"I can't believe all of that happened because the Marionette read 'Twilight' and 'Fifty Shades of Grey'," Chica mumbled as she sat on the edge of the stage. It was night time. Several hours since the Marionette returned from his failed quest and he was currently having a bubble bath in his private bathroom. The private bathroom he ordered Mr. Davidson to give him or the Marionette would put his supper sharp wires around the Manager's festivals.
"Y-yeah…" Bonnie sniffed as he tried to clean his guitar. There were grey stains down his cheeks from the crying he did for his beloved guitar, Betsy.
"Well I saved the day, so there's no need to fear for anything," Freddy said, walking up on stage. Holding a beer in one hand and the remaining five unopened ones in the other. "And we have a couple days off, so that's good."
"It's definitely not the worst thing that's ever happened!" Foxy slid in and held a hand to his forehead. "Why… I remember when that dreadful day oh so many years ago happened…"
As Foxy remembers it, everything in Parts and Services was very bright, cheery and had sparkles everywhere like in a Japanese anime. The background was even a pale shade of pink for some reason. The frame edge of this scene was also decorated in roses, unicorns and rainbows. Also the song, 'Princess Kenny' could be heard in the background.
Foxy stood in one corner, looking very happy as did the other animatronics, and Bonnie had a page stuck on his face with a big happy face drawn on it that in emoticon speak would be a colon followed by a capital D. The all had flower crowns on their heads and in Freddy's hand was a bottle of milk.
"I'm ever so happy with all my friends, even if we have been replaced!" Foxy squealed giddily.
"So am I, Foxy-kun!" Freddy agreed, just as giddy. "And you're still the best out of all of us, in both looks and talent! Even lover if you were human!"
"You're definitely the best looking animatronic!" Chica giggled.
"Myeah!" Bonnie agreed, only able to speak in a barely understandable language due to his missing face. "Eben en eye ad mi fas u ver bedder lookin'!"
"Aw, you guys!" Foxy clapped his hook and hand together.
Suddenly, the door opened and a little boy walked in with green eyes that were big, even by anime standards.
"Oh look! I found the legendary original animatronics!" he said, sounding very high pitched. Even for a boy of his age which may have been six or seven. "This is the happiest moment of my life! Even more since it's my birthday!"
"Well happy birthday, unnamed lad!" Foxy exclaimed joyfully. "How about you play with us and have many an adventure! We can play Peter Pan, Aladdin and Sleeping Beauty!"
"I van ta be Sleepin' Beauti!" Bonnie was jumping up and down in excitement. "Pwease say yes!"
"Hello?" a new voice emitted from the doorway, and a man who looked even more girly than Toy Bonnie came inside. He had large blue eyes (larger than Unnamed boy's), blonde hair that was clearly curled by curlers and had extremely (and unnaturally) long eyelashes. "Little unnamed boy, you're not meant to be in here."
"It's no problem, Jeremy," Foxy told him happily. "We were just going to go on adventures!"
"Well that's fun and all," said Jeremy, walking foreword. Swaying his hips to and fro, like a ho. "But this little guy's parents want him back."
"I want to hug Foxy!" the little boy randomly shouted. "Can I?"
"Oh, alright," Jeremy agreed, standing behind the little unnamed boy. "But be quick though."
"Alrighty then," Foxy agreed, grinning down at the boy. "What be your name, lad?"
"I don't have a name," the boy said simply. "I don't have much of a role other than having a minor part in this moment, so the author didn't see a reason to name me unless she changes her mind." Foxy frowned briefly in confusion. Not understanding what the boy was on about.
"Oh. Well, alright. Anyway, here's that hug!"
Foxy grinned and threw his head back as he leaned back before swiftly leaning down to hug the little boy.
Unfortunately, Jeremy was still behind him so when Foxy moved forward, his top row of teeth caught Jeremy's skull.
It was all in slow motion. Jeremy eventually fell down from Foxy's teeth of doom. He fell to the floor, and rolled around a bit like Draco from 'A Very Potter Musical', not stopping until he found the best position he wanted to be found dead/near-dead in. On his back. One leg down, the other's knee bent upwards. Left arm resting above his head while the back of his right hand rested on his forehead. Oh, and blood was pooling around his head if that's important.
