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A/N: BOO-YAH! ANOTHER UPDATE! WHAT NOW, BEEYITCHES?
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~Danica's P.O.V.~
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"So... you're Hidan," Savvy started, pointing at said idiot. "You're Kakuzu," she pointed at the miser. "Sasori, Deidara, Zetsu, Tobi ("Tobi is a good boy!" "Yes, he is. Good boy, Tobi." "Yay!" "Aww! Kawaii!~"), Itachi, Ki... same?" The shark nodded in confirmation. "And that pretty lady is Konan, and Pein's the leader." Konan smiled a bit at the compliment and Pein just nodded stoically.
"Okay, now that I have all your names, I just want to clarify. You all are ninja." More nods. "And you're from another universe where breathing fire and teleportation is a common occurrence. And you all want to bunk at my friend's place until you can get home." Even more nods. "... Kami-fucking-dammit."
I just sighed. "And they'll be using my weapons until they can get they're own, which basically means until I can make them their own."
"So, now that we got that outta the way... shall we discuss living arrangements?" Savvy asked.
"Go on," Pein inclined his head.
"Okay," I began, clapping my hands twice to get their attention. "Savvy and I will bunk in my room, 'cause I refuse to share a room with potential perverts. Plus, my room is the smallest."
"Why is your room the smallest, un?" Deidara inquired. "I thought girls always took the biggest rooms, yeah."
"I like to keep my room clean, but I don't like cleaning," I easily waved him off. "The smaller the space, the easier it is to keep tidy."
"Do I have to move my cacti?" asked Savvy.
"Only if you want to," I nodded. "Um... if Savvy bunks with me, that leaves four open guest rooms, since I don't want any of you in my basement."
"Why the fuck not?" asked Hidan. I nearly groaned out loud. Can't I just get a sentence out without people questioning my reasoning?
"Because that's my workspace. If you move anything an inch, I won't be able to find it."
"The fuck's an inch?"
I face palmed. "Not everybody used the metric system. We're in America. We have a different measuring system. And inch is about two and a half centimeters, a foot is twelve inches, and a mile is five thousand two hundred eighty feet."
"Why don't you just use our system of measurement?" asked Itachi. "It seems simpler."
I actually groaned aloud. "Look, buddy. There are two systems of measurement- the metric system that you guys are using, and the system that landed people on the moon. Wanna question our math again?"
"People landed on the moon? Tobi thinks that's sooooo cool!"
"Yes, Tobi. People have landed on the moon, collected samples, discovered entirely new planets and solar systems, and we still have yet to encounter where you guys came from," Savvy patted Tobi's fluffy head.
"Dammit, people! Lemme talk about living arrangements already!" I shouted. I huffed before beginning once more. "Okay, so Pein's the leader, and he seems pretty responsible. He gets the room in the basement, but we might need to move some stuff 'cause we're currently using it as a storage closet, but I think we can just pop open a window and stuff an air mattress in there or something. Kisame and Itachi get my dad's room, 'cause I know they won't trash the place and Kisame is around the same height as my dad, so he'll fit on the bed. Blondie and Hidan get the living room because I have a feeling they snore, and Sasori and Kakuzu get the room across from my dad's. Tobi and Zetsu... They can get the room next to Sasori's, and Konan gets her own room, Savvy's old one, next to Tobi's." I said, careful to separate some of the pairs. They don't know that I know how they work, and I plan to keep it that way. It was a bit risky, lying to two Uchiha's and Nagato, of all people, but it had to be done. I knew I had to tell them sooner or later, but for now I'd wait until they liked me enough not to torture me for information. I doubted it would happen anytime soon, but I'd aim high, shoot low.
"Why can't I bunk with Danna, un? I don't want to put up with Hidan!" whined Deidara.
I shrugged. "Why not? Kakuzu, switch with Deidara."
Now all the pairs were together, Pein and Konan got their own rooms, and Savvy and I weren't separated. It wasn't all ideal, since there were still ten criminals living in my house, but it was close enough for jazz.
"Savvy, help me clean up Leader-sama's room," I ordered. She followed and helped me lug a bucket of cleaning supplies into the basement. I pulled the air mattress over my shoulder and wove around the worktables, the slightly messy blueprints and dimensions for different weapons. A half-finished statuette of a certain blue hedgehog sat in the middle of it all.
We turned past the workroom into a room with filled bookshelves. Sheets of tin lay against the concrete and Post-It Notes with phone numbers scrawled across them were stuck on the walls- names and numbers of different metal suppliers.
I moved some paint buckets and opened up a window that pushed against the ceiling. Savvy flicked on the lights and did a quick dust of everything before pushing some things against the wall and plugging in the air mattress. I smacked a few sheets onto the sucker, put a mint left over from lunch this morning on the pillow, and BAM! Instant hotel room.
After deciding the concrete room was too prison-cell-esque, I stuck two old watercolors of an autumn landscape and the ocean on the walls while Savvy put a potted cactus in the corner of the room. And, for the usual ninja comfort, I put a kunai on a cardboard box that served as a bedside table.
….
Maybe I just stabbed the box with the damn knife, but whatever.
"I deem this room worthy," I decided. Savvy nodded loyally. "I quite agree, Sarge."
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~Line Break~
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After silence had fallen and all the ninja had gone to bed, I flicked on a lamp in my (weaponless) room.
"So," I began.
"'So,' indeed," Savvy nodded.
After a moment of comfortable silence, Savvy brought up the question. "Ocarina?"
