Chapter 19

Author's Note: HOW ARE YOU GUYS LIKING THE NEW COVER FOR THE STORY?! My best friend drew it for me! He's the Kyle to my Cartman ;) Here's his link if you want to check out his other art: Please invade his page for me *heart* LOVE U ALL! Here's chap 19 for you :)

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**CARTMAN'S P.O.V**

Kyle Fucking Broflovski.

I'd been up all night stuck in a constant shit storm of questions. I had been sitting on my couch and holding my head in my hands when I finally looked over at the clock that rested under the television.

5:34am

So that's it, huh?

He didn't want to let me in. After everything I'd done for him out of sheer compassion… And that was it.

Kyle just expected me to back off and allow him to fuck everything up that I'd done to protect him. In an attempt to run away from who he was? Like I was going to let that happen. I shuddered.

'You're the main reason why I'm so confused fatass, so just leave me alone for a while. It's for the best. If you really care, then prove it and just be my friend.'

Your friend, huh? …I never was good at being a friend. To anyone. I guess I never learned the 'proper' way to be a friend, if such a thing existed. Kenny was my friend. And Butters.

…But Kyle? Was Kyle my friend?

I closed my eyes and bit my lip in frustration. What I felt for him surpassed any amount of friendship I'd ever experienced with anyone. But at the same time, he fucking infuriated me. Every part of me with every little fucking thing he did. I hated that about him. I hate him. …But most of all, I loved to hate him. So… was hate really the opposite of love? How could I feel two feelings that were complete opposites of one another at the same time? If hate wasn't the opposite of love, than what was?!

'It's up to you. I don't care either way'

Kyle's words stung in my head like a knife through my chest.

Indifference.

The pain I felt was something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Not even Scott Tenorman. It started in the pit of my stomach and fooled me into thinking I had some bad gas. The churning and aching I felt deep in my gut would not sooth no matter what I did. I clutched at my stomach and closed my eyes trying to wait out the agony that writhed throughout my body.

He doesn't care anymore.

I thought it was bad enough until the pain from my stomach shifted suddenly and without warning. Heaviness attacked my lungs, my ribs, and throat. It was a horrid tightness that engulfed my mind and forced me to concentrate on what I couldn't distract myself from. His stoic green eyes staring back at me. As if I wasn't there at all. Like I was invisible to him, nothing but a gust of wind.

I felt my heart throb in my ears, as if in pain. I clutched my chest and whimpered like a baby. Holy shit this fucking hurt. I screamed in my head, wanting it all to stop. Why wouldn't it stop?!

My heart… was breaking.

'I don't care either way.'

'I don't care.'

Tears leaked down my cheeks and I cursed under my breath in anger. Is this what I had become? Because of a stupid ungrateful ginger Jew? Me… reduced to… this.

I buried my face into a pillow on the couch and screamed into it. I don't know for how long I screamed into the pillow, but it felt like forever. I let out my frustration, my agony, my rejection, EVERYTHING. Yet… it wasn't enough.

And then I felt her hand.

I stiffened when my mom touched my shoulder, embarrassed by how pathetic I must have looked. She said nothing as she rubbed gently and I closed my eyes, lowering the soaked pillow. Her hand was so warm… so comforting. I couldn't help myself as I leaned into her body and trembled helplessly. She wrapped her arm around me, mindful of her cast, and leaned her cheek against my forehead.

"Shhhh Eric… shhh…" she whispered, rocking me. "You are so loved, poopsikins. So very loved."

She didn't even ask what was wrong. She didn't have to. In that moment I was able to regain my composure. I looked into her eyes, never as grateful to have her than I was in this very moment. She would be there for me no matter what. I was her number one priority and she would always be there. As a protector, as an outlet, as a person I could always count on and love. In that moment, I realized something about Kyle.

Right now, at least in his stupid Jew mind, he was alone. Alone and hurting with no one to go to. …That's what he thought.

I'm going to prove to him that I'm never going away. And whether he likes it or not, he's going to let me in.

There was a loud knock on our door and Mom jumped a bit, startled at the sudden noise. I stood up and walked towards it.

"Who would be here at this time?" she asked.

I opened the door and smirked at the sight before me. Kenny was leaning against the wall, arms folded and mischief plastered on his face. He pulled down his hood, shaking out his dirty blonde hair.

"Well," he glared at me. "Are we going to get these bastards or not?"

