"… And then Freddy beat the naked man to death with Bonnie's guitar, and Mr. Davidson said he was bringing in the clean-up crew," Phil finished his story. When he came home from work after being able to leave early, he decided to call Lizzy and let her know they wouldn't have to work for a while.
Lizzy herself looked rather nonplussed, and still trying to fully understand what Phil had just told her.
"Let me see if I got this straight," Lizzy said slowly. "In short, the Virgin Mari decided to steal your shirt and basically the shirt of every male at Freddy's as part of some convoluted scheme to woo me. A fucked up weirdo undressed himself and tried to convince the animatronics to fuck him, all while claiming that he was doing it to 'save-the-world-from-animatronics-wanting-to-make-humans-their-fuck-toys'. Freddy then murdered him and before that, the Marionette left with the intentions of finding where I live. Is that about it?"
"That about sums it up, yes," Phil confirmed.
"… Do you ever feel that that place is just so fucked up that we should just leave it and never look back?"
"We can't do that, Liz. How is the main plot supposed to work if we're not there to suffer through it for the pleasure of sadistic readers and a possibly even more sadistic writer?"
"… What?" Lizzy stared at the phone in her hand briefly as though trying to show Phil the rather confused look on her face. "What the hell are you on about?"
Meanwhile, with our 'hero'…
The Marionette giggled to himself as they pulled in just outside of Lizzy's apartment. Barely able to contain his excitement at breaking into Lizzy's apartment and wooing her. 'Twilight' and 'Fifty Shades' surely wouldn't let him down! They were popular after all! And they had movies! If it's such a popular book that it's made into a movie, then it must be good! And the movies would be as good as the book, if not, better than!
After all, whoever heard of a film based on a book that wasn't one hundred percent faithful and being terrible when compared to the book? Preposterous! Hollywood surely wouldn't let people down! It was a paradise!
Why else did they show it being so friendly in one that 'Simpson's' episode where a Radioactive Man movie was going to be shot in Springfield, but the producers had to return to Hollywood after Springfield took all their money in taxes. They even had 'Lean on Me' playing in the final scene, for Sweeney's sake!
"Here we are," the very much frightened and nervous taxi driver said. "That will be fifteen dollars."
"Take the change."
The Marionette had slapped his hands against the man's face to give him all the money from the man's corpse he robbed. Unfortunately, this also resulted in the deluded puppet stabbing the man with one of his fingers into one eye.
"AGHHHH! MY EYE!"
"Don't be a drama queen," the Marionette huffed before he jumped out through the taxi window. Because breaking through windows was more fun than opening doors like a normal, sane person.
The Marionette put his hands on his hips as he looked up at the apartment in pride. The screams of the taxi driver nothing more but a background sound now. The Marionette was just a few floors away from finding his Lizbeth's apartment. He would make his senpai notice him. His waifu would love him, and smack his fine ass.
"Damn straight!" the Marionette agreed with the narrator, and attempted to slap his own ass to add emphasis to how fine it was and that Lizzy would smack it.
"During sexual intercourse!"
But unfortunately, the Marionette had no ass.
"What?!" Marionette turned his head around in an exact 180 degree angle and looked down. Despite having hips, he truly did lack a butt.
"No! I'm ass-less!" the Marionette cried (acting a bit like Freddy in regards to his focus for his (in this case, lack of) rear end) for the non-existent ass that would never be groped by his Lizbeth. He sniffed and wiped away a tear from his permanently smiling face.
"I guess I have another reason for going after my Lizbeth now," he said to himself. "It will have to be her ass that is smacked and groped in place of my poor one that was never born."
And so, the Marionette took out the body glitter and dumped it in the middle of the road and rolled around in it like a pig in mud and shit, until he shined more than the sun's and a disco ball's love child after drinking Shine Wine one too many times. He then pulled on one of the shirts he had stolen. The blood stained one blessed by Bruce Campbell.
