Glory and Tragedy
"Excuse me?" Thor stood at his door, looking at the tailor as warily as he was astonished at what he was hearing.
The man had come knocking on his door just as he finished his bath. Norns, Thor hadn't even had the chance to order the servants to bring both Loki and him their lunch.
"New clothes for the Jotun Prince, your Grace" The man said again, giving his trademark smile. "I will make even your Jotun consort more wondrous and more stunni-"
"Consort?!" Thor cried in bewilderment.
"Yes" The man blinked. "Is something the matter? May I come in to measure him?"
"And on whose orders are you here?"
"The Queen's your Grace"
Thor frowned; giving a quick glance over his shoulder to see Loki sitting on the bed, looking at him in utter amusement. No doubt Loki had heard every word of it.
"Do you want something new?" Thor asked.
"I will not wear Aesir rags" Loki said.
"I can fashion any design you require of me my Lord" The man piped.
"And you say it will be ready come tomorrow?"
"Most certainty"
"Excellent then" Loki stood to his feet.
"I guess you could make do with something new" Thor lets the tailor in.
"How considerate" Loki mocks.
"I have business that needs my attention" Thor told them; leaving at once.
He needed to speak with his mother. He knows she was trying to be supportive even if the whole of Asgard would burn him on the stake if indeed he did chose Loki, but truly this is all a mistake.
He asked the servants he met in the hall if they had seen the Queen.
"She is redecorating the feasting hall, your Grace" They told him.
When he arrived at the golden hall, it had already been cleared of last night's decorations and was being redecorated again. New curtains were being put up and ice was being carved up anew. Table clothes were being changed; floors were being mopped and windows were being cleaned. And it looked to Thor that some sorceress was spelling vines to curl elegantly over one of the golden pillars.
"Thor!" Frigga smiled, opening her arms when she spotted him standing at the threshold of the chamber.
"Forgive me for last night" Thor said, walking towards her. He took her fingers and brought them to his lips, kissing the back of her pastel hand.
"It is quite alright. You are back and that is all that matters"
"Yes" Thor smiled. "Um, about the tailors you send"
"Ah…I thought Loki might need something new for tomorrow night" She smiled. "I cannot have my sweet boy take a consort in tattered ra-"
"I have not decided yet" Thor cuts in before she could finish.
"Oh" Frigga was surprised.
Thor heaved a sigh.
"I… apologize for last night" He started. "I know how it must look to you and everyone. I truly did not mean to cause you trouble. I ju-"
"Oh Thor" Frigga said, lifting her fingers to touch Thor's face. "Asgard will learn to accept whoever you choose and the other realms will learn it too"
"…"
"Are you not found of him?" Frigga asked.
"It is irrelevant"
"It is not irrelevant" Frigga said firmly.
"Mother…" He takes her hands gently in his.
He knows that she loves him and that is why she says the things she does. And because he loves her too, he cannot do as she bids. He will not have her standing for him and defending his selfishness. He will not have her scrambling to hold Asgard together as she crumbles for his foolishness. Loki is not an ally. And Thor will not be the King that sets Asgard on fire. He cannot and will not, risk her joy turn to ash in her mouth.
"I know what I'm doing" He said. "I need you to trust me"
Cerulean meets cerulean.
"Alright then…" She said.
Thor smile.
"Come" He said. "I will have the servants bring lunch to Loki and have them bring ours to the garden"
He accompanied the Queen until it was time for the evening feast again.
"It is tradition that you will lead the dance with your most likely consort" Frigga told him when it was time for him to get ready.
As usual the feast and dancing were held in that golden hall Thor was getting very acquainted with. Loki was waiting for him behind the ornate door in his beautiful Jotun garb of snow white fur of Arctic wolves held together over his hip by silver decorative clasp; ebony veil covered half his beautiful features and leather gloves adorned his hands. His braided locks Thor noted, were once again woven with gems that glittered in the light.
Loki looked at him questioningly. This was all a new development to him Thor did not doubt.
"Well if you would enlighten me as to why I am here?" Loki asked.
