Chapter 10: Everyone's At It

After my little freak-out yesterday, I decided not to show any more of my emotions. What if Hikaru saw that? How would I be able to explain it? No, I have to keep it hidden. No need to burden everyone with your problems.

Right now, we're in school and it's so insanely boring that I want to flush my head in the toilet. Where did my teacher get his degree? The school of boring? Did he major in how to drone on and on about something no-one will ever listen to?

I glance to my left. Haruhi is taking notes, like a perfect student, and Hikaru's zoning out. His eyes are dreamily staring at the chalkboard. If someone saw him now, they might think he's paying perfect attention but I know he's not. I know he isn't because he's fiddling with his hair. He only does that when he's really in another world.

His eyes take on such an intense look when they're focused. It's like the amber of his eyes is molten amber, hot and rest of his face is so pale and still it makes his eyes look like huge jewels, glittery topaz.

Our eyes are our best feature, in my opinion. Hikaru spends hours on his hair every morning, but I try and make sure my eyes don't go unnoticed. It's not too much work, really. Just cleverly placed eyeliner. But lately my eyes have been emphasized by something else: the bags under them.

Finally, the bell rings and I stand up and get my stuff together. Hikaru blinks, and all the fire is gone from his eyes.

We make our way down to the cafeteria in silence. Right now just isn't the time for talking.

After ordering our food, and eating most of it, it's still silent. I'm feeling super awkward right now, so I tell Hikaru I'm going to the bathroom.

"Want me to come with?" Hikaru asks playfully.

I stick my tongue out and give him a shove. "I'll be right back."

As I walk out of the cafeteria, I feel his eyes on my back.

Of course, I'm not actually going to the bathroom. I'm just planning to pop my head outside, listen to a song, then head back in.

I slip out of a side door just outside of the cafeteria, breathing in the fresh air. I stick my earbuds in my ears and lean against the wall of the school.

The cool breeze is nice. It blows my hair around my face and I close my eyes, listening to the song. I open them again and let my eyes rove around the landscape.

Wait, what's that? I spot a small cylinder and and a small rectangle lying on the ground a few feet away. Hold on... Oh my God.

I walk up to it and prod it with my foot. It's a rolled-up piece of paper, and what's lying beside it is a book of matches. I pick it up and take a whiff, and I detect the scent of weed clinging to it.

Yep, it's definitely marijuana.

I consider it a bit, then carefully light it up and take a puff.

Whoa. This is... weird. I let my breath out slowly. For some reason, I find the smoke curling in the air oddly beautiful. I reach out my hand to touch it, and it slips through. I giggle a little and let my hand fall back to my side.

The lyrics of the song I'm listening to swirl around in my head.

You go to the doctor, you need pills for sleeping,

Well if you can convince him than I guess that's not cheating.

Say you're daughter's depressed we'll get her straight on the prozac, but little do you know... She already takes crack.

Why can't we all, all just be honest,

Admit to ourselves, that everyone's on it,

From grown politicians, to young adolescents,

Prescribing themselves, antidepressants.

Well isn't this ironic. I'm listening to a song about drugs, while doing drugs. I snort, then start laughing. I'm still laughing when I hear, "Kaoru?"