Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC. I do not own anything.
A/N Thanks for the amazing reviews on the last chapter. This is the final part of the 50th anniversary rewrite. I predict there being about 3-4 chapters more in this story. Thanks to Vampiyaa for the beta.
Happy Reading!
Chapter Twenty Five
Previously
"What's wrong?" asked Rose.
He didn't answer but his expression cleared a moment later when a low, wheezing noise echoed through the shed. Rose's eyes went wide and she turned to him in horror as the TARDIS started materialising inside the shed.
"Doctor," she said, aghast. "What have you done?"
He didn't answer immediately, choosing to take both her hands in his instead. "Rose," he murmured.
Rose stared at him in disbelief. "How can they be here?" she asked, her voice shaking.
"I broke the Time Lock," he said softly.
"What?" asked Rose hoarsely. "Have you utterly lost your mind? With the Time Lock broken, what's to stop the war from spilling into the rest of the universe? How could you be so careless?"
He didn't look annoyed, merely pensive in the face of her anger. "I only created a small tear," he said. "Enough for one TARDIS to get through. The war won't be spilling into the universe, Rose, I promise you."
Rose looked far from placated. "But why?" she asked. "Why would you want them here?"
The TARDIS had landed and the three older Doctors emerged from it with Clara not far behind. Rose did not look at them, choosing to keep her eyes fixed on the Eighth Doctor, who seemed to be steeling himself for saying his next words.
"I want you to go, Rose," he said.
"No," said Rose reflexively.
The Eighth Doctor tightened his grip on her hands. "The power source can be operated without your help. There is no need for you to be here." When Rose continued to stare at him in shock, he mustered up a weak smile. "Please, Rose," he said. "This isn't any easier for me…"
Rose snatched her hands away from his and glared at him. "Oh no," she said, her voice rising in her anger. "Trust me, this comes to you far too easily."
Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the Ninth, Tenth and Eleventh Doctors flinch, but the anger, the anger that had built over all these years, was finally coursing through every fibre of her being.
"How long have you planned on leaving me behind? The minute we got the Moment? As soon as we realised that I was the Moment?" she demanded, the vortex energy crackling around her furiously. "Or when you lied right to my face and told me that you wanted to see your future selves when all you wanted to create a viable fissure to break open the Time Lock?"
"I just want you safe," said the Eighth Doctor, his own voice rising in uncharacteristic anger.
"Don't you think I get a say in any of it?" asked Rose. "All these years, we have been right by each others' side and now of all times you decide to take this upon yourself and send me away because you want me safe?" She waved an enraged hand towards the older Doctors. "Ask them how it went each time they tried to send me away for my safety."
The Eighth Doctor did not spare his older selves a glance. "In a few moments, I am about to have so much blood on my hands that I shall never, I repeat never, have them clean again," he said, his voice trembling though he still looked furious. "If you think I am going to have your blood on my hands as well, then you know nothing about me after all these years."
"We don't know if I will die," shouted Rose.
"I can't take that risk," he shouted back. "I will not let you die."
Rose deflated suddenly. "What if I want to?" she asked, sounding exhausted.
"Rose," murmured the Tenth Doctor painfully but neither the Eighth Doctor nor Rose paid him any mind.
Rose seemed to shrink in on herself, her young face looking so old yet more vulnerable than any of the Doctors had ever seen her. "What if I want it to be the end? Just this one time."
The Eighth Doctor seemed too stunned to move at first, but then he propelled into action and wrapped his arms around Rose tightly. "Don't say that," he murmured into her neck. "Please, please, don't say that."
Rose started shaking with stifled sobs. "I am so tired, Doctor," she said. "I watched my husband wither and die, my family murdered. I endured years of torture, spent decades all on my own, fought in this war for over a hundred years. I need it to stop now. Please, I just want it to stop. For once, I want to close my eyes and not open them ever again."
"No, no, no, no, no," he repeated, tightening his grip on her painfully. "You can't give up. I love you too much to ever lose you. A universe without you is not something I would want to live in."
Rose pulled away and looked at him with a watery smile. "But you will see me, won't you?" she asked, nodding towards the Ninth Doctor. "When you are him, you will meet me when I was younger. Let me have this, Doctor. In a few moments, I'll be nothing but a memory."
