Kaneki watched Touka carefully out of the corner of his eye- it wasn't hard to keep an ear out, his ghoul senses had been progressing lately, but she was the type to sulk very angrily and very silently. He was currently sitting at his and Hide's table, waiting for the other to arrive. Kaneki was early, though, because his last professor had got an emergency call from his brother and he had to leave. Just the thought gave Kaneki goosebumps- the professor's brother was a dove, and the CCG were hot on the trail of those destructive ghouls. He didn't want to let his mind linger on the implications.
Touka swept past him suddenly, purposefully, keeping her eyes trained to the back wall, ignoring him. Ouch. Kaneki was unsure of what he had done, exactly, but he had a bad feeling it might have to do with Hide. The bell over the door chimed, and, speak of the devil, his boyfriend strolled through the door, smiling and waving at the staff and a few of the customers that recognized him, to their table.
"Hello, darling~" Hide chirped, sliding into his seat. Kaneki raised his eyebrows.
"What's up, Hide? You have that look on your face..." Hide grinned.
"Okay, well, you know, we kind of agreed we weren't going to be one of those couples that are like, OMG we've been together for two weeks, it's true love. We're celebrating our week-iversary. Every week. But it's been almost half a year and-"
"Hide, it's been four months."
"-and that's, like, 33.3% of the year behind us, which is a long time, if you ask me, so I-"
"You want to celebrate our 33.3%-iversary."
"-I've formulated a plan, which was time consuming, seeing as you can't do fancy restaurants or romantic homemade spaghetti-"
"I've said, you can eat wherever and whatever you want. It doesn't bother me."
"-yes, but the point is to do stuff together, and anyway I thought that we could hit a bookstore, I could pick up a few new movies while you browse, and then we can cuddle on the couch!" Hide finally finished, taking a deep breath. Kaneki shook his head.
"Hide, we do that all the time." Kaneki snorted, and the coffee that he had ordered for them earlier was set on the table. "Thank you." The waiter smiled and trotted off to take another order. "I got you a regular coffee, because I didn't know what you would want today. There's cream and sugar by the front so you can doctor it to your taste." Hide pursed his lips.
"I'm not sure there was enough disgust in your tone there. I'll go and put all of my caloric goodness in my cup and then we can discuss what you would rather do this weekend. And we're gonna do something. And we're gonna enjoy it." He shook his finger at Kaneki, grabbed his cup, and headed to the counter. Kaneki smiled softly. True, he had been against the whole fabled "honeymoon stage", but Hide made him feel...
Happy? No, more than that... special? Not exactly right...
Ah.
Loved. He felt loved.
His cheeks warmed and he touched his palms to his face, barely able to contain a grin. He must look like a smitten schoolgirl, but Kaneki hardly cared. The sound of staples behind him was like a pin popping his bubble of euphoria, and he turned to see Touka with 20th Ward posters. What. He hadn't approved anything! Before he could confront her, Hide returned, and prodded the half ghoul for ideas. Kaneki felt a burning in his throat like acid as Hide suggested a few more activities, already knowing he'd have to cancel. He put on a brave face, though, resolving to make up for it through pampering Hide for the last two days of the week.
When Hide finally decided that he needed to go, Kaneki was partly relieved. He wasn't looking forward to his impending argument with Touka, but if there was any way he could get out of performing this weekend, he would. He didn't have to move, because as soon as Hide was out the door, Touka was in his seat.
"Before you say anything stupid, the concert is mandatory. You've been skimping out on us, entertaining that human and his ridiculous notions." Touka said flatly, crossing her arms and leaning back in the chair.
"Mandatory? And Hide is more than a pastime, you know." Kaneki shot back, allowing some of the anger that had been building vent out a bit. Touka rolled her eyes.
"If you got your head out of Love-land for even just a minute, you would know that Rize quit." She let her words sink in a bit, and Kaneki's blood ran cold. If she was no longer their manager, then...
"That Tsukiyama bastard payed her to disappear, because he was tired of playing shadow master and wanted the real position you promised him. Like Rize, he wants profit, but unlike Rize, he's not going to pretend to care about us. We perform or he shuts us down. Or worse."
"Why can't we just... fire him or something? I... have plans-"
"I don't give a shit about your love life. This is about us as a group, a family, our career- what actually matters!" Touka brought a fist down on the table, drawing eyes to them. Kaneki fought the urge to bare his teeth. She was giving of a very hostile vibe, and it set his instincts on edge. Touka was feeling it too, and she pulled back. Kaneki could see the barriers behind her eyes, her walls closing her off emotionally. It'd been years since he had seen her like this.
