Kitty woke as it was beginning to get dark. No one had tried to bring her out of her faint. Sam had just laid her on her bed and sat beside her until, an hour or two later, Doc came in and replaced him. It was Doc's hand holding hers that she felt when she regained consciousness, and Doc's small body sitting close to her on the side of the bed.
He hadn't lit a lamp, and he didn't bother now, just said softly, "It's Doc, Kitty. I'm here with you. I won't leave you alone."
Kitty didn't speak for a while, she just laid thinking about what had happened over the last two days. The first telegram had come in a little after noon. It had gone to Burke at the marshal's office and showing rare good sense he had taken it first to Sam Noonan. Sam had fetched Doc and the two of them had made their way up to the room where Kitty was napping. The telegram had said only:
TRAIN HELD UP STOP TONNEMAN RELEASED STOP DILLON FEARED DEAD STOP
There had been so many times when Dillon had been feared dead, yet each time he had returned. Kitty had come to expect miracles, and refused to give in to panic. She had let Doc give her a sleeping powder and sit next to her, in Matt's big chair, through the night. She had even tried to console him, knowing how much he, too, cared.
The next telegram had come midway through the following morning. Kitty had gotten up, washed and dressed, and gone down to stand with Sam in the bar. Walking back and forth had seemed easier than sitting still until the second telegram came. Burke brought it and Sam held her cushioned against him with a strong arm around her shoulders as she read it.
DILLON AND ONE HOSTAGE DEAD STOP TONNEMAN GANG STILL LOOSE STOP
DEPUTIES RETURNING TO DODGE STOP
After that, still refusing to believe, she had retired blank-eyed to the rocking chair in her room until Festus and Newly came to her. One look at Festus' sad eyes was all it had taken. Matt was dead and she was alone.
Except that she wasn't alone. Her hands moved down protectively over the child in her belly. Doc saw the motion and moved his hands to cover hers. "People die, Kitty. Even people we love as much as we loved Matt. People die and people are born."
"I don't know how to do this, Doc. I always knew it could happen, but I never really believed it would. What do I do, Doc?" she asked.
"Tonight you just rest, and sleep if you can. I don't want to give you anymore medicine unless I have to. We'll stay here with you, be with you if you want to talk, or if you want to cry," he said.
"And tomorrow?" Kitty asked.
"Tomorrow you get up and continue living your life. It may never be the same again, Kitty, but it's still a life, and you have a baby to think about."
OoOoO
Newly was sitting beside her when she next woke. He'd hoped she would be awake when he came in, but she wasn't. Doc had helped her change into a nightgown and she lay propped against pillows at the head of the bed, sleeping off the last of the whiskey and Doc's powders from the previous day. The lamp was turned low, and she saw him sitting there on a chair beside the bed.
"Newly?" Kitty wasn't sure he'd ever been in her room before, much less sitting watching her sleep.
"Yes, ma'am," he replied. She'd always thought of him as young, but he didn't look young now. His usually smooth face was unshaven and there were lines around his eyes that she swore weren't there two days ago. He moved from the chair to sit beside her on the bed, and there was neither shyness nor reserve in the way he took her hand and brought it to his lips. "I need to talk to you, Kitty. Can you let me do that now, or should I wait?"
"May as well be now, Newly. We've got this night to get through, and then tomorrow, well, tomorrow Doc says I have to start living again."
"It's about Matt, Kitty. I need you to know how it ended," he said.
"Well, I do need to know that, Newly. I was waiting for you and Festus most of the day – didn't want to believe it, really believe it, until I heard it from you." Kitty told him. "I think I'll take this better sitting up," she said, and he stood and helped her pull back the covers and get up.
She noticed him looking at her, watching her with the eyes of the doctor he hadn't quite become, before he picked up the robe that lay across the foot of her bed and held it for her. Her hand strayed to where her belly was just beginning to swell. "You know about the baby, Newly?" she asked softly.
"Yes, ma'am, I do. Festus told me. Out there on the trail. I hope you don't mind."
"I guess everybody's going to know, pretty soon," Kitty said. She hadn't thought much about that yet. Since she'd first know she was pregnant she'd known that Matt was going to marry her and there hadn't been any worry. Now her brow creased and she wished they'd gone ahead and done it instead of waiting.
"Well, that's part of what I wanted to talk to you about, ma'am," Newly said. He seated her on the settee and sat beside her. "But first, you need to know how it was. And I want to be right here with you because this is going to be hard."
