Half-truth
Before the golden throne, Loki stood with his arms stretched on either side of him and his mouth opens to sing in old Jotunheim. Deep and beautiful and sad was his voice that rose to the heavens and filled the entire chamber.
Thor watched in awed, as white light descended upon Loki, and then shimmering golden thread in the hundreds seeming to rise from the very ground Loki stood, trickling and curling all over the prince and bellowing his ebony locks and furs. Then with a wave of Loki's hand, the thread sped off, leaping from pillars to pillars playfully, teasingly, and curling, stirring and contracting in all their beauty.
With a loud sharp crack of the whip, ice raced across the entire hall, crawling up the pillars and walls; and thick mist spread and rose.
The children shrieked in wonder, their parents gasped in fear and horror and there was at once a tumult of shouts of rage. There was an uproar and a mad scramble as parents ran in an attempt to snatch their children into their fearful embrace.
The Elven guests were the only calm ones, seeming to think them all petty as they watch their children play and laugh, attempting to conjure their own little dancing lights to entwine with golden threads.
Thor could not help but chuckle at the wondrous display of lights as Baldur let out a peal of laughter when a jet of golden light flew down his tunic.
"Look! Look!" The Elven children shrieked in excitement attempting to catch the golden lights that raced and crisscrosses, bursting when they met head on, illuminating the dark chamber with flashes of emerald, gold, cerulean and white.
Innocent bodiless laughter echoed and the heavenly voice that sang in old Jotunheim resonated. And then before Thor's very eyes the entire chamber just seem to fall away; the landscape of gold morphing to misty white of ice and snow. And at once, there was a deafening groan and the entire chamber shook as titan structure seem to crack the ground as they rise as if a sunken ship thrown up by the waves.
Thor reach out a hand as the tip of the building rose and passes through his flesh like icy mist. He smiles in wonder, his eyes wide.
Illusions….
Soon, huge ice structures stood all about them as they have never seen it. There were hundreds of towering ornate buildings and bridges of impossible height connecting them with the rushing waters roaring beneath. There was an ice cathedral with her high glittering windows, large booming bells and hundreds of monstrous stairs framed by Jotun warriors of old with their ice blades raised, forming an archway behind them. And there were towering trees of gold with their pillars of black and silver.
A mirage of Jotunheim in her glory days Thor knew. He had seen the pictures in books, but they were nothing compare to what was before his eyes.
"Beautiful…" He thought.
He let his gaze drift across the once chamber. Snow covered the ground and fell from high above. The walls were no more to give way to the magnificent city of ice; the ceiling was gone, to reveal the beauty of night, the thousands upon thousands of glittering stars.
Thor knew that the enchanted night sky though, was not of Jotunheim. For Jotunheim's moon was red and harsh, painting the night in blood. There was an ominous beauty to it Thor suppose, but it would not have suited the children.
The Elven children laughed and clapped.
"Snow! Snow!" They ran. Some were attempting to make snow balls while others toss themselves into the powdery softness in joy. The snow and ice are real, but everything else is an illusion.
"Welcome to Jotunheim" Loki declared.
There was a chorus of harsh murmurs as the parent's spoke to each other.
"The great city of monsters" He moves down from the steps.
The crowd parted as the prince strode, as if monstrosity was contagious.
Against the stark whiteness, dim backdrop and mist swirling beneath Loki's feet, Thor thought Loki looked mystical as the Jotun prowled to a halt before him. Scarlet eyes bore into cerulean ones. Thor could hear sharp whispers and hissed beneath the laughter of children and he could feel hostile eyes upon them.
"Would this suffice your Grace?" Loki smirks, tilting his head mockingly.
At once Thor felt anger. "Coward!" Thor wanted to spit at the damn Jotun. "You hide behind your mask as if it were a damn fortress!"
Every damn time, Loki would twist his actions and words into something ugly and bitter. As if he is without hope, as if he is truly the monster everyone says he is. And yet…he wanted Thor's favor. Loki is a contradiction in itself. His actions and words do not match. Thor is sick of his game!
"What is it that you really want?" "If you want forgiveness, come out and say so" Thor gritted.