The pink background then vanished completely as everything returned to normal speed. The music screeched to a halt.
The little unnamed boy reacted first, by screaming so loud that not only was all the glass in the pizzeria broken. But all the glass in town, and the next town over. Then, he began sobbing and tearing so hard, that in a matter of seconds there was a small flood of water in the room. So much water that if it went any higher, it probably would have drowned Jeremy as he laid on the floor dramatically, and half dead. Then, the boy looked up at Foxy. Literally waterfalls of tears were still coming out of his eyes.
"Foxy you fuck fruit! Why did you murder Jeremy?!"
"Foxy-chan, you selfish monster!" Freddy exclaimed, quickly picking up a marker to add a greater-than sign in front of the colon on Bonnie's sheet face, to show Bonnie was just as angry as the others. Bonnie was so angry, he was shaking his lone fist at Foxy. "Because you bit that one guy, I'm going to start drinking alcohol!"
Doing it in slow motion and ever so over dramatically, Freddy smashed the milk bottle on the floor mixing the milk in with the tears that were still there.
"Now where's the nearest bar?" demanded Freddy, hands on his hips before he stomped outside, slamming the door behind him.
Foxy was whimpering, his visible eye looking watery as oil began to leak out. Blood dripped from his teeth and onto the water.
"I didn't mean to-."
"Foxy, you've fucked us all over!" Chica wailed, before dramatically fainting onto the floor with both a splash and a crash.
The little boy ran to the door and threw it open, releasing the water into the room outside. Even though this was the pizzeria in '87 and as such the Parts and Services room would not be near the dining room, it became magic for this moment and actually opened into the aforementioned room.
Currently, everyone was staring at Freddy as he grabbed some beer cans from a naughty daddy and started chugging them with no shame.
"Everyone! That monster, the old Foxy, killed Jeremy the Handsome!"
"Little unnamed!" both his parents cried, fearing for the life of their child that would never have a name. Somehow, everyone in the town was fitting into that room, and were just as shocked and horrified.
"That monster murdered Jeremy the Handsome?!"
"That fucker!"
"Kill him!"
"Have him drawn, quartered and hanged!"
"I think it's hanged, drawn and quartered!"
"Who cares, let's chase and kill him!"
"Get the torches!"
"Be overboard in cruelness towards the fox!"
"Bring him to a prison shower and make him drop the soap!"
Suddenly the entire town was wielding torches, forks, ropes, spears and bars of soap. Even the Marionette and BB were a part of the mob. Marionette was armed with dolls to throw at him, and Balloon Boy was simply holding a sign that read 'I hate Foxy!'
"Oh no…" Foxy whimpered before he sprinted out of the room and outside for his life as everyone chased after him. Chanting curses, saying how they would send him to someone who specialised in taxidermy or to extremely creepy furries.
There were signs, wanted posters, TV ads, blimp messages, you name it! All of which had one goal. To hunt down Foxy and make him pay. Because what Foxy did was worse than every war and crime there ever has been in humanity since the big bang.
There was no hope for Foxy. He was a lone fox now in this cruel, cruel world. No one would be looking out for him.
Instead, he would have to work hard to regain his honour. Like Zuko from 'Avatar'. And the only way he could regain that lost honour was by going to join the war in Vietnam. He would go there and fight, and become the first animatronic war hero to ever live. He would wear black leather clothes they were cool and hip with the kids these days. The entire thing will be like a bunch of war films set at least in Asian countries. Foxy would also need to help the 2014 Godzilla fight some MUTO's.
"Foxy, what the heck are you on about?" Chica interrupted, looking rather annoyed. "The Vietnam war ended twelve years before the bite!"
"It did?" Foxy blinked. "Well… That's still how I remembered the bite!" he insisted. Chica scoffed.
"No, Foxy. That isn't how it happened."
"Of course," Freddy agreed as he nodded. "What really happened was this."
