Chapter 17

Author's Note: 123 reviews and almost 42 follows. …I'm so happy :D Thank you all so friggin much! I agree that Kyle's Mom is out of character. Don't worry. Her true self will come out more once she gets the mental help she needs. But no more hints to the future chapters, time for this chapter :D

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**STAN'S P.O.V**

After everything I just saw, I knew I had to do whatever I could to protect my best friend. There was no way in hell I was going to let anyone else make things worse for him. If that meant busting open a lip or two, so fucking be it. As I turned the corner, I felt the blood pumping through my body and knew I had to confront him.

I stomped up the stairs to his house and pounded on the door to the point where my fist was throbbing in protest.

Answer the door.

Right now.

Answer the door you tub of fucking lard.

The door opened gently and I was greeted by Ms. Cartman's kind face. My rage went from a boil to a simmer.

"Oh hello Stan dear. Come right inside! Eric is setting the table. He and I cooked a lovely dinner for you and Kyle. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Kenny…" She stepped aside and I walked in.

"I need to talk to Cartman for a second." I said through my teeth.

"Of course dear." She smiled and closed the door behind us, heading to the kitchen. Cartman didn't look away from the table, focused on folding the napkins.

"Hey hippie. Kenny died again. Asshole gave me a fucking migraine when it happened." he muttered. I tightened my fist.

"Cut the shit." I spat. That got him to look up.

"…Where's the Jew?"

"He's not coming. And I'm not staying for dinner, so I'm sorry Ms. Cartman." I said with a tinge of guilt towards the kitchen.

"Not a problem, dearie! Maybe some other time!" she called. Cartman's eyes narrowed and he headed over to me.

"Where. Is. The Jew?" he repeated with a slight attitude. I just glared at him until he clenched his jaw and turned towards his mom, who was poking her head around the corner. "I'm going out for a while."

"Be safe hun." She replied and headed back into the kitchen. Cartman grabbed my arm and pulled me outside, slamming the door behind him.

"Alright hippie start fucking talking." He growled. I shrugged his arm off angrily and stared him down.

"I'm not telling you shit!" I snarled. He laughed and reached into his pocket, pulling out his cellphone.

"I'll find out myself, asshole. Kahl will just tell me."

"No he won't." I rumbled as Cartman dialed on his phone. He looked over at me, raising an eyebrow as I took the remains of Kyle's phone out of my pocket and threw it at his feet. I watched his face as it quickly went from irritation to anxiety. "His Mom broke it and dragged him home."

"Christ…" he muttered and started to walk past me. I grabbed him by the back of his jacket, yanked him forward which made him choke loudly and pushed him against his house. "What the fuck?!"

"You stay the hell away from Kyle! He has enough to deal with without you playing your fucking mind games on him!" I spat, inches from his face. He tried to push me back but I was the strongest one out of the guys in our grade, and he knew it too. He cursed under his breath as I shoved him into the brick, scraping the back of his neck. "…Give me one good reason not to beat the shit out of you right NOW!"

"What the hell are you talking about hippie?!" he asked, eyes wide.

"Don't play dumb! You fucking kissed Kyle!"

He stared at me for a moment, but then his eyes lit up in understanding. He seemed to be fighting back a smile.

"Ohhh told you about that, did he? Well, what me and the Jew do together on our own time has little relevance to you." He replied.

"How dare you take advantage of him like that!" I responded, totally taken aback. "After everything he's been through!"

"You have no idea what you're talking about, so mind your own fucking business asshole!" he yelled, looking me up and down. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous…"

"Shut the fuck up! This isn't about me!" I exclaimed, my knuckles digging into his throat as he struggled against me. "The second you heard about him being gay, you just had to exploit him DIDN'T you?! Gain his trust! Get on his good side! Stalk him until you caught him doing something so that he HAD to confide in you!"

Cartman choked, but I didn't let up on him.

"But you wouldn't stop there. Oh noooo, that's just too easy for a psychopathic tub of lard like you. Even with all of that blackmail material, you just had to have more fun with him. Did you have a video camera set up when you kissed him?!"

"The fuck?! N-…" Cartman coughed. "You're choking me!"

"Going to show the whole school on Wednesday at the Election Assembly when it's your turn to speak?!" I demanded, pushing against him even more than before. "Didn't think I knew you were running for school president?!"

"God dammit Stan I'm seriously!" he wheezed, his face changing colors. I tossed him on his lawn and watched as he rubbed his neck, gasping for air. I grit my teeth together and continued.

"Too bad for you I caught on, huh?! This ends NOW!" I snapped, watching him on his hands and knees. His body started to tremble and I thought he was crying, but then I heard his laughter.

"Huh… huhahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed, trying to get to his feet. I started to lose my temper and pushed him down in the mud puddle near us. He didn't stop laughing.

"You're a fucking LUNATIC!" I screamed. He continued to laugh. I wanted nothing more than to break his thick neck in half. "GOD DAMMIT WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING?!"

