A/N: A fast update, but a short chapter. Thanks for reviewing, Guest dude!
Warning: Uh, language and crude humor? BTW, IT'S FINALLY BETA'D! YAAAAY!
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Danica's P.O.V.
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Because we're such nice people, we stopped by a smoothie shop after clothes shopping.
I got my caramel-type frozen drink, Savvy got some weird pineapple thing, and we got the two boys one of those really expensive chocolate malts each.
"¿Se gustan?" I asked my passengers. "You like?"
"Yes," Itachi nodded. "These... malts are... acceptable."
Translation: Holy fuck, bro, these things are the shit. If I weren't so stoic I'd be freaking the fuck out.
"These are good," Kisame grinned. "What's this thing called? A chocolate melt?"
"Malt," Savvy corrected absentmindedly. She took a sip of her frozen pineapple as she parked the car backward into the concrete space. I helped her unload the car with the shark and the stoic weasel while Savvy opened the door with one hand (because she's just that boss).
"We come baring garments of plenty!" I announced grandly, holding my bags in the air.
Eight colorful heads poked back into the main room before rushing in to claim their stuff.
"Okay, this bag is Kisame's," I began, handing a plastic bag to her. He nodded before taking it and moving to her room. "This one is- Oi! Hidan! Move your ass!" I shouted.
"Fucking what?" he asked. I glared at him. "You're screwing up the organized bags! Yours is over by Itachi. You don't need to dig around other people's stuff and disorganize every fricking thing!"
"Screw you! This shit looks like it fits, so I'm taking it!" he shouted before running away to change out of his still-damp (because nobody wanted to dry them for him) clothes.
I sighed and passed the rest of the bags out.
"Oi! Bitch!" Hidan called, storming back in. "Why the fuck is there a bra in my bag?" he asked/demanded.
"You took Konan's," Savvy said, rolling her eyes. "Moron."
"What the fuck did you say, bitch?" he growled.
"Who're you calling a bitch, bitch?" I intercepted, leaping to my friend's defense.
I grinned, facing his glare head-on. The mark on his cheek from yesterday was barely visible by now, but you could still see the pinkish penta-lingual insult if you looked for it.
"I still have no fucking idea how you fucking bitches managed to get hits on me," he scowled.
"Maybe we're just that good?" Savvy suggested as the hostile atmosphere slowly faded.
"Good enough to stab a ninja, even one as stupid as Hidan? I doubt it," Kakuzu snorted. Hidan protested at the insult, but Kakuzu had made his point.
There was no freaking way that civilians like us could hit an S-Ranked nuke-nin, even slightly trained civvies, like me.
"And how I didn't know you were a girl, un," Deidara commented. "I should have been able to tell, but my vision was, and is, a bit off, yeah."
"Are you sure you just aren't stupid, brat?" Sasori drawled.
Suddenly Savvy turned on the TV, most likely to drown out the upcoming argument argument when I heard something interesting enough to make everyone in the room shut up and listen.
"-and it seems like a group of ten people, just teens and young adults, have disappeared! They were last seen going on a walk along Cordial Road yesterday during an unexpected thunder storm, close to Pines High School. Parents fear for their children and-"
I stared at the television as faces flashed across the screen. Ten people disappeared on the same day -and in the same place- ten people from another universe came...
"Okay, this can't be a coincidence," I stated as Edna (the only reporter on this network who was worth a shit) gave bits about the mysterious disappearances, telling us that there will be 'more details at eleven'.
Some of the missing people looked a lot like the Akatsuki.
A blind, blond male (a dead-ringer for Deidara), a dark skinned brunette dude (an obvious Kakuzu), a young man with optical albinism (Hidan), two dark haired, onyx eyed men, one an adult, one a teen (Tobi and Itachi), a dark-haired, six foot tall basketball player (Kisame)... The list went on.
"Maybe... You stole those guys' bodies?" Savvy suggested. "Like, you're from a different universe, right? Maybe these hikers... They look a lot like you, don't they?" She hesitated a moment, trying to gather her words in a way that would make the most sense. "Maybe your DNA was close enough for you to... for lack of a better word, absorb them, so you ended up with a mish-mash of your bodies. Like how Deidara is half blind now, the blond dude who went missing was actually blind. And Hidan lost some of his physical capabilities, too."
The group seemed to contemplate this idea.
They did not, however, give the poor girl some well-deserved compliments, instead choosing to eyeball her from a distance, making her squirm quietly.
"Holy shit, girl, you're a genius!" I grinned at her, breaking the serious silence and making Savvy give me one of her superer-than-super winning smiles.
"It is not a refined idea," Pein began, "but we will discuss upon it." Then he called a team meeting and left to discuss in private.
Really.
That's it.
No 'Thank you, Savanna and Danica!', no 'Good thinking, girls,' just 'It is not a refined blah blah blah nya nya nya nya nya.'
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I didn't really do anything, but still! He could have at least thanked Savvy!
I sighed. "It's noon. Whaddaya want for lunch?" I asked.
"Meat," she answered.
"Will do."
