Callie stayed away from Arizona that night, not wanting her to be freaked out. Even though she wasn't in her room, Callie was always an ear shot away. Most of the morning she sat at the nurse's desk catching up on some paperwork, if she couldn't be around her wife might as well do something productive. The main reason why she was doing paperwork was because she couldn't figure out a way to tell Barbara and Daniel that their only daughter thought they were dead. It tore her heart to shreds just thinking about it, and Sofia. Their daughter was having a hard enough time not being able to see Arizona, and now that she's awake and can't remember her…
Callie had to be strong though. She needed to be the one to help Arizona out of her daze, and bring her back to life. The problem with that was that Callie had no idea what to even say to her too. A woman that she loves so incredibly much, and not be given that love back in return. The way she looks at Callie now, means nothing like not how she used to look at her. She racked her brain for hours to come up with some conversation starter, so she could at least hear the blonde speak. It destroyed her knowing that any slight move that would be normal for them before could send Arizona spiraling backwards. Even if she could get Arizona to love her all over again, and create an entirely new life, it wouldn't be the same. She wouldn't be able to live with herself. Callie wanted the old Arizona back. Actually needed her more than she thought.
The halls became a little busier as the sun rose, and patients awoke from their slumber. Families came in to visit their loved ones with smiles, then left with tears lining their devastated eyes. Interns looked confused practically all day, while their residents dictated their every move. Attending's read charts and casually carried conversations over their shoulders. You would never know something tragic had happened only a few hours earlier. Callie was left dumbfounded by all the busy bodies, because her mind wouldn't stop reeling and her heart wouldn't stop aching.
Arizona's daytime nurse had arrived and was getting ready to check up on her patient, but Callie gained confidence and took the chart right out of her hands and smoothed down her hair. Stopping just before entering Arizona's room, she fixed the grief stricken look on her face and put on her best smile, knowing it was Arizona's favorite look on Callie.
Walking up to Arizona's left side she gently laid her tan hand on a pale one, waking the sleeping beauty. "Good morning… Sorry, I know you want to sleep but.."
"Mmm.. rounds already?" The blonde rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and looked up at Callie, "Wow…" she said suddenly blushing.
Callie raised an eyebrow, "What?"
"Uhm, nothing.." Arizona dragged her gaze away and realized Callie's hand was still on hers, making her feel a little uncomfortable.
Callie saw the blonde shift away slightly away from her, then quickly removed her hand. 'Not even five minutes of being with her, and I'm already screwing up.' She thought, mentally kicking herself. "If you don't mind, I need to check the brace on your legs. But I need to see how well your cheek bones are doing first." Arizona nodded and turned her head facing Callie. The brunette took a deep breath and gently examined her fragile face. She placed both hands on either side of Arizona's face, and skimmed her thumbs over smooth bruised skin. Callie knew this wasn't how you were supposed to examine someone, but she just had to be close to her wife somehow.
Arizona saw Callie's eyes grow a shade darker and thought the worst. "Is something wrong?"
Releasing Arizona's face and clearing her throat, "Looks like you'll be just as beautiful as you were before." Callie closed her eyes, patronizing herself for letting those words slip out. Arizona just giggled and removed her blanket, as Callie's throat went dry. Even though she was in braces and still had bruises all over her body, Arizona managed to look as radiant as ever. Maybe it was just the thought having Arizona awake and responding, but whatever it was Callie was in awe.
This time Callie actually properly examined her hips, pressing in the right places and reading her chart. She needed to see what kind of range Arizona had, so she slipped the Velcro off and slid the blonde's legs out gently. Arizona released the breath she didn't know she was holding in, and relaxed under Callie's touch. The brunette traced the curve of Arizona's hip with her right hand, then placed her left on the inside of her thigh.
"This is going to hurt a little.." her voice was tender, and as slowly as possible she lifted Arizona's left leg off the bed then back down.
Arizona's fists clenched around the bed sheets as Callie maneuvered her leg. When her leg was back on the bed, Callie left her warm hands on her inner thigh and hip eliciting goose bumps to erupt all over her body. "You're very attentive to me all of a sudden." Arizona spoke up when Callie finally was able to take her hands off her.
"All of a sudden?" Callie slid her braces back over the tops of her legs and snapped them shut. Taking the chart and rounding her bed, every step being watched by blue eyes.
"Yes, all of a sudden. We've what? Spoken two words to each other since I started working here?" Her tone was serious, but Callie still didn't lift her head from the chart.
By the time she was back on the other side of Arizona's bed, Callie figured it wouldn't hurt to try something. "Umm not exactly. Arizona, there's something that you need to know." Callie's voice suddenly became shaky, as Arizona scrunched up her brow. "You do have some amnesia.." She began, but decided to not completely tell her wife the truth. Knowing what the possibilities could be. "Me and you.. We became friends almost instantly when you moved here… and umm, we grew close, really close.." Her voice drifted off thinking about their night in the bathroom at Joe's.
