Most of this chapter can be read to Urban Method's cover of 'Here I Go Again'
Mellary always thought that rage was hot. She should have felt some sort of surprise that it was instead and icy, burning cold. But every other emotion seemed to be frozen deep inside her, locked away behind layers of shimmering ice.
Objectively, she knew that she shouldn't be like this, that it was far too dangerous for anyone around her. But she couldn't bring herself to care.
We're leaving, Mellary snapped as she strode away from the Court Hall. I refuse to stay here another hour.
Do I not have a say in this? Embrald asked, his voice biting. The tone should had taken her aback.
You cannot possibly want to stay here. She brushed his concerns aside.
Perhaps I do, the dragon growled. I have not had the experience of a century of life and eighty years of instruction in Ellesmera.
Mellary paused, his words sending spider web fractures racing across the ice. She had forgotten that she was not the only one here to learn. Embrald's instinctive knowledge was so thorough, it was easy to forget that he was only a few months old.
Do you need to remain? she asked, her heart beginning to accelerate from its unnaturally sedate pace. If he said yes, did she have it in her to stay?
Mellary wasn't certain, couldn't think through the cold. Embrald's long silence wreaked havoc on her mind, the ice trembling.
There is much that I don't know, he replied at last. She came to a stop in the middle of the road, closing her eyes against the pounding of her blood on the inside of her skull.
She had been on her own for so long, she had forgotten what it meant to be part of a team, only half of the whole. Since the first time that she had fled the city, Mellary had been free and footloose, without having to thing about another.
The possibility of staying the city, after what had happened, pressed against her chest and wrapped cold fingers around her throat. The talons squeezed hard.
For one dark second, she wished that she was alone again.
A shadow flashed overhead and Embrald landed on the path in front of her. His wings were mantled wide, almost glowing with captured sunlight. His head dipped down so he could glare at her, his lips curled up to show sharp fangs. Braced against the ground he stood over her, threatening.
She met his eyes and knew instantly that he had heard the thought. Ice spiked through her veins.
Embrald….
You wish to be by yourself?
…. I didn't mean it.
Do I inconvenience you? he snarled. Do I force you to have responsibilities? Well, you can't just run away anymore, Mellary.
I don't run away! she cried. I remove myself from hostile situations!
And now you can't kill with impunity. This is not about you!
Not just about me? What about you?! You can't just control me like that, Embrald!
I can stop you from killing indiscriminately, he snapped.
You have no right to control what I do, Mellary snarled, snapping each word.
And you cannot act like you are the only one impacted by your actions!
I never asked for this! She swept her arms wide. You were the one that came to me!
Where would you be without me? he demanded, lips curling back. You would be roaming the wilderness, doing nothing by riding through empty and dead lands.
Did it ever occur to you that I might prefer that, Embrald? she snapped. They were standing nose to nose, emerald clashing with storm grey as they glared into each other's eyes. Sparks ignited along the bond as their minds clashed. Maybe I liked that.
His mental laugh was cutting. I've seen your memories. You felt nothing. You were empty, no joy, no sadness, no emotion at all. You simply existed; you did not live. You may have left civilization behind, but you were not free. You were abandoned, Mellary.
She jerked back, her movements rapid and uncoordinated. The ice in her veins turned numbing.
Get out of my way, she whispered.
You cannot even bear to face the truth.
MOVE! she screamed. Her mind struck out, slamming into his and shoving it away. Lightning crackled between them.
Embrald's head jerked back, a savage snarl ripping out of his throat. Ivory fangs flashed right in front of her face.
The dragon sprang into the air, the sudden downdraft almost knocking her off her feet.
Mellary stared after him as he streaked away. Losing sight of him snapped her out of the trance she had been in. Slamming her strongest shields into place, she turned and ran for her room.
She raced up the steps, ignoring the pull and burn of her muscles as she pushed. The door flew open when she shoved on it and slammed against the wall with a staccato crack.