"Haha… ha… Kenny thinks this is really funny that's all." He chuckled and got up wobbly, his pants smeared in mud. I was shaking at this point, the anger was so strong.

"Why the HELL would Kenny think this is funny?!" I snarled, ready to start beating the shit out of him. He looked up at me, his brown eyes very cold. I bit the inside of my cheek and watched him, untrusting. He walked over to me, almost unafraid, and spoke slowly.

"Because he knows what I know. You're a fucking idiot, Marsh." He said calmly. I blinked at him, but didn't move. "You said this wasn't about you. But isn't it?"

"What?" I asked impatiently. "Of course it's not!"

"Let's backtrack a bit. This fucking year you've been spending all of your time with Wendy. At lunch, during gym, after school; all but this week you've done nothing but hang out with her or think about her. Yeah, you'd text the Jew now and again, but did you really pay attention to him like you used to? No. When Ike went off to college and he was alone in that house with his bitch of a mom and idiot dad, he needed you to be around more. Were you? Of course not. You were with that hippie bitch. When you finally had the chance to hang out with Kahl, did you? No. You blew him off and hooked him up with that slut so you could still hang out with that hippie bitch AGAIN. Now he tells you that he's been cutting himself, his dad's a drunk, and you actually SAW his Mom drag him down the fucking block after shattering his phone. So what the fuck did you do?" he asked.

I stared at him, speechless. I had no words.

"Oh that's right. You came here to confront me because he let it slip that we kissed, and you didn't like that very much. Well boo fuckin hoo. You want to blame me for something, Stan? Go ahead. Blame me for finding the bruises he was trying to hide! Blame ME for trying to stop him from slicing himself up again!" he grabbed me by the collar and pulled me close, eyes burning right into mine. "You're right. I've done a lot of fucked up shit. But you know what? This week, today, right NOW… It seems like I'm the only one who cares enough about Kyle to actually help him. So if you want to hurt him some more, go ahead. Stop me from going to see him."

He let me go abruptly and I watched him hurry down the street. As he turned the corner, I sat down on the curb and held my head in my hands. I gripped my hair and cursed under my breath, letting the tears come.

I'm so sorry…

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**KYLE'S P.O.V**

Once she shoved me into the house, I hugged the wall and backed into the living room. She slammed the door behind her and dropped her coat on the floor. I held my breath when she walked into the room. Her eyes burned into me with anger. She was a volcano just waiting to erupt. She might have terrified me, but I was too embarrassed to actually care at the moment. I broke the silence.

"Was that really necessary Mom?! Everyone in town was watching!" I exclaimed. She threw her heavy bag onto the couch and pointed a finger at me.

"This is all your fault! Don't try to push this on me young man! You have a lot of explaining to before I lose my temper any more than I already have!" she spat and stomped over to me, inches from my face. I glared at her, really feeling hatred for this person who had taken over my mother. "Don't you give me that look!"

"I went to football practice so you wouldn't yell at me for wasting your money! Don't you pay for each practice, or am I just making that up?" I growled. She dropped her hand, her eyebrows slanting even more if that was possible.

"I don't appreciate that tone Kyle! Drop that sarcasm right now." She ordered. I bit my tongue and looked away. She grabbed my chin and jerked my head forward. "What more can I do about your behavior? You're getting unmanageable. You stopped doing your SAT prep, stopped going to temple with me, and you even started drinking! Now you've become violent!"

"Oh like you haven't." I spat looking her right in the eye. Her eyes narrowed and she slapped me across the face. It jerked my head to the side and really stung. I winced, feeling the burning sensation in the shape of a handprint on my cheek. She pulled my chin back, staring into my eyes once more. They were blank.

"Do you think I like hitting you? This seems to be the only way you learn ANYTHING!" she exclaimed, her spittle landing on my nose. "I will do anything I have to in order to get through to you! Because I love you! Now you better tell me why you hit that boy today!"

I paused and just stared into her face. She seemed to have aged ten years in one month. I could easily see multiple grey hairs throughout her red hair, and wrinkles seemed to be forming on her forehead. Dark circles were prominent under her bloodshot eyes and for a split second I felt bad for her.

"Mom…" I started in a quiet voice. "You seriously need some help."

She was taken aback.

"E-excuse me?" she stammered. "What? What did you say to me?!"

"I said you need some help. You're not yourself, Mom. It's like I don't know you anymore after Dad left!" I replied, raising my voice slightly. "My Mom would never hit me or force me to down a whole bottle of whisky and then smash me over the head with the empty bottle!"

"I never hit you with an empty bottle!" She exclaimed, her eyes full of genuine surprise. "I did that to your father! And don't you dare mention him again! I'm not the one who needs help Kyle! You tell me what that boy said to you that made you angry enough to hit him! You tell me right now!"