"Forgiveness?" Loki let out a chuckle; taking a step back he bowed mockingly. "Good night your grace" He turns to leave.
Thor did not stop him. The crowd of furious parents murmured to each other.
"Anything could have happen!" "The King simply stood there and let that monster do as it pleases!" "That monster is too much!" "Did you see that power?!" "Did you see it?!" "Did you see what that thing could do?!" "So the rumors were true!" "I heard it practices dark magic!" "Blood magic I heard!" Were being whispered furiously.
And there were sharp slamming of doors as some carried their wailing children away.
"I want to play!" A wriggling child wailed in her mother's embrace as she was forcefully taken away.
It was quickly turning into chaos.
"Calm yourself! Please! He would not have harmed you!" Thor said, raising his hands.
"And how would you have known?! Would you trust that thing with your life Son of Odin?!" Charged a woman.
Thor tensed.
The crowd grew ever louder.
The King is useless! The boy King is a fool! Such power! The monster could have killed them all with his seid and yet… Why is the monster's seid not bound long ago?!
Louder and louder they became till it was blatant accusation.
They could not believe the Son of Odin. He was not just keeping another animal! He is keeping a monster! A true monster! That powerful display of spell work proves that the ridiculous rumors are true. The crown prince of beast is a powerful sorcerer. What else of the rumors could be true? That it practices black magic? Blood magic?! Have the beast cursed them all?! The monster could have killed them all! Kill their children!
"What is the matter with that boy king?!"
"He is bewitched I tell you! Dark magic! It must be!"
"Will Gods treat with beast now your Grace?!" A Vanir man spat boldly, stepping before the boy King.
"I thought the Son of Odin was more than just another pretty face!" A dwarf snarled.
"How could you allow such a monster to run rampant with his seid?! Are you mad boy?!" A fire demon bellowed in shaking fury.
In a heartbeat more and more bold accusations were being hurled in abandon.
Elise could not believe what she was seeing. "Stop it! You are speaking to a king!" She screams in indignant.
"Silence woman!" A dwarf spat at her feet.
She reeled, slapping him hard across his bearded face.
The dwarf said nothing, his lips curled in disgust at the sight of her defending the fool king. His King would be glad that he has no daughters to marry off to this oaf.
"My Lord! Say something!" Elise cried, turning to Thor.
Thor was eerily silent, letting them hurl abuse to their desires beneath the laughter of children behind them.
Vigdis watches Thor's persecution silently. She could not hear the words for the Elves had decided to silence that portion of the room so to not frighten the playing children, but she could still see the furious movement of their lips.
Thor did not return to his room for a long time. He watched from the high windows at the lines of torches burning beneath the shadows of night as the dwarfs marched to the bifrost. The dwarfs would not stay a minute longer. Not with a monstrous sorcerer running rampant with its seid unbound.
Thor did not blame them… all their accusations were true. Loki could have slaughter them all. There was no denying that he had placed all his guests at the mercy of an enemy he could neither stop nor bind.
A flash of lightning streak, he could see the thousands of armored warriors marching in the dark and the next moment, it was no more, and only their burning torches were visible in the night.
Thor wouldn't be surprised if he awoke to the Vanir or Fire demons leaving come the break dawn. He backed away from the window and returned to his room. He spoke to no one and saw no one. Loki was already asleep when he returned, much to his relief. He did not wish to deal with him. Not now… Not tonight. His head hurts and he just wanted to sleep.
He shed his clothing as silently as he could and climb under the covers.
Sleep found him yes… and so did nightmare.
It was always the same ones. It was always that the shameful truth he so desperately hid had been found out.
It was either that Asgard had found out that he was a bastard, or it was Frigga holding her baby boy Vali in her arms, weeping and screaming at Thor for what he had done. And he could never bear the hatred in her wet red eyes, the coldness and cruelness on her tears stricken face when she would drop Vali as if a sack of flour and stand to her feet.
"What have you done?! My boy! My boy! You murderer!" She would shriek at him.
