She was breathing. That was the first thing she noticed. She could feel the movement of air in and out of her lungs, hear it rattling in her ears.
Sensations came next. Her front was pressed against something cold and the chill was soaking into her skin. Her throat ached. Something hard and cold was clutched in one hand, trapped between the surface beneath her and her body.
Her mind was silent. It was the kind of silence that utter stillness, an absence of life; it was a void. A void that screamed and wailed and keened in agony. Or maybe she was hearing the wailing. As the fragmented shards of her consciousness came back together, she realized someone was making that pained whine, almost too high to hear.
Her. She was making that sound.
"I grow tired of this," someone said petulantly. "Do shut up." The sound cut off immediately. "It was only a dragon. Pull yourself together."
Mellary opened her eyes. Raelia must have released her at some point, because she was sprawled across the ice on her front, her sword trapped beneath her.
"On your feet," the elf said briskly. Her body moved, struggling sluggishly. The very air seemed to press against her, until she was moving with the slow, exaggerated theatrics of someone underwater.
She rose to her full height, one sword hanging loosely from her hand at her side. The other was still in its sheath on her hip.
"Not too bad, Meladania," Raelia said appraisingly, looking her up and down. "You put up more of a fight than most of the morons who manage to find me all the way up here."
Her words echoed dully in Mellary's ears, as if the elf was shouting down a tunnel.
She felt hollow, as if someone had punched a massive hole straight through her chest and filled the cavity with ice. The pain had become so great that she had stopped feeling it, but nothing could halt that cold, empty feeling. Even her mind felt empty, devoid of the green fire that had lived with her for months.
She was cold. So cold, in a way that had nothing to do with lack of heat. It was the searing chill of absolute loneliness.
Mellary searched the darkness in her mind, looking for a scrap of something else, anything else besides the cold. As she looked, one thought floated by.
She was going to die. All the reasons why a Rider needed to pursue the mission still held true; she would freeze to death before she got off the glacier. No, the ice had been Embrald's grave, and it would be hers to.
But I'm not coming quietly, she said to the darkness, sure that she was insane for speaking to the void.
And I'm not coming alone.
The thought sparked a tiny flame inside her. Heat welled up as pure rage began to infiltrate the chill.
Mellary pulled every remaining scrap of energy she had, and raised her head. Her steely gaze was sharp enough to draw blood.
"I'm going to kill you," she said, her voice gravelly and unrecognizable.
The elf sighed. "Threats, elfling? Don't be boring."
"It's not a threat. It's a statement. A threat is used to achieve a goal." Something warm trickled down the back of her throat, burning as it went. An iron tang filled her mouth.
"You would kill me over a winged serpent?" The elf laughed. A crackling sound was beginning to fill Mellary's head, drowning out the elf's next words. Sounding like a muted version of nearby lightning, it was a warning that her magic reserved were depleted. It came as no surprise; she had expended a massive amount of magic to try and save her dragon.
Her shields were rapidly draining the dregs of power she had left. Wards demanded a constant flow of magic to maintain. Normally, she had enough that she barely noticed the slight pull. Now, however, they were worse than useless. If she didn't stop the flow of energy, they were going to kill her in a matter of minutes.
Sigh an inaudible sigh, Mellary let the shields go. One after the other, they faded away. The last one stubbornly remained, but it had been with her so long that it was almost a part of her mind itself.
The embers of her magic flared a little brighter, her trembling knees firming just enough to support her weight.
The flutter of Raelia's voice in her ear dragged her back to the present. "…truly is a flawed idea," the elf was saying. "Why would one wish to tie their lives to another creature? When they die, and they all die in the end, your life ends as well. Why are we not allowed to be happy as we are?" She rounded on Mellary. "You were alone for…. how long was it? Fifteen years? You had freedom, and you threw it away for a dragon." She sniffed. "Look at you now. Too damaged to stand, and not a scratch on you."
"I was broken," Mellary rasped, and coughed into her sleeve. When she pulled back, the pale grey was flecked with red. She must have screamed at some point, hard enough to shred her throat, but she couldn't remember. "I was broken, and I couldn't see it. No one, not even the elves, are meant to go without emotion like that." She didn't bother to elaborate, since she had a feeling the elf already knew. "Embrald helped me know that. He helped me wake up a part of myself that had fallen asleep."
"How poetic," Raelia snarled. "Here I was, believing you to be more sensible than most of our brethren. Clearly, I was wrong." She waved a hand carelessly. "I'm done with you. Don't move while I unlock your Name."
"You don't know already?" Mellary's voice was mocking. "Losing your touch?" The elf's black eyes narrowed.
"Some things take time and concentration to discover. I was more concerned with discovering the true identity of that wretched beast you used to be bound to." She came over and patted Mellary on the shoulder. "It is fine now, you're free."
Every nerve in her body blazed to strike at the elf, but the magic held her captive. Her entire frame trembled with her struggle to move.
"Don't bother, Meladania. You won't break free. No one ever has. Quiet now, while I concentrate."
