Hello everyone! Here is the next chapter and I hope that you enjoy it! I know people were a little sad/ upset over the last chapter, but I promise there will be plenty of Tyler in the future, but that's all I'm going to say for now. Thank you to my Beta waywarddaughter again for helping me out and also thank you to lost in pale blue and KaylaSimms1990 for being the only reviewers, it means a lot.
The song for this chapter is, "Your Hand in Mine" by Explosions in the Sky.- Link in my profile.
Chapter 14
Bass Ackwards
My car skidded to a halt almost knocking over the ancient fence that lined the property of the Danvers colony house. I approached the house, taking in the crumbling façade, still amazed that someone lived here. Gorman was aware that Kate, Sarah, Allison and I all knew about the power, but that didn't mean he was happy to see me.
I opened the door carefully, not wanting it to fall off its hinges, and was startled to see Gorman standing there in front of the stairs waiting for me.
"Can I help you?" he asked as he looked down his nose at me. I felt like I didn't belong tere, and I had no idea where to begin, so I put on a confident front.
"I need to see some books," I told him as I walked away towards the door that I knew led to the boy's meeting place, although I had never been down there myself. I reached for the handle to the basement door and pulled, but it was locked. I guess that made sense; Tyler had told me there were a lot of family heirlooms down there.
"Can you help me out?" I asked Gorman impatiently tugging at the door again for good measure.
"You won't be able to go down there," he stated, still looking at me like some sort of bug that he wanted to squash.
"But I need to," I protested with an urgency that I was trying to conceal. "I have an emergency and I need to see those books.
"When I say that you won't be able to go down there I mean that you can't. Physically you cannot pass through the threshold of that door. Only the ones with the power can, and you don't look like you have the power to me," he huffed.
I was so angry I couldn't help myself, I let loose and punched the stupid door.
"Son of a…!" I cursed and drew my hand back, cradling it. I didn't hit hard enough to break my hand, just enough to draw blood. This shocked Gorman and he took a step back looking slightly more concerned than he had moments ago.
"Is there something wrong with one of the Sons of Ipswich?" he asked in a softer tone.
"Tyler's sick and I thought…" I trailed off thinking that it was better to keep my mouth shut. "I have to go," I said stepping around him and heading for the front door.
I sat in my car for a moment just breathing. There had to be something in one of those books down there that could save him, there just had to be. What was the point of having the power if it couldn't even save him?
I threw my car into reverse and sped out of there, coming to a stop on the old Ipswich Bridge when I realized that my hand was still bleeding. Looking at my hands I saw the nearly invisible scars that plagued the once smooth skin of my palms and grew more hopeful. If Pogue and Reid could heal my hands couldn't they heal Tyler too?
I wrapped my bloody hand in an old t shirt, got out of the car. Perching on the hood I looked out into the darkness over the Ipswich River, focusing on a still light out on the water. On this darkest day, there was still a glimmer of hope and I was going to hold onto it for dear life.
Sitting for a few more moments, I convinced myself that it would be alright, that I would get my twenty fifth wedding anniversary and that this day would just be a bad memory and one that we could forget. Although there was still a massive shadow of doubt clawing at the back of my head, I felt much calmer than I did when I resorted to the act of violence back at the colony house, and I felt ready to head back to Tyler's.
I pulled up to the house as quietly as possible, not wanting to disturb anyone out of a sleep that was no doubt hard to get to. Creeping up the stairs, I pushed Tyler's door open slowly. He was in the exact same spot I had left him in, looking peaceful and perfect. I went into his conjoining bathroom to brush my teeth and change into one of Tyler's old t shirts.
He opened his eyes as I slipped into the bed and offered me a small smile as if everything was normal and he had forgotten the events of the day. I wished that I could forget too and just lie there with him like everything was normal. I curled into him and he kissed the top of my head.
"Everything will be alright," he murmured softly into my hair.
"I know," I responded closing my eyes and trying to get some much needed sleep.