The Marionette walked back to the taxi and looked in the side mirror, ignoring the taxi man who was now in a whimpering state.
"I look so fine," the Marionette squealed in delight. "Thank you again, taxi slave."
"I… I need the hospital…"
"Hmp! No matter how polite I am to them, taxi slaves are so rude! Asking for a hospital," the Marionette huffed before looking back to the apartment in glee.
"I'm coming for you, Lizbeth~."
Back to Lizzy…
"So, what do you want to do since we don't have work for a while?" Lizzy asked Phil. She wasn't worried about the Marionette finding her apartment. What were the odds he would find a clue or conveniently met someone who knew?
"Do you want to come over to my place?" Lizzy offered as she sat down in her armchair.
"I'm not sure," Phil answered sheepishly as he looked at the time. "I'm supposed to be babysitting one of my neighbour's kids in twenty minutes, and they aren't supposed to be back until ten pm."
"What if I said I'm horny and have whip cream, chocolate and jelly in the fridge?" Lizzy was surprised to hear the sound of breaking glass. If she could see Phil now, she would have seen that he had just jumped out of his window, despite being on the sixth floor, and was now currently running."
"Give me at least an hour," said Phil in a rushed voice. "I have to do a quick errand." Phil hung up and ran towards the pharmacy, with the intention of buying some sleeping drugs to feed to the kids to knock them out long enough to make it to Lizzy's place and 'hang out' for at least two hours.
Phil had his priorities straight.
Lizzy smiled as she put her phone away, looking quite pleased.
Back to Mari!
Marionette once again climbed up the building, like it was a completely normal everyday thing. But he only crawled up to the first floor and knocked on the window. Surprisingly politely. It took several seconds, but eventually the window was opened by a shirtless man who looked like he had been crying for several hours.
"C-can I help you?"
"Um, are you okay?"
"Not really," the shirtless man sniffed. "I'm having a hard time with my wife recently. Mind coming in for a moment so we can talk? I'll help you out with your problem afterwards, I promise."
"Alright," the Marionette agreed, albeit reluctantly. The shirtless man stepped aside and allowed the Marionette in and directed him towards the armchair to sit in while he went to lie in a ball on the couch.
"So, what's the problem exactly?" Marionette asked, not bothering to hide that he was already bored with this conversation.
"My wife keeps calling out different names when I make love to her," the man sniffed. "First it was Samson. I wanted to let that pass since I figured my wife was just close to him. But then she moved onto Julius. Then Andrew, and recently Penny! Sometimes she calls out more than one of their names!"
"Um… I'm sorry to hear that," the Marionette said awkwardly as he glanced around. His eyes stopped on a picture of a… woman (to use the word loosely) that looked like the love child of two other love children. The love child of Leather Face and Jabba the Hutt, and the love child of a member of the Slitheen family and Frankenstein's Monster.
"Who's…?"
"My wife, Janice," the shirtless man answered when the Marionette pointed to the photo. "Gorgeous, isn't she? It's not hard to see why no one can keep their paws off her."
"Er…"
"But I don't know why she keeps calling out their names," the man whimpered. "Every time when I finally make her cum, she calls out the pets' names!"
The Marionette looked at him for a moment, not certain he heard correctly. Feeling a bit daring though, the Marionette pressed on.
"The… pets'?"
"I know," the man moaned. "It started off with our cat, Samson. Then our other cat Julius, then our dog Andrew and now our parakeet Penny! I think my wife wants to fuck our pets!"
"… I'm out," the Marionette said simply as he stood up. "Just tell me where to find Lizbeth Parker, peasant."
"But I need help!"
"And I couldn't care any less about you or the fact your heavily deformed wife may be into bestiality," the Marionette scoffed. "The difference between our wants is that there is nothing messed up about my future girlfriend-slash-fiancée-slash-wife. Now tell me what I want or I'll stab kick you in the eye."
"Well, there's a Lizzy Parker on the fifth floor in number thirteen, but-."