"Why the fuck should I, Mom?!" I snarled, seriously losing my temper. Her face started to redden. "You don't care!"

"Don't you EVER talk to me like that!" she roared and pushed me against the cabinet roughly which knocked a vase off of the shelf above my head. It shattered into tiny pieces on the floor, missing me by a few inches. "I have done nothing but care! I CARE ABOUT YOUR FUTURE! DO YOU?!"

"WHAT FUTURE?!" I yelled, struggling against her. "I DON'T WANT THE FUTURE YOU THINK I DO!"

"WHAT WHAT WHAATT?!" She gripped my shoulders, digging her nails into my skin. I started to tear up at the pain, but forced myself to talk.

"I don't want to be a lawyer!" I admitted. She stared back at me, frozen. Wow. That…

That felt good.

"…Yeah, Mom. That's right! I don't want to be a lawyer! I don't want to go to Harvard! I don't want to meet a nice Jewish girl and have a six kids! ALRIGHT?!" I tried to shove her away, but she held on.

"That's not funny, Kyle." She said quietly, unmoving. She started to tear up herself, but I needed to finish what I started.

"Mom," I said, determined. "This isn't a joke! You really want to know why I was getting so much crap at school? Because they all found out that I'm gay."

Her jaw dropped and she stared at me like I just shot her in the face. I bit the inside of my cheek and took a deep breath. It felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders.

"You…" she muttered in shock.

"You heard me right. I'm gay." I repeated, liking the way the truth sounded coming from my mouth.

"N-…No you…" she began. The tears in her eyes started leaking over. Almost immediately, the relief I felt was replaced with guilt. I looked her right in the eyes, my heart heavy at the sight of her slowly breaking down in front of me.

I shouldn't have told her yet…

She shoved me away and held her hand to her chest, almost collapsing into a large chair. She looked extremely pale and was breathing heavily. I swallowed in panic and worry, kneeling right in front of her.

"Mom? …Mom are you okay?" I whispered, gripping her hand. She looked at me, but it didn't seem like she was really seeing me. The hurt in her eyes ignited a pain deep inside of me.

"Y-you… gay…" she began, tears continuing to stream down her face. "You're sure? Are you s-sure? Y-Y-you could just be confused Bubbe…"

She looked like she was about to have a heart attack. I didn't want that to happen! Not because of me! I didn't want to do that to her…

Maybe she's right.

I blinked a few times as I heard my own thought in my head. I never really considered the possibility that I might just be confused. What if I just assumed that because of certain thoughts…

No.

The thoughts I've been having and the way I had been feeling about Cartman… That kiss… That was genuine. That was real. That couldn't be confusion!

Unless Stan is right about Cartman.

What if he was? What if this was all a plot to humiliate me? What if he only kissed me because he thought it would be funny? What if he really has been brainwashing me into trusting him?

All of the things he's done before… Would he really ever change? Was he just manipulating me? Did he really care at all?

And the way Marcus and Tyler made me feel…

Scared…

Vulnerable…

Dirty…

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to forget the way they touched me, suddenly having the urge to burn off all of my skin. If being gay made me feel this hated, manipulated, and disgusting…

If everyone was going to treat me this differently…

If it was going to destroy my Mom like this…

Maybe it wasn't worth it.

"Bubbe… My baby…" she stroked my cheek gently where she slapped me, sniffling and looking down at me with pity. "Who did this to you? Was it that boy at school? Is that why you fought back? My brave Bubbula… How dare they spread those rumors about you… Confusing you like this. Don't worry. You're staying home tomorrow. We'll go see the Rabbi and he can talk to you."

I stared at her as she pulled me into her arms. It was the most genuine hug she'd given me for a month and honestly… I needed it. I let her hug me and listened to her dangerously fast heartbeat.

"…Okay Mom. Whatever you want." I whispered into her shoulder. She kissed my neck, rocking me back and forth. I almost broke down in her arms as she rocked me. "I just want things to go back to normal…"

"I know Bubbe… I know. Mommy will make everything better. I love you, Kyle." She rubbed my back. My breath hitched in my throat.

She still loves me… ME… Not just Ike.

"M-Mom…" I stuttered. "I… I'm r-really tired."

"Go on upstairs to bed Kyle. Mommy will wake you up at 8. Call me over if you need anything okay? Anything." She smiled at me. In that split second, I saw my Mom. Not that cruel stranger. But it was her. It was really her. I smiled back at her sadly and slowly headed up the stairs. I looked back, watching her clean up the broken glass.

I sighed and continued to my room, opening the door and shutting it behind me. I leaned my forehead on the door and heard someone clear their throat behind me. I looked over to see Cartman in the chair at my desk. My window was wide open I noticed and I raised my eyebrow at him. He smiled at me in that way I hate.

"What are you doing here, Fatass?" I asked in a very flat tone.

"C'mon, Jew." He replied and climbed up to the window. "We're going on a little field trip."