With Callie hesitating to continue Arizona jumped in, "And you didn't tell me this last night because why? Instead you watched me from the hall all night. What was that? You trying to think of a way to break it to me? That I'm missing pieces of my life? If you were actually my friend you would've known to tell me right away… I guess we aren't that close as you thought…" Arizona ended her rant by folding her arm over her stomach, slightly turning away from Callie. It hurt knowing she was missing parts of her life, but what hurt her more was that Callie didn't tell her. Except, Arizona couldn't figure out why it hurt her so much, or why she gets this weird feeling when Callie is around. Closing her eyes she forced herself to try to fall back to sleep, leaving Callie heartbroken.
Callie flipped the switch to dim the lights in Arizona's room, then shut the door behind her. She knew she shouldn't have said any of those things, but Arizona is going to need Callie when she is ready to come home. Reason being, Callie's home is Arizona's home. She didn't know where Arizona thought she lived, and after that didn't really feel like asking all those questions that has been rattling her brain. Callie decided that now was probably the best time to go home. Now that she knows Arizona is awake and healthy, for the most part, she has to face her bigger problems.
Pulling up in the driveway, Callie sat in her car starring at the garage door. She wasn't thinking about what to say or do, she was finally letting herself soak in all of last night and this morning. Suddenly a flood of tears streamed down her face, and a gasp escaped her lips. Air was coming out but it wasn't returning, Callie grabbed her chest and sobbed into her hand leaning against the steering wheel. After a few minutes when no more tears were able to drop, she fixed herself up and walked into their house.
"Callie? What are you doing here? We were just about to come up to the hospital, Mija." The dark man stepped out of the kitchen, stuffing a piece of toast into his mouth before bringing his daughter in for a hug.
"Where's Mr. and Mrs. Robbins?" She said peeking into the living room.
"Right here sweetie." Barbara placed her hands on Callie's upper arms, and held her at arm's length. "What's wrong?"
Callie managed a small smile, then guided all three into the living room. The air became extremely thick as Callie stood in front of them, swallowing hard.
"Arizona woke up last night.." Callie began. Barbara covered her mouth, as Daniel wrapped his arm around her in joy. Callie's father placed his hand on the older woman's shoulder and glanced up at Callie, telling her to continue. She bowed her head and went on, "Except she isn't Arizona.."
"Is she okay? Oh, no. There was brain damage wasn't there? Oh god, no.." The blonde stood up and started pacing around the room.
"No. No brain damage.." Taking another deep breathe, "She has amnesia.. Or something like it." All three people had confused looks smacked on their faces. "When she was in the coma, she dreamed up an entirely new life… and when she woke up…" Her voice falling flat, "She can't remember certain things.."
"Things like what?" Carlos said as softly as possible. Just then Sofia came bursting through the door and jumped on Callie's leg. A wide smile grazed Callie's face as she bent down and embraced her daughter with everything she had in her. And then it him, "No.."
Callie looked up with sad eyes that were beginning to glaze over, and nodded her head. Daniel leaned back into the sofa, and ran his hands over his jeans, back and forth. Barbara walked up to Callie, pleading with her eyes for more.
"She doesn't remember me either.. and .. she believes you two died when she was a teenager." The last part of the sentence came out in a slight whisper, hoping that if she was quiet enough they would ignore it. That wasn't the case. Callie held Sofia tighter to her chest, as she watched her mother-in-law collapse back onto the couch weeping.
Carlos stood up and embraced Callie once again, this time not letting go until Callie was ready to let him go. Callie shifted her head so that only her father could hear, "Sofia can't see Arizona yet…" Carlos tightened his arms and nodded his head against Callie's shoulder. She was right, having Sofia running into the room yelling Mama, would freak Arizona out too much. Callie was practically already lying to her wife, and wasn't on good terms yet, so Sofia needed to stay away for a while longer.
After a few moments of silence, Callie spoke again. "I'm going back there tonight to make sure she's okay, but I need you to stay here.." She knew telling Arizona's parents to stay away from their daughter that almost died was going to be tough, but it had to be done. "She's still too fragile, and too much of anything could send her deeper… I can't lose her more than I already have, so please.. stay here." Her voice was laced with sincerity, but she kept strong knowing it was for the best.
Callie took a long hot shower, then put some fresh clothes on. She needed to get out of their room as quick as possible because it hurt her too much. Every time she closed her eyes she could feel Arizona, and could see her getting ready for their wedding. Then it fades to black and next thing she see's is Arizona lying on the operating table beaten to the bone. Being able to see Arizona awake in a hospital bed, was way better than anything her mind was making up at this point. She grabbed her car keys and headed up to Sofia's room, wanting to tuck her in for the night.
"Mommy? When is Mama coming home?" Sofia eyes were getting heavier and heavier, every time she took a breath.
"Soon baby." Callie brushed her fingers across a smooth cheek, and tucked her fine black hair behind her cute little ear.
"I miss her.."
"I know baby, me too.."
