Chapter 4: Instability

Yuuki

The world was envoloped in darkness. It was if I had fallen into a permanent sleep, destined to never wake. I could feel my eyes as I opened them again and again but no matter how many times I repeated the process, the world remained sealed off from me. Voices in the distance seemed to be saying something but it was muffled like I had been submerged under water.

You're always like this. A clear and condescending female voice resounded through the dark prison of my mind. Always hurting those who try to protect you. You ruin the lives of everyone around you.

I felt the screams tear from my throat; the voice, make it stop. Please somebody make it stop. My head throbbed and my throat strained under the constant scream that must have pierced the air around me, wherever I actually was. It felt like I was lying down but the world started spinning and without my vision I had no idea were I was. Was I still in the apartment? I tried to visualize just what the apartment looked out, bland and bleak but instead of seeing myself lying on the bed the image of Zero slowly came into focus on the bed; blood splattered across the alabaster skin of his bare chest. You killed him. You will always kill him. Over and over again with your insecurities.

The image fades from my mind and I feel my screams turn to sobs. I want to wake up. I want to go to Zero. My body feels cold. Frozen as if I was encased in ice. Warmth builds in my hands. I wonder if Zero is holding them. The warmth disappears and I can't tell how much time has passed.

Images flood into my mind triggered from the change within. A windowless basement. The gentle hands of a mother as she pulled me away from what looks like a young Kaname. Juri, my mother, thanking Kaname for taking care of her Yuuki before giving her life to seal me. My father said he'd protect me from the bad people and he left. They were both such strong people. Why did they have to die. My childhood. I spent it with Kaname. My brother... They died because of you. Everyone you love will die because of you!

No! I screamed to the voice in my mind. Voices again resounded outside my prison. Muffled but I think Zero was yelling at someone. But who?

'Please Yuuki, no more struggling. You need to wake up...before you go mad.' Kaname's voice penetrated the barrier that kept me from the waking world. I felt the pain in my head ease and soon fell into a dreamless sleep.

I awoke on a cold stone floor; every part of me felt like I had been encased in ice except my throat which seemed to be kindling a major fire. I am so thirsty...so very thirsty... I leaned up to get a better look at my surroundings when a curtain of hair swung into my face. My hair had grown more than double the length in the time I slept, however long that had been. The entire room was lit up like high noon but the only source of light was a simple candle holder near a steel door.

Reality came crashing down for the first time; I was a pureblood vampire, the very monster that Zero despises. I was born to Haruka and Juri Kuran; Kaname's little sister and intended wife. But worse of all, I had no idea where I even was and all I wanted to do was see Zero. My body yearned for him in ways that I had never felt before; possibly this is what Zero felt in his moments of bloodlust when all he desired was my blood.

My life as a human is over. Will Zero even let me be near him anymore. And what of Kaname; will he expect me to just bend to his will? No. I will never be a pawn for him to play with. But where are they? Where am I? This place feels familiar but I can't place it. There's a buzzing inside my head and it sounds like electricity. Now footfalls that stop just outside the door. A male. Too heavy to be female.

I sniff the air, the scent is familiar but it is a bit different. The door scrapes the stone floor as it slides open. Zero stands in the door way but something is different. Power radiates from him in waves.

Zero

It had been three days, three whole days and even though the chairman told me this was Yuuki's cell, I barely recognized the creature in front of me. Her once short hair flowed in waves around her; sticking up in odd places. A frightened yet starved look clouded her once gentle eyes with the deepest of crimson as if her eyes were made entirely of blood. Her crouched posture completed the wild and unstable animal look that had claimed my once sweet Yuuki.

The creature gently sniffed the air around her and her pale and cracked lips quivered in anticapation. She moved slowly towards me; moving on all fours as if testing to see if I would react. I took a step towards her and swung the heavy door shut with ease, sealing myself in here with one of the most dangerous of creatures; a starving, scared, and possibly insane pureblood vampire.

At my movements she halted her approach and regarded me with curious eyes. "Yuuki." I whispered, hoping beyond hope that even a shred of sanity remained. She tilted her head slightly and her eyes seemed to go in and out of focus.

"Ze...ro...?" She whispered then cautiously reached towards me. "Zero... I... I need to-"

"Shhh Yuuki I know..." I hadn't even realized that I had dropped to my knees in front of this creature, fully willing to surrender my whole life if I had to.

Slender fingers gripped onto my shirt for dear life, pulling herself to the desired spot at the base of my neck. Her tongue snaked out and traced along my vein, my heart thudding loudly in my ears as I felt the pricks of her dainty fangs. I briefly wondered if this is what the human Yuuki had experienced the times when I had drank her blood. I shoved the thought to the back of my mind; tears were falling from Yuuki's eyes as she drank deeply.

"Shhh Yuuki... please don't cry..." I whispered. "I'm here. I'll always be right here." I closed my eyes, hand gently stroking the back of her head. She knew who I was so maybe, just maybe, her sanity was still intact. It was a wonder that mine remained intact with all that had happened the last three days.

Ichiru had nearly died confronting Rido, the one who had manipulated the Hunters all those years ago to kill Shizuka's lover. He had offered what remained of his life to me; he begged me to live and kill Rido for him, to do what he was unable to. I had already been feeling Yuuki's pureblood power awaken within me, adding further confirmation to Kuran's words. I knew Ichiru's life would intensify the already rising power, it was wrong but at least this way, Ichiru and I will always be together; the way it was meant to be.

With Bloody Rose responding to the power that was flowing through me, I made short work of Rido only to face to face with Kuran. I had told myself that for Yuuki's sake I would destroy Rido and leave Kaname alone but the arrogant and self-satisfied look the pureblood wore made something snap within me. Before I had realized what I was doing, I had aimed and pulled the trigger; releasing an uncomprehensible number of beams from Bloody Rose. All of which were aimed straight for Kuran. Had he predicted I would shoot him, it is likely that he would have been able to avoid the attack but he hadn't; he had dropped his guard, the utter shock and disbelief that marred his features said as much.

I told myself that I wasn't going to go back to Yuuki, not after all that I had done. Over and over again I repeated the words in my head, I'm not going back, but each time I stopped paying attention to where I was going...I would start making my way back to the Society's headquarters... and consequetially back to Yuuki.

Yuuki pulled back from my neck, the wound closing almost instantly; her eyes met mine and the sadness that filled them with tears spilled over making for a unsettling yet beautiful sight as tears fell from her crimson eyes. "Yuuki..." I reached out my hand to where she kneeled on the floor in front of me; she flinched when my fingers brushed against the curve of her jaw and she dropped her eyes to focus on her hands that were clapsed in her lap.

"Have you come to kill me too?" Her words were no more than a whisper but the weight they carried seemed to fill the room. I could tell that she knew Kaname was dead; as much as she had been frightened of him, he had still been her brother and she had loved him once.

"And if I have?" I felt her stiffen as the pressure in the room increased. I knew I should't have said those words but I couldn't seem to stop them as they spilled from my lips. Maybe I had lost some of my sanity; I reached for Bloody Rose, easily pulling it from its holster, cocking it, and turning it around so that its barrel was aimed at my heart. "Go ahead Yuuki. Punish me for my sins." A shaky hand reached out, grasping the grip tightly. "Hold the gun with both hands and aim straight. Aim for the center." She lifted her head and followed the instructions I gave her; anger flaring in her eyes, burning crimson.

"It's not a crime to kill a vampire."

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