Wilted

by Lightning and Ice

Now I know. I know that I was a rambunctious kit and an unruly apprentice. I know that I was a terrible mentor. I know I was an outcast. I know I fled to my enemy. I know that I loved, and I was betrayed. I know that with a swipe of my claws, I threw it all away. I know why I am fading from the dark forest, and I know I wish I didn't.

3. bud

AN/ Whoops! I dont know what happened to the formatting, but it wasn't pretty. Let's try this again, shall we?

A ripple passes through the pool and it shimmers clear. My story is over.

I wanted to gain a few more lightless moons in the dark forest. I decided to live my life over again to buy myself precious time.

"Was it worth it? "

I whip my head towards the voice. Standing in the space where starlight meets darkness, is my horrible, wonderful sister.

"Greystorm…" I whisper.

"Frostleap. Was it worth it?"

My sister follows me to the dark forrest, to ask such a simple question?

"Of course not."

"Do you regret it?"

I stare at her. I can barely see more than her outline, the stars in her very pelt blind me. I have so many questions for her, but it seems she has plenty of her own.

"Of course."

"Frostleap," She says sharply. I look up from where my eyes have drifted, to see her staring at me with more conviction that I've ever seen her look at something. "Do you regret getting yourself into this situation, or hurting all those cats?"

Which answer would be better? Act more regretful than I am, swear that my pain is all for Daisypaw and Sleetpelt? Or act tougher than I am, build a shell and say that I want better for myself?

I go with honesty. "Both."

She sighs. "Someday. Frostleap, how close can you come to me?"

I look at her in confusion. Is this a trick?

"I cannot enter Starclan," I mew, hiding my hurt. Is she going to mock me now?

"Just try."

Skeptically, I step towards her until I reach the thin line between starlight and shadow. I stop, but she keeps looking at me, so I try to continue.

I make it three steps into the starlight. I might even be able to go farther, if I weren't shaky from shock.

"Greystorm," I whisper, "what is this?"

"Starclan placed that pool in the dark forrest for one purpose: to redeem. No cat with a shred of pure spirit, regret of what they've done, deserves this. Countless cats have experienced this, but few have made it farther than where you stand. Many have refused to try at all. But if a cat does not belong in the dark forrest, they shouldn't remain imprisoned."

"Really?" I can't let myself think about what she means, because if I let myself hope and end up wrong, then my pelt might fade away right now.

"For now, Frostleap, you are definitely not allowed in Starclan. A half answer is not enough, not when you've done what you've done. But eternal imprisonment may be too severe. It was decided that if you earn it, you may enter Starclan."

"Greystorm, I see no possible way to earn the trust of Starclan from this stinking forrest.

"Besides," I purr mirthlessly, "for me, eternity wouldn't be that long." I flick my tail at my pelt. Even though both of them, the ground is visible.

"Every action you took in life had repercussions, Frostleap. How do you think losing her sight affected my daughter? Her kits? What about the stress that Doveheart faced when having to take care of the kit of the cat she believed murdered her mate? The questioning Icestar's rule came under shook Rainclan.

"Your life ended, yes, but your actions inspired others, and the echos can still be heard today, if you listen. If you can find the negative reactions, and halt any ill consequences before they begin, you may truly make things right."

"How?" There's nothing else to say. No way to thank my sister for her wisdom, for giving me a second chance. Only to do what I can not to destroy it.

"Starclan aren't the only ones who can walk in dreams."

And then she turns and walks away. Part of me wants to follow, but I know I can't.

I turn, back towards withered cats who know how to invade dreams. I have to apprentice before I can mentor, I guess.

"Frostleap?"

I turn back towards the stars, where my sister is just close enough to be seen.

"Consider it all the help you're getting from Starclan."

I don't understand, until my paw strikes the ground in front of me, solid.

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Original end AN/

First, a disclaimer of sorts: While I did base some of Rosefrost's problems (Bizarre outburst of anger, inability to cope well with traumatic events, hearing negative "whispers" in her head and lack of healthy relationships) on disorders such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Post-traumatic stress disorder, they are not to be taken as accurate representations of any of these disorders. I have never experienced and could never hope to understand the true implications of having any of these conditions, and do not want anyone getting offended or getting a false impression.

Second, I have to thank the wonderful Konodragon for making this mess readable, and Lightning for making the plot more cohesive. Check them both out.

Next, just a quick note: this story was made to be cannon with both "Starlight" and the bonus one shot at the end of "Not Wasting This" (future note: and duplicity) If you didn't notice, go see if you can find the parallels. I'll wait.

Finally, can I just say THANK GOD ITS DONE. I worked on this thing since February (2014), through more drafts than most of my work and more editing than I've given anything. It was originally planned to be ~6000 to 10000 words, but it blew through and hit 15,000. That's almost as long as NWT, which was intended as a much larger project than Wilted. As such, your feedback would be immensely appreciated. Did you like this style? The characters? Would you be interested in a sequel that gave a more definite end to Rosefrost's story, or do you like the more open ending?

Let me know in a review!