"We will walk down the steps once we are through this door and we will lead a dance at the opening of the feast"
Loki's eyes widened, taking a step back.
"No" he blurted.
"Loki"
"You mean to make me a fool?!"
Thor wanted to say You won't be, but he knew Loki would only call him a liar and Loki would be right. Loki was not the best of dancers and he worst still, he is Jotun. They would mock and point.
Thor knew he was selfish to want Loki to lead tonight's dance with him. But he could not bear to pick anyone else. Loki is the consort he wanted, not anyone else. Even if he will not announce him tomorrow, he wanted to give himself at least this honesty.
"Then I will be a fool with you" Thor said.
Loki couldn't help but look at the guards at the door as if to see if they were already snickering.
"You are already the envy of the night even if you do nothing but trip and fall" One of the guards spoke suddenly.
Such speaking out of line in Jotunheim would have meant a severe punishment but Thor only frowned at the man before turning back to Loki.
"Loki…I know I promise you that you wouldn't have to dance if you did not wis-"
"I'll do it" Loki said.
Thor lit up.
"You won't regret it!" He took Loki's hand.
And in another instant the guards swung the door apart to reveal the wondrous hall of silver and white.
The magnificent marble steps were carpeted in deep crimson, the railings were spelled with curling vines and azure roses. Towering ice carving of some divine Goddess stood proudly as the centerpiece. The high ceiling above had been enchanted to show the night sky and azure petals of roses fell all about them. The usual tables were gone; the banquet had been laid out beautifully on rows of long tables at the other end of the chamber.
So they would not simply sit in their assigned seats tonight Loki realized. They would dance and mingle it seems.
It was so different from every other night Loki wondered if there was a meaning behind this dance they were to lead.
And why the ice theme? Why the color of silver and white with a dash of blue?
These were not Aesir colors. He had learnt that they prefer the richness of gold and red and perhaps the occasional purple.
Every pair of eyes was on them as they descended the steps. Then with such grace that always seem at odds with Thor's bulky form, Thor swept Loki into his arms and the musicians started to play. There was a veil of mist that covered the floor, giving an illusion of dancing on ice.
Thor danced to Loki's pace, uncaring that it was much slower than it was to be, forcing the musicians to slow their playing. Loki noted that no one was laughing or taunting him.
"They dare not mock the King" Loki realized as more and more pairs joined them.
Loki wanted to laugh, knowing that every one of them was forced to keep to his pace. And so to his amusement, he decided to have a few more dance after all.
"Perhaps we've irritated them enough for the night?" Thor smirked after the forth dance. "You wouldn't want them to come at us with torches and pitchforks do you?"
"And why not? It would be a sight to behold don't you agree?" Loki asked sweetly.
Thor laughed.
The night seemed to go on forever, the music, the dancing, the feasting. Loki tried a little of every game that was laid out in overflowing abundance. He wasn't a big fan of meat and it was starting to make him sick. It seems Aesir really do not serve much of fruits and if they did, it was in measly amount like perhaps one pathetic cherry on top of some cheese cakes.
"Shall I get you something to drink?" Thor asked.
"If you wish" Loki move to pick up one of the apples that he was sure was décor. Honestly, such a waste of food.
"Loki…" .
"Well, go get my drink" Loki said, biting into his apple.
Thor lets Loki do as he please as he move towards the other end of the long table. Vigdis smiled at him when he picked up two goblets of mead.
"How was your evening your Grace?" She asked.
"Wonderful"
"It is good to hear"
"I hope you are enjoying the evening too"
"Yes…but I was wondering if your Grace would honor me with a dance?"
"Ah…" Thor looked down at the two goblets in his hand.
Vigdis giggled. "Maybe later"
"Mayb-" A loud sharp crash startled them all.
Thor whipped around to see that trays of stews, lotus soups and honey pastries had smashed onto the ground and Loki was grasping the table cloth hard with one hand, the other clawing at his chest and he was gasping, heaving and shaking. Something was very very wrong.
"Loki?!" Thor dropped the goblet in sudden fear, rushing over just as Loki collapse, dragging the sapphire velvet cloth down, and sending half the porcelain plates and silver trays smashing onto the ground.
