"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss
the abyss gazes into you."
~Freidrich Neitzsche~
Chapter Seven: Everything in its rightful place
It starts off the same as any other day. Leah rises, dresses and washes in the sun warmed water that has been bought up from the river.
She eats modestly; fish, freshly picked fruit and a bowl of rice. She meditates with Wu, helps pick fresh herbs from the garden and tries to find meaning in every moment of the day. There is a restlessness thrumming through her veins that she ignores.
She is just about winding down for the day, curled up on a blanket laid out in the gardens. She has taken to sleeping under the stars; finds something new and wonderful waking up with the sun beaming down on her face or fresh rain soaking through her clothes.
Her peace is broken by desperate shouts in the distance.
A man from one of the surrounding villages is covered in blood, holding a bag in his arms. Even from a distance, the thick stench of leech invades her senses
She meets him in the great hall where he has been ushered in by the monks. He is panting; eyes wild and face smeared with blood and tears. Leah can smell death around him.
"Were you followed?" she asks and he starts at the coldness of her tone.
He shakes his head. "I don't think so. I wouldn't have gotten this far if I was."
She addresses the two young monks who had bought the man in."Keep a look out just in case. Shout if you see anyone approaching the hill."
"What is that?" she asks, gesturing to the bag.
His face falls and shoulders slump as e braces himself and pulls back the covering.
Leah wants to vomit. Of all the things she has seen, this is something she cannot take.
"What...?" she mutters, stunned beyond words. She takes the bundle from the man and feels tears prick the back of her eyes. In her arms is a small, cold body...eyes closed against bloody skin. She can feel the broken bones through the sack covering.
Shock is replaced by anger. "How many?"
The man shakes his head. "I don't know. There were so many. Maybe twelve. The little one was still alive when I found him. I tried...but he was just too injured."
Twelve is more than a coven. Twelve is a nest. She would need a pack to handle twelve.
She looks down at the still, tiny bundle. Of course, there is nothing to stop her from giving it a shot.
The monks shout dire warning as she heads off to prepare, certain that she is heading towards imminent death. Leah doesn't care. She has lived a pretty sad life but she has lived.
There is probably a village full of children and babies who will never get that chance.
...
By the time Leah has reached the village, the damage has already been done and the leeches have moved on. She changes and branches out a little further just in case they've decided to hit the next one over but when she starts to lose the tracks, she knows that it's time to give up.
She can't quite face heading back; she's far too restless and angry for that, so she runs in circles, trying to expand energy that will at least make her too tired to give into the urge to break something.
Eventually, it starts to rain, coming down fine and soaking her fur. She knows she has to return. She has to look them all in the eye and tell them that she's failed. The bad guys have gotten away and that's on her.
...
Wu greets her at the gates with a solemn nod when he sees the look on her face. She marches past him up to the open room which she has claimed as her spot. She likes the view but most of all she likes waking with either the sun or the rain on her face.
Tonight, she finds little solace in the trawling mountains and green fields. The world feels too big, too scary. Wu finds her an hour later, back against the main pillar and lost in thought. He hands her a cup of tea.
"Our beginning and our end are all fated," he tells her in his familiar stilted English.
"That baby hadn't even begun to live," She snaps back. "How can you tell me that's fate? What is the point in that?"
Wu shrugs. Leah likes to joke that she has had as much influence on him with her American ways but she knows that he is as human as the rest. That for all their philosophy and enigmatic sayings, they feel the weight of the world as much as anybody else.
"Perhaps to lead to this moment," he says after a pause.
The meaning curdles in Leah's stomach as the words sink in. They think of her as a warrior, destined to take a place in their hall of legends but she doesn't want children to die to further her story. How could that ever be okay?
She asks him as much and he fixes her with that too old, too wise stare. "People are born and then they die. Stop thinking about it too much."
A bitter laugh almost masks her shock at how blasé and apathetic these people can be sometimes. "Like it's that easy. You were the one who bought me here, who told me that it was my job to protect the villages and now, you're telling me to just let it go?"
There is a twitch in Wu's jaw that signals his impatience but his face remains the same stony mask. "You are not a god. Who lives and who dies is not your choice to make; however cruel it may seem. It is not your job to kill vampires, it is simply your nature."
Leah has heard enough about nature and cosmic will and free will and choices to last her a whole damn lifetime. She turns her own stony stare on him. "Get the fuck out of my face, Wu, before I show you my nature."
He seems half disappointed and half accepting as he stands to leave. "Your greatest enemy...,"
"...is myself, blah, blah, blah," Leah cuts him off. She's heard this shit a million times before and she's starting to get so fucking sick of it. "I'm wandering a winding path, I'm running when I should stand still, 2lbs of butter and one bag of flour, I don't give a fuck anymore!"
She breathes through gritted teeth. "The next person who tells me what to do is getting punched in the face. Now get out."
He bows as he leaves, a sign of respect between them. A sign that Leah ignores and doesn't return. Suddenly, she feels as restless and trapped as she ever did.
She thought she was getting better here, getting stronger but all she has done is traded one depressing, compressing cage for another. She's let herself dance to another person's tune, just as she did back in La Push. They've been pulling her puppet strings and now she can see that clearly.
This time, when she leaves. She takes nothing.
...