Mellary's throat closed around the curses she had been about to spit at the elf. Magic had encased her in a seemingly unbreakable barrier, locking her up so tightly that even taking deep breaths was difficult.
She would follow Embrald into the void before she let Raelia hand control of her over to
Galbatorix. But Mellary was spent, her magic diminished, her body exhausted, her mind splintered. Against the full-blood elf backed by the power of a wild magic wellspring, she was little more than a gnat in a windstorm, as helpless as the girl that Raelia kept naming her.
Mellary hadn't been that person in a long time.
Her heart stopped for a second, then began racing. She had changed so much, considered herself almost a completely separate person from the scared girl that had left Du Weldenvarden fifteen years ago. All the weight, the hopes and feelings and connections that had been Meladania, no longer described her. As she had been telling Murtagh, the name was supposed to describe the person. If her name no longer described her, it shouldn't be able to hold her.
She hadn't been lying to the red Rider. It was almost impossible to change so much that the name no longer described the person. But in this place, where the laws of magic themselves were warped, it might be enough.
"We are not too dissimilar, are we?" Raelia asked. Her voice was distant, preoccupied. Stars were whirling impossibly fast in her eyes. "Strong and best on our own. We are the wanderers of this world. We don't belong anywhere."
Mellary ignored the elf, slipping into a meditative trance. She knew who she was. A wanderer, yes, but no longer aloof, no longer cold. She wasn't the soft and scared girl who had just lost her mother, or the wisp that haunted Ellesméra. She was a hunter and a fighter. She was a shadow in the dusk that answered to no one. She was a drifter, going where the wind took her. She was a sorceress and an illusionist. She was strong and steady.
She was a Rider.
Her muscles loosened one by one as her breathing slowed and her heart rate dropped in a calm rhythm. Everything in her coiled, waiting to strike.
Raelia grinned triumphantly and walked forward, to stand less than a pace away, so sure in her control.
"I must say, elfling, of all the Names I have learned, yours is one of the more fitting." She opened her mouth to speak.
In that one instant, Mellary threw everything she had at the chains that bound her. Every last bit of strength, every ounce of determination, every drop of her will, all of her rage and pain and despair. Mellary fought with everything that she was.
The magic strained, gave just a breath, and shattered. Raelia stumbled back a step as the backlash hit her. For one moment, she hesitated.
One moment was all she needed. Mellary drew her second sword in a flash and struck. The twin blades slid in just below the elf's breastbone and angled up, cutting clean through her heart.
Raelia's face went blank with shock, the breath leaving her body as all the stars vanished from her eyes. Mellary clenched her teeth and twisted her swords, shredding the thick muscle. The strike had taken her so close that she was nose to nose with the elf, could almost feel the life leaving her body.
For anyone else, anywhere else, twin blades to the heart would be lethal. With this much free floating magic, there was no telling what could happen.
Mellary stepped back, sliding her blades free with a sickening squelch. Reversing one sword in her grip, she put everything she had left into one last swing. Resistance met her blade, and then it was all over. The elf's body hit the ice with a double thump.
Mellary's knees gave out and she crashed down, stabbing her swords into the ice to keep from collapsing completely. She clung to the hilts with both hands, holding herself above the blue ice. In the absolute silence, the only sounds were her ragged breathing and the slow, insidious drip of blood from her blades.
Time passed. She wasn't sure how much, but eventually the world came back into focus around her. Blood was still dripping from her blades, forming a deep indigo puddle on the ice.
Think. She had to think. There was something important she was forgetting, if she could only think past the complete and utter exhaustion that was ruling her mind…
Movement in the corner of her eye drew her gaze. The crystals, each as thick as her waist and twice as tall, drifted lazily in the middle of the cavern, unknowing that their mistress had been killed.
That was what she had been forgetting. Magic was indiscriminant; it would latch onto anyone with a hint of talent and the ability to direct it. Galbatorix knew it was here, and he could easily send someone one else up to take control of it. If there was one thing her exhausted mind knew, it was that he could not be allowed to continue abusing this power.
But how was she supposed to destroy something incorporeal? How did one stop a force of nature?
Mellary looked at the crystals. Raelia had all but said that her power came from the wellspring. Even now, she could feel the magic that seemed to drift off the stones, a strange brush against her last shield. It still felt strange, wild and chaotic, but she knew instinctively she could wield it.
The crystals must transform the wild magic into a more useable form, from untamed to manageable. If she could destroy the stones, then the power would be lost.
If she was going to use magic to destroy the crystals, she would have to overpower them. Somehow, she had to gather more magic than an eternal wellspring.
If it were only so simple. Her body was on the verge of giving out entirely. Already, reality was warping and darkening along the edges of her vision. Her magic had been reduced to the barest flickering embers, a breath away from gone. And once it was gone, so was she.
Mellary couldn't seem to look away from the crystals. The slow motion was hypnotizing her, pulling her in until the only thing she could see was the gentle drifting, the only thing she could feel was the brush of magic on her skin….