I woke up the next day alone. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was two-thirty and that I had missed an entire day of school, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Slipping into some clothes that I always left in Tyler's room for when I slept over on the weekends, I left the room looking for Tyler. I saw him coming through the front door as I descended the stairs and was surprised to see him wearing his school uniform.
"Did you go to school today?" I asked as he greeted me with a kiss on the cheek.
"Yeah, I didn't want to spend the whole day sitting around wasting time considering I don't have that many left," he said smiling. It was a joke that I didn't find very funny, but I didn't say anything.
"I would have gone with you of you woke me up." I didn't want him to have to go to school without me after how he felt yesterday.
"I tried to wake you up but you were passed out," he stated, glancing at my hand. "Hey, what happened?" he asked taking my hand in his and examining the blood spotted cloth.
"Nothing, I just slammed my hand in my car door," I lied. I didn't want him to know I was upset enough to hit something.
"Here," he said unwrapping the cloth on my hand and rubbing my cut up knuckles. His eyes flashed black, and in instant they were clear blue again, but my hand was completely healed. I snatched it away.
"I don't want you using like that, especially on me," I scolded.
"It's okay," he assured me.
"No it isn't. I don't want what happened yesterday make you think that it's okay to just use whenever you want. It still has consequences and I'm sorry if I don't want my boyfriend to turn into a wrinkly old man," I snapped. He didn't deserve that and I immediately regretted saying anything. "Look I'm sorry, but we really need to talk about yesterday. It doesn't have to be today, but it needs to be soon because I'm freaking out here," I confided.
"We'll talk tonight, I promise," he assured me. "After dinner at the dinning hall with everyone. I want to act normal for a few days because I'm not ready to tell my brothers yet." His face dropped at the thought; telling them would probably be one hundred times harder than telling me. They all shared a special bond and it was like he had to break three hearts at once.
"I'm heading back to the dorms now if you want to come with me, we can just take my car," he informed me. "I told Reid that I would hang out with him tonight, but I'll blow him off if you think you'll be too tired by the time we get back from playing pool."
"No, it's fine. Go have fun, I have work to catch up on anyway so I'll be awake." He deserved to have a normal night with his best friend. "Let me just get my stuff." I went up stairs and collected my over night bag, haphazardly throwing things into it. I felt like my mind wasn't big enough to hold all of my thoughts.
We rode to the dorms in silence, just holding hands. There was a big talk ahead of us, and we both knew that, so I just wanted to enjoy the silence while it was still peaceful. He walked me to my door like he always did.
"Walk me to dinner?" I asked.
"Of course," he responded. "I'll be here at five."
"I love you," I said as he kissed me on the cheek.
"I love you too," he said back, giving one last kiss before heading over to the staircase.
I walked into my deserted room feeling empty and exhausted, although I knew that I would never get to sleep tonight. Opened up my bag, I started to unpack. I pulled out a sweatshirt and something hit the floor, sliding under my bed. I crouched down and picked up my container of birth control pills. Holding it in my hand I couldn't help but think of what Mr. Simms had said about providing an heir. Eighteen was no age to have a baby, but I couldn't help but think about it. Everything in my life had been flipped ass backwards and things that mattered to me before just didn't seem as important.
It came down to me wanting to marry Tyler. I thought we would get married when we graduated college and we wouldn't start a family until we were in our mid twenties. All of that changed so quickly, that I felt like I needed to do something drastic just to feel like I was making progress in my life. I wanted to go to Harvard and get my education, and my degrees, but I wanted Tyler too, and I wanted him more than all that. All of those things would be meaningless if I didn't have him too. I still wanted all those things, but they could wait; they would always be there, but Tyler wouldn't.
I turned the wheel of the container, listening to the clicking noise as it came full circle and I made my final decision. I walked into the bathroom and dropped the pills unceremoniously into the trash. This was where my life was going, and despite everything, I smiled. There would never be anyone else but him and that's the way I wanted it to be.
Tyler arrived at my door five o'clock sharp as promised. I knew without him telling me that we had to act like our usual cheery selves, and it seemed like an easier task than it did earlier that day since I'd had the chance to mull things over.
