hey y'all! new chapter! so chapter before last i was like mehhh its so sad but then i was like imma make it happy! unfortunately, they're back to being sad. :'(
Chapter 7: I Could Say
That evening, Hikaru and I talked and laughed a lot more than usual. I'm happy, but sad because I know this won't last. Sooner or later he's going to leave me for Haruhi.
After Family Studies, the rest of the day was boring. We did usual classwork(yawn), worked on some stupid assignment(zzzz...), and other crap like that. Then the day was over and it was just hosting.
We were cosplaying as doctors, so naturally Hikaru and I had a routine. It went like this.
Hikaru: Kaoru, it's time for your checkup. *unbuttons my shirt* *places stethoscope on my chest*
Me: Oh, that's cold!
Hikaru: Your heart seems to be working fine...
Me: Oh but Hikaru, you know my heart only works for you!
Hikaru: *embraces me* And mine for you!
Fangirls: *squeal*
I actually enjoyed myself a lot.
And after that we went home, had dinner, etc... And went to bed.
I glance at Hikaru, who has one arm resting on my chest and the other wrapped around my waist. He's almost asleep, his face smushed into our silk pillows. I twine my fingers into his hair and sigh. Right here, right now, he's all mine.
I fiddle with Hikaru's hair as my thoughts start to drift.
Hikaru has always taken better care of his hair than me. He imports some fancy-ass shampoo from Paris and only washes it on specific days. I always thought it was bullcrap, but I can see now it works. As the moonlight hits his hair, it almost glows and I have to run my fingers through it. It slips through them like liquid amber.
Hikaru sighs and shifts closer to me, nuzzling my shoulder. I guess he's in an affectionate mood today.
I feel so comfortable with him, with his touch. I would never allow anyone to touch me like Hikaru does. When we're alone together, those minutes and hours are precious, and I lose myself in him, blocking out the whole world.
I realize how easy it would be to profess my love right now. He's almost asleep, I could whisper it into his ear and he might not even hear. I could say it. I really could. Right now...
"Hikaru?" He doesn't look up, doesn't move, and I think maybe he's gone to sleep. "I love you."
He stirs, then rolls over so his golden eyes are staring into mine. They seem to be searching my face. I know my brother, he doesn't quite get how I mean this. Maybe because he's just sleepy, or maybe I'm too good at masking my emotions. We stare at each other for what seems like an eternity before he sleeps.
"I know." My heart beats uncontrollably. Did he really just say that...?
"Love you too, Kao." He kisses me on the cheek and rolls over again, and suddenly everything is horribly clear.
He thinks I meant it as brotherly affection, not as a confession of love. He doesn't know my feelings are real. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get it...
Tears spring into my eyes and I wipe them away, being careful not to make any sniffling noises. I look over at Hikaru; out like a light. Maybe he was just sleepy. But I don't allow myself to hope, because I know my hopes will be dashed against the cruel, jagged rocks of reality.