"I refuse," he said stubbornly. "I absolutely refuse to let you be a memory in the forgotten reaches of my mind. You are much more than that to me."
"But you won't remember me if I leave the Time Lock before you press the button," said Rose. "All the time we spent together will be forgotten."
"At least, there will be some consolation that you are alive and well. That won't stop being true even if I no longer remember," he said. "Please, Rose, I beg you. Please don't give up. You and I still have so much to do. So much to see." He grinned weakly, though his eyes were still alarmed. "You have seen how hopeless I am without you."
"I am tired of fighting," said Rose.
"So am I," said the Doctor, smiling sadly as he kissed her forehead gently. "But by the last breath left in my hearts, Rose Tyler, I won't watch you die here."
"But you expect me to leave you to die instead?" she asked.
"I won't die," he said. "Not really." His lips quirked up and he cast a look at his three older selves. "Look at that lot with their abysmal fashion sense and absolutely none of my good looks. How do you think I feel, eh? At the prospect of becoming them."
"I love you anyway," said Rose sincerely.
"I know," he said. "Which is why I suppose I won't mind so much when I do turn into them." Rose chuckled through her tears and the Doctor grinned at her. "Say you will go, Rose," he pleaded.
Rose looked pained, but at his beseeching eyes, she nodded shortly. His answering grin was bright and beautiful and he kissed her like he never had before. There was a bitter taste of farewell on his mouth as he branded Rose with his goodbye, engraving the final moments of his passion into her heart, thanking her for everything she had done for him, for the war, for his doomed planet and its equally doomed people. He kissed her until even his respiratory bypass seemed to struggle to keep up, until he felt both him and Rose sway with light-headedness, until he was certain that he had gathered enough courage to do what he was about to do.
"Go," he panted as he rested his forehead on hers. "Go before I lose my courage. Before I keep you with me forever."
Rose trembled and kept her eyes closed as she backed away until she felt the Eleventh Doctor's chest at her back and the tweed covered arms wrapped themselves around her waist.
"We have to leave," he said, keeping a tight grip on Rose.
"But we can't leave him on his own," said Clara, tears flowing down her eyes as she looked at the Eighth Doctor, who had turned his back on them and was gazing single-mindedly at the red gem in front of him.
"He won't be on his own," said the Ninth Doctor gruffly. "They'll be here soon."
"Who?" asked Clara.
The sound echoed loudly as seven blue police boxes started materialising at the other end of the shed, facing the Eighth Doctor. None of the Doctors present seemed surprised, merely resigned.
"What's happening?" asked Rose, her voice shaking.
"The end," said the Tenth Doctor grimly. "One that we knew from the beginning."
"The future has no place in what I must do," said the Eighth Doctor, his voice oddly blank as he spoke without turning around to look at them. "It was always the past who would accompany me. The future bears the consequences, not the action itself." His fists clenched and unclenched but he still did not turn around. "Leave."
The Tenth Doctor moved first, holding the TARDIS door open for the others. The Ninth Doctor gritted his teeth and looked at his Eighth self with a mixture of pity and loathing before walking into the TARDIS with long strides. The Eleventh Doctor was still holding onto Rose and he led her away gently, keeping his grip on her steady even when she turned around a few times to look at the Eighth Doctor who seemed to be fighting every instinct to look at her. The Tenth Doctor and Clara followed them into the TARDIS after shooting pitying looks at the Eighth Doctor.
The TARDIS dematerialised a moment before the other seven TARDISes materialised fully. The Eighth Doctor took a deep breath as his seven younger selves emerged from their respective TARDISes and stood in a semicircle in front of him.
"It has come to this," said the Third Doctor, looking at the gem instead of any of his selves.
"So it seems," said the Sixth Doctor, with none of his usual snarkiness.
"We always knew this was where it would come to," said the First Doctor sternly.
"Yes, we knew it the first time we ever looked into the Untempered Schism," said the Second Doctor sorrowfully.
"The Last Son of Gallifrey indeed," murmured the Fifth Doctor.
"Well, get on with it then," said the Fourth Doctor. "It is yours to do."
The Seventh Doctor, the most devious of them all, moved forward slightly to look at his Eighth self. "The war is still raging. Soon Rassilon will have enacted the Final Sanction. Make your move, Doctor. Fulfil the future we ran from our whole lives. Earn the true meaning of your title of Ka Faraq Gatri."