"I'm so sorry…. I'm so so sorry" He would plead and weep in remorse and grief; over and over again. But Frigga would never forgive him. She would raise her dagger and plunged it into his guts.
"Murderer!" She would scream even as he weeps and his blood pours, over her fair hands.
"Mother…please…please…"
"I am not your mother!"
That was the one he feared the most; because it hurt him the worst. Not the stabbing, but her hatred that he knew full well he deserve.
Then there were the ones where he simply could not lift Mjolnir. His weapon found him unworthy because he is a fake, a liar and a kinslayer.
Whichever nightmare he was having Thor could not remember when he was forcefully wrenched from it by a terrible shrieked of pure terror that tore him from his fitful sleep. For an instant he was disoriented, confuse before his senses came back to him.
Loki…
He turns to see the silhouette of the prince sitting beside him. Loki was panting and trembling.
"Norns…" Loki runs a shaky hand down his sweaty face.
"Loki…?" Thor pulls himself up to sit.
Loki did not seem to hear him, swiping his emerald gaze to each side and across the dark room.
"Loki" Thor tried again, reaching hesitantly to touch Loki's sweaty arm.
Loki jolted in shock, turning to Thor at once. "It's you…" Loki said.
"Aye…" Thor tucks a strand of Loki's ebony bangs to the back of his ears.
"…"
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah…just a nightmare" Loki flash Thor a smile. "Nothing to worry about your Grace. I am not a child in fear of his nightmares"
Thor frowned as he lids a hand over Loki's shoulder. "He is shaking".
That scream… that fear… even if everything else was a lie, Thor knows that Loki's terrors are real. The only time he had ever seen Loki so terrified and vulnerable was at the temple.
"Is it her?" Thor asked quietly.
At once Loki tensed. "I…I don't know what you are talking about"
"Lo-"
"You are speaking rubbish!" Loki throws his legs over the edge of the bed.
Thor said nothing, hurrying off the bed to dress as Loki did.
"You don't have to follow me. I won't kill anyone" Loki muttered.
"I know"
"It would not be wise to be seen together at such an hour" Loki threw Thor's words back at him.
"I know" Thor said again.
Truly, Thor wanted to laugh. There was no need for Loki to attempt to protect Thor's reputation or pretend to; it had already been damaged beyond repair. As of now, there is nothing else to destroy.
"You should be happy…" Thor thought bitterly.
Laufey was sitting at his desk when Farbauti stomped in, slamming the door hard enough to break it. It was truly a miracle that it held strong.
"Have you lost your mind?!" Farbauti slammed his hand onto the table, sending half the pile of documents toppling over and clattering onto the floor.
Laufey looked up from his paper calmly. "I simply put Thrym on house arrest" He said.
"In our home?!" Farbauti demanded. "When he conspire to kill our child?! Are you sick with fever?!"
"I rather have him where I can see and guard him"
Guard… At that, Farbauti let out a cold cruel chuckle. After all that Thrym has conspire to do, Laufey will still protect him.
"You think I will have him assassinated don't you" Farbauti whispered coldly.
"That's not what I me-"
"And you would be damn right"
"…"
"I would kill him with my bare hands if I did not know how much he means to you!"
"…"
"You love him still even after all this"
"I love you"
"And him!"
"I have never betrayed you" Laufey whispered.
Farbauti clenched his jaws; his fingers curled, resisting the urge to punch Laufey. He was so angry, so so angry at Laufey that the only thing he was capable of producing was tears.
Laufey looks away, picking at the edge of his icy chair.
"I love you Farbauti…." He said. "But I won't stand back and let you kill him…And now is not the time to argue over this"
Within the cage of Odin's golden walls, the hanging vines were silvery white, thousands of crystal droplet clinging upon them and they twinkled against the gentle ray of the moon. Roses of the deepest red and sapphire bloomed in all their ethereal beauty, and they seem to glow in the darkness of night.
Midnight butterflies with large black wings splashed with patterns of deep royal purple fluttered from one darling buds to the next. And clear cerulean wind chime that hung from willowy trees of ebony barks tinkle as a gentle wind blows and ripples spread over the pond amid the Queen's garden. Little glowing cerulean mushrooms bloom beneath the root of trees after the rain, framing path of colored stones with little glows.