"Perfect!" the Marionette made his way back to the window. "I'll be on my way, you sad, pathetic piece of worm faeces. If you ever see me again, don't bother coming near me."
The poor shirtless man stared at the window with a rather forlorn look as the Marionette crawled out of his apartment. He sighed and looked at his list of things to do today. Burning the bed was at the top of it.
The Marionette continued to climb up the building until he reached the fifth floor and looked in through the window. Just in time to see Lizzy go into her bedroom. The Marionette sniggered to himself and messed with the window lock a bit until he managed to force it open and let himself inside.
"I'm in~."
Lizzy meanwhile was just looking through her underwear drawer, trying to pick which pair of undies would appeal to Phil the most today. She had just decided on a pair and turned around when she noticed the Marionette behind her.
Naturally, Lizzy yelled out and punched him in his masked face.
"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Lizzy demanded as the Marionette rubbed his mask. Most would be terrified and run away while they still could. Most would possibly be scared.
The Marionette fit into neither category and was not put off. Even if his mask was slightly cracked now.
"I'm here for you of course, love~." The Marionette grasped Lizzy's arms. "Starting with this!"
"Let go of-!"
But the Marionette paid no attention to Lizzy's demanded and threw her towards her bed. Purposely aiming at the wall to hit her head.
"OW!" Lizzy yelled, and rubbed her poor head before looking up to the wall and scowled as she saw the crack in it. Someone was going to pay for the repair, and like hell was she going to pay!
"Not put this over…"
Lizzy was pushed down on her bed and the sheets were pulled over her and tucked in. The Marionette merrily pulled a chair over and sat in it with his knees up and hunched back as he looked at Lizzy.
Basically, he was trying to imitate L from 'Death Note' in the way he sat. Only difference is that L didn't make look as weird as the way Marionette was doing it.
Lizzy looked at the Marionette as he stared at her. The expression on her face was clearly saying, 'what the hell?' as the exact minute of silence went on. And an uncomfortable minute at that, if Lizzy was to be honest.
"… Shhhhhh," the Marionette suddenly said (even though Lizzy hadn't even bothered to open her mouth) and gently closed Lizzy's eyelids with his fingers. "Go to sleep love, so I may watch you sleep."
"… Excuse me?" Lizzy opened her eyes again. "What?"
"Women love it when men watch them sleep," Marionette said cheerfully. Lizzy stared at him before saying,
"Maybe there's no problems with it if they are in a relationship, know each other well enough and the watcher only does it until they fall asleep. Otherwise, that's just creepy."
"Don't be ridiculous," the Marionette scoffed. "Why else would Bella have gone with Edward?"
"… You've read fucking 'Twilight'?" Lizzy choked as she gave an aghast expression. "Why?"
"It's popular, that's why. Now fall asleep so I can watch you sleep."
Lizzy's eyes glanced to the side momentarily before she threw the sheets off and sat up. Shoving a hand in the Marionette's face.
"I don't know how you found this place, but like hell am I going to let you stay. Now get out. Phil's coming over, and I have to get ready."
"NO!" The Marionette grabbed Lizzy's hands. "I forbid you to see Phil the prick!"
"Don't call him that!" Lizzy told him harshly. "Who the hell are you to tell me who I can or can't see?!"
"That's what Edward Cullen does, and Christian Grey!"
"… Fifty Shades' as well?" Lizzy looked close to be physically sick. It was only her unlimited wrath fuelled power and strength that was keeping her going. "Well both of those bastards are… Well, bastards. Bastards that no sane person would want to date since they are horrible people!"
"Oh, sweet Lizzy," the Marionette chuckled. "If they were truly horrible people, why do they have so many fans?"
"Because they're able to manipulate certain readers as well as their victim 'lovers' into believing they are the perfect man, and making them believe men are only perfect if they're rich, supposedly good looking and try to control their lives!"
"Allow me to dazzle you!"
"… What?!"