There was a roar of panic as the noble Lord and Ladies, Kings and Queens gasped and whispered in fear and horror at the sudden scene.
"Loki!" Thor shouted.
Guards rushed to Thor's side seeking to help.
"The healers! Get the healers!" Frigga shrieked at the guard at the door.
Loki was at once cold and hot, he was shaking, his every muscle convulsed violently in agony. White hot pain flashed. His head felt like it was going to split in half, his every gasping breath was agony as if scalding oil were being poured down his throat and filling his lungs with lead even as his fingers clawed at his chest.
A thousand boiling knives were stabbing through him. His every bone felt as if it were being crushed and twisted.
His guts heaved and twisted.
Blazing white light flashed across his vision piercing his eyes, the noise, volley of noises filled his ears so loud so loud he wanted to scream. He ached, he hurt everywhere. Fire was burning him everywhere, devouring, flaying his skin from bones, eating him until he could bare it no more and he screamed and writhed. He could barely register if he was standing or if he was writhing on the ground, he could barely tell where he was!
All he knew were the occasional shouts of Thor's thunderous voice that broke in through the haze of red blinding pain and thunderous noise.
"On the bed! Hurry!" He could hear the occasional shouts.
Excruciating pain exploded when he seek for his healing seid and for an instant he could barely register anything as he screamed and screamed, or at least he thinks he is screaming. He couldn't tell.
Scorching oil surged through his every vein.
For a moment when the light vanished he could see a glowing room, everything was glowing and he could see her…
Hela… standing in a corner with her back to him as Aesirs with blood stained ivory clothes rush and shout over him. Their words made no sense to his ears. Their panic, their frenzy made no sense to him as he laid writhing, convulsing in excruciating agony.
Then she turns around, and he saw her terrifying red eyes, razor sharp teeth and half rotted face hidden beneath the long wavy strands of her tresses.
Fear, terror, horror gripped him. For all his claims that he did not fear death, he did…
The ground she stood was on fire, the scene behind her was the scene of Hel.
He could hear horrifying shrieks of tormented souls, he could hear their cries of pain; he could smell their stench of rotting flesh and open wounds.
"Poison…what a mundane end" Her cruel voice whisper, cutting through the volley of noise.
"You will not…have me!" Loki gritted in torment, his teeth grinding. "Not yet!"
She laughs, her voice echoed and thundered in his ears.
"Cling then… Cling on to your pathetic life …crawling…groveling…" She chuckled. "But I will have you tonight…"
Thor stood at the edge of the healing room, watching in total helplessness as the healers shouted and rushed, working in a frenzy to help the convulsing Jotun prince.
Blood….blood was everywhere. Blood oozed from every pore of Loki's cerulean skin, staining the sheets he lay upon, staining the healer's gown, the pillow, the leather straps they bound Loki's convulsing limbs upon. What clothes or fur Loki had, were peeled off his blood soaked skin.
If Thor had not been accustomed to the scent of blood and death in the battlefield, the mere rawness of the salty metallic scent that overpowered the room would have made his guts heaved and twist.
Thor looked down upon his own bloody arms from when he had rushed Loki to the healing room. The Jotun skin had destroyed half his armor and burnt off the skin of his arms, palms and fingers. It should hurt, but he felt nothing.
"Thor! Are you listening?!" Frigga shrieked.
And it was only then that Thor realized that Frigga was standing in front of him and that she had been speaking to him. Her golden locks were a mess, her glittering white gown was stain with blood and she was pale.
"Y-yes" Thor said.
"We do not have much time! I need you to go down to the central store in town and get Iduun's apple!"
Thor did not question her, taking off at once.
Frigga watched him go before turning back to the gory scene in the healing room. She steps towards the convulsing Jotun. Though Loki had not once scream, though his blank expression did not give even a hint of pain, she knew he was in excruciating agony in the prison of his mind. She doubts Loki was even aware of what was happening anymore. All that existed for him right this moment would only be pain.