As Freddy recalled, Parts and Services in 1987 had a warm fireplace for him to sit by in his satin armchair, with his feet up on Bonnie's back because he was his three legged footstool. Freddy also wore a big ass monocle over one eye and a comfortable red dressing gown as he read the Daily Pizza newspaper. The best pizzeria newspaper since first established in 1908. There was also classical music playing in the background.
"Chica, dear?" Freddy called as he changed pages. He was speaking in a posh 'I'm-better-than-you-because-I'm-rich' accent. "Could you bring me my Monday Specials?"
"A barcardi Coke, an Irish coffee with extra whisky and rum cake with a near lethal dose of rum?" asked Chica, standing by a counter in one corner of the room, dressed in a maid uniform. French style.
"You know me well, dear," Freddy chuckled. Chica nodded and looked to a hunched over snarling and bitter Foxy who was dressed in rags.
"Coming right up," Foxy sneered. In seconds, he slammed the cake and two drinks on a tray and balanced it on Chica's outstretched arms. Chica then brought it over to Freddy. Spotting them, he grinned delightfully and casually threw his paper into the fireplace before grabbing the entire rum cake and shoving it into his greedy mouth.
Like a gentleman of course.
"This… good…" Freddy managed to say as his mouth was stuffed, and chocolate smeared over his mouth. He then grabbed both glasses and drank them down.
"Is that all, Freddy?" Chica asked, batting her eye lids.
"If you could give me a massage that would be appreciated. Now. Vibrate footstool."
Bonnie did his best vibration noise as he shuck his body for Freddy. Chica however frowned.
"But… I don't have hands. They were ripped off for the Toy Chica suit."
"… Oh."
Suddenly, the door opened and an orphan boy who looked like he came straight from 'Great Expectations' entered
"Oh, blimey! It's a bunch of ripped up 'ol robots!" the little cockney speaking said cheerfully. "I knew I was getting a teacher, but robots… Jus' brilliant, gov'ner!"
"Come, come, little boy." Freddy gestured to him to come inside. "You must be the lad who requested lessons on how to be an eloquent gentleman."
"That I am, sir!"
"Good, good. Now, the first rule of being a gentleman is that a student must always give his teacher a massage when he asks. So come over and rub my shoulders."
"Oh… Er, alright." The little British sounding boy was confused but obeyed and got behind Freddy's chair and got on his tippy-toes to rub Freddy's shoulders.
"Good boy, good," Freddy sighed. "Second lesson. Throw whatever you like into the fireplace. Example..." Freddy threw the two glasses he had finished drinking from into the fireplace. Some of the alcohol inside them making the fire blaze a little stronger than before.
"Isn't that a bit dangerous, sir?"
"Not at all! Gentleman like us face no consequence after all. Unlike Foxy," Freddy laughed. Foxy however glared at Freddy.
"Unlike him, we're not uncouth morons who shall never achieve anything in life. We have potential and stardom. While he'll just rot away like the cum-bucket he is."
"What's a cum-bucket?"
"Never you mind, child."
Foxy was starting to grit his pointy fox teeth now as he started to feel really, REALLY pissed off.
"Soooo… Can I has your autograph, sir?"
"Of course lad! Who wouldn't want my autograph? Unlike Foxy, I actually passed my kindergarten spelling test. HE spelled 'are' wrong, of all words."
"ALL PIRATES KNOW HOW TO SPELL THAT WORD!" Foxy snapped, banging his fists on the counter in rage. "A-R-G-H! WE PIRATES KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT! WE SAY IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME!" Freddy however just chuckled and shook his head. He didn't bother looking back at the enraged fox. Why should he?
He was Freddy Fucking Fazbear.
"I think you'll find it's spelled A-R. There's nothing after the 'R', nitwit."
"Um, Freddy, there's actually a-." Freddy cut Chica offered and clamped her forever open beak shut.
"Shush, shush, shush. There will time for talking later when you give me that lap dance later."
"Stop ignoring me, you bastard bear!" Foxy yelled. He jumped onto the counter and frog jumped out towards Freddy's armchair with the intention of biting Freddy's head from behind.
Just as Foxy yelled however, the blonde and blue eyed Jeremy opened the door and wore a moustache that looked similar to that of Markiplier's Wilford Warstache alter ego. Except it was black with blonde highlights.