Loki's fingers brushes the vines as he passes, sending the thousands of crystal droplet tumbling down. Loki was foolish to think he could weave that curse once more to bind Thor to him.
"I want to see" He had said to Odin.
He wanted to see the veil that separates him from Hela. His nightmares had always told him how close he treads to the realm of the dead. But since Odin's false peace, he had not a clue how much closer he had drifted.
"You will not survive it if you attempt that curse again" Odin told him.
"You do not know what I will risk. Now unveil this false cloak from my eyes! I do not want your false peace tonight! Leave!"
Odin had not looked please at his demand, but Loki did not care.
"Then will me away" Odin had said. "This is your dream after all"
Loki tightened his jaws as he stood at the edge of the pond, gazing upon the heavens as a gentle breeze caresses his fair skin. He cannot attempt that curse or any dark curses for that matter. He dared not draw seid from the realm of the dead again.
He treads too close; the corruption is almost complete.
He was lucky that Odin had not fought against his curse, or it would have dragged Loki down to Hel like an anchor. He could still maintain that curse for a time; the corruption is slow if Odin does not fight. As long as he only perform normal seid that draws its strength from the caster, he should be fine for a while longer before he has to kill Odin to stop the corruption.
And when that time comes, he must be able to do so quickly. He is a fool if he thinks Odin will not fight him when he meant to take that pretty head.
Truth, that work the Queen did on Thor to deliver those fragments of his soul to Hela was damn impressive. Whatever the price was, it must have been steep.
That damn witch! He did not expect her to be able to pay the price.
There was a soft rustled of grass as Thor moves closer to Loki. Loki did not turn even when Thor came to stand beside him. Perhaps fate is smiling upon him at last, or perhaps they are mocking him, Loki truly did not know. All he knew was that at this rate and without the ability to bind Thor, he did not know if he could salvage his scheme.
That spell work surely had not returned him into Thor's favor as quickly as he had hoped.
Time is running out.
"Why are you here?" Loki asked.
"I do not want you to be alone"
"You pity me"
"You may think as you will" Thor lowers himself to sit at the bank.
Loki turns to look at the King. Thor was not looking at him, his fingers pulling the grass beside him mindlessly.
"You are still angry with me" Loki said quietly.
"Should I be?" Thor asked, colder than he meant to sound.
He is angry, he is angry at a lot of things. He is angry at his guest, he is angry at the council, he is angry at Loki, but most of all he is angry at himself! At allowing Loki to play him for a fool, and no matter how hard he tries to protect his people, protect everything that is important to him, he found himself falling short of it.
Loki could have slaughter his guest and he would be helpless to stop it. He had not thought of that until tonight and still he could do nothing to appease their founded fears and worries. He is always a step behind Loki no matter how hard he tries, always caught in his schemes! Always at his mercy whether Loki knows it or not.
Loki plays with his mind, with his emotions, twisting them, manipulating them…until he could trust nothing.
"What do you want?! What do you really want from me?!" Thor wanted to scream.
They were silent for a moment, before Loki lowers himself too, to sit by Thor.
"Why do you want to be my consort?" Thor asked.
Loki turns to regard the Golden King. Before he could speak, Thor continues.
"You are the crown prince of Jotunhiem and soon to be King. Do you really expect me to believe that you will give up all that power for me out of…love?" The word even sounded wrong on Thor's tongue.
"No" Loki said. He is not fool enough to attempt to have Thor believe that. "I do not even know you before this"
"Then why?"
"I am the crown prince no one wanted. If I sit upon that throne, how long do you think it would be before some poison slip into my cup?"
Thor said nothing, letting Loki continue his half-truth.
"So no, Thor… I did not come to Asgard out of love. I wanted power, and I wanted to live long enough to see my reign"
"Queens to do not reign on Asgard" Thor said. "Not unless the King dies"
"So she does not…" Loki agreed. "But she has power enough"
"I see…" Thor turns at last to regard the trickster.
There was neither trust nor anger in those cerulean eyes; just simple resignation.