Blood was trickling down the side of his scarlet eyes, his nose and pouring from his dark lips like black vomit.
Thor will not make it back from the central store in time. Loki was going to die. She just didn't want Thor to watch Loki pass in such a gory manner.
"The Norns love to play their silly little jokes don't they?" She thought.
The potency of the poison is fueled by seid, and the more powerful the magic user, the quicker it would kill and the more excruciatingly painful it would be.
"My Queen, you would waste Iduun's apple on this?! " The head healer asked in disbelief.
"Be silent. Have you forgotten your vow as a healer that you will value all lives?"
"Forgive me my Queen. I spoke out of line" She apologized, but did not look the least bit apologetic. If nothing else, she looked as if she thought the King and Queen had clearly lost their minds.
Frigga said nothing. For every one Aesir that could accept a Jotun as being more than filthy animals, there were a thousand who could not. And that is the terrible truth.
"My Queen…He has lost too much blood" Another said quietly. Her shaky hands were covered in blood.
"Should we start the blood transfusion?" asked another yet, much to the head healer's disgust.
"No" Frigga said. "It is useless. All it serves is prolonging his agony, and even then, Thor will not make it"
They nodded; some of their faces were grim and filled with fear and they were the ones that were trying the hardest to keep the prince alive. Some though were simply indifferent and some still were disgusted at the amount of resources they were already spending on this thing.
"We will care for him until the end" Frigga said.
The convulsion was receding, which told Frigga that it is almost time. She did not know how long she watched Loki's bloody face as the prince's dull scarlet eyes stared unseeingly ahead. Perhaps it was a minute, perhaps it was five, perhaps even ten…but she watched him. Her expression was unreadable, but it held neither joy nor anguish.
The healers started clearing away the bloody tools and cloth in preparation for the Jotun's death as they whispered to each other in a harsh tone. They wondered if Thor would send Loki back to that savage realm of ice for his burial.
They did not think Jotuns burn their deceased. Hel, for all they knew, Jotuns ate their dead.
A tub was being filled in the corner in preparation to clean the prince upon his last breath when Thor burst in, shocking them all.
"Thor?" Frigga gasped.
"Here!" Thor held out Iduun's apple.
Frigga took the apple at once and handed it to the head healer to crush and grind, turning it into a rich golden liquid. The pace in which she work was astounding, not because she wanted to save the Jotun, but because she knew her King would be most displease if she fails. The moment it was done, and she poured it down Loki's throat.
It was a heartbeat, where it seem that the entire room held her breath and Loki stopped convulsing, but he remained unmoving and silent, not a sign that he even knew what was happening. Those unseeing eyes drifted shut and for one horrifying moment, Thor feared he was too late.
"Calm yourself" Frigga touch Thor's arm, catching his attention.
"Will he…"
"He will live" Frigga said.
At once, relief drenched over Thor, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"Norns…" Thor breathes "Thank the Norns!"
"Yes"
Thor meant to step towards Loki when the healers finally backed away, but Frigga stopped him.
"Let the healers clean him and let him rest" She said.
"I wish to be with him"
"You need to have your wounds looked at and you need to rest too"
"Please…" It was a plea.
Frigga looked at Thor tiredly as if she wanted to say more, but eventually she relented. "I will have the healers look at your wounds and have clothes brought to you"
"I thank you mother"
Bragi, Thor's second in command runs his fingers through his wavy shoulder-length brunette locks in irritation as his hazel eyes looked over at the mess on the marble ground.
His men were packing samples from every dish to be sent for testing as a precaution. He didn't think they would find anything. The poison he suspect, was only in the fruit décor; which was sitting all too innocently in their ornate bowl.
One of his men had already sent the half eaten apple for testing. Confirming the poison itself was the first step he decided. And after, he could perhaps attempt to narrow down the list of suspects from that. He doubt that would be any easier than finding a needle in a haystack.
The list of people who would wish the Jotun dead was a mile long and every one of them was as powerful as they come. The King and Queen, the Prince and Princesses and the highborn Lord and Ladies of every great realm present.
