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~Danica's P.O.V.~

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As I leisurely ate my breakfast (eating leisurely on a non-holiday weekday. I think my equilibrium might be thrown off. Well, it would've been, had it not been already 'cause of, you know, ninjas.), I thought long and hard about who to bring. I mean, Pein would at least send one pair. He had to make sure we didn't run off. So I thought about who to bring. If I had a choice, at least. Pein might choose for us.

Sasori was a spy master. He'd easily find out if there were Naruto posters at the Walmart I was planning on bringing them. Yes, Walmart. The mall was too expensive, and Hot Topic was smack-dab in the middle of it.

Itachi was observant as well, so no shark/Uchiha duo, Hidan would cause a scene, so no zombies. Pein and Konan... no. Tobi and Zetsu? No, for the same reason as Sasori.

Deidara and Kisame were the only ones safe to bring, and they weren't even in the same pair! I might have to chance it with Kisame and Itachi. I... trusted Itachi, to a certain extent. That is, I trusted him to be himself. Loyal to a cause, that's Itachi. Thankfully, though, that cause was Konoha. Plus, he was an Uchiha. They make sure to get all the facts straight before telling anyone. Well, all Uchiha's minus a certain little duck-butt.

"Well, Savvy, what do we get 'em?" I asked.

"Eh. Clothes, food, toiletries. The necessities and nothing more," she said, sticking a fork full of egg into her mouth.

"Oi, bitch!" shouted Hidan. "I want some more fucking food!"

"Get yourself some Poptarts or something!" Savvy shouted back (after chewing, of course. She's proper like that.). "I ain't your bitch!"

I froze. Poptarts. Shiiiiiit.

"Savvy," I said.

"Yes?"

"Poptart and Naiyomi are coming over. In October. Which is next month."

"..."

"..."

"... Shiiiiiit."

"My sentiments exactly."

"Who are these... Poptart and Naiyomi?" inquired Pein. I choked down giggles at the leader, who obviously did not know to be embarrassed over saying something as funny as "Poptart".

"Poptart is my bro. Not really, though. He's more of a..." I struggled to remember the family tree I had posted on my wall, but removed for more space to put my dangerous toys. "I'm not really sure," I finally admitted. "It's like a 'second cousin twice removed's, dog sitter's, best friend's, brother's, grandpa's, baby sister's babysitter' type-thing. We're related, not sure how. But we're close, so I just call him my brother."

"And Naiyomi is her actual, slightly close cousin. She's Japanese, and the cutest darn thing you ever did see," added Savvy.

Poptart... he was a teddy bear. A big, buff, over-protective, slightly intimidating teddy bear. His real name was probably something that had a "p" or a "t" in it, but everybody forgot his name since all we call him is Poptart. Heck, I don't think he even remembers his name!

Naiyomi, though. Cutest. Thing. EVER. She's exactly what I think an angel would look like. Short platinum blonde hair that stopped at her shoulders and my dad and uncle's blue eyes, plus her quiet personality makes her seem like the sweetest darn thing. She lives with Poptart, but they come to live here every other year for the school year. Every year they aren't here, they're here for at least one month of he summer. It might seem like I misspelleded her name, but trust me. That's how it's done. Nai- rhyming with fly, and -yomi, rhyming with... Stony? I dunno. I think the name fits her, though. Gentle, soft, and sweet.

"I will be sending somebody to accompany you while you shop," Pein stated. Just as I had predicted. "Itachi and Kisame will go."

…. Did I just get lucky?

Holy shit, barricade the doors, we're all gonna die!

Deaf to my mental ramblings, Savvy raised an eyebrow. "Wut?"

I blinked at her.

"No, seriously. Wut?" she repeated. "Those two won't exactly... blend in. Itachi's got a serious case of pink-eye going on over there, and Kisame is freakishly tall."

"You're freakishly tall," I stated. "And there isn't any problem with you."

"Why didn't she point out the whole 'part-shark' thing?" asked Kisame, obviously confused. Bless his adorable soul.

Savvy shrugged. "We're in America, hun. Land of the free, home of the Lady Gaga. It wouldn't be too noticeable."

"Lady Gaga?" asked Deidara.

