I do not own Harry Potter, this is a fan fiction.

During his summer break Harry got some of the worst news he ever wanted to hear, all right it was not the worst but it was pretty bad. He was told that his new defense against the Dark arts teacher was none other than Gilderoy Lockhart. Harry never liked him as an author, now he was going to have to go put up with him for an entire year.

"Mom, I know you think he did all those things, but from what I been told the guy barely even graduated for Hogwarts, and that was because some of the teachers must have felt sorry for him. Let's face it you do not go from class clown to saving villages from rampaging magical creatures. It just does not work like that. "

Lily looked at her son and could see signs that he was slowly transforming into his avian fom."No need to get angry over nothing, Harry. I told you that you need to learn to keep a level head and calm mind. You can't go roasting everyone that make you angry. " James decided to give him an alternative solution.

" That is true, specially since you have a better way to expose the fraud. Why not pranking the fool to show what he really is made off. A good prank could expose him to be the failure that I knew him to be. " Lily was glaring at her husband." I having one prankster in my house is bad enough, I will not have my only son go down the same route as you and the other marauders. "

" So says the lady of said group. A little pranking will help make his time a little easier Lily. Even you did a couple of pranks yourself. Or do I need to remind you of the itching powder that someone placed in her own roommates make up? " Lily did not even deny it.

" Considering what her son has been doing to my son, I should have but something nastier instead. " It seems that his mother really did put that itching powder in the makeup belonging to Neville's mother. Somehow Harry could only nod his head in complete agreement. She really should have put something nastier than itching powder. Something that caused warts and pus came to mind.

"Well enough of talking about garbage, and tell me are you still using our old school books? Or are you finally going to let us buy you yours. " Harry looked at his mother and let out a big sigh." It's not like I have any choice on the matter, the imbecile put all his own books as required reading. I know you own his pests and remedies book, but that one is not on the book list. "

The family decided to apparate right into Dragon Alley, it was rather easy once you got used to it. They walked towards the bookstore only to see Molly and Arthur looking at second hand books for their children. Arthur was a good friend of his father and waved happily at them as he saw them walk near them.

"James, Lily it is nice to see you. I see you are here to buy your son's school things. I am quite proud to say my little girl will be attending her first year now. Come on Molly say something it is rather rude for you to ignore the Potters like you are. " Molly clearly heard nothing good about Harry from Ron. She did not even greet him at all. She just ignored him.

Harry could have said something but why waste the effort on someone who clearly believed some bad intentioned gossip and made up rumors. He did however greet her and wished her a good day as he walked in the bookstore. There he was Neville Longbottom getting his picture taken with Gilderoy Lockhart.

Harry smiled at seeing yet another reason why he was happy he was not the Boy Who Lived. He looked at the man next to him and smiled. "Greeting Lord Malfoy , I hope you are having a wonderful day." Lucius looked at him and smiled. "A Potter with manners, will wonders never end? I am indeed having a rather wonderful day, thank you for asking. James and Lily what brings you here today?"

James tried being polite. "Same thing you are doing Lucius, being forced to buy that idiots books." James was clearly talking about the smiling idiot named Gilderoy Lockhart. "Indeed, I consider this more a tragic waste of perfectly good gold. But I am also doing a bit of charity." He gave a dusty old book to a young red haired girl hiding behind Molly.

"I know you will find this old book to your liking. It is at least a lot better reading material than what Harry is going to be forced to read. " Ginny thanked him for the gift. She did so while still looking at Neville. It was clear she had a crush on him. Harry could only imagine the sadness that awaited the innocent girl once she found out what Neville was truly like.

He was almost in tears as he remembered all that precious gold wasted on the books of an absolute idiot. Harry could not stop numbering the things he could have spent that gold on, his wedding, a home, his honeymoon, a study fund for his future daughters. James had to agree with his son, he also mentioned their home could do with some renovations and repairs.

Lily had done something that made both of them glare at her. She asked for his autograph on a new cooking book the fool supposedly wrote. "Lily if that fool knows how to cook half as well as in that book. Me and Harry will both French kiss a dragon if we are wrong. The idiot could not boil water when he was a student."

Lily could not say for certain he might have learned after he graduated, after all as far she knew he was still single. Lucius Malfoy asked Harry if he could do him the small favor of nor roasting his son, like he did his teacher. Everyone in the bookstore heard that, it was clear that he still wanted to discredit his family.

"I make no promises Lord Malfoy, if he does not try to kill me or make me go mad with rage he should be perfectly safe with his babysitter. " He heard a couple of witches laughing at his reaction to his reply.