If she had the strength, she would have smacked herself. Of course. The only way to overpower the spring would be to use its own magic to fuel the spell. Destroy it with its own power.
Mellary considered it for a moment, then let herself slump down against the ice. She didn't need to be standing for this part. By sheer force of habit, she tucked her blades back into their sheaths.
Going deep into her mind, she sank down and down until she came to her most basic shield. In the utter darkness, it was a wall of vivid color and gentle light. Completely solid, it was her last and final defense against the world. The ward had lived within her mind for decades upon decades. Even Oromis had been unable to force her to take it down. And, at that moment, it was the only thing between her and the maelstrom of magic surrounding her.
Mellary took a deep breath, and cut the ties that fueled the shield. It faded away, going quietly into the darkness and leaving her completely exposed.
There was a moment of quiet, of utter stillness, almost as if the magic took a moment to realize that she was at last unprotected.
Power hit her hard, jolting through her body like lightning. Energy rushed through, banishing the exhaustion. It filled up her mind until sunbeams danced behind her eyes and stars bloomed in her vision. The world dropped away until she was floating in the nexus of a swirling galaxy of bright motes.
Warmth cascaded through her, chasing away the cold. It filled up the hole in her chest, the one that had been ripped open by Embrald's death. For just that moment, her fear and despair vanished beneath the tide of magic. And she knew why Raelia had remained.
She could stay here, stay wrapped up in the magic. The wellspring would keep her warm, keep away the darkness that had swallowed a part of her soul when it had taken Embrald. She could get revenge easily. So easily. She could find Galbatorix's name in the swirl of stars and command him to cease breathing, could stop his heart in his chest. She could end the war of a century in an instant and it would be. So. Very. Easy. Better yet, she could command him to come to her so she could rip his heart out with her bare hands.
And why shouldn't she? it whispered in her mind. She had the power, after all….
No. Mellary shook her head against the ice. Embrald wouldn't like it. He frowned on her revenge. She couldn't, wouldn't, betray the memory of her dragon.
If she wasn't going to stay, then she had only one course of action.
Mellary pulled on the magic, gathering it into herself. Her body lightened as it swept her up, pouring over and through her. When she could hold no more, when the full strength of the wellspring was moving through her, she paused.
Her own power was exhausted, almost completely gone, but there was just enough. Mellary gathered up the scraps of white flame, dredged up the very last of her own magic, and added it to power of the wellspring. Flames burst to life in her blood as her body struggled to hold the lethal levels of power.
Mellary opened her mouth and said a single word, her voice almost inaudible.
"Thrysta."
Her body arched off the ice as the magic roared out of her. It was so much power it was actually visible, a torrent of white flame rearing up and striking at the crystals. The clear stones began to glow brightly, blindingly, as more and more magic poured into them. A high whine filled the air, gaining in volume until Mellary was clutching at her head in agony. The very air seemed the flash and spark with magic as a deep shiver boomed out from the center of the room, jarring her bones.
The magic that had filled the air vanished, snuffed out like a candle. The whine hit a peak and cut off, leaving utter silence. In that silence, the crystals shattered.
It was brilliant explosion, each of the stones blasting apart from the bottom up, coming apart into a flashing clouds of icy needles. They tuned into a deadly rain of shards, scoring Mellary's bare skin with lines of fire as she quickly curled up into a ball. All the while, the only sound was the rapid tattoo of her heartbeat in her ears. It was stuttering, struggling to keep beating.
She was done. Exhausted, overreached, empty and hollow. She had nothing left to give, no energy to even uncurl from her fetal position. Each breath was a trial, each heartbeat threatened to be her last.
Mellary couldn't summon the effort to care. Blackness was gathering on the edges of her vision and she welcomed it.
A rumble started deep below, vibrating up through the ice. Mellary heard the grinding of stone and the shriek of cracking ice high above her. The way she was lying, she could just see upwards without having to turn her head.
A massive section of the ceiling broke free, crashing down next to her, missing her head by a hand's breadth. Cracks snaked across the floor as the glacier began to shear apart.
The magic of the wellspring must have been sustaining the unnatural structure. Without that power, there was nothing to hold it up. Or perhaps the backlash had destabilized the structure. Either way, it didn't matter.
High above, an icicle shook free and fell. It plunged into the ice not far from her, shattering the smooth surface. Mellary felt the ice beneath her split in two as cracks raced under her. The air was filled with the rumble and boom of destruction.
The slab of ice under her legs shuddered and dropped, jarring her painfully. Somehow, she was quite sure exactly how, she managed to turn her head toward the middle of the room.
All around the hole, the ice was falling away into the depths. The castle was crumbling from the inside out. The massive slab beneath her shifted as it broke free from the rest. It teetered for a moment amid the deadly hail, then began its inexorable slide down into the darkness.
Unable to summon the energy to move and already slipping away, Mellary slid with it. Darkness claimed her vision as she fell.
Iron bands closed around her chest. Her body went weightless, then she knew no more.
...I am a terrible person.