"She literally wore raw meat as a dress," I deadpanned. "I don't think the US of A can get any weirder, but I suppose I've been proven wrong before."

Zetsu looked to be imagining a lady wearing nothing but raw meat and undergarments. "Did she at least eat the meat afterward?"

"I don't think fuckin' anyone would want to eat that shit afterward," snorted Hidan. "That's fucking gross."

"Says the stripper, un!" Deidara chimed in.

"Hn," Itachi commented intelligently.

"I agree," Kisame nodded, being the only one to understand Uchihanese.

"Okay!" I spoke up, hoping to prevent an all-out war in my dining room. "So, 'Tachi-san and Kisame-san will go with us shopping, and I hope all of you guys won't go crazy, alright?"

Pein nodded. "We will be able to keep them under control," he assured.

"Wait, how did we start talking about Lady Gaga in the first place?" I asked.

"We need to disguise Itachi and Kisame when out in public," Savvy reminded me.

"Okay, so I think I have some sunglasses to hide Itachi's eyes," I started, looking thoughtful. "But nobody wears sunglasses indoors... Could we pretend you just got back from an optometrist?"

Itachi blinked and the tomoes were gone. Boom! Point one for the actress!

Savvy frowned, a mixture of surprise and confusion. "Well, that solves one problem?" she said, her statement coming out as a question.

Kisame just shrugged. "I can always henge."

I racked my brain for a translation. "'Transform'? That actually sounds kind of painful."

"Is it one of those ninja things?" Savvy asked skeptically.

Sasori scoffed. "It is indeed 'one of those ninja things'. It is also one of the most simple. Even an academy graduate could do it."

"Yeah, well, we're not ninjas. Not even ninjas in training. Sooo..." Savvy trailed off.

"So f off," I finished offhandedly, rinsing off my plate and sticking it into the washer.

"The fuck is an f?" Hidan yelled.

Oh, yeah.

Japan.

They have a whole 'nother alphabet.

Soon, all four of us were ready to go.

Itachi, who hadn't felt the need to henge, had put on some of Poptart's clothes that he left at my place. Since a lot of the clothes were band stuffs or muscle shirts, I had dug around for a plain black shirt and jeans.

Kisame henge'd himself into the equivalent of Itachi's clothes, plus regular, tan, gill-less skin right after breakfast. Literally, right after breakfast. Like, eat the last bit of egg, then NINJA POOF! And what's worse is that he did it right at the table. Yeah. He nearly made Savvy and I have heart attacks. Seriously, couldn't he have done that elsewhere?

"Okay," Savvy clapped her hands to get our attention. "The Wal-Mart is about two miles away, so it's not too bad. Let's go!" she cheered, pumping her fist in the air.

I sighed again. I hated morning people.

I led the duo of technology-deprived nin to the car. Kisame and Itachi cautiously approached Savvy's deep blue Jeep, following after me into the back seat.

I demonstrated how to put on the seat belt to the criminals and Savvy started the car.

Now, in some fanfictions the person who drives is bat-shit crazy. And yes, I am referring to my life as a fanfiction. What else could it be, if not that? Honestly, I'm just praying not to turn into a Mary-Sue simply because of my blacksmith-ing skills.

That would suck.

Majorly.

Anywhoozles, Savvy and I are both fairly decent drivers. We follow the laws, stop at stop signs, yield for old ladies, the whole she-bang.

Unless Savvy is pissed.

Because she is one of those (thankfully) rare, few people I dubbed rage-drivers.

[re: somebody who drives when angry to relieve stress by running down pedestrians and poor, unfortunate ducks.]

I shiver at the thought of those unlucky birds. May they rest in peace. Pieces. Whatever.

I zoned out shamelessly as we drove along, reaching our destination in a silence that was only broken when Savvy began to explain the do's and don't's of the shopping center.

"And never, no matter what, say yes if Dani asks you if you want to complete... The List," she instructed ominously. I woke up from my daze the moment she mentioned my name.

"What's the list?" Kisame asked.

"It's the 101 Things To Do At Walmart list," she sighed. I could tell she was itching to remove one of her hands from the wheel to pinch the bridge of her nose.

"But it's so much fun!" I complained.

"Mentally scarring children and the elderly is not socially acceptable!" Savvy snapped.