I felt a sudden surge of anger flow through me when I thought of those two twelfth graders and what they did to Kyle. A maniacal grin formed on my face as I began to scheme.

"You bet your ass we are, Kinee."

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**KYLE'S P.O.V.**

I sat at the dining room patiently while Mom applied her make up in the mirror. It was very early in the morning, a little after 9 o clock. I drummed my fingers on the table nervously and tried to tune out the world. My head was pounding angrily while I attempted to ignore the horrible migraine that I was experiencing.

Football practice.

"Bubbula are you ready to go?" Mom asked. I didn't respond.

Football practice.

She grabbed her purse and looked over to me in genuine concern. She walked over to the dining room table and sat across from me, her hand reaching out until it found mine. I looked into her face but didn't know what I was supposed to say. I wasn't ready for anything anymore. I just wanted to go to football practice and see coach and be told I was actually good at something that I enjoyed. Her eyes were watering a bit as she squeezed my hand.

"Bubbe?" she said. "Don't worry. Rabbi Mortison has known you since you were four years old… You'll be able to talk to him. There's no reason to be nervous."

"I'm not." I said honestly. I didn't actually care about that.

"That's wonderful, Bubbe. You shouldn't be. He knows you very well and I'm sure he'll help you sort everything out in your head." She rubbed my hand gently, in reassurance. "You know why we're going right?"

"Because I'm confused about my sexuality." I replied in a monotone.

"That's right, Bubbe." She let go of my hand and stood up, cocking her head to the side. "Mommy and Rabbi Mortison will make everything better today and then you can come home and study for your SAT on Friday."

"…Yes, Mom." I said quietly. My SAT? That was the last thing on my mind right now. "…May I go to football practice first?"

"…If all goes well with the Rabbi, then yes. You may." She responded and headed for the door. I stood up and kept behind her.

In other words, once he de-gayifies me.

As she opened the door and headed outside, I glanced back at the family photo on the wall. We stood in front of the town square; My mom, my dad, me, and Ike. We all looked so happy.

Nothing good ever lasts.

"Bubbula come on we're going to be late." Mom called behind her. I sighed in a moment of extreme depression and turned off the light as we stepped outside. We walked towards the garage when a car pulled up next to our house.

"Kyle!"

I turned around and my jaw literally dropped. Ike and Dad were stepping out of their car and rushing over to me. I think I forgot how to breathe until Ike smashed into me with a crazy strong hug. My arms found their way around him as I hugged him back, trembling slightly.

"I-Ike…! What are you doing here?!" I exclaimed, refusing to let go of him. He clung to me just as desperately and chuckled.

"You think I was going to actually listen to you bro? Not likely." He replied and pulled away smiling at me, until his eyes fixated on the side of my face. Any sort of happiness left his expression.

Shit.

"Sheila, listen I… I know I'm not supposed to be here but I missed Kyle and Ike wanted to come see him-" Dad began, but Mom put her hand in his face.

"Dave it Gerald." She spat and turned her attention to Ike. "Ike! Give Mommy a hug!"

Ike didn't move towards her, in fact, he sort of tucked me behind him and stared back at her like she was pointing a gun at us.

"Hey Mom." He said unsurely. "Why'd you hit Kyle?"

And there it was. Everything started to go fucking nuts.

"I… what? Ike! I would never do that!" she exclaimed, genuinely shocked. "How could you think that? It was one of Kyle's classmates at school!"

Dad and Ike looked back at me, no doubt their eyes fixating on the light bruise that sat across my cheek. I felt nauseous.

"Kyle, is that true? Did you get into a fight at school?" Dad asked.

"I… yeah. I did." I replied honestly. Technically I did get into a fight.

"Why?" Ike asked. I bit the inside of my cheek.

"…It doesn't matter, Ike." I replied.

"Well where are you going?" Dad asked in concern. "You're all dressed up."

It was true, I was dressed up. I had a really dorky sweater vest on that Mom had picked out for me, as well as my brown dress pants.

And it was fucking freezing outside.

"Must you be so nosy, Gerald?" Mom snapped. "Kyle and I were on our way to the Synagogue. We were paying a visit to Rabbi Mortison. Nothing to get worked up about!"

"Sheila, I just asked." Gerald responded in a calm tone. "Calm down."

"I'll have you know I am perfectly calm!" she exclaimed, raising her voice. Ike turned to me and pulled me close.

"Did you really get into a fight at school?" he whispered.

"Yes." I replied quietly. "I broke Clyde Donovon's nose. …I didn't really mean to, but I got mad."