"I wish I could trust you" Thor gave Loki a gentle smile. "Dance with me"
Loki blinked.
"Now" Thor added.
"N-Now?"
"Come" Thor stood to his feet, gently pulling Loki along before he could refuse. And just like that, Thor slips a hand over Loki's waist and took the prince's other hand in his with such ease as if Thor had held Loki that way for all of his life.
"..."
"Just like what I taught you alright?" Thor whispered.
Loki gave a small nod.
And so they dance, slowly to Loki's pace beneath the silver moon of night.
The wind chime tinkled softly in the wind.
Cerulean meets emerald. Thor looked upon Loki, a small smile on his lips as they waltz slowly, so contrasting Loki's stoic expression.
"I do care about you, you know" Thor whispered after a long moment.
Loki thought he caught a hint of sadness in Thor's tone. But he could not be sure.
"So much…" Thor leans forth, not to kiss Loki's lips, but to place a kiss over the top of Loki's brows. He let his lashes drift shut for a moment, his chest tightened.
"Why do Gods have Kings if not to protect the lesser Gods? A King does not live for himself. He does not seek glory nor does he seek richness for himself; he exists for his people; he exists to make the sacrifice that no one will…" Thor had not forgotten his lessons.
But he is so terrified, that perhaps, he is not worthy of his crown.
The night passes, and at some point Loki lays his head over the crook of Thor's neck and their dance slow to a stop. Without a word, Thor pulls Loki close against his body.
Loki is quiet, a tinge of grey clung onto his ice cold skin and the shadows under his eyes would not fade no matter how much sleep he had. Loki might have displeased him after the incident with Baldur and he might have tried to teach Loki a lesson or two, but by no means had he ignored the prince. As he lay beside Loki in the dark of night when Loki's sleep was the deepest, it would seem at times that Loki would not stir again; the rising of his chest was so shallow that it was as if he had stopped breathing all together and when Thor shook him he would not rouse.
Thor is not a fool. He knows that Loki is dying, closer to death than before after the purging.
"Do you want to go back?" Thor whispered against Loki's skin.
Loki gave a nod, but he did not move away from Thor. He is so tired, and so cold…a coldness that grows from within and would not go away, and Thor is so warm. And strangely, right this moment…for the first time in so long, he found peace and comfort; all of his agony and fears, seeming to just fade away when Thor holds him in his embrace.
"I can carry you..." Thor suggested quietly; he could feel the soft tremors against him.
"Just for a bit more…" Loki murmured sleepily, his heavy lids drifting shut.
"Okay…" Thor kisses Loki's temple, tightening his hold. "Is it worth it? Is this everything you had imagined when you so willingly condemn yourself?" He wondered.
A cold silence settled upon the golden halls as the sun poured in through the windows. The anger from the night before had not calmed and would not as long as the monster remained unbound. It was a nice change Loki thought as he walked the silent hall in his Aesir form.
Only the Elves were about; they did not fear sorcery. They thrive on it. Though they still looked upon him with the same coldness and disgust, Loki did not mind it. He was used to those looks.
If he had known that such flaunt of his sorcery would send most of the guests hiding in their rooms, he would have done it sooner. He wasn't even performing any dark sorcery. It was a rather nice morning in his opinion.
It wasn't long when he saw a familiar face. Jarnsaxa, striding down the hall in her lacy black and red corset dress that reaches her mid thighs at the front, before the silken fabric slope down the back to the floor.
"Well, hello" Loki grinned. "It is a surprise to see you haven't scurry into your little hole in fear of the monster"
"Good morning dear" Her hard fingers latched onto the front of Loki's tunic, jerking him to her. "I've seen worse monsters than you sweetie"
"Feisty" Loki smirks.
"Just what Thor likes isn't it"
"Oh yes"
"Don't get cocky" Her scarlet eyes flashed dangerously as a devilish smile curled over her lips. "You've lost"
"Have I now?"
"What have you to offer that I could not little Jotun?" She laughs, shoving Loki back.
Jarnsaxa is no fool. She knows that Thor notices her because of her likeness to his fiery little pet. Perhaps she should feel insulted to be compare to such a thing, but she will take what she can.