"Hold this!" Marionette shoved a turned on flashlight and quickly stood at the foot of the bed, in front of the light and ripped the shirt he was wearing right open. The body glitter on him lit up so much it was like a small part of his body was a glow stick.
"Don't I dazzle you~?"
"No, but you're making me want to puke right now."
"… What if I stole a car to drive around at high speeds with you?" the Marionette suggested, starting to feel desperate.
Lizzy just chucked the flashlight at his head.
"Nope!" Lizzy got herself out of the bed. "Now get out of my apartment, right now or I swear to god I am going to-."
The Marionette grabbed a hairbrush from the dresser and threw it at Lizzy's ankle.
"Hey! What was that for you masked bastard?" Demanded Lizzy. Glaring as she rubbed her hit ankle.
"I was trying to make you trip so that I could catch you," the Marionette explained simply. "You're not clumsy like Anastasia or Bella, so making you trip is the next best thing."
"I'm also not a naïve moron who's dependent on a man and goes with the, 'men-know-best' motif'," Lizzy sneered and walked past the puppet. "Now get the fuck out of here. I have to get ready for Phil-."
The Marionette of course was being stubborn as a blood stain in your shirt that just won't come out, leaving you with the only option of burning it or risk the murder being traced back to you. So he picked up a lamp and threw it at Lizzy's head, and immediately dived towards her and tackled her to the floor just as the lamp was about to hit her head and instead hit into the wall.
"What the hell man?!" Lizzy demanded as she turned over onto her back and glared darkly at the Marionette above her who was smiling on the inside as much as his mask smiled for him.
"The lamp came alive and tried to attack you!" the Marionette declared. "I saved your life! Ergo, we will marry in the future!"
"… Get. Out," Lizzy repeated herself for the umpteenth time in a cold voice. "Get off of me. Now."
Reluctantly, the Marionette sat up. Allowing Lizzy to stand up.
"Now this is your final waning," Lizzy said as she began walking towards the fridge. "Get out of here, or I am going to-."
SMACK!
Lizzy stopped. The Marionette was quite pleased as he lowered his hand after smacking Lizzy's ass. He did plan to smack it to begin with since he lacked one.
But then there was the silence. He wasn't too bothered at first, but the lack of yelling or screeching slowly made the Marionette wonder if her hit Lizzy's butt too hard and accidently stunned her.
CRACK!
Lizzy turned her head back to look at him, her neck emitting a crack as she did so. She stared at the Marionette with no definite expression on her face. The Marionette did begin to wonder if perhaps he took it a step too far (which he would later decide that he didn't) before Lizzy's hand shot out and grabbed him by his throat.
The Marionette gagged as Lizzy calmly walked to her bathroom and pulled the toilet seat up.
"You had your warning," Lizzy told him before shoving him head first into the bowel before she grabbed his kicking leg and started shoving him down.
The Marionette of course struggled, but no one is a match for Lizzy's wrath filled strength. No one.
"Stop struggling, and get down there so I can flush you!" Lizzy growled as she pushed him down and down.
Knock, knock.
"Hey, Liz?" Phil's voice could be heard from the front door. Lizzy paused but kept a hold of the Marionette's legs. "I'm here."
"Just a minute~," Lizzy said sweetly before giving two final pushes on the Marionette's legs and pressed down on the toilet handle. A few times because the Marionette's head was stuck, but the force of the water won out and he was sent down the toilet line. His legs were frantically kicking in the air before they followed the rest of his body to their one destination.
The sewer.
Lizzy smiled to herself and began to take off her top as she made her way to her front door, ready to greet Phil.
"Sweeney, damn it," Marionette cursed as he stood up in the sewer water he was currently in. "This is all Phil's fault, I just know it!" He sounded quite bitter and annoyed. But since there was nothing he could do now, he walked off into the sewer to find the right pipe that led to the bathroom of the pizzeria.
It wasn't too hard to find. There were human bones right outside the pipeline from the pizzeria. That was how they disposed the bodies of dead night guards after all. Cut the body into small pieces and flush it down the toilet. Like with a dead gold fish but bigger and bloodier.