The Eighth Doctor closed his eyes briefly before he raised his hand over the red gem. "Tell me one thing," he said softly. "Will there ever be forgiveness for what I am going to do?"
Seven voices spoke in unison with the same pity in their voices. "No."
The Eighth Doctor nodded. "Good," he said and brought his hand down to the button. "Physician heal thyself."
The Moment, so aptly named, took only a moment to activate and through the slightly damaged Time Lock, Daleks and Time Lords alike screamed as they burned and burned at the hands of the Doctor. The younger Doctors melted into the times of their past while their Eighth self fell to his knees, screaming at the top of his lungs as he heard the destruction he had brought upon the Time Lords and Daleks, of the fate he had condemned Gallifrey to.
Time sang and rejoiced as the abomination of the Time War started to erase itself from the cosmos and it fought back triumphantly, no longer bound by ambitious Time Lords or temporal weapons of the Daleks. The inferno of the Moment raged through skies and in that tiny little shed, the Doctor was all alone at the Eye of the Storm. He could hear the screams in his head as time consumed everything in its path ruthlessly and there was heat on his skin and he could no longer tell if it had been ten seconds or ten centuries since his hand had touched the button.
The Eye of the Storm was starting to close but the Doctor just wanted it to end. The screaming had long stopped and there was nothing but silence in his head. A cold, deathly silence that had him clawing his own skin as he screamed, wishing the screams to come back. Anything but the silence in his mind. The heat was no longer coming from the power source of the Moment, but from him. His body had been through so much already, but now without Gallifrey, without a stable Web of Time, it had started changing already.
He vaguely remembered a box materialising around him and falling onto the hard grating that pinched his rapidly changing face. Memories of a love lost, of a planet consumed by fire, of death and blood on his hands...the Doctor, the killer, the Destroyer of Worlds, the Last Son of Gallifrey…
...and then nothing.
The Ninth, Tenth and Eleventh Doctors, Rose and Clara had returned to the Under Gallery once more, to the white room with the empty alien landscapes. No one was talking and all eyes were fixed on the device around Rose's wrist. That device had been capable of transmitting telepathic messages relayed by the Time Lords, but that wasn't why they were all looking at it now.
The usual bright green glow of the device was vividly visible to them, but as time ticked forward, the light blinked twice before going completely dark. They all knew what that meant. With no more Time Lords left, there was nothing of the telepathic network left. A single Time Lord's consciousness wasn't strong enough to sustain it and it told them what they had known. The Eighth Doctor had pressed the button.
Rose removed the device from her wrist wordlessly and tossed it away before burying her face in her hands. She wished she could cry but she just felt numb all over. The Doctor was dead. Died alone, with only his younger selves to watch over him as he made the choice to protect the universe by taking the burden of genocide of his people on his own shoulders.
"I-Is it over?" asked Clara tentatively.
"Yes," said Rose before any of the Doctors could. She stood up and paced the length of the room. "Have the timelines changed?" she asked sharply before the momentary bit of fight left her and she looked at the Doctors feebly. "Has anything changed?"
"No," said the Ninth Doctor, standing up and placing his hands on her shoulders comfortingly. "It wasn't yours to change, nor was it ours. It was always fixed."
Rose stared at him with tears in her eyes. "Did you remember me at all?" she asked, her voice shaking. "Is that why you asked me to travel with you?"
He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "I didn't remember you," he said finally, honesty evident in his tone. "With how badly my mind was damaged after...everything, I could barely remember who I was." He kissed her forehead slowly. "I asked you to travel with me because you saved my life by swinging over a pit with the Nestene Consciousness. Then I asked you again, because no matter how much I tried, I could not get over you." He seemed embarrassed at having admitted so much but he looked at his future selves, who were watching their interaction keenly, and took a deep breath. "I knew I didn't deserve you. I don't think I ever will. But for what it's worth, I think the world of you, Rose Tyler, and I can say that I am grateful for your compassion, for your care...for your love."
Rose smiled softly at that, despite the sadness enveloping her heart.
He grinned his beautiful manic grin and kissed her chastely, just a gentle press of his lips against hers. "My precious girl," he murmured, looking at her as if memorising her carefully. "I have to go now."