Compliment to Thor's not-so-subtle attraction to the Jotun, is there any powerful guest who did not wish the beast dead was the better question.
"Ser" One of the server girls came up to him. "When can we start clearing this place? It is getting late"
"Not tonight" Bragi said. "And I will have you inform the cooks and the other servers that I would need to speak with them at first light"
The girl's eyes widen in shock and horror.
"Ser, you don't think any one of us would have anything to do with this poison business do you?! Surely not!" The girl cried in indignant.
How dare this man call their honor into question! They whom were all handpick by the Queen herself to serve in this magnificent feast. And this man would question it?! Question the Queen's trust in them?! This is an insult!
"You call us untrustworthy?! Murderers?! By our honor we would never poison anyone Ser!" She cried.
"Unless commanded to" Bragi thought.
If he was to be brutally honest, even the Queen of Asgard was on the list of suspects.
"It is simply procedure" He said.
"Ridiculous!"
Bragi couldn't agree more. This entire farce was ridiculous.
He waved her off.
"Go inform the others and get some rest"
"As you command" She said, stalking off.
Bragi heaved a sigh. If a mere servant would be so offended at the idea of even being questioned over the poisoning of a mindless beast, how well then would the High lords take it?
He was not looking forward to it.
Loki woke to a darkened room with a splitting headache and his entire body ached. His throat was sore and his lips were parched. He had no notion of the hour or how long he had slept. He laid on his front for a little longer, his scarlet eyes adjusting to the dimness. There was a pitcher and a glass of water on the strange little table beside him and he noticed that he was not on Thor's bed. This mattress was lumpy and it smelt funny.
Where is he?
He tried to get up. Wrong move. His every muscle ached and shrieked. Loki gasped.
"Loki?" Came a voice and at once Loki saw movement at the corner of his eyes.
The figure lit the candle by that strange table and Loki saw his face.
Thor…
"Thank the Norns you are awake" Thor knelt by him.
Loki thought that Thor looked exhausted. He noted too that Thor's arms were bandaged, and that the usual armor had been replace by velvet tunic of deep crimson.
"How long…?" Loki croaked.
"A few hours. Dawn is near"
"Water…"
"Here" Thor moves to hand him that cool glass of water, and helped him drink.
Norns... the first trickle of cool liquid down his burning throat was heaven. He drank and he drank. Thor poured him a second glass and then the third before he has had enough.
"Rest…you need to rest" Thor caresses Loki's cheeks with the back of his gloved fingers. "I've doubled the guards at the door. You are safe. I will not let anyone harm you"
Loki nodded, closing his eyes. He is so tired. So tired to even think…
Thor watched Loki sleep once again as he pulls his chair closer.
Whispers and talks were already to be heard through the golden halls, through the kitchen, the servant's quarters and by the first light of the coming morning, Thor could guess that even the streets beneath would be talking.
Though massive investigation was underway, Thor knew that there would be no trial, no justice, no accuse to take the stand. The investigation itself was a joke.
Was the King of Asgard so delusional that he would put a God or Goddess on trial for the attempted killing of a mindless savage animal?
Thor leaned back in his wooden chair, watching over the Jotun prince.
He tried not to think that if he had not given Loki Iduun's apple during the hunt or if Loki had eaten it then, Loki would not be here now. He knew that he would not have made it back from the store in time. And he thanked the Norn on bended knees that in his moment of panic he had not been struck witless, and that he had actually remembered that apple souvenir Loki kept in his hunting bag.
He had raced back to his room instead to the central store and found the innocent little bag tossed in a corner.
Thor took the heavy metallic pitcher and refilled Loki's glass before trying to get some sleep in his chair.
Loki did not wake again until noon when the healers came to check on him and to give him a night dress.
Loki was once again back to his Aesir form. He ate little and spoke less still, as he was contended to sit on his bed and hold Thor's right hand in his own pastel ones. He played and fiddled with the bandaged fingers, running his long slender ones over them.
Thor's announcement tonight at the final feast was sitting between them but neither wanted to speak of it.
"I can heal you…" Loki murmured.