Lucius tried to control his anger at what he heard. Trying to look like it did not influenced him at all he smiled." That makes me all the happier to hear. Thanks, Harry I knew you would be reasonable. " Lucius left and he was sure this would only make people suspicious of him, he was once a death eater, and being on friendly terms or even appearing to be on friendly terms could make people wonder, if he was not as bad or worse than the death eater himself.

The only good thing was that he could buy his school supplies and did not need to speak to Neville, his parents or the grinning idiot still giving out autographed photos of himself. "Can I just transfer to France and never, and I mean never return to England?" James simply told him that he still had one more year.

"It's just that I think this last year is going to seem like hell . I can't help but get the feeling something bad is going to happen in school this year too. " Lily touched his shoulder and smiled." All the more reason for you to stay this year. You would not be able to enjoy your time with Fleur if you left knowing something bad was going to happen and you did nothing to stop it. "

" I just think I would enjoy life a whole lot more if I did not have be around the Boy Who Lived, he is insufferable now, I can only imagine how he will be when you know who is finally dead. I am so working in the French ministry of magic. I don't even want to see the English ministry of magic. "

James said that they were more than likely going to build a statue in his honor, and the Longbottoms were going to demand that all employees worship it like an Idol. Lily could remember how she always wanted to be the center of everyone's attention during their order meetings. She did not say because those meetings were held in secret, and only members knew of the Order of the Phoenix.

"All I know is that I am not taking any garbage the idiot says about me, and letting him think he can get away with it. If he picks a fight he better be ready, cause I am not holding back. " James asked his some to take things easy and try to ignore him, it would make his job a lot easier if he did not have to listen how Frank considered his son a bully and a threat to decent people everywhere.

" I kid you not son, if you start causing harm on his son, he will do everything in his power to get you labeled a dark wizard and try to send you to Azkaban from some trumped up charge he will invent. With the help of Malfoy and his friends he might buy enough votes in the court to do that. So please so do not pick fights, pranking is allowed as long as you do not get caught. "

As he began to pack his truck he told him, to ask George and Fred Weasley if he needed any tips on good pranks. The two were making good use of his groups old map. Maybe he could ask them to borrow it for the year. Harry would try to make as few problems as he could for his father's sake.

When the day finally arrived for Harry to go back to school. Alice and Frank were on the platform as soon as they arrived. Harry had the suspicion that they had some ulterior motives. The train finally arrived and when he tried to board the train he was grabbed by Frank Longbottom. "A filthy creature such as you should wait for your betters to board the train first."

It took Lily holding back James for James to calm down, he clearly wanted to tell him a few things about what he said about his son. "Actions speak louder than words. Let the ever so precious Boy Who Lived prove it to me with his grades. Then I will see the error of my ways."

Alice screamed at him that someone as heroic as her son did not need to lower himself to prove himself to a filthy monster like him. "Then why do you care who boards the train first? When your real concern should be for him to stay away as far as possible from a monster like me. Who knows when I can lose control and cause him some unintentional harm. I still have a lot of trouble keeping my other nature in control after all. "

Frank let him go as he realized that his face has began to look more avian." Since my son has boarded the train, you may now board it yourself. Keep your distance from my son filthy monster. " Harry smiled and kissed his mother on the cheek and smiled at his father." I will keep my distance if he will. Have a pleasant time at work dad, be sure to write mom. "

Harry went to the same compartment he was in last time sure enough Hermione was reading a rather thick book. Harry greeted his friend and ask if the book was interesting?" oh, yes it is simply lovely, it is on the magical treaties between different nations of the magical world. I simply have not been able to put it down since I bought it. "

Harry smiled and asked if he could maybe borrow it when she got done with it." I guess anything is good reading except what you are going to be reading for your defense against the Dark arts. " they were both surprised to see that both Fred and George sneaked in the compartment while they were talking.

" I would expect no less from the prankster duo of our school. Speaking of which care to give me a few tips on how to prank a certain boy who lives with a head full of hot air, or a teacher that is so in love with himself, that it is a wonder he did not marry himself? "

Both George and Fred laughed as he said that."So you finally learned the wonderful and usefulness of pranks. For a fellow team member say no more. I say we might even help, what do you say Forge? Do we help our young friend with his pranking needs?" The brother smiled and nodded his head. "Without a doubt Gorge, we must do our prankster duty and help our friend teach humility to the boy with an overgrown ego, and the narcissistic teacher. It will be so much fun. I can hardly wait to begin."

Hermione seriously began to think the idea of transferring to Beauxbatons was not such a bad idea after all. Maybe she could send a few letters to see how she could transfer and to tell her parents the very urgent need to transfer to that Academy. Maybe she could use these supposed pranks as a way to make it sound that she wanted to transfer for her own safety.