Rose took a deep breath but nodded. "Goodbye, Doctor," she said, smiling bravely.
He nodded back and turned to his older selves. "Can't exactly say it was a pleasure," he said, looking at them with slight disdain. "But I am glad I remain somewhat like myself even if I turn into a skinny pretty boy and a bowtie wearing clown."
"And I thought we were doing so well with avoiding trading insults," said the Eleventh Doctor, rolling his eyes though he seemed to be smiling.
"It's almost tradition now," said the Tenth Doctor cheerfully. "Be seeing you, Big Ears."
"Hopefully not," said the Ninth Doctor with an exaggerated shudder. "Clara, nice to meet someone with a good accent for once."
"Likewise," said Clara, grinning back in delight. She shook his hand vigorously and waved when he went into the single TARDIS sitting in the room they were in. They heard the TARDIS dematerialise and a shadow of it seemed to leave, but the box stayed solid and right where it was.
"Very complicated," said the Eleventh Doctor to a questioning look from Clara. "I might explain one day."
"Guess, I should leave as well," said the Tenth Doctor with a sigh. "No point in straining the timeline any more than we already have." He looked at Rose. "Speak to you alone?"
Rose nodded and let him lead her away from the Eleventh Doctor and Clara to the opposite end of the room. He seemed nervous, fidgeting with his tie or his hair until Rose gently grabbed his hands.
"I am going to die soon," he blurted out.
Rose's eyes went wide. "Oh, Doctor," she said.
"No, shh, just let me tell you," he said, cupping her face and waited until she nodded to continue. "I am going to die and I am scared. No, I am terrified. For the longest time, I thought that it would be the end of me completely. I know differently now but as soon as I return to my proper timeline, I shall forget this entirely." He took a deep breath. "I did something horrible. Really, truly horrible. Rose, if you knew, you would hate me with every fibre of your being."
"I could never hate you," said Rose, a tear slipping down her cheek and onto his hand.
He brushed her tears away and shook his head. "How could you not?" he asked. "After everything. How do you not hate me, Rose?"
"I don't blame you for what you did," she said. "I was angry after he died, I really was. But I have had years to think about it and I knew even then that I would forgive you eventually. You did what you thought was right and while I don't like you going behind my back to make my decisions for me, I know it comes from a place of concern a-and…"
"And love," he finished when she hesitated. "I never told you, did I?"
"Don't say it," said Rose, closing her eyes. "You are going to forget this soon. Don't say it now."
He looked pained but nodded slowly. "Will you really be alright with Chinny over there?" he asked. "You could always come with me."
Rose smiled and shook her head. "You know I can't do that," she said. "Established events and all that."
"I know," he said sadly. "Doesn't mean I have to like it." He pulled Rose closer and whispered something in her ear, despite her request that he shouldn't say it now.
"I know," repeated Rose, surprised by how those words still set her heart racing like nothing before.
He smiled toothily at her and ran his lips over her forehead, cheek and nose, repeating the motion a few times until Rose tilted her chin up and caught his lips with hers.
Clara watched the Tenth Doctor and Rose kiss languidly, looking so content and blissful in their little shared moment that she had to look away, lest they see her gaping at them. She glanced at her Doctor, who was sitting down on one of the benches and doing a very poor job of concealing the fact that he was peeking at what Rose and his younger self were doing.
She sat down next to him and nudged his shoulder with his and smiled brightly. He grinned back at her and pulled her into a one-armed hug.
"You okay?" he asked her.
"Yeah," she nodded. "Bit of an eventful day, but can't complain." She was silent for a bit, trying to gather her thoughts. "I know you told me that you ended the war, but seeing it happen was something else entirely."
The Doctor sighed. "I know you wished we could change it, Clara," he said wisely.
"But you couldn't, yeah, I know," said Clara, squeezing his arm reassuringly. "Just wish you'd got a happier ending."
"Oh, but I did," he said.
"Rose," said Clara, nodding slowly. "Will she travel with you now?"
He shrugged. "If she wants to, yes," he said. "For all I know, she might never want to see me again."
"I don't think that's going to happen," said Clara, looking to where the Tenth Doctor and Rose were still kissing.
The Doctor saw where she was looking and shook his head with a sad smile. "A different regeneration is a completely different matter," he said. "She spent over a century with my Eighth self, my Ninth self was the one she had first known and you see how close those two are." He sighed. "My feelings have not changed, but hers might have. And even if they haven't, it doesn't mean she still wants me around her."