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I set the table with Savvy, sticking plates of barbeque sandwiches that were more barbeque than sandwich, plus a side of ketchup 'n fries, on the table.
"Food!" I called. The starving ninja stormed my kitchen like... starving ninja storming my kitchen.
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I'm so sorry, that was weak. I'm just going to go hide my face from the world now. If you need me, I'll be growing mushrooms in the closet.
Zetsu blinked at the overloaded sammie. "This is quite a lot of meat for such little bread."
I loved playing the clueless idiot, sometimes. "Oh, God, are you one of those preachy vegans?" I asked, making a disgusted face. "Like, I don't mind vegans, but I can't stand the preachy ones who stop you at the grocery store to tell you how inhumane eating meat is. 'Cause lemme tell you, I didn't claw my way up the food chain to eat frickin' celery."
Zetsu looked pleased with me.
I think.
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It's kinda hard to tell with one half of his face making different expressions than the other half, okay?
Sasori, who didn't touch his food, just left the table. Tobi ran to his room to eat, making super cute remarks on how he's a "good boy". Savvy and I cooed at him as he left.
Such an evil, psychopathic, lying, conniving, adorable boy.
Hidan and Deidara attacked Sasori's unguarded plate.
Itachi, Kakuzu, Konan, Kisame, Pein, Savvy, and Zetsu* pointedly ignored them as they continued their midday meal.
"Hey, Konan?" I asked. "Where did you put my weapons?"
"In a scroll," she answered idly.
I frowned. "Damn, those things are useful. I gotta learn how to do that someday. It'll be like Hermionie's bottomless bag."
Soon, we finished lunch and I decided to dash off an email to my cousins.
I narrowly avoided doing dishes (I'll do any chore to ever exist- hell, I'd churn butter! But I refuse to do the dishes.) and ran to my room, powering on my laptop.
I logged into Gmail and smashed the "Compose" button.
[New Message]
[To: Poptart&Usagi492 ] *2
[Subject: Trip Tips (IMPORTANT)]
[Ayyyyy! Konichiwa, onii-chan! Are you doing good? Terrible? Sorta-kinda in the middle? Unknown? Kool-Aid. I need to know when you're coming. Real-time, legit. Exact dates. Army time. Lol, yeah. Please. Leaving dates, too. Another thing- bring swim suits. You will need them. Dumping buckets of water balloons never looked so fun. Um... Maybe extra money, too. Bye!]
I read over my email, checking the pretty pathetic code I typed out to them. Oh, well. I wouldn't have had to do that for a while, now. They couldn't read yet, but I still wasn't taking chances.
I just stayed on my computer and read Homestuck and looked at pictures of Mituna until dinner, after that. Then Savvy forced me to finish up my homework for tomorrow- which was Friday. Halle-freaking-lujah!
After having to do something I didn't want to do, Leader-sama... Made me do something else! Dammit, gimme a break, dude!
"The kunai are not well balanced," Pein explained. "You need to fix this."
I sighed and rubbed my temples. It was nearing eleven, but dammit, I'll do it! For swordsmanship!
He gave me to Sasori to help with the new dimensions of the knives I'd have to re-make.
"Brat," Sasori greeted when he got to the surprisingly well-lit basement. I had been looking at the kunai and weighing its different parts. Meaning- yes, I had torn my knife into pieces just to re-measure its weight and dimensions. Sacrifices must be made.
"Sasori-san," I greeted in the same tone he used.
"What do you want, brat?" he asked.
"Leader-sama wants you to show me the the differences between the kunai you're used to, and my kunai," I answered.
"Yes, but what do you want?" he asked again, just to be difficult. I sighed, knowing what I'd have to do.
"I need your... hyeup."
"My what?" he asked, raising an amused puppet eyebrow.
"Your... hyulp."
"Pardon?" I was ready to smack that smug smirk off his wooden face.
"Your... h-h-h...he- hhheeeeelllp." I shuddered, not liking the feeling of using those words in that context.
Sasori smirked and began to run me through what changes had to be made.
"The blade is too large. It should look more like a throwing one too, not a sawing one," he instructed.
"Like this?" I asked as I sketched over my original lines to make a more acute angle.
"No, you fool, like this," he scowled, erasing my marks.
And so the night began.
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Fun Fact: The smell of freshly cut grass is actually a chemical grass releases to warn other pieces of grass that it's being cut. Even though it can't really do anything about it. So it's pretty much like, "Run, dude, run! Oh, wait. We're grass. Pray to any god of your choosi- AH, IT'S GOT ME!"
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Question Time!: What's your worst joke? Pun? Play on words that's so terrible or sad it makes children cry?
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Bonus Question: Crack the code! It's easy, trust me. Like, a third grader could do it. It's really obvious, and if you can't get it, it's cause it's so obvious it's hidden in plain sight. Don't worry if you don't get it.
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Last Chappie's Question: Shikamaru. I can just leave food out for him and provide a window for cloud watching. I don't really have to build him any house or bed or clothes, really. You just need to give him food, water, and clouds. Shogi is optional.
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*Did anyone notice how I alphabetized their names? 'Cause I did.
*2 Yeah, note that these are NOT real emails. If they are... Oops?