Her bond with her dragon twanged, the shock reverberating through her as he passed beyond their joint range. The sudden empty feeling was the final straw. The ice, which had been slowly splintering during her run, finally shattered.
Her knees gave out and she sank slowly to the wood floor. Hands and knees made contact at the same time and her back arched. Mellary shuddered as she drew in great breaths of air.
Too much. It was all too much. She hadn't felt such a rushing wave of conflicting emotions in…. decades. Embrald had said it. She had been existing, not living during those fifteen years of roaming.
Now she fought a black tide of chaos.
She wasn't sure how long she stayed like that as time slipped past her. The storm inside her had almost spent its fury when someone rapped sharply on the door.
Mellary unfolded slowly, rolling her body up. Her head spun slightly as she reached her full height.
Her cheeks felt unusually cool. She raised her hands to her face and felt long tracks of water coursing down her skin. Mellary dashed the tears away angrily.
The knock sounded again, impatiently.
Mellary drew her sword from the sheath by the door. Holding the blade loosely, readily, she swung the door open.
Aerwyn raised both hands when she saw the naked blade in Mellary's hand.
"I come unarmed, Rider," she said softly.
"What do you want?" Mellary's voice was rough and ragged.
"I have a message for you. From the Queen."
Mellary sighed. "I'm not in the mood for a chastisement," she said dryly. She felt like a sieve, torn apart and empty. There was nothing left, just a hole in her chest and a head full of cotton.
"It is not a reprimand," Aerwyn told her. The elf's dark eyes were unnervingly calm.
Not entire sure what was going on, Mellary stepped to the side. Aerwyn walked into the middle of the room and stopped. She had a travel bag slung over one shoulder, stuffed to bursting, and a rolled up scroll sealed with blue wax in one hand. Mellary shut the door, returning her sword to its sheath. The infamous dagger was still in the sheath in her waistband, within easy reach.
"You are leaving?"
Mellary wasn't sure if it was a question, an observation, or a suggestion. So she gave the elf an answer.
"Yes."
"Embrald is leaving as well?"
Mellary leaned against the desk, her posture deceivingly relaxed. Shrewd questions from an innocent, young elf. She may have underestimated Aerwyn.
The silence dragged out.
"What will you do?" the elf finally asked.
"I don't know yet."
"Go roaming?"
"Perhaps."
"Perhaps you could roam in a useful direction." Her dark gaze hadn't left Mellary's since she arrived.
"What would you consider to be useful?" Mellary asked warily.
"Not I. Islanzadí." Aerwyn dropped the bag to her feet, rolled up her sleeve to her elbow and, with her bared arm, held out a small rolled scroll. A twist of her arm brought the blue diamond tattooed into her forearm to the light.
A tight puff of air escaped Mellary as she leaned back, stunned. She had absolutely underestimated the young elf. Very, very few became one of the selected agents of the Queen.
She considered the small scroll for a long moment before meeting Aerwyn's eyes. "I'm not swearing to her," Mellary said flatly.
"The Queen is not asking that you do. Merely, that you consider taking assignments that no one else can."
"You mean the ones that are far too dangerous."
"You are one of only two Riders. No one considers you expendable. However, there are some things to do that only a Rider can, some places that only a dragon may go."
Mellary's eyes dropped to the scroll again and she bit her lip, considering.
She reached out and took it with a shrug. "I have nothing better to do," she said casually.
Aerwyn nodded and moved towards the door. She paused in the doorway and looked back at Mellary.
"It was an honor, Rider," she said, giving Mellary a deep bow.
The door shut behind the elf, leaving Mellary to stare at it with a stunned expression. The rough material of the scroll, made to disintegrate in an instant, was abrasive on her skin as she absently rubbed it. But before she broke the wax seal, there was something else that she had to do.
Mellary walked to the open balcony. The sun was setting to the west, the dim light bringing out all the rich dark colors of the forest.