"Mr. Unamed-cockney-boy, I- OH HEAVENS!" Jeremy exclaimed as he saw Foxy jump. As a member of security of the wonderful establishment that was the Freddy Fazbear's Gentleman's club and Children's Entertainment, he had it instilled in him to protect children. To Jeremy, it looked like Foxy was trying to bite the unnamed boy so he threw himself out to take the bite.
CRUNCH!
Foxy pulled his teeth out of Jeremy's skull and stared down at the man as he began to twitch on the ground.
"Huh. That was unexpected."
"MONSTER!" Freddy exclaimed, pushing his chair back as he stood up. This resulted in the chair knocking the little boy down on top of the bleeding and severely injured man and trapping him between said man and the chair. "I shall avenge our poor friend Jeremy, you heartless child hating fox!"
"I was trying to bite you!"
"That's even worse! It's one thing to make an attempt to bite a child only to bite a member of security. But to make an attempt to bite me?! That's practically close to regicide!"
"But, sir-."
"Silence boy!" Freddy pulled a shotgun out of his dressing gown and aimed it at Foxy's head.
"Any last words?"
"I'LL SWALLOW YOUR ARTIFICIAL SOUL BY DEVOURING YOUR CPU!"
"Eat this!" Foxy yelled as Foxy jumped towards him. He pulled the trigger and Foxy was shot in the chest and fell down.
"Now…~" Freddy wrapped an arm around Chica's waist, spun her around and dipped her. "Shall we dance?"
"Oh, Mr. Freddy~."
"Can I le-AVE nOW?" asked Bonnie, still on his knees and remaining arm.
"No."
"Oh my Sweeney, NO!" Chica exclaimed. Eyebrows shooting up as Freddy pouted.
"Aw, why not?"
"Because THIS is what happened!"
In the dark, cold and lonely Parts and Services room that had slimy and grimy walls and smelled like cow farts mixed with the smells of a rat orgy, Foxy and the others stood there in loneliness and misery.
"I hate my life," Freddy moaned before chugging down on a bottle of wine he found in the Manager's office. It was the first time he had ever had alcohol, and he found that he quite liked it and wanted to try more and more. Where was the harm in that?
"At least the children are happy," said Chica. Whether she was referring to the children who were watching the show on stage, or the ones the Marionette had the 'amazing' idea of putting their souls into the toy animatronics, was up to debate.
"I should be singing," Freddy grumbled. "That Frank boy probably thinks he's better than me now that he's possessing Toy Freddy."
"I'm sure he doesn't."
"I'm the boss, not him."
"Of course."
"Why… wE… HeRE?" asked Bonnie, still hard to completely understand due to his missing face and some of the damage down to his head.
"Because life wants to fuck us," Freddy grumbled. "In the ass, pussy and mouth. It's making us their bitch." He burped then, a few nuts and bolts that had gotten loose over the years flying out much to Chica's disgust.
"At least you were on the stage constantly at one point," Foxy mumbled. "I was never the centre of attention every day and every hour like all of you were."
"Shut up, Foxy. Go shove your nose up your ass."
Then the door opened, and a boy with a blonde bowel hair coat and piggy nose with snot dripping down came in. Also, he was a mouth breather.
"Hey," he said in a nasally sort of tone. "Old robots, awesome!"
"Ahoy, matey!" Foxy said, shoving Bonnie out of his way to step closer to the boy. Bonnie whimpered and curled up into a ball as Chica took pity and petted his head. Freddy was too busy enjoying his drink to really give a damn. "I be Foxy the Pirate Fox! What be your name."
"Gary Stuson Erikson Michelangelo Stu."
"… I'll just call you Gary."
"But-."
"You're name's Gary," Foxy said again, his smile not going away. "Now how did ye end up with a name like that?"
"Mommy said by giving me such a ridiculous name, I would be a good example to people to not use stupid names in fanfiction."
"Fan…? Never mind. Anyway, matey! How about a big 'ol hug! Then maybe ye can follow my instructions to get rid of Mangle for me?"
"I thought the Marionette put one of the children's souls in there," Chica spoke up.