Muspelheim, a realm rich in diamonds, ruby and sapphire needed Asgard's military might if she is to survive in the long run. It would only be time before the other realms seek an excuse to declare war upon them, conquering them. The Vanirs most likely…
"Good day to you" She sought to leave when Loki grabs her arm.
Emerald meets scarlet.
"You should watch yourself when you speak to a monster my Lady" He said. "Who knows what a monster would do"
She hissed, jerking Loki's offending fingers off.
The rushing stream shimmer beneath the sun as Thor and Vigdis walked along its grassy banks. Vigdis could not keep the smile off her face when the servant came rapping on her door, informing her of Thor's wishes to see her if she would so indulge him.
She has no illusion of why Thor would seek her out. Surely, it is not because Thor fancies her… it was for that understanding hand she had seemingly so willingly thrust out to the frustrated King.
She has no doubt that to Thor, when it seems that all the realms are against him, against his obvious care for the Jotun, she was his only friend. She had not judged him, she had not condemn him, but rather, she had seem to understand, even encourage Thor to speak about Loki at their last encounter. Something she was sure no one had ever encourage the King to.
Thor's entire affair with the Jotun was hushed-up. A shameful and disgraceful topic for the Aesir. A topic never to be mention and better still if forgotten, assumed to have never happened; and yet here she is...so open and willing to listen without condemnation or disgust.
Vigdis turns to regard Thor by her side. He had been silent for awhile now, looking so conflicted and tired.
"What is it my Lord? Speak to me" Vigdis encouraged.
Thor turns to her, covering her little hand that held his arm in his.
"I…I shouldn't have bothered you" Thor confessed.
"Nonsense. Speak to me…I offered to listen. And you need someone to listen to you…listen not to reply. But listen to understand"
Thor have her a gentle smile. But still it did not feel right. But there was no one he could speak to.
This was not the sort of thing that the warrior three would understand and he is not so insensitive as to bring it up with Sif.
Perhaps he could speak to Frigga...but he did not want to go to her. Whenever he spoke to her, he felt like a child again, looking upon her desperately for approval; seeking for her smile to tell him that she is proud to be his mother. And even now as a grown man and King, he wanted to please her. Perhaps it was because of what he had done; he did not know; but he wanted to be perfect in her eyes.
"Thor…" Vigdis called when Thor remained silent.
"I don't know where to start" He said truthfully.
"Then I will" Vigdis said.
"..."
"What draws you to him?"
"You ask me questions one normally would not"
"Perhaps those are the questions that need to be asked"
"…"
"Tell me…?"
"Truth is...I know not when or how it started...and the things that draw me to him, they are not those one would gladly boast to the world or those one could explain" He said
"I take it you are not going to recite a poem that speaks of his fairness?" She teased.
"Norns no" Thor laughs. "I am no poet. And it is unbecoming to speak of another's beauty when in the company of yet another maiden so fair like yourself my Lady"
"You are kind. But enough of me...speak to me your Grace. Is this not why we are here?"
Thor was silent again as they walked, then a small smile tugged at his lips.
"The thrill…" He admits "The danger, the fire, the utter madness and unpredictability…"
It was the truth he had never dared give words to in fear of what his people would think. He let out a soft laugh.
"I don't think he would make a good queen or even a good companion to be honest" Thor continues. "He is infuriatingly annoying, unreliable, cruel and dangerous… he is the hurricane that cannot be stopped, he is the storm that cannot be tamed; he is chaos that cannot be contained… he is madness; he is impossibility…and he keeps my heart beating…"
Vigdis let Thor speaks because she didn't doubt Thor had never dared speak so plainly before. She will be his friend, his closest confidence. She will not compete with Loki for Thor's affection. That is foolishness and a waste of time.
Unlike stupid little girls who yearn for the affection knights in shining armor, she needed none of that. She just wanted to be the Queen. Thor did not need to be strong for her. Thor did not need to be perfect. Thor did not even need to love her. Thor can have Loki in his bed if he so wished, as long as Thor is not cruel to her.