Kitty nodded and he continued, "Tonneman's gang, they'd captured some homesteaders as hostages. A wagon full of women and children were set across the track to stop the train. A woman and a girl – they were in the wagon that took Tonneman – and another woman with a boy and a girl – they were tied to a stake and there was brush all around them, and men with torches. They were going to burn them alive if we didn't give them Tonneman."
Kitty choked, remembering Matt's dreams about the burning family. Newly put an arm around her, but he didn't stop talking. "So you see, ma'am. He had to do it. He didn't have any choice. He knew that from the first minute he saw what was happening. And he knew they were going to kill him, ma'am. After that last time when Festus and I got him free from them, Matt knew they were going to kill him right off. And that's why," Newly stumbled over this part, but cleared his throat and went on, "That's why he managed to stop Festus and I from doing anything to help. I'll let Festus tell you his own part, ma'am, but I wouldn't want you to think that I, that either of us, didn't want to help him. He knew, Kitty, he knew what was going to happen, and he set it up so we couldn't interfere."
"That's so like him, Newly," she said.
"Yes, ma'am, it is. He came down from that lookout window, and he told me we weren't to fight. He ordered me, Kitty. He told me I had to stay alive so I could come back and talk to you. Here's what it was. Here's just what he said. He said, 'Part of winning is knowing when to quit. You tell Kitty I love her. And Doc too. Stay alive for me so you can do that.' That was it, ma'am. 'You tell Kitty I love her.' Right there at the end, it was loving you that was on his mind."
She wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn't come. So she sat still in the dim room with Newly's arm around her shoulders and his hand holding both of hers. It wasn't a small hand, but it didn't engulf hers the way Matt's huge one would have. Matt would never hold her hands again.
Kitty thought it was over then, but Newly went on. He told her how Matt had stepped down into the wagon. How he'd talked to the engineer. How Tonneman had pulled Matt's own gun and aimed it at him. "But I don't think it was Tonneman that shot him, ma'am. It sounded to me like a rifle shot, and from a little farther away. Tonneman was pointing that pistol at him, and there was a shot, and then he fell, just crumpled and fell into the wagon, and the horses started running, heading south. That was the last that I could see."
"Now ma'am," Newly said, raising his hand to lift her chin to face him. "There's a little more, and you have to hear it." Kitty nodded. What more could there possibly be with Matt dead?
"That woman they were going to burn, that woman and the boy that was with her, they both had bright red hair," Newly said. Kitty's eyes grew wide and she looked up at him beside her. He nodded and went on, "Now we both know that wasn't an accident. Tonneman's men, they knew about you. And that's why I need to tell you this next part. I think those men mean you harm. So I want you to marry me, Kitty. We'll get married right away. I've been saving, and I have enough to start out new. We can go back to Philadelphia. I have family there who would welcome us. There'll be work for me there and I can support you and the baby. You'll be far away from Dodge, and far away from any hurt that Tonneman can do to you. I'll do my best, ma'am, to make you happy, and I'll raise the marshal's baby as my own child."
Kitty's tears did spill over then, but only for a moment. She laid a hand against Newly's rough cheek. "Thank you, Newly. That's more than kind, and just the thing that makes me proud to know you, but," she shook her head, "I'm not going to marry you, and I'm not going to leave Dodge."
"Well, ma'am, that's what I expected you to say tonight, but I want you to think it over. I know I'm a little younger than you, but that doesn't need to make any difference. You're a beautiful woman, Kitty. I've thought that from the first moment I climbed into that stagecoach and saw you. Any man would be privileged to have you for a wife. I want to marry you and keep you safe. Now you don't have to decide right away, but you do have to decide soon."
"I could never marry a man who called me 'ma'am', Newly," she said, and there would have been a smile if she had had a smile in her.
"Then I won't do that again, Kitty," he said.
There was a knock on the door at that point and Festus came in, carrying a tray of food. Newly rose and picked up his battered hat. "I'm going now, Kitty, but I'll be here tomorrow. I'll be here any time you need me."
"Thank you, Newly," Kitty said, and watched him walk past Festus with a nod, and out the door.
"You feelin' any better like, Miss Kitty?" Festus asked. "Sam, he sayed as you hadn't eaten nothin' today, so I brought you up a leetl' sumthin. Ma Smalley, she cooked it up, and brought over a basket for you. Guess lotsa folks been thinkin' of you, Miss Kitty, there's a whole heap a' food downstairs in that room behind the bar. Sam, he's bin a-feedin' anyone who comes in."
"I don't feel like eating right now, Festus." Kitty responded.
