"Hazel," my mom said sternly, steering me into the living room. "Sit down."

I obliged. Her tone of voice was worrying.

"I'm not going to ask when, and I know how. All I want to know is why."

"Why?"

"Why did you have to get pregnant? I've warned you before, you know, about protection… Oh, Hazel…"

"Mom, are you blaming this on me?" I could feel my cheeks getting warmer even as I spat out the words.

"Well, can you see anyone else to blame?" Mom sighed. "Look, Hazel, I know you're a sensible girl but all it takes is one mistake and this happens and I don't know how I'm going to cope…"

"How you're going to cope? I'm sorry, who's pregnant here?" I said, blinking hard and trying to control my tears. "We used protection. We loved each other, Mom, and so we did what you do when you love each other."

Mom just sighed again, seemingly unable to respond. I took the chance to speak.

"I can, and will, cope with this pregnancy. I am not incapable of things just because of my cancer, okay?"

"Hazel, you don't understand!"

"What don't I understand?" I shouted, getting exasperated. I hadn't really known how I'd wanted this conversation to go, but this was definitely not it.

"This is not going to make your health any better, Hazel. It's going to make it worse and I'm going to be hit by the consequences."

I knew what she wanted to say, but she didn't dare say it. She wanted to say that I was going to leave her with my child because I wouldn't survive. I knew that, but it still hurt to know she thought it.

"It might well make my health worse. I might even die." My mom choked back a sob when I said this, but I continued. "But if I die bringing a child into this world, that's much better than biting it solely from cancer."

Mom nodded solemnly, slightly opening her mouth as if she was going to say something then closing it again, perhaps deciding against it.

"So it's settled then?"

Mom looked up.

"Me. The pregnancy. It's continuing, if only so I can bring a child into this world when I leave it."

"Hazel, don't say it like that! It makes it sound so horrible, so…"

"So real?" I replied. "That's because it is. I've accepted it."

"Well, we'll have to talk to your dad about it – I think he'll be surprised, to say the least." She wiped a tear from her eye and put her arm around my shoulders.

"I think we all are."

I got Mom to drive me to Isaac's house – it gave me time to talk to him and time for her to be in the house alone processing the day's events. I dragged Philip to the front door and was greeted by Isaac's mom.

"Hi," I said. "Is Isaac in?"

"Yeah," his mom replied, almost tripping over their dog to get to the front door. "He's in his room. Just up the stairs." She pointed there, as if I'd never been there before. I smiled politely and lugged Philip up the stairs.

A short knock on the door and Isaac shouted a mixture of words that I assumed to mean something along the lines of 'Come in!'

"Hi, Isaac. It's Hazel," I said, sitting down on the chair just outside the door. Isaac turned his head from where he was sitting on his bed, pausing the game he was playing, and smiled.

"Hazel! Long time no see."

"Indeed," I replied as casually as I could. "You've got a dog, I see!"

"Yeah. Mom thinks it'll help with the sensory aspect of things. Y'know, since I can't actually see things, which sucks. Apparently the smells and touching of the dog will heighten my other senses."

"Sounds thrilling."

Isaac laughed. "It's something my mom read somewhere – she tends to believe anything, so long as it was published on the Internet. He does make good company though."

"What's his name?"

"Marley. And yes, before you ask, he was named after the dog in Marley and Me. Mom's choice – apparently he's a Labrador."

"How cute!" I smiled widely, laughing so Isaac would know I was doing so. "He's only slightly bigger than a baby at the moment." Even the word baby made my stomach twist.

"He'll grow. Then he can flatten me when he sleeps on my bed at night!"

"Aww."

"So what's been up with you? How's college?"

"Good," I lied. I hadn't been for three weeks – not since Augustus died. I couldn't face the fake sympathy and the patronising 'friends'. They'd told me I could take all the time I needed, so I was planning to go back next week.

"Done anything interesting lately? Any 'juicy gossip'?" Isaac said, mimicking Kaitlyn. He'd laughed the first time I'd told him about her, and now tried to mimic her at least once every time we spoke.

To tell Isaac or not to tell Isaac? He was one of Augustus' closest friends, so I knew that he would have told him straight away, but I didn't know whether I could face telling him.

I didn't even know why – telling my mom had to be worse than telling Isaac, right?

"Long story…"