Maya and I speak every night on the phone before going to bed just catching up on each other. I made sure to skate around the kids because I finally decided that's something I'm going to tell her in person. She didn't really ask questions about them. which I was glad because I didn't feel like lying to her.

I found out she dated half the swim team at her school in Cali. "So you had a thing for swimmers?"

"Just one swimmer in particular but she wasn't there. No one came close to her either."

"obviously that's why they didn't last." we poked around and sometimes we would fall asleep on the phone. I would wake up to her raspy voice calling my name. Just like tonight, I wake up to her voice and I smile like always.

"goodnight Em. I will see you in a few more hours."

"Spend the night tonight." I randomly blurt out in my sleepy state.

"of course. goodnight."

"night Maya."

when our school day came to an end, I followed Maya back to her loft so she could pack her an overnight bag and then I drove us to pick up the kids. I go in and get Sydney and she is all smiles when she sees Maya in the car.

"Maya!" she smiled. "Hey baby. how was school?"

"good. I want ice cream mama."

"we can have ice cream after dinner sweetie. Lets go get bubba and sissy." Her teacher said she is very talkative for a two year old. Very verbal. she talks more than the twins did at that age and honestly I like it. She is bossy sometimes and I think it is adorable. I snapped out my thoughts when Maya touches my hand. I look to my right and smile.

"what are you thinking about?" she asked smiling at me.

"Honestly, little missy in the back."I smiled back at her before looking back at Sydney. The twins were excited to see Maya once we picked them up. They talked about school telling us everything that happen. when we arrived home, they all ate an apple before asking to go out back to play. Maya and I sat watching them play on the swing set in silence.

"Do you ever think about the past?" she asked and I look over at her. "Huh?" she chuckles and repeats her question. "Do you ever think about the past?"

"oh—yeah. we used to have some good times."

"favorite memory?" I shook my head. "They all hold a special place in my memory. But I remember that one time I think eighth grade you spent the night over my house because your parents went out of town for the week and my mom didn't want you to be alone."

"I remember that day vividly." she laughs softly.

"you and I both." I could see a little sparkle in her eyes and couldn't help but have my heart flutter a little bit.

"Mama look at me!" Dominic yells. I watch her successfully cross the monkey bars and I clap loudly. "Good job baby boy."

"That was our first time." she said quietly. I draw my attention towards her as I watch her. She looks like she is watching it happen all over again. "Both of our first times." she repeats.

"we were so lucky my mom was working at the hospital that night."

"You were being so loud. I swear your neighbors heard." I laughed slapping her arm. "Shut up! I was not that loud."

"Please you lost your voice the next day."

"I didn't lose it… it was just in and out all day."

"I was good."

"cocky much?" she laughs. "Noo just overly confident. You weren't too bad yourself."

"thanks." we fall quiet again and my attention falls back to the kids. Sydney is playing in her sandbox while the twins climb and swing. 'They are going to need a nap after this.' I thought to myself.

"can I ask you a personal question?"

"Yeah sure."

"When is the last time you slept with someone?" Damn she meant personal didn't she. I looked at her raising my eyebrow. "Why do you want to know?"

"I'm curious. you don't have to answer I—"

"I don't know. Maybe eight years. Sophomore year of high school I think was the last time." I shrugged my shoulders. "You?"

"A little over a year."

"I thought you had a girlfriend or whatever before you came here."

"oh I had one but I stopped sleeping with her a long time ago. I was just there because I didn't want to hurt her. She wasn't asking me for it so I figured she was getting it from somewhere else." shrugged and I could tell she honestly didn't care that this girl was cheating on her. "I checked out of that relationship a while ago."

"how long were you two together?"

"almost two years. That was my longest relationship on the west coast." she looks over at me and we maintain eye connect.

"personal question: Have you slept with a guy?" she nods her head breaking eye contact.

"do you remember the promise we made each other?" she asked and I nodded my head. "I guess we both broke it." she looks at me and I nod my head.