Speaking of bloodier, a flush was heard and water flowed out of the pipe. Said water started to look red, and the head of the creepy naked man flew out and hit the wall of the sewer.
"Well this is definitely the right place." The Marionette then proceeded to climb into the pipe before they could flush anything else inside of it.
Inside the pizzeria girl's bathroom, the two men in charge of getting rid of the bodies and cleaning the place clean of DNA were hacking away at the creepy naked man's remains after flushing his head down the potty.
"None of this feels very ethical," Cleaner No. 2 said as his boss (Cleaner No. 1) was sawing away at an arm. Singing 'Whistle While You Work' from Disney's 'Snow White'. But Cleaner No. 2's comment made him stop and he glared at the younger worker.
"Who cares about ethics? If they did, this place wouldn't be around right now. Besides, we're being paid a crap ton of money for this job so shut up and start cutting those legs off!"
Splash…
The light splashing sound gained the two cleaners attention and they looked to their right towards the toilet they were using to dispose of the body. Stepping out of the toilet bowel was the very wet and happy looking Marionette. Of course, that was just his mask. In reality, he was quite miserable.
"Damn… I didn't think I would ever get out of there," Marionette muttered as he stepped out of the stall, only to pause as he looked to the two shocked cleaners. They stared at each other as he dripped toilet water, but the Marionette eventually broke the silence.
"S'up."
Screaming of terror was the next thing to happen.
Both the cleaners (not expecting a living puppet to crawl out of the toilet) ran out of the girl's room and fled the pizzeria.
The grumbling Marionette soon walked out. The one time he left the pizzeria, and every possible weird ass shit kept happening to him.
But at least it was over now.
"So how'd it go?"
The Marionette looked to see the heads of Bonnie, Chica, Freddy (the one who spoke) and Fox (who was wrapped in bandages) peeking out of the archway leading to the dining room while Balloon Boy's head peaked out of the game room door. The Marionette inwardly cringed.
"I… I'd rather not talk about it."
"Don't wor-worry." Freddy paused to sip from a straw inside a bottle of vodka. "At least with Lizzy saying no to you, you'll forever have low expectations of getting a date."
"Oh, and you're better?" Marionette sneered. Freddy laughed and nodded his head.
"Of course, stupid. Watch."
Freddy stood up quickly, forcing Foxy to fall on his back. The animatronic whimpered and curled into a ball. He was still sore from the beating Freddy gave him. Freddy heard Balloon Boy tell a child that if they didn't buy one of his balloons, that Freddy would send Satan after them. In reality, in was a cruel business tactic on BB's part to sell more balloons, but Freddy didn't know that. He believed Foxy was trying to discredit him, like everyone who was saying he was an alcoholic. So, he beat up Foxy without any consideration of asking questions.
Asking questions was for pussies.
Freddy looked to Chica and tugged her up, only to sit her down on Bonnie's back and knelt down in front of her. After a brief hiccup, Freddy said,
"Your eyes are more purple than grapes. Would you like to share?" Freddy held up the vodka bottle to Chica.
"No thanks. I'd rather not put my beak where your mouth has been," Chica said simply. Freddy sniffed and wiped away a big, black, oily tear coming down from his right eye.
"Why must you shove away my love?"
"Ca-can I get up now?" Bonnie asked as his arms shook.
"No, shut up!" Freddy snapped. "Stop being selfish!"
"Bu-but you're the one-."
"Shut up!"
"I'm… I'm going back to my box," Marionette muttered as he left the bathroom hallway and into the game room.
At least he had 'Twilight' and 'Fifty Shades' waiting for him there. He could easily replace the names of the two pairs of lovers with his name and Lizzy's.
And so the 'Marionette's Quest for Love' saga concludes! Stay tuned, for we have many stories ahead (eventually), such as Lizzy bashing a Mary Sue, and Foxy's interpretation of what happened in The Bite of '87!