"There is no need. Do not exhaust yourself"
"You gave me Iduun's apple"
"Aye"
"…."
"But how did you know? I do not remember that the healers told you"
"I know…" Loki whispered, trailing his fingers up Thor's bandaged arm. He lifted his tired gaze to meet Thor's. "I know…" Slender fingers touch Thor's face.
Thor watched Loki intently. There was something else going on that Loki was not telling him.
Loki seemed different. There was something else to his expression, something Thor could not quite place. And the way those emerald eyes looked at him, they were not the usual icy cold ones; they seem different… and so sad?
"Kiss me" Loki said unexpectedly quietly.
Thor smiled, shifting closer along the mattress and he leans down, sealing their lips in a gentle kiss, as those pale fingers slips into the wealth of his golden tresses. Loki moaned; his lips parted willingly for Thor as the King deepened the kiss.
It was different, so different…
There was none of the clumsy battle for dominance or that wild abandon passion, but there was something else. There was an intimacy and a tenderness that Thor had never felt beneath Loki's touch. A warmth, a gentleness that threatens to undo him. Thor groaned, moving his large hand over the side of Loki's neck, holding him tenderly as they simply explore each other.
Coaxing, teasing, testing, inviting…
Then all too soon Thor reluctantly pulled back, gazing into those emerald eyes. Their breathe mix.
"You shouldn't exert yourself" Thor whispered.
"Stay with me until you must go"
"I will…" Thor brushes Loki's stray locks away from his icy face. "I'm not going anywhere"
Frigga stood where Loki had the night before when Thor took his place for the last time behind that ornate door leading to the golden hall.
"Are you ready?" Frigga extended a hand to Thor.
"No" Thor lifted his fingers to take hers. "But when are we ever ready?"
"You won't be alone"
"I know" He tried to smile; and with one last glance, he faced the door.
"…"
"It's time" He said.
The guards on either side swung the door apart, letting the golden light spill in.
In that familiar pristine white room, Loki sat across the Allfather in seething anger. He had woken to more than he had expected. His seid cleanse of corruption to a considerable degree, buying him more time. But he feels now…he remembers now, the warmth, the love, the happiness, the hope.
And he hated it all.
Sentiments… they weigh you down, they chain you up and blind you to what is before you.
"Did you have all that you wanted Allfather?" Loki asked mockingly. "I've taken Idunn's apple. So then now...with these sentimentalities, humor me if you will…would I now fall to my knees in tears, throw myself before your beloved Golden prince, and declare my undying love for him? Would I beg him perhaps to never leave me?"
"You do love him" Odin said.
"Love" Loki let the word roll over his tongue. "The Norns fashion us all to love, and some say it is our greatest glory and tragedy"
"…"
"But what does it matter? Do you think I would abandon it all for love?" There is no reason to deny it to Odin, but he will not let himself linger over it either. He will not have his hands stayed by something so fleeting.
So pathetic!
"Why are you so angry?" Odin asked.
"I am not" Loki said.
"Yes you are. And you are afraid"
"Is that right?" Loki's lips curl into a sneer. "And what have I to fear?"
"That is the question isn't it? What do you fear so much that you would willingly live in such a cold barren existence?"
"I am a survivor"
Odin was silent as he let his gaze graze over Loki's unreadable expression. They both know that the sand of time is dwindling to its end. The tale was coming to an end.
Ah…But what sort of end would it be? That is the question.
"No more games Loki" Odin said quietly.
"I couldn't agree more. Perhaps you could finally cast away that mask of lies you wear and admit that you wish me dead"
"Loki, why are you really doing all of this?"
"Still at it are we?"
"I am not the God of Lies"
Loki clenched his jaws, lowering his eyes to the white floor. Odin did not push; simply waited patiently for Loki to answer in his own time. And when Loki did answer, it was one Odin had expected to hear.
"Power…" Came the whisper.
"…"
"And vengeance…" Loki smirks, lifting his gaze upon Odin.
"Is that all?"
"What do you think?"
"I think there is more"
"Is there? Tell me then"
Odin leans forth a little. His twinkling eyes looking upon Loki. Loki hated those cerulean eyes that seem to forever mock him.