With the Mangle's child ghost inhibitor…
"I hate this place sometimes," Bartholomew (or Bart, as he preferred) muttered, sitting cross legged on the ground across from the Mangle that children were currently ripping apart. He couldn't be seen though, since he didn't want to be the one to make shit happen and scare those kids away, so he could only sit by and watch in irritation.
Back to Foxy and the gang…
"Now we can play all sorts of fun game!" Foxy said happily as Freddy stood up with a drunken grin.
"I'll be Sleeping Beauty! I'm the only one here with the ass for it!"
"Huh?" Gary looked at Freddy with innocent eyes, just as Jeremy came in. Blonde and blue eyed, he was also rather nervous looking and scared.
"Erm, h-hey there…"
"Ahoy, lad!" Foxy said cheerfully. "How's it going? No hard feelings about trying to stuff you in a suit, yes?"
"Um… yeah," Jeremy said uncertainly. "Look, these parents want their kid back so if you could just-."
"In a minute," Foxy waved it off. "I need to give Gary here a hug!"
"S-sorry, but they really want their kid-."
"After. The. Hug."
"Please, Foxy. They know my parents and if I don't bring their kid out now they're going to tell my parents and I'll get grounded!"
"You're just trying to steal attention away from me, aren't ye you bastard!" Foxy snarled. "Well I won't have it!"
"But I-!"
"Winning pirate-style!" Foxy jumped towards Jeremy with his mouth wide open. This resulted in him biting down on Jeremy's frontal lobe.
A moment later, Jeremy was dropped to the ground while Foxy stared at him in shock. With the amount of blood and missing parts of skull, this went a bit worse than he intended.
"Uh oh…"
Gary immediately started screaming loudly, just enough for the boy's father to hear him just as he was coming out of the now toxic smelling boy's room.
The door to Parts and Services was thrown open, and Gary's father stood there. With a body build similar to 'Team Fortress 2's' Heavy with a hairstyle similar to Elvis Presley. He stared down at Foxy as his eyes literally went on fire.
"You! You were planning to murder my son before that brave man stopped you and lost his life to you, didn't you monster!" yelled the man, completely oblivious to the groans and cries of pain coming from Jeremy.
"What?! No, I was trying to make the guard-."
But there was no mercy for Foxy as the father grabbed Foxy by his throat and pulled him outside to beat him up most horribly in such a way that they actually had to sedate the man just to get him to let go of Foxy. Five times!
"It was an accident!" Foxy insisted, but Chica just shook her head.
"You bit him just because you thought he was trying to take attention away from you!"
"It was an accident!"
"Oh," Freddy sounded disappointed. "I remember Foxy being beat up. But I thought you were dressed up in BDSM gear and making me your submissive after the man took Foxy away."
"… That. Never. Happened. And it never will!"
"Guys…?" Bonnie spoke up, looking watery eyed. All the time spent trying to clean his guitar, and nothing seemed to work. "C-can someone help me clean my guitar? Please?"
"No one cares about your guitar, Bonnie," Freddy told the poor rabbit who was sniffing now. Chica glared and pushed Freddy past and walked over to Bonnie.
"I'll help you, sweetie."
"Really?" Bonnie looked extremely hopeful.
"Yes. Now you go to Parts and Services while I get the bleach from the kitchen."
"Okay!"
As Chica headed towards the kitchen, Freddy stared at Bonnie with a dumbfounded look as he went to the Parts and Services room.
"Damn bunny be stealing my waifu!"
Fun fact! This was original going to be part of 'The Marionette's Quest for Love' trilogy, as a sort of 'meanwhile, back at the pizzeria' sort of thing. But I thought it was sort of going off on too much of a tangent. I already had some of it written (and ideas for what else to add) and I thought it would make a good chapter on it's own so, yeah. I hope you enjoyed it :)
I also want to say thank you to everyone. I never really considered myself the funniest person around, so knowing I have made some of laugh really makes me feel good about myself.
Also, those who may have only discovered this story now. I do have a more serious FNAF story up called 'Third Time's the Charm?', so if you're interested in that, check it out.
But in general, thanks to everyone. Hugs and cookies for all of you! :D