It was weird seeing the hospital die down again, she was only gone for a few hours, but the quietness was nice. Callie got into the elevator waiting for the doors to close, when Bailey jumped in at the last second. The shorter woman turned her body to face Callie wanting to say something but couldn't.
"I know." Callie said not looking at Miranda.
"I didn't say anything. I just.. I want to say sorry, but I know it doesn't help. So I'm not going to say anything at all." She faced the elevator doors and put her hands into her lab coat rocking back and forth on her heels. "You're doing the right thing you know." Callie looked over with a confused look. "Not pressuring Arizona to be the person she used to be…" She stopped her rocking just as the doors opened to her floor. She stepped out and turned around, "She'll come back to you.." and with that she was gone.
Callie sighed and watched the numbers change for each floor. She really didn't want to bother Arizona again, but she couldn't help it. There was no way she could stay away from her, no matter how much Arizona hated her at the moment. In a way it felt familiar, the way Arizona was treating Callie. It scared her because she didn't want life to be like that again. But in another way, it was completely different, because this wasn't her Arizona. She was some other woman trapped inside that beautiful body. The door chimmed and opened up to an empty floor, bringing Callie back into her nightmare.
Arizona's lights in her room were on, but the blinds were shut. Callie approached the door and knocked softly, hearing a subtle 'come in' creep from underneath the door. Callie opened it slowly and peaked her head in, waiting for the okay to come fully into the room. Arizona dropped her head and waved her hand.
"Hey. How are you feeling?" Callie said softly.
"I've been better." Her tone was short, making Callie nervous.
"I can leave if you want." She said with her hand still on the knob.
"No… I mean you'll probably sleep here anyways. So might as well stay for a bit."
Callie chuckled and closed the door quietly. Arizona propped her bed up so she could see the Latina better. Her eyes naturally raking up and down Callie's body taking in everything she had to offer. She shook her head and scoffed at herself. This wasn't her, she never looks at women that way. Right? But she sure does when Callie is around. "How close were we?" She asked suddenly curious.
"Very close." Callie sat down in the chair scooting it closer to the side of the bed. Wanting so badly to reach over and take the small hand in hers, but refrained.
"Very close as in…?" she said getting annoyed.
"We umm.." Callie hesitated, wanting to just spill everything. She dropped her head to think then locked eyes with her wife. "We were best friends. You knew everything about me and I know everything about you… We actually live together."
"We live together? No. I'm pretty sure I have my own apartment, right?" She scrunched up her eye brows and looked up at the ceiling trying really hard to remember.
"You did have your own for a while.. But you spent so much time at my house, we decided that it wouldn't hurt if you moved in." Callie was trying hard not to make it sound like she was lying, and somehow it was working.
"Oh yeah, sure I remember that… So that's why everyone comes in asking me how you are." She looked back at Callie who was sitting abnormally still.
"Probably. Can I ask you something?" Callie asked.
"I guess?" Arizona exhaled and prepared herself for what was coming.
"Does the name Sofia ring any bells?" Callie had to ask, their daughter's wellbeing was at stake here.
Arizona looked at Callie quizzically, and thought about it. "Nnnoppe. Why?"
Callie's heart dropped in her chest and was sure the blonde heard it. "It's just… You always talked about if you had a little girl that's what you would name her.. I wondered if it would help jog your memory a bit."
"Well it didn't." she said harshly looking away from Callie and back at the ceiling. Suddenly feeling guilty for being so mean. "I'm sorry. I didn't.."
"No it's fine. I know this must be hard.." Callie leaned back into the chair and twirled her thumbs.
"I think.. I need sleep." Arizona said under her breath, closing her eyes so she didn't have to see that look Callie kept giving her. It made her heart hurt, but still couldn't figure out why.
"Yeah.." Callie started to get up and head to the door. "I'll be down the hall if you need anything okay?" Her voice cracking at the end.
Arizona giggled and a faint smile fell across her pink lips. "Figures."
Callie grinned, you could see the happiness in her eyes for the first time hearing her wife giggle.
"Goodnight, Arizona."
"Goodnight, Callie."
Callie closed the door softly, and leaned her head against it. Taking a deep breath, she whispered,
"I love you." And headed to the nearest on-call room.
Arizona could see Callie's shadow underneath the door, and could hear her sighing. A tear escaped and rolled down her nose. She quickly wiped it away, and huffed. All these feelings were bubbling inside of her, and she hated it. She knew she didn't like women, she was married to a man at one point in time. But she couldn't help what she was feeling. It hurt her head trying to wrap everything around it.
"Arizona Robbins, you are not gay. You don't like Callie. She is just your friend. So stop it." She said out loud to herself. She became very determined to push those feelings down as deep as they would go, and live her life the way she was supposed to.
Sorry for the late update, I clopened and there was no way I could type up this chapter in two hours. Otherwise it would have been crap. Comment and trust the journey!
P.S. I made a vine account so you should follow it! (:
I will post tomorrow I promise!