I slumped down in my seat, secretly smirking.

Ah, the Incident of 2012. Good times.

"What did you do?" said a voice that, surprisingly, came from Itachi.

"I didn't do much," I said, shrugging. "I barely did anything on the list."

"Sexy lingerie in a seventy year old dude's cart," Savvy coughed out.

"But I did freak out a cashier," I continued, pretending I hadn't noticed Savvy.

Itachi gave me a look that said And?

"I bought duct tape, sleeping pills, a ski mask, and a crow bar. I even did an evil laugh after paying," I said proudly.

"Why are you so-"

"ROAD! EYES! NOW!" I ordered. She turned back and narrowly avoided hitting a guy pushing around a long line of shopping carts. I then noticed we were already at our destination.

Damn.

I'm so observant.

Not.

I leaped out the door with (nearly) as much vigor as Might Gai.

"Onwards, children!" I shouted. Kisame grinned and stepped out of the car, standing next to Savvy.

Savvy blinked owlishly at him.

"You're taller than me," she observed. "Why."

She didn't ask why, she demanded.

That's just how we roll in Nevada.

Okay, no, seriously.

Savvy used to be really short when she was younger, making her self-conscious about her height. She was finally tall and proud. And this dude who just meandered on into her life had two inches on her.

"I don't know. I was always like this," he shrugged.

I did a mental comparison. He didn't have two inches, only one... But I thought he was six four on the wiki? Itachi was taller than wiki had said, too. And Konan was shorter than usual. Kisame wasn't as blue as in the anime. Maybe this world was catching up on them? Side effects? Bad Naruto-wiki?

My train of thought was cut off when Savvy took me by the hand like I was a second grader and started to drag me into the store.

"Let's go, kiddo," she called unnecessarily. Dammit, why call me to follow you when you're already in the process of dragging me? This is Sasori and Deidara all over again!

The ninja and I were dragged to the clothing department where I helped her raid the discount bin. Savvy and I silently agreed nothing with any flashy designs would work with the budget we were on, let alone suit them, so with the help of the nin, we picked out some plain, long sleeve shirts for the cooler weeks to come, some T-shirts, sweat pants, (cough) boxers, undergarments for Konan, and blankets.

Savvy, the one with more understanding of fashion than I could ever dream to have, pouted at the plain clothing.

"Well, they'll just have to suck it up and look like the AV Crew 'till my significantly richer cousins come over. Hopefully these guys will be out of our hair by then, but if not, we can get some nicer things for them then," I answered easily and breezily.

"AV Crew?" Kisame questioned.

"Audio and visual crew," Savvy answered for me. "They do stuff for plays in high school and middle school, but they gotta dress all dark-like so the attention stays on the actors."

They looked like they wanted to know how we knew this. Freaking inquisitive ninja. I just ignored them.

I was surprised at the lack of shit we had to put up with this shopping trip. According to some research I did (ahem, fanfictions), normally these guys would make a scene. I suppose we did get lucky with the grouping, but... Luck.

It's the Potter curse. Whenever I or my dad gets something done right for once, something bad happens. It might be today, it might be tomorrow, but somewhere, somehow, something will go terribly, horribly wrong and the rest of the year will be blown to shit.

And, quicker than I had expected, something happened. It wasn't too bad. Just some random chick from school.

"Hey, Danica. Who're your friends?" she blatantly checked out Itachi, chewing her bubble gum like a cow and twirling a lock of hair around her finger.

"NOPE!" I shouted. F this s, I'm outta here! I knew this would turn into a fanfiction, I just knew it!

"What?" the bleached blonde asked from about twenty paces behind us, a bit shell-shocked.

"NO DRAMA! NEIN! NONE! NOPE!" I continued to shout, rushing my small group and our bags out of the store.

"Hey Danica, who was-"

"NO DRAMA! GET YER ASS IN THE CAR! MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT! QUICKLY, BEFORE IT CATCHES US! DRIVE, WOMAN, DRIVE!"

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FUN FACT: Danica is very involved in clubs. Very. Drama for all of middle school, AV for ninth grade, then kendo for the entirety of high school.

Question Time!: Who is the Naruto world would be the least troublesome to look after in chibi form?

Last Chappie's Question: Kushina. Because Kushina.