"Hide matters. My relationships matter, Touka." He sighed, and brushed his bangs out of his eyes. She bit her lip, face crinkling. He vaguely noticed that Nishiki and Banjou were outside, preparing to come in. Touka must have called them.
"I know Hide matters to you, Kaneki. But do I?" She whispered, and stood. Kaneki stifled a gasp, and tried to reach out, but she turned and rushed out of the café, wiping at her eyes. The other members, who had just reached the table, looked shocked.
"I've got her." Nishiki muttered, seeming uncharacteristically concerned for Touka. He followed her path, and brought his phone up to his ear as he left. Banjou looked from Kaneki to where Nishiki and Touka had disappeared, and Kaneki shook his head. He felt like shit. Why hadn't he noticed anything sooner? Why hadn't he noticed, period? The corners of his eyes burned, and Banjou laid a hand on his shoulder.
"Don't worry. Everything will be alright in the end." Kaneki wanted to believe him, but between Tsukiyama running the band, upsetting Touka, and eventually having to rain check Hide, he couldn't bring himself to.
A little while later, after Banjou had coaxed Kaneki into drinking the rest of his lukewarm coffee, the half-ghoul's phone pinged. Nishiki had texted him.
Senpai: Kimi and I have Touka. She's at our apt. She's pretty shaken up as well, Kaneki. What the hell did you say to her? At any rate, come over, and we can all bask in the huge pile of shit we've landed ourselves in. See you soon.
Kaneki flashed the screen at Banjou, silently conveying where they both needed to go. His throat felt tight, and he was afraid to speak, lest his voice fracture. They exited the coffee shop, tipping generously. Nishiki had left his car, probably to track Touka on foot, but he also took the keys with him. Banjou shrugged and smiled, whistling one of their songs as he started walking. Kaneki sighed, and, having no other option, followed.
oOo
"-think that you're less important? He has a life outside of you, you know- ow, Kimi!" Banjou and Kaneki opened the unlocked door, overhearing the conversation within. They made their way through the modest, well-furnished apartment, finding the three in the bedroom.
The bed was huge, taking up at least half of the space in the room, covered in mountains of pillows and comfy-looking blankets. Kimi and Touka were sitting on the edge of it, one of the pillows clutched in the latter's arms. Nishiki stood in front of them, rubbing his arm where Kimi must have hit it earlier.
"Ah, perfect, Kaneki and Banjou are here!" Kimi said, pulling the focus to them. She patted Touka once on the shoulder, and then stood, smiling brightly at Kaneki. "I'll just leave you all to talk about whatever. If you need anything, just call, alright?"
She kissed Nishiki on the cheek and departed, tension rushing into the room in her absence. Feeling like something was gripping his throat, Kaneki timidly approached Touka. She looked up at him, eyes shining with tears. He knew she hated to cry, she hated looking weak, so it hurt him to know that she was hurting that bad.
"Kaneki. I... I know, I'm sorry-"
"No, no, we shouldn't have fought in the first place. I have been neglecting my friends, but it shouldn't be an exchange. I want this and Hide in my life. Just because... Just because I love someone else doesn't mean I love you any less, Touka!" He took a shuddering gasp in, and she threw herself at his chest. He held her tight, feeling her shake silently, burying his nose into hair. He heard a sniffle behind him, and then strong, vice-like arms were wrapped around him and Touka. He nearly laughed, and then he felt smaller, guitar-calloused hands follow Banjou's. Nishiki sniffled again, and pulled them all closer.
"We owe our lives to this band, don't deny it. And we owe our lives to Kaneki. Touka, you had nothing, no one, until Kaneki brought himself and us to you. Banjou, you were in a gang, for God's sake, unhappy and desperate for something else, something more. I... I was on the verge of wrecking my whole life, my future. Banjou and Uta, they had nothing to live for until they had us. And remember this moment, because this is as fucking genuine as I'll ever be with you guys. I love you all. Don't forget it, cause I won't say it again." Nishiki whispered, sounding almost afraid of his own words.
Banjou laughed, and stepped back, taking Nishiki with him. Touka unclenched her fists from Kaneki's clothes, pulling away to smile sadly, gently, up at him.
"We're a family. And as much as I hate to admit it... Hide should be a part of it, too." Kaneki started back down at her, turning her words over in his head.
"We're alL IN THIS TOGETHER-" Banjou hollered, before Touka stepped around Kaneki and angrily clamped a hand over his mouth, ranting about how she was trying to have a tender moment.
