Dear Readers,

Apologies for the delay. I've been spending a lot of time trying to figure out where I'm headed and how I'm going to transform Oliver into the man I'd like him to be.

Thanks for the messages of encouragement and especially to NocturnalRites for her continued support and invaluable advice.

I hope you continue to read and enjoy.

*Edit: I wanted to add that this story has an Olicity endgame, something I made clear from the start. However, for those readers who expect it to happen in the next chapter, that's unfortunately not the case, and not very realistic either. I've never liked the idea that Felicity has to be the one to "save" Oliver from himself. Yes, I think she's perhaps a small part of what motivates him to be better, but he the desire to overcome his past needs to be something that he works through on his own. A part of his personal growth is learning to be less selfish and respecting Felicity's autonomy i.e. her right to choose who she dates. At the end of it all she needs to make the decision about who she wants to be with and Oliver has some work ahead if he wants to convince her that he's the right choice.

Regards,

LadyG

Felicity was walking on a cloud when she entered the foundry the following afternoon. From her position coming down the stairs she caught a glimpse of Roy and Diggle sitting across from one another but she couldn't quite determine what they were up to. Once she reached the bottom, it was pretty hard to miss.

"Man, I almost had you!" Diggle exclaimed excitedly, slamming one hand onto the table for emphasis.

Roy chortled. "Please. You weren't even close!"

"Best of five?" Diggle suggested.

Rolling his eyes, amusement evident in his voice, Roy replied, "We could do this all day and the result would still be the same. I win. You lose."

Felicity shook her head as she walked past them. Men! "Good morning, boys," she called, while dumping her coat and purse.

She heard a chorus of "Hey" coming from their direction before they locked eyes and raised their forearms again.

"I'll be with you in a sec, Felicity," Diggle said, "I just need to show this kid who's still got it."

Grinning Felicity stood and watched as Roy, with hardly any effort at all, slammed Diggle's hand to the table.

"You were saying, old man?" Roy teased.

Diggle scoffed, rubbing the back of his hand absently. "If we ever get that super soldier serum out of you, this would be a different ball game."

Roy shrugged, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Since that's not the case right now, just admit it, I'm better than you."

Diggle laughed as he stood, punching Roy good-naturedly on the shoulder. "In arm wrestling? Never. You have an unfair advantage."

"Oh, come on!" Roy moaned. "What happened to best of five?"

"I'm taking a rain check. There's a lady present and it's bad manners to ignore her," Diggle laughed, walking over to sit beside Felicity.

Roy grinned, grabbing his red hoodie and walking toward the stairs. "Later!"

Felicity smiled at Diggle. "Looks like the two of you are becoming fast friends."

Rolling down the sleeves of his light blue shirt, his lips tilted up slightly at the corners. "He's a good kid. A little reckless and impulsive at times, but he's learning."

Felicity switched her tablet on. "That's thanks to all the work you guys have been putting in. It's paying off," she said, looking back in the direction Roy had disappeared in.

"So, you still haven't told me about your evening with the DA."Diggle's tone was teasing.

Thinking back on the moment at her apartment door, Felicity couldn't stop the colour that seeped into her cheeks.

"Oh," Diggle grinned. "It's like that."

Smiling secretly, she replied, "It's not like anything. But I did have a good time." She turned slightly in her chair. "Dig, he's…incredible. Smart, attentive, a gentleman-"

Diggle interrupted, "So he didn't take any unwanted liberties?" Always her protector, he watched her closely.

Felicity shook her head, warmed by his concern.

Satisfied, he smiled slowly. "In that case, since when does a gentleman make a woman blush like that?"

Felicity nudged his shoulder with hers, unable to stop smiling. "Let's just say that he knows how to make a woman feel wanted."

Diggle hooted with laughter. "Good for you, Felicity."

She pushed her tablet back slightly. "I have a boyfriend who is issueless, Dig" she said, grinning foolishly. "I need to de-drama my life. This is the first step." She flopped back in her chair happily.

Raising an amused brow, he asked, "So it's official?"

She nodded. "Pretty much."

They sat in silence for a few moments, each with a grin on their face, listening to the pleasant hum of the equipment.

"Have you thought about what effect your actual job might have on your relationship?" he asked quietly.

Felicity exhaled loudly. She had thought about it and she knew it wouldn't be easy. "At the moment things are going so well, but I'm not naïve to think it won't get horribly complicated at some point. It's bound to. I break the law all the time and while my intentions are good, that's not how Adam would see it."

Diggle's face filled with surprise. "You've discussed it with him already?"

She shook her head vehemently. "No, not directly, of course. But once our conversation did briefly touch on the vigilante. He was pretty clear about his views."

Shrugging, Diggle rested his head against the back of his chair. "That's not entirely unexpected, you know. He's an attorney. They don't always see the grey areas."

Felicity looked over at Diggle, pushing her specs back up the bridge of her nose. "He's not like that," she said defensively.

He raised his hands to signal surrender. "Hey, I'm on your side here. Clearly I don't know him as well as you do."

She relaxed. "Sorry, I'm just a little anxious about it. And you are right in some respects. Even though Oliver saved his life once and I do believe he's grateful, he's not the kind of guy to let things slide. It's not who he is."

"Look, don't stress about it just yet. Enjoy getting to know him and cross that bridge when you get to it."

"I think so too. Thanks, Dig."She gave him an affectionate side-hug.

"Anytime."