Festus set the plate on her table, and uncovered it. He came across the room and lifted her off the settee. She hadn't realized the strength of him. Compared to Matt, all men were small, but she realized as Festus carefully but firmly guided her over to the table that he must be at least six feet, almost a head taller than she was. He sat her down and laid the napkin over the front of her robe. "You jus' try an eat a leetl' bit, Miss Kitty, jus' ta please me, like. An' for the baby."
Kitty tried. A few bites of custard pie went down smoothly enough but the fried chicken and potatoes were clearly impossible. She shook her head and pushed the plate away. "Could you get me a glass of water, Festus?" she asked. He looked around, seemingly for a bucket, and she told him there was a pitcher in the washroom. He brought her the water, and they sat at the table while Kitty sipped it and Festus ate his way through what was on the plate.
Pushing the plate back and covering it with the napkin he had earlier plucked from Kitty's chest, Festus sighed. It was time to begin, and he didn't want to, but he did. "I need to talk to you, Miss Kitty."
"I know that, Festus. Newly told me his side. He said he'd leave you to tell yours." Kitty answered.
Festus shook his head, "Matthew, he done tied me in a knot, Miss Kitty, and he knowed he was a-tyin' it. Just in those liddl' biddy seconds when we first see'd what was a-happenin', why he figured it all out. He tole me I had to stay up in that kew-pole – that lookout tower – and watch and not do nothin' so as I could be his ace in the hole. That's what he said, Miss Kitty, his ace in the hole."
"Then he tole me that he was goin' to ask me ta do sumthin' real hard." Festus stopped and reached out to take Kitty's hand, "I thought then he was gonna ask me to do sumthin' would get me killed, Miss Kitty, an' I was ready. I want you ta know I was ready, but he asked for sumthin' a lot harder. He tole me I needed to be a coward, Miss Kitty. Ol' Matthew he said I needed to be a coward that day so as I could live to take care of you and the baby. Those was his words, Miss Kitty. He said, 'I need you to give me your word you'll take care of them.' An' I did. I gave him my word right there, an' I'll never go back on it. I'll be there fer you an' that baby all the days o' my life. You jus' know I will."
Kitty gripped his hand hard. "I know you will, Festus."
"Now there's a little more here, and I gots to tell it to ya." Festus went on, "Firstest, Matthew he tole me I could say to you that he died well. An' he did. Jus' as tall an' strong as ever. He jus' stood an' looked right straight at that smilin' man while he was shot down. Tonneman, he had Matthew's gun, but he never got the chance to use it, 'cause sommun else shot him with a rifle."
"What does it matter, Festus?" Kitty said bitterly, "What does it matter which of them shot him? What does it matter if he 'died well'? He's dead and that's all that matters to me."
"Well, it mattered like to him, Miss Kitty, or he wouldn't a said it. Dyin' well, that's sumthin' that matters to a man. An' he did. An' he wanted you to know, so I done tole ya'." Festus stopped there.
"Thank you, Festus," Kitty replied softly, "It will be something his son would want to know, and if the baby's a boy, then, when the time comes, we can both tell him." She wondered, even as she said it, if Festus really didn't realize that all the talk of caring for her and dying well were just Matt's way of keeping his friend safe, of forcing his hand against a gunfight. But Festus clearly took every word of Matt's final speech to him as gospel truth, and Kitty knew she would never disabuse him of that. But Festus was speaking again, and she needed to stop and listen.
"… so's then we'll just go back to the hill country and the Haggenses will take good care a ya' while I go after Matthew's killer."
"What? Back to what hill country? I don't understand, Festus." Kitty said.
"I was jus' a-splainin' it to you, Miss Kitty. After you and I do marry, maybe tomorrer or the nex' day, then…"
"I'm not going to marry you, Festus," Kitty said, more sharply than she intended.
"But you gots to, Miss Kitty," Festus went on patiently, "Matthew he gived you to me. Last thing he ever tole me was to take care of you, an' that's the onliest way what I can do that thing."
"I'm not going to marry you, Festus," Kitty said, more gently this time. "I'm not going to marry anybody."
"Well, I do hate to argufie with you, Miss Kitty, but it's a straight out fact you got to marry somebody, and you got to do it mighty soon." His voice was firm and there was a touch of bitterness as he continued, "Matthew shoulda married ya' a long time ago, Miss Kitty. And he shoulda married you right off when he knew the baby was a-comin'. Now, I'm not goin' to hold him to account fer that, 'cause I know his intentions was good, but there's no denyin' he didn' marry ya, Miss Kitty, and now sommun else is gonna need to." Festus' face turned as ornery as that of his mule, "I'll not be lettin' Matthew's child be born without a name, Miss Kitty. I'm tellin' ya now, that is not gonna happen."