"Now this is more like it." Nishiki sighed, slinging an arm around Kaneki's shoulders as Banjou teased their youngest member. "This is home. And who cares about what will happen, you know? What Tsukiyama will do... or even Hide, cause you're gonna tell him, right? We'll be there for each other, 100%." Kaneki smiled to himself, then Nishiki's arm tightened. "And if anyone spills what I said or did in this room today, heads are gonna roll."
oOo
The band hung out for a while, discussing a general idea for dealing with Tsukiyama, and just discussing their lives a bit. Then, after the sun had set, Nishiki drove everyone home. Kaneki, meanwhile, had been pondering about Hide. Telling Hide. Possibly losing Hide. He checked his phone when he got home, to find no missed texts. Hide had probably picked up on his unease that afternoon, and decided to let him be. He was too perfect. What was he going to do this weekend...?
This weekend. Two days now, until he had to perform, that was enough time...!
Kaneki whipped out his cell as he rolled his chair up to his desk, planning to study a bit before bed. With shaking fingers, he typed out one sentence to his boyfriend.
Kaneki: Hey, would you like to go to a concert with me this weekend?
Hide was quick to respond.
Hide: OMG r u srs? U dont like em tho, too loud, crowded. i dont wanna stress u out 4 our 33.3-iversary. Is it a band u like?
Kaneki: I wouldn't mind. In fact, I'd like it very much if we could do this, Hide. There's something I need to talk to you about, as well.
Kaneki: In person. But later, this weekend.
Hide: u better not b breakin up with me, bro. ):
Kaneki: Of course not. :)
Hide: (: k, ill c u there, then. who are we seeing?
Kaneki: 20th Ward :D
The half-ghoul set down his phone before he could change his mind. His jitters were almost unbearable, and he found himself too frazzled to do schoolwork. When he fell asleep that night, he dreamed that the sun was forever eclipsed by the moon, washing the world in lonely shades of cold blue and grey.
oOo
The next two days passed entirely too fast for Kaneki, especially when he had an overexcited Hide to deal with. He went on and on about how much Kaneki was going to enjoy the music, as Kaneki's nerves got to him more and more. By the time he showed up to meet the rest of the band early in the morning to set up, he was a wreck. Touka intercepted him at the door, wrapping him in a hug and passing a warm coffee into his hands. Nishiki set down the equipment he was carrying to the stage, rubbing his hands together.
"Is Hide coming?" Banjou said, in the middle of unloading a speaker. Kaneki just nodded, taking a sip of his coffee to help steel his resolve. Nishiki looked over him for a moment, gaze scrutinizing.
"Do you love him?" He suddenly asked, and Kaneki nearly choked. Nishiki started him down, until he finally nodded, something like relief flooding his chest. Almost instantaneously, he felt lighter, buoyant. He was in love with Hide, undeniably. And it was like... well, nothing changed, really. The sun wasn't brighter, he still felt sick, and he still had problems to deal with. But just knowing that he loved someone like that, to be loved in return, made everything just a bit easier.
His nerves changed into a sort of frantic energy, and he threw himself into setting up the perfect show for his boyfriend. The group got everything in order pretty early, meaning that they had some time to kill backstage. Thankfully, Tsukiyama didn't make an appearance, probably confident that the mere threat of his presence was enough to keep everyone in line. With final reassurances, Kaneki headed outside to wait for Hide, shaking out his hands a couple of times. He didn't have to wait long. Upon seeing the familiar dyed blonde hair bobbing towards him, the carefully pre-planned words in his mind flew out the window.
"Yo, Kaneki! You're four hours early! I was going to wait for you, haha!" He called, jogging the rest of the way once he caught sight of Kaneki shifting from foot to foot. His mouth was dry, all of his previous energy, the coffee warming him, was gone. But he had love... right? No, now was not the time for doubt. He loved Hide, he wanted Hide to be a part of his life. Part of this life. Kaneki, instead of speaking, smiled and held out his hand, no longer afraid. No matter what happened. When they stepped inside, hand in hand, no one was around. Good.
"Alright, ah, cause we're so early, we could get a spot by the front, but not like, all the way, cause it's kind of a lot to take in so close... Hey, did you buy the tickets? Not that it matters, they're digital, but-"
"Hide, I love you." Kaneki said softly, pulling him towards the stage. He was going to show him his dressing room, watch him transform from Kaneki to Shiro. And they'd go from there. Hopefully. He looked back to Hide, who was smiling brightly. The blonde laughed a bit, letting himself be tugged along.