"Guilt" That single word escaped Odin's lips, making Loki still. "You are running from your guilt. You are afraid of your mistakes"
"…"
"Yes, perhaps in the beginning it is as simple as you say. You hunger for power and you lust for vengeance" Odin conceded. "But as time pass, with every sacrifice you make, you change. Bitterness…anger…they step in with every rejection from your people. Your dam and sire loves you…but that isn't enough for you…No…You crave worship, you crave respect and you crave adoration from your people. Then came the unexpected mistake. You have a child born out of wedlock. A runt like you. And you hated her for everything she stands for, a living reminder of what you are. You cannot bear to look at her just as you cannot bear to look upon yourself and not loath the form you see. Don't deny it!" Odin said before Loki could protest.
Loki hissed, but Odin isn't quiet finish.
"You sacrifice her" The old King continued. "You tell yourself that you do not want her to go through what you did. If that was the whole truth, it would have been a noble cause; one you could live with"
"…"
"But truth is, you did it for yourself more than it was ever for her. You wanted the throne, but you are the crown prince no one wanted"
"…"
"You know that the power you would gain from her death will strike fear in the hearts of those who stand against you; make the impossible, possible. And so you make the sweet deal with the devil. You kill her mother for her eternal silence, though it was later discovered and you make your daughter Queen among the dead in exchange for knowledge and power. You just did not count on guilt to step in. A guilt that almost drove you mad… So you tell yourself that this is just another sacrifice like so many before. You tell yourself that the throne is everything. And as you lie to yourself in your every waking moment, the seid that eats away at you, numbing you, was soon as terrifying a curse as it is a gift"
Odin's eyes were upon Loki the entire time as he spoke.
But Loki was no longer looking at him. His eyes downcast to the ground and he was eerily still.
Odin went on.
"So here we are…To prove to yourself that the throne is worth any sacrifice, you condemn yourself without hesitation, you shove away any hands that seek to help, spit at kindness, laugh at compassion, and scorn at love. After all that you have done, you refuse to believe that perhaps you could be wrong; perhaps you can have what you seek without the throne and that perhaps power is not everything"
"…"
"Truth is…power, vengeance, anger…they are just distractions. You cling onto them because they distract you from your guilt. You do what you do, to live the lie you so desperately tell yourself!"
A terrible chuckle bubble from Loki's throat; interrupting Odin. Loki has had enough listening to this 'oh-so-knowing' fool!
"I give it to you Allfather. A very interesting story indeed…truth weaving with lies. And so full of sentiments" Loki lifted his gaze finally. A gaze full of hatred.
Odin was unfazed.
"You may believe yourself beyond redemption. You may believe yourself to be a monster and you may believe that monsters do not deserve sympathy…but there is a part of you that wants to be saved" Odin said. "You want Thor to save you and he will, if you let him"
That made Loki angry, his face twisted at once into something ugly.
"Silence!" He screamed, standing to his feet, towering over Odin. "You speak as if you care for me. But you do not! You want me to stop. You want to save Asgard and I commend you on your effort! But I tell you this, be it Iduun's apple! Be it Holy water! They cannot save Asgard! I will burn your kingdom down and when I do…no lake, no river, can put the fire out!" Loki spat; his teeth bear at the manipulative Aesir King.
"Is that your answer?"
Loki laughed. "Tell me. What sort of an end to this tale of love were you expecting Odin Allfather?!"
"I thought that perhaps there could be peace at last between our realms" Odin said, standing to his feet. Those twinkling eyes never left Loki's face, unsettling the Jotun.
"Then you are a fool" Loki said.
"You will lose even if you do not fall this night" Without warning Odin shoved Loki hard.
Loki stumbled, and all at once he was falling and falling, the ground disappeared beneath his feet, pristine whiteness crumbling and black fires burned. Odin was gone, everything was gone.
Fear struck
"Hello father!" Hela shrilled. Familiar wails and moans echoed and resonated.
Loki smacked down on a damp surface and before he could even think, hundreds of bony hands and arms burst forth from beneath him, around him and they grabbed at him.