We chatted with everyone. Kate and Sarah were starting to pack up their room already because they were so excited to move into the new apartment. Pogue was talking about some new part he got for his bike, and Allison, who regularly snuck into the Spencer dinning hall, told us a story about how ridiculous Reid was being to a guy who had flirted with her earlier that day while Reid just sat back and chuckled. They were all perfect and happy, and that made it easier to pretend. It was almost too easy, except for Caleb who was trying to catch my eye in silent communication. I knew he was waiting for me to give him some indicator that would tell him the current situation, but I wouldn't give him anything. Tyler had already made it clear that he wasn't ready to tell everyone, and I would honor that.
After dinner Tyler went off with Reid and I headed back to my dorm to try and get some homework done. I was grateful that Keira never stayed in the room anymore. I didn't think that I could handle her in my current state.
After what seemed like an eternity, there was a knock on my door, and Tyler entered smelling like stale cigarette smoke.
"It smells like you took the whole bar home with you," I joked stupidly. I turned my desk chair around, but made no move to get up as he sat on my bed facing me.
"Look," he began seriously. "I know that this is hard and scary and I also know what my dad said to you, and I don't want you to feel obligated or feel like you owe me anything." He leaned forward and took my hands in his. "I know you have plans and dreams, and just because mine changed, doesn't mean that yours have to change too." His voice was shaking and I could tell that he had rehearsed this speech.
"Don't tell me that you're trying to break up with me for my own benefit." I knew he was saying this because he loved me but I couldn't help but be a little angry.
"Like I said earlier today, I love you and there is nothing that could tear me away from you at this point. The truth is, you bring out the best in me and I would be lost without you," my voice softened as I saw tears brimming in his eyes, which brought tears to my eyes because Tyler never cried.
"This may sound a little forward, but I want to marry you Tyler, and that's still going to happen, it's just going to happen a little sooner than we planned. We can still do everything that we want." I got up and crossed the room and he took me in his arms kissing me gently. We lied back on my bed together staring at the ceiling with out fingers intertwined. I had never spilled my heart out to him like that because an old part of me didn't want to feel vulnerable, but now I didn't care about that, I just wanted him to know how I felt.
"Are you scared?" I asked him softy.
"Yes," he stated, "but not so much anymore. I just needed yesterday to feel sorry for myself, but I still have five years so there's no sense worrying about it every second of every day." I waited a moment before asking him the question I had been dying to ask.
"Do you think there's something in the books at the Danvers colony house that could help you, or maybe save you?" I held my breath waiting for an answer. He sighed deeply before answering.
"The power doesn't work like that. It can't save me from certain death." I sat up quickly to face him and held out my palms.
"But the power helped me," I countered. "It healed my hands." He let out another sigh taking my hands he sat up slowly, running his fingers over my scars.
"You still have the scars though. The power helped you heal faster, but you would have eventually done that on your own." he saw my face drop in confusion and disappointment. "I know it's hard to understand and it seems stupid, but the power has limits. It's one of the first things our father's taught us. If it didn't have limits like aging and death, there would be nothing stopping us from living forever and that goes against nature and the laws of the Covenant."
"But it's also against the laws of the Covenant to will your power away and Caleb's father did that. Why couldn't we find a way?" I asked desperately. Rules could always be bent if you were desperate enough.
"I know this is hard Murph, but trust me. If there was a way to cure this, I would do it in a heartbeat, but there really isn't a way to save me using the power. It would be a lost cause." I didn't want to fight him anymore, but I knew that I needed one of the son's to get into the meeting place. I wasn't giving up until I was one hundred percent sure that there was nothing that could be done to save him. I was going to read every one of those books relentlessly cover to cover. I didn't want to fight with him right then, so I lowered myself back on the bed.
"I just love you too much to accept your fate," I stated looking into his blue eyes as the hovered above me.
"I would do the same for you," he said kissing me, "But I just don't want you to get your hopes up." I was done talking for now, and nothing he could say would stop me from wanting to try. I pulled him closer and kissed him as passionately as I could, never wanting to let go.
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