"Why not?" I asked. "Lugia's theme?"
"Why not?" Savvy mimicked me. I padded into my bathroom, into the drawer to pull out her emergency ocarina. She had three- one at her house, one around her neck, and one here, in case she loses one. They were all simple tear drop ocarinas, one in warm colors, one in blues, and the last on in solid black.
Savanna wasn't a professional at it, but she liked the ocarina better than the piccolo she used to play in high school.
She gratefully took the musical instrument and began to play. She stumbled a bit at first, but more from lack of practice than anything.
I chilled against the wall and decided I had better play it safe. Relax, get comfy, but never truly drop my guard.
And, unlike most fanfictions, I most definitely would not fall in love with them. Friends, sure. Lovers? NOPE!
Savvy curled up on the bed next to where I was sitting with my back against the wall. Soon she was softly snoring, ocarina clutched to her chest.
I moved from my comfortable spot and pushed my bed away from the wall. I tugged a towel off the bed (those damned ninja took the last blankets) down into the little hole and lay down in the crack, enjoying having control over my environment. I was a freak that way.
I lost myself in my thoughts as I nestled down into my Hobbit Hole.
This...
…
…
…
…
This was going to suck.
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~Line Break~
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I woke up to a few annoying shouts.
"Where the fuck is the bitch? She just fucking left!"
"Shut up, Hidan. I'm tired. Let me sleep," Savvy let out a muffled groan, her face still buried in her pillow.
"She couldn't have gotten far without her friend. We should split up soon and search for her," came an authoritative voice I recognized as Pein's.
I sighed. Did they really think I'd ditch Savvy and my weapons just like that?
"I'm awake, stop shouting," I huffed, crawling up from my spot between the bed and the wall.
There was a moment of silence.
"And a gay baby has been born," muttered Savvy.
"Oh ye of little faith," I sighed, flopping my head and arms onto the mattress. "Did you really think I'd ditch my weapons like that?"
Savvy burned holes into my skull.
"Okay, and Savvy," I amended.
I rolled over so I was laying next to Savvy. "I may not be a ninja or whatever, but I've got some honor."
I affectionately pushed my friend off the bed* so she landed face-first on the floor while I dragged myself to my feet.
I had already reached my arm across my desk to slam my phone when it went off, signaling that the time was six in the morning.
Hare Hare Yukai sang from the speakers, making me cover my ears and mash the button repeatedly to make sure the darn thing got the message.
"Nazonazo mitai ni chikyuugi wo tokiakashi -" -SMASH!-
"That song was in our language," Pein looked at me. "Why?" Blunt, quick, and straight to the point. That's just how they rolled in Ame.
"No, no. Please. Take your time," I muttered sarcastically. "Because here-," I said, moving my hands to punctuate the "here" part. "- there are many, many different countries. Many different cultures, customs, and yes- languages. Japanese is one of them. Lot's of different stuffs here in America, but that's mostly because we are essentially a country of immigrants."
He nodded and I leisurely strolled to the kitchen to make coffee.
Savvy and I switched off on who made breakfast and who got first shower, and since I got first shower yesterday, it was my breakfast day.
After the pot was on, I grabbed the last two corner pieces on the first plate of brownies.
I stared at the fridge before sighing.
Savvy had recently bought groceries for the month, but with six times the usual amount of people, we'd run out of food by next week.
I toasted twenty-four pieces of bread and fried twenty-four eggs before putting them on twelve plates (Yay. I'd have to do all the dishes. Joy.).
I frowned at the empty carton of no eggs and chucked it before pouring two cups of coffee. One black, one with an unhealthy dosage of sugar and milk.
I drank the black cup. Surprising considering my sweet tooth, no? But, hey. I need the caffeine.
Savvy ruffled my bed-head before stealing a plate and her cup o' Joe and seating herself at the island.
I took the chance and dove at the bathroom.
I will learn from the OC's mistakes.
No murderer will take my hot shower water.
After freshening up, I looked at my room before frowning again.
All this frowning was going to give me wrinkles.
Normally I cleaned my room, but there was virtually nothing to clean. I made due, though, by straightening my bed sheets, fixing up the many sketches and blueprints on my wall, and vacuuming the dirt off the carpet.
All those damn ninjas.
Always tracking dirt into my room.
Like, what would it take for them to take off their shoes before entering the house? It should be natural for them. It's traditional Japanese custom to do it, right? So why do they insist on tracking mud into my house?
Frickin' ninjas.
But I digress.
I hurried back into the kitchen and swiped my breakfast off the counter before the ninja could take it. Right before I was going to dig in and rush to the bus stop, Savvy stopped me.
"We're not going to school today," she said simply. I stopped in my movements.
"We're not?" I asked, just to be sure.
"Nope," she clarified, shaking her head. "You're sick, I have to take care of my new housemate- oh! And we have to go shopping for our newer ninja housemates."
I blinked at her. So now I don't have to worry about ninjas destroying my house?
"I called in for us. You're welcome," she added.
"I love you, Savvy."
"I know."
I looked around at the ninja at the table behind us, all scarfing down the eggs and toast.
"So... Shopping?" I asked.
"Yup."
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Fun Fact: Two twin boys were born, one thirty-one minutes after the other. But, because of daylight savings, the original younger one was technically born twenty-seven minutes before his brother.
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Question Time!: Favorite character in any anime, ever. Go.
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*Did you catch the ever-so-subtle Maximum Ride reference?
"I affectionately kicked the flock awake."?
No?
Just me?
... Okay.