"We're grown now. Things happen." Sydney walks over to me rubbing her eyes. "Baby don't touch your eyes. Are you tired?" she nods her head and I pick her up laying her against my chest. "Dom and Jess lets come in." I laid them down for their naps in the den while Maya and I settled in the living room.

"I want to tell you something."

"are you okay?"

"yes." she nods and I take a deep breath. "Umm when I was sixteen the twins were born. I had mixed emotions about it. Then at eighteen Sydney came along. My dad died before Sydney was born and then my mom died two months after she was born. I was left to take care of three kids. Three babies all alone. I had to stop my life because I had three lives I was responsible for…" I took a deep breath. "Their dad was killed in action… umm how can I put this?" she looked at me confused and put her hand on my knee.

"Just tell me Em."

"I'm not their mother. I didn't give birth to them."

"what are you saying?"

"They are my brother and sisters. My mom died two months after she had Syd. Luckily that day she didn't take Syd with her. She asked me to watch her." tears rolled down from my eyes. "I was so scared that day I got that called. I had just lost my dad and then my mom. I was eighteen. I denied a full ride scholarship to school so they didn't go into the system. They became my life. They are my life. That's when I deleted everything. I wanted to disappeared so I did."

"Emily why didn't you call me when all this happen? I would have came running back."

"I couldn't. you hadn't spoken to me in years so I figured you moved on." she wrapped her arms around my body and held me. I missed this feeling. I started sobbing. i guess all the years of holding it in is finally being released. she lies back on the couch taking me down with her holding me tightly.

"I'm here now Em and you don't have to worry about me leaving you ever again." I felt her press her lips against my temple as I hide my face in her neck. we stayed like that for awhile even after I stopped crying. she rubbed my back and I looked up at her. "Hey beautiful." I feel the heat rise in my cheeks and I smiled.

"Hi."

"Are you okay?" I nod my head. I reach up and cradle her cheek, rubbing my thumb over it. "How about I make some lunch for all of us? I think I hear them moving around."

"I got it."

"no you lay here, I will make it. Anything they cannot eat?"

"no they will eat anything. There is some fruit in a bowl, give them a little of that." she nodded her head walking away.

I sat there and started thinking to myself. How am I getting this lucky again? I'm getting everything I wanted and more. Don't rush back into this Emily you have kids to think about. I need to explain to them that I like girls and not boys like most girls do. How am I going to explain that to a bunch of toddlers? I'm glad she took my little secret okay and didn't get mad. I mean could she really be mad at me for that? Well yeah because we made a promise to each other to not have children without each other. I could tell she was hurt when she saw I had kids and thought I had them but she looked like she understood that life happen.

"Mama." my thoughts are interrupted by Dominic.

"Hey sweet boy." I put him in my lap peppering his cheeks with kisses. "Have a good nap?"

"Yeah. I'm hungry."

"ready for a little lunch?" he smiled nodding. "I think someone is making lunch for us." he knitted his eyebrows and I carried him to the kitchen. When he seen Maya and wiggled out my embrace wrapping his arms around her legs.

"you're still here!"

"where else would I be?" she bend down lifting him to her hip. "Want to help me finish making grilled cheeses?" he smiled a wide showing off his pretty white teeth. she handed him the spatula and helped him flip over the sandwich.

"look mama!"

"good job bubba." I sat on one of the stools and watched the two of them cook us lunch. When they were finish, my two princesses walked into the kitchen rubbing the sleep from their eyes. "Hi babies." I kissed both of their cheeks sitting them in the chair. "Maya and Dominic made us lunch."

they looked around and smiled when they saw Maya walk back into the kitchen. "Hey cuties." she kissed both of their foreheads and put a plate with half a sandwich and fruit in front of both of them. I loved how caring she was with the kids. Made my heart swell. this is what I want as I sat at the table and looked at what my family could be.