Hesitating for a second, Oliver shook off his anxiety and raised his hand to knock on the door. He was about to knock again when the door swung open to reveal a sweaty Sara. She looked like she'd been working out.

"Hey," he said.

She dabbed her flushed cheeks with the ends of a white towel. "Hey."

They stared at one another, neither saying a word. Oliver was the first to speak. "Can I come in?"

Shrugging, she opened the door wider, shutting it with a soft thud after he'd crossed the threshold. They spoke simultaneously. "Ollie, why are you-"

"We need to-"

Sara gestured for him to continue. "I thought we should talk."

"Take a seat, please." She grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and offered one to him before sitting down. They were in Laurel's apartment, a place Sara often stayed when she wasn't with Oliver.

"Look, about the last few weeks, I want to explain," he started.

"Wait. Let me go first, okay?" He nodded reluctantly. "I know that we never made any long term commitments to one another and I accept that what's between us isn't some grand love story-"

Oliver sat forward. "Sara-"

She shook her head. "No, Ollie, it's not. I love you and I'm sure you love me too, but we're not Buffy and Angel. It's not heartbreaking and angst ridden and epic. It's safe and easy and risk free. I want you to understand that I'm not pissed off because I saw you looking at another woman in a way that you've never looked at me, I'm pissed off because you haven't been honest about it."

He smiled faintly at her analogy. "You're right, I haven't been completely honest and I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say, so instead I just said nothing. It's not an excuse, but it's all I have."

She watched him closely as she took a sip from her water bottle. "What's going on between you and Felicity?"

"Nothing," came his automatic response.

"Ollie, please." She made to stand up.

"Don't go!" He grabbed her arm and guided her back into her seat. "There isn't anything going on. I mean it," he reiterated when she rolled her eyes. "She's dating Adam."

"Perhaps. But don't insult my intelligence by telling me that you have no feelings for her. I've seen the way you look at her."

He swallowed. This was hard. "Alright, I admit to caring about her – perhaps more than I should."

She frowned. "Then why haven't you ever asked her out? Or made a move?"

Oliver clenched his jaw. He didn't want to have to discuss this, but he knew he'd lose his chance to make things right if he didn't. "It's not that simple. The bottom line is, I'm not pursuing her. She's happy with someone else and no matter what I may feel, it wouldn't work out anyway." It was best that he remembered that.

"Ollie-"

"Everything I touch, I ruin, Sara. I don't even know if it's intentional, some form of self-sabotage so that those I care for never get to see how truly flawed I am. Hurt them before they have a chance to discover the real me. My whole life I've been selfish. I see something I want and I take it, regardless of the consequences. Look at how all this started – I ruined your life the night I took you onboard the Queen's Gambit with me. But that's not where it ended. Laurel. Your parents. My family. So many others. They were all victims of my selfish desires." He bowed his head shamefully. "I don't want to hurt you. You're the only person in my life who knows everything about me, all the good and all the bad. You've never judged my choices or blamed me for everything you've been through – even though we both know that you should. Being with you these last couple of months has been wonderful and I don't regret any of it."

A single tear ran down her cheek. "But it's over."

He took her hands in his. He was relieved when she didn't pull away. "It has to be. You deserve more than some guy who's not really sure about where his head's at. I want you to know that this isn't about Felicity, it's about me. It's time to stop taking the easy way out. I don't know where this will lead to or how long it's going to take, but I can't ask you to wait around until I've got it all figured out. That's not fair to you. It's best that I take a break from all romantic entanglements." His laugh was harsh, without humour. "Apparently I'm really bad at it anyway."

Placing a comforting hand on top of his, Sara squeezed gently. "Maybe you'll suck less when you're in the right one." Her attempt at levity helped ease some of the tension.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too." She wiped the tear away with her discarded towel.

"Sara," he started, cautiously. "I don't want what's happened between us to ruin your relationships with the rest of the team. You're valued. You know that, right?"

She nodded, flicking a stray blonde curl that had come loose from her ponytail over her shoulder. "Yeah, I know. And it won't. You and I are both professionals." She stared at him, her lashes wet with unshed tears. "But that aside, we're friends, no matter what."

"No matter what," he echoed, reaching over to gather her into his arms.

As Oliver left Laurel's apartment he felt lighter, like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Everything would be alright. Sara was an integral part of his past and he knew she'd be a part of his future – as an ally to his alter ego but more importantly, as his friend.

Diggle had been right. This had been as much about her as it had been about him and he couldn't describe how grateful he was that their friendship had not been ruined as a result of his offensive and thoughtless behavior. He was done hurting the people he cared about. He'd meant it when he'd told her that he needed some time alone, without any romantic connections swaying him from his course. It was time to fix what the island had broken and he was the only one who could do it. The time for denial was over as was the time for procrastination and self-recrimination. He'd caused a lot of damage in the lives of the people he loved, but if he couldn't learn to forgive himself, then there was no chance that he could ever truly believe that they could forgive him.

Yes, he couldn't deny that he cared for Felicity and that her relationship with Adam felt like a gaping wound to his stomach. But right now, she didn't need him as much as he needed himself; whole, healthy and free of the demons that haunted him. No woman deserved only half of a man's soul because the other half was eaten away by guilt, pain and trauma. Not Sara. Not Felicity. No one.

So, he'd accept Felicity's new relationship and he'd support her, not because he had to, but because he wanted what was best for her – and who knew that better than Felicity herself. He was learning to let go. It was a small step, but one he was incredibly proud of.