Loki screamed, jolting himself awake into the darkness of the healing room. His entire body drenched in sweat. But that is not all. His seid was flaring and crackling violently, tearing, surging through his veins in wild abandon and he could feel the vicious tug in his mind.
Odin was fighting him.
Bastard!
Loki hissed, stumbling at once out of bed, his shaky feet gave way and he collapse painfully on the ground. A gasped escaped his lips, his chest heaved as he scanned the darkened healing room.
Pain spiked.
"Argh!" Loki's fingers flew to grip his messy locks in mounting fear and pain.
Rush of cerulean surged and retracted over his pastel skin as if they were at war with each other. His head ached, split in agony as Odin wrenched and tug.
Vision of Hel flashed! Hela's terrifying eyes! Her laughter growing louder and louder.
The Old King was slipping free, unraveling, tearing through Loki's binding and it was shattering his mind without even a hint of mercy, forcing the dark seid in his vein to burn him at a terrifying speed.
The bastard had been bidding his time, growing stronger and stronger.
Loki let out a terrible cry. His fingers reached to grab his sweaty sheets, forcing himself to his feet.
It ends now!
The great hall was more lovely and splendid than all the other nights but Thor saw none of that. The best wine and mead tasted of ash on his tongue. He tried none of the food. He smile and nod, speaking only when spoken to and he would dance with no one.
The hour draws near.
He leaned against the window frame with a goblet in his hand as the Lord and Ladies danced to their hearts content.
He had refused as kindly as he could to honor Vigdis, Elise and Jarnsaxa the dance they seek. Vigdis had tried to console him, to perhaps sooth the troubles of his mind or whatever it was that she seeks to do; Thor did not care much for it. But at the very least he did apologize to her for having the guards turn her away when she sought to visit him in the healing room earlier.
It wasn't that Thor did not appreciate her concern, but he did not wish to see anyone but Loki then.
"The more observant had noticed that the King isn't enjoying himself" Frigga came towards him.
Thor chuckled. "Merrymaking can often be more tedious than battles or even ruling"
"Perhaps you are doing it wrong"
"Aye. Perhaps" Cerulean eyes looked towards the Queen.
She smiles, joining him.
Her gaze drifted over the room. At the pretentious smiles on the face of their guests as hollow laughter, honeyed words and lies were surely being whispered beneath the splendid music.
"They whisper" Frigga said.
"What do they say now?"
"That the King has been bewitched"
"And they are right" Thor looked down at the half drank goblet in his hand.
"So why?" Frigga asked quietly. "Why do you insist on denying what it is you desire? Or do you choose him after all?"
"No" Thor placed his goblet down by the window. "I will not choose him even if all of Asgard would accept him"
"But you do love him?"
"More than anything"
"Then why? What are you afraid of?"
Before Thor could answer, the alarm shrieked deafeningly.
The guest gasped and shrieked.
"Loki…" Thor knew. His blood ran cold.
Thunders cracked, lightning ripped through the skies and rain poured, beating down hard on the stony grounds and the heavy armors of warriors. Bells ranged, torches were light; guards shouted and raced through the cities in such numbers and fury in search for the monster that it frightened the people.
Thor stood numbly at the threshold of his father's bloodied chamber with his men standing behind him, as he took in the scene of massacre that was not unlike the ones in the halls leading here.
They had been too late. The walls were scorched or melted; the guards were dead…all of them, burnt; fighting to protect his father.
"Bragi… Tell the Queen…tell her…that my father…" Thor did not need to finish. Bragi understood.
"Yes my King" He bowed.
But Thor did not hear him, nor did he hear him command the guards to give him privacy, nor did he hear him order the city gates be sealed, the bifrost to be close immediately. None of it matters…
Thor approached his father who lay beneath a veil of shimmering gold.
An ice blade protruded from his chest, a clean kill Thor knew, before Loki hacked off and took the old king's head.
"Father…" Thor gritted, his jaws were tight. His fingers twisted so hard against the bloody sheets that his knuckles were white. "Forgive me…"