tired.

"I'll call Reid and wake him up; he'll come down and open it." Tyler took out his phone, and hit speed dial one. The phone rang about a hundred times before a groggy pissed off voice picked up on the other end.

"What!" Reid snapped into the phone.

"Dude, can you come down really quick and open the front door? Me and Murphy are locked out," Tyler asked.

"No," he said, and then hung up.

"Are we locked out here?" I asked Tyler.

"No," he smiled. "Reid's coming. He may act like an asshole, but he's really not." One minute later a groggy pissed off Reid Garwin opened the door.

"I hope your date was spec- fucking- tacular," he mumbled. I walked passed him, a little afraid for my life.

"It was good, thanks," I said to him. Tyler grabbed my hand again, and the three of us slumped up the stairs. Tyler got off with me on my floor, and Reid continued to climb the stairs.

We got to my door, and Tyler let out a big yawn.

"Good night," he said and kissed me.

"Good night," I said back.

"Can we do this again sometime?" he asked, looking hopeful.

"Yeah, I think so." With that he walked away, and I opened my door, and slid inside. It was almost three in the morning, and I had cross country practice in a few hours; that would be fun. I quickly changed in the dark, not knowing or caring what clothes I put on, and snuggled under my sheets.

All I could think about was Tyler. Our date was one of the most fun days I'd ever had. I had to admit, I was falling for him. That made me wonder. How will this affect my future? I was falling in love with him, and that was bad according to everything I was told, and everything I had taught myself. This was bad, and good at the same time. Tonight I was only going to think about the good. I would think about the real world tomorrow.

Please review, it means a lot!