There were so many thoughts flying around her mind, colliding and tangling with each other.
Forgive me.
I was angry.
I didn't mean it.
I would never truly think that.
Please…don't leave me alone.
She was outside of his range, but Mellary didn't stop to think about that. Taking a breath she broke down her shields until, for the first time in decades, her wards were completely gone. Her mind was completely open, allowing her to send as far as she possibly could.
Leaning against the wall, she said the only words that she could, sending them drifting out into the night.
I am sorry.
The words echoed as they vanished into the darkness.
Gesturing to light the lamp, Mellary crossed to the bag that Aerwyn had abandoned by the door. The knots unraveled beneath her fingers and the flap slid back.
She grabbed the top item and shook it out. A long coat unrolled, hanging from her shoulders to her knees. Mellary felt the thick fur that lined the inside, taking a moment to appreciate the finely woven spells that laced the fur. The spells were meant to keep in heat and repel cold. The sheer strength made her raise an eyebrow. She could appreciate warm clothing as much as any Rider, Embrald liked to fly high, but even at those heights she would be sweltering in that coat.
She carefully rolled the thick coat up and tucked it back into the pack before cracking the seal on the scroll.
The first line of the message was expected. The rest was….not.
It didn't take her long to pack. The scrolls she left neatly piled on the desk. Her few spare clothes went back into her bag, her bow into the leather tube. Her swords were finally belted back where they belonged, hanging from her hips.
Mellary stood in the middle of the room, contemplating the pair of bags sitting by the door. One was old and worn, the other new and supple. Her mother's greenstone ring was smooth on her fingers as she twisted it absently.
A slight rustle was the only signal she had. Mellary turned to find Embrald crouched on the balcony, folding his wide wings flat. He had grown while they had been here. The small balcony, more than enough room when they had arrived, was almost too small. His hind talons were gripping the very lip of the balcony, and his tail dropped down into the darkness.
I am sorry, she said softly. For losing my temper.
As am I. He looked almost sheepish. What I said may have been true, but it did not need to be said in such a manner.
You're not going to apologize for controlling me?
We both know that killing that elf would have been wrong. Nevertheless, it was not right to have stopped you by abusing our bond. He gave her an amused look. But you were not exactly listening to reason.
Mellary dearly wished she could tell him he was wrong.
She stepped up to him, lightly placing her hands on his neck and resting her forehead against his warm scales.
I won't stay, she said softly. I can't take it anymore, and if he says another word to me, I'm going to eviscerate him.
What are you proposing to do?
The Queen offered us a task, but I can't do it without your help.
Embrald was silent for a long time, his mind churning. Mellary waited, letting him think.
We should speak with Oromis and Glaedr.
Why? she challenged. We don't need their permission.
It would be polite, as they are our teachers, Embrald admonished. They would also know if leaving is a good idea.
Mellary sighed dramatically. Very well. She wrapped her arms around him, giving him a squeezing hug.
Letting go, she went over to desk and picked up the saddle that had been slung across the chair. Her dragon had been growing so much lately, spurred on by the magic that saturated the air, that the straps that held the light saddle to his back had run out. The elves had gladly supplied more, but she had been threading the long straps through the leather herself.
Embrald crouched down and lowered his wings, letting her settle the saddle into place. In moments it was secure, with feet of strap left over. Mellary grabbed her bags from in front of the door and tied them firmly into place. The criss-crossing ties kept the bags from spilling over midflight, but were rigged in such a way that a single tug would loose them if they needed to gain speed.
Where did that one come from? Embrald asked, twisting his head around on his long neck to follow her movements.
Aerwyn. She works directly for the Queen. She brought the assignment.
Which is? he asked.
Something only a Rider can do. It's in the far, far north. I'll tell you more about it later.
She swung up into the saddle, not bothering to strap her legs into place for such a short flight.
Without a backward glance, Rider and dragon dropped off into the darkness.