"Kaneki, I love you too. But I don't think we're allowed up here." He sounded dazed. Kaneki shook his head, squeezing the hand in his.
"I am." Kaneki replied shortly, ducking into the wings of backstage. It was dark, and Hide pressed close to him. The half-ghoul could feel his excited puffs of breath on his neck. They felt their way to Kaneki's dressing room, marked with an S. Hide froze.
"Kaneki. Not that I'm averse to sneaking backstage and meeting my idols on our anniversary- thank you, by the way- but you should know, I'm kind of over my fanboy crush on Shiro. I've found someone better, haha." Hide said nervously. Kaneki smiled to himself as he turned the doorknob and walked inside. He dropped Hide's hand to walk over to his dresser, where the wig and his eyepatch lay. Hide followed after a second, seeing that the supposed superstar wasn't in there.
"Sit down, Hide. We have to talk." Kaneki said, glancing at himself in the mirror. He looked a lot more confident than he felt.
"In-in Shiro's dressing room? What if he comes in?" Despite his protest, Hide sat in one of the chairs against the wall, glancing around. The leather suit was hung up on the other side of the door, and the rest of the room was very bare. Instead of replying, Kaneki picked up his wig cap and slid it on, tucking his bangs behind the band.
"Hey, Kaneki, should you be touching-?" Before he could finish, Kaneki put the white wig on, and Hide made an awkward choking sound. Without pausing, he put his eyepatch on as well, brushing his wig down so that it looked natural. Well, mostly natural. Kaneki watched Hide's face in the mirror slowly morph from one of worry to one of shock. He swallowed once, then turned.
"Hide, I'm sorry if you feel lied to, or-or tricked in any way, but-"
"Are you serious." Hide said flatly, slumping back into his chair.
""Hide, no, I'm sorry-"
"Where are the hidden cameras."
"There are no- oh, no, Hide-" Kaneki felt like crying, Hide was mad at him, he was going to leave and never look back, Christ-
"I get Kaneki and Shiro at the same time are you freaking serious this is the best day of my life!" Hide jumped out of the chair and hurtled towards Kaneki, catching himself at the last second.
"This is real, right? I thought I knew Shiro from somewhere, but this is kind of miraculous..." Hide whispered, and Kaneki, in response, simply grabbed Hide and pulled him in, trying not to sob or say something embarrassing. Hide loved him, in spite of keeping him in the dark for so long. They hugged for a moment, before Hide pulled away with a mischievous smirk.
"God, Kaneki, if you would have told me earlier, I would have had a lot more planned for our 33.3-iversary..." Chills shot through Kaneki as Hide bent down to trail soft kisses down his throat.
"Leather is so hot..." Hide murmured against his skin, and okay, they had a few hours before showtime-
Three hard knocks had the couple springing apart, and Kaneki flushed all the way to his now seemingly-white roots.
"Kaneki, do you know when Hide will get here, or not, because if he-" Touka's head peaked around the door as it opened, face twisting in disgust at their obvious sheepish behavior. "Alright, then. Hi, Hide." She said shortly, stepping into the room somewhat hesitantly. Her short skirt swished around the tops of her thighs, and her guitar was strapped to her back.
"We were planning to run a few numbers, but if you wanna bang Hide all over your dressing room that's your business." Kaneki sputtered and Hide laughed, surprised.
"Touka-chan? What are you doing here? I swear to God, if I'm dreaming..." Touka smirked.
"No, this is 100% real, I'm afraid. Sorry for being so harsh. I would say I didn't mean it, but I'm not a liar. 20th Ward was founded by Kaneki and me, actually. I'm Usagi. Orochi is your beloved Nishio-senpai and Banjou is someone who is dying to meet you." Touka explained, pulling Kaneki's costume off the door. Kaneki mouthed a small thank you at her.
"Nish- no way!" Hide put both hands to his head, as if to keep his head from bursting. Touka actually smiled, before tossing the bundle of leather to Kaneki.
"Finish dressing and we'll put on a real show for your boy here." She said, waving nonchalantly as she left the room. But he didn't miss the pleased look in her eyes at his happiness. Kaneki turned to Hide, who was laughing quietly. The half-ghoul's arms wound themselves around the blonde's neck, pulling him in for a kiss. Hide kept saying how he couldn't believe this was happening, but Kaneki felt he was more surprised than his boyfriend was. As Hide sighed against his lips, pressing closer, Kaneki felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes. And the best part was, it had only just begun.
The End