"I wish I could have seen that, bro. …You broke his nose because he hit you or he hit you because he broke your nose?" he asked. I sighed, feeling guilty. I couldn't lie to him.

"…Neither. He didn't hit me."

"I knew it." He growled, glaring towards mom. "…wait then why did you break Clyde's nose?"

"Kids were making fun of me because I thought I was gay."

"…thought? As in not anymore?"

"Yeah."

"Is that why Mom's taking you to the… oh dude that's bullshit." He chuckled. I glared at him.

"What?" I hissed under my breath.

"Look. Bro. I love you." He said, a hand reaching up to my shoulder. "But you're gay as fuck. Nobody is gonna change that, especially not you."

I opened my mouth to reply, but my Mom cleared her throat which made us both look up at her.

"Ike, Bubbe, I didn't know you could take off extra time from school other than holidays." She smiled. Ike shoved his hands in his pockets and shot her a fake smile right back.

"I can't." he said plainly. I looked at him with the same look my Mom must have given him. Except… there was a dark expression on her face. I couldn't help but feel that fear begin to bubble inside of me once more. I knew that face…

"…what?" she asked in a low rumble. "What is that supposed to mean Ike? What's going on?"

"Nothing you need to worry about, Ma. I'm back home." He replied.

"E-Excuse me? Then you should be in school! Why aren't you?" she demanded, her voice abnormally high. Ike shrugged.

"I dropped out."

I looked at Ike, completely and totally astonished.

He dropped out?!

"WHAT WHAT WHAAAT?!" Mom screeched, making us both jump at the volume of her voice. "YOUNG MAN YOU BETTER BE KIDDING ME!"

"…no. I'm not. Mom I'm sick of medical school. It's boring and I dropped out. I'm gunna try out comic book writing and see how that works for me. It's way more fun anyway." He explained, waving her off. I felt my stomach drop into my feet when I saw my mother's expression at that very moment. Dad was looking at my face.

"Kyle…? What's wrong?" he asked me and followed my eyes back to Mom. Dad didn't even know what was about to come… But I did.

"YOU LITTLE PIECE OF FUCKING MUFF CABAGE!" she screamed and lunged at Ike, but I pushed him out of the way just before the back of her hand connected with his jaw. Instead, it connected with mine and smashed right into my ear. The noise disoriented me as I fell to the concrete and scraped the side of my cheek, the air rushing out of my lungs. My vision blurred slightly from the blow to my head and I looked up, trying to make out what was going on.

Dad was holding Mom away from Ike who looked like he was about to shit his pants. The initial fear and shock that he must have felt seemed to subside and instead became hurt and anger. Ike wasn't able to stuff his emotions like I was, and I watched helplessly from the ground as they screamed at each other.

"MOM WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU FUCKING SLAPPED THE SHIT OUT OF KYLE!" He screamed and looked down towards me, his eyes full of pity. Mom was fighting against Dad's restraining arms with all her might trying to get at Ike.

"I WASN'T AIMING FOR KYLE YOU PIECE OF GAHBAGE HOW DARE YOU DROP OUT OF MEDICAL SCHOOL DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CALLS I HAD TO MAKE TO GET YOU IN?!"

"Sheila STOP!" Dad exclaimed.

"DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY WE HAD TO PAY TO SEND YOUR ASS TO THAT EXPENSIVE FUCKING SCHOOL YOU UNGRATEFUL DEGENERATE DISRESPECTFUL SORRY EXCUSE FOR A SON! LET GO OF ME GERALD YOU ALCOHOLIC BASTARD!" She screamed. I noticed people started to stare from the streets, the curious neighbors poking their heads out of doors and windows. I closed my eyes shut just waiting for it all to be over. I kept them shut even as I felt Ike lift me up from the ground.

Even as the ambulance and police cars came and three men took her away in a strait-jacket and Ike held onto me like I was his only life line and as Dad held us both in his arms on the way to the hospital.

When I finally found the courage to open my eyes once more, I found myself alone in a white waiting room. I glanced over at the seat next to me and saw my brother and father's coats. I knew they'd be back soon and tell me Mom was in good hands.

Even though she'd never even be in this hospital if it weren't for me.

Still.

I knew they'd be back soon.

I knew I wasn't going to see Rabbi Mortison today.

I knew that I would go to football practice no matter what.

…Because even after everything that had just happened, the only thing I cared about was getting to football practice at 5:30.