"Why wouldn't she?" asked Clara curiously.
"Rose married me," he said. "A human-Time Lord biological metacrisis me."
Clara gasped. "She said before...that he…"
"Died, yes," said the Doctor sadly. "And then she went through hell after that. And it was all my fault."
"She will forgive you," said Clara sympathetically. "She loves you, you silly Time Lord. Just ask her," she added as the Tenth Doctor and Rose returned.
"Finish talking her ear off, sandshoes?" asked the Eleventh Doctor, standing up and regarding his Tenth self with a sardonic smile. "I remember being quite the babbler when I was you."
"Oh, like you don't talk enough for England," snapped the Tenth Doctor good-naturedly. "Try and stay out of trouble, will you?"
"Cross my hearts," said the Eleventh Doctor, crossing his fingers over both his hearts.
The Tenth Doctor rolled his eyes at him and offered Clara his hand instead. "Nice meeting you, Clara," he said.
"Yeah, you too," she said.
He winked at her over her hand and then with a final soft look at Rose, he went inside the TARDIS which vanished like before, leaving just the Eleventh Doctor's TARDIS. An awkward silence fell over them for a bit, until Clara clapped her hands together once.
"So, guess I'll get some tea," she said, realising that the Doctor and Rose probably needed time to talk. Without a backward glance at them, she went into the TARDIS.
"Subtle," said Rose with a small smile as she sat down on the bench.
"Clara's very straightforward," he said, sitting down next to her. "It's the teacher in her. No fuss and no nonsense."
"She sounds amazing," said Rose sincerely. "All the better to keep you in line."
"Yeah," he agreed with a nervous laugh. "Though, I think she would like it if you were there too. On the TARDIS, I mean."
Rose raised her eyebrows. "Clara wants me on the TARDIS?" she asked.
"Yes, she insisted, in fact," he said, looking flustered.
"And what about you?" asked Rose, feeling a little amused.
He stopped fidgeting and looked at her steadily. "I always want you with me," he said.
Rose smiled at that but looked down. "It sounds nice, it really does," she said.
"But you don't want to," he finished her sentence, feeling his hearts sink. "Right, sorry, I shouldn't have…"
"Doctor," said Rose gently, taking his hand. "I am not saying no. I am just saying not now."
"Why?" he asked before he could stop himself.
Rose exhaled thoughtfully. "I know it's been a long time for you since the war ended, but for me, it's still very fresh. As you probably saw, I am not in the best shape in terms of everything and I am certainly no longer the Rose Tyler you first knew," she said. "And I am sorry. I am really sorry but I can't just let you whisk me away in the TARDIS like nothing's changed."
"What do you want to do instead?" he asked her curiously.
"I want to return to the area around the Time Lock," she said, holding up a hand when he opened his mouth. "We saw the Zygons today who had survived the war. Planets in vicinity of Gallifrey were the worst affected but not all of them died and with the Moment now, I am sure some of those worlds are rebuilding even if they might not know the full extent of what has happened. I want to help, Doctor."
"We help people when we travel in the TARDIS," he pointed out.
"Not like this," said Rose with a small smile. "I know you don't like to look back, but I can't do the same. I need to look back if I ever am to move forward."
The Doctor was silent for a long time and Rose was just starting to fidget when he spoke again. "Alright," he said. "We just have to make a quick stop at Clara's house and then we can start making a list of affected planets and figure out ways of helping them out." Rose looked at him in surprise and he smiled at her. "Clara doesn't travel full-time with me, so if she doesn't want to come with us, we can always come and see her when we can."
"You don't have to come with me," said Rose.
"Yes, I do," he said. "I have spent a lifetime without you. Now that I have a choice, I want to be by your side. And you are right, I don't like to look back. But maybe this time I should. If only to feel more like myself, like the Doctor, than I have in this life of my mine."
Rose smiled slowly. "Are you sure?" she asked.
He grinned and planted a smacking kiss on her forehead. "I have never been more sure of anything."
A/N Thanks for reading. Let me know what you thought of it.
I might give them a chapter or two before the rewrite of 'The Time of the Doctor' begins. The next one will be up soon. See you then!