Kitty sat without speaking, her hand still in his. She had no intention of marrying anyone, much less being carted off to live among the Haggenses. She was going to stay right here in Dodge and go about her business, and have Doc deliver this baby when the time came. Still, she though pensively, would it be right to have Matt's child born without a father's name? And could she really name the child Dillon? She thought of Matt's fears that carrying his name would make her a target. Surely that went double for a helpless child. She thought of all the times over those early years that Matt had shared his unwillingness to leave a widow and child. Well, you won that one, Matt Dillon, she thought angrily, you didn't even do that much. You left me your child but not your name.
"I want to go back to bed now, Festus," she said out loud. "We can talk about this more in a few days."
"Tha's fine, Miss Kitty." Festus told her, "I don' be expectin' you to fix ev'ry'thin' tonight, I jus' needed to be a-tellin' ya." With great gentleness, and no embarrassment whatsoever, he untied and removed her robe, and tucked her under the covers, leaning over to kiss her forehead and run a roughened hand along her cheek. "I'm jus' gonna sit here beside ya' in this big ol' chair, an' likely I'll fall asleep, too 'cause Newly an' me, we didn' sleep none las' night, but I'll be right here ifn you need me." They were both asleep when Sam came looking in about three, and Festus was still asleep when Doc arrived at dawn.
OoOoO
Kitty let Doc wake Festus and hustle him out of the room before letting on that she was awake. Doc had brought coffee, and a bag of rolls. She sat at the table, and found herself able, with a little effort, to handle both.
"You going to propose marriage to me this morning, Doc?" she asked.
Doc's hooded eyes stared across the table at her. He sipped his coffee and put down the cup. "Yes."
"All right," she said, "Go ahead."
"Festus already propose?" Doc asked.
"Not exactly." Kitty replied, "He told me that after we got married – today or tomorrow I believe it's to be – he'd be taking me off to stay with the Haggenses while he heads out to kill Tonneman."
"You could do worse," Doc said, "Festus is a little rough around the edges but he's a good man and he'd keep you safe."
"Newly's going to do that by marrying me and taking me back to his family in Philadelphia. He's pretty sure Tonneman can't reach me there, and he wants to raise Matt's baby like his own. Festus didn't get to that part, just told me he wasn't going to let the baby be born without a name."
"There's no need to be flippant about it, Kitty." Doc said, "I know it's early days, but they're both good men with honest intentions, still, I think you'd do better with me."
Kitty's voice was small. "Neither of them told me he loved me."
Doc reached out to tip her face towards him and spoke with utter sincerity, "I love you, Kitty. I've loved you for a lot of years, and I think you should marry me. You need a husband before that baby's born, and that's something I can do for you. I'll likely leave you a still-young widow, but it would make me very happy to spend what years I have left caring for you and the child. I have a good business and more money in the bank than I let on. I can support you both comfortably."
"Thank you, Doc." Kitty said, "I'll consider that very seriously, but whatever happens, I want you to know I love you, too." But I don't love you that way, she thought, and I'm not sure I ever could. If I have to marry it's not a marriage of convenience that I want. Kitty stood up. "Now, you head out and take care of your business. You told me yesterday that I have to keep living. So I'm going to take a bath and get dressed and go do the books."
Doc kissed her cheek and hugged an arm around her. "See you later, Kitty. You just remember that you're not alone here. There's nothing you have to face alone."
It wasn't that easy, of course. But she did it. Her bath made her think of Matt and the times they'd sported in that big tub. Dressing made her wish she had a right to wear mourning, but she didn't, and mourning clothes didn't belong in a saloon. She settled on a white shirtwaist and a long black skirt, and lovingly pinned Matt's cameo at her throat. She wore very little paint because she wasn't sure she could control her tears throughout the day, so she just covered her freckles with a light dusting of face powder and didn't do her eyes at all.
She stood in the doorway to her room and stroked a hand over the tiny wisp of a child, its presence unsuspected beneath the full drapery of her skirt. It would never, ever, be the same. No matter what she did, she would never love anyone as she had loved Matt Dillon. No one would ever love her as he had. She had told Matt she would wait for him. That would take a lifetime, and she wouldn't hold back from living it, but in some sense she would live it waiting. And when it was over, he would be waiting for her. Bracing her shoulders erect, she locked her room and headed down the stairs.