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CHAPTER 14

SANDOR

BUMP!

The edge of the sword chopped the tree trunk and a big piece of bark flew through the air.

It's your entire bloody buggering fault! He thought angrily as he ripped the sword from the tree's trunk.

BUMP!

You stupid dog! You couldn't leave her alone, could you? You had to drag her to the North, following a stupid hope so she would depend on you.

BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!

You wanted to play knights and maidens and now she's dying!

AAAARRRRRGGGG!

BUUMP!

The last and strongest blow shook the entire tree from the root to the last leaf. Sandor left the shaking sword stuck in the trunk and rested his hands on his thighs, breathing furiously. His hands were sore and his body ached, but at least the pain would distract him from his feelings for a while.

It'd been two days since they arrived at the old house, and nothing had changed. She lay unconscious on the straw cot night and day, wrapped in her cloak and all their blankets, next to a fire he never let die. He cleaned her forehead with a wet clean fabric from time to time, trying to lower the fever, and watched her at nights, but she hadn't gotten better. The snowstorm had now abated somewhat He spent most of the day chopping wood and hunting, while the old man kept the fire going and tried to cook the little roots and vegetables he could find surviving under the snow. Sandor noticed the man was afraid of him, though he tried to help because of the coins he'd given him. Maybe he thought there would be more if she finally recovered.

At night, Sandor heard her raving; sometimes asking for her mother and father, others yelling the name of her brothers. Always calling for dead people. Once, she had clearly said his name in her dreams; his real name. He'd taken her hand then, but she didn't even notice. Those moments only made everything even more painful and unbearable—if that was even possible.

I should have never taken her with me. Never! She would have been safer with that woman, Brienne; she could have protected her better than me. Around me, there is only death.

Feeling guilty was new for him; he rarely regretted any of his decisions or acts he committed in his life, but the ones related to her were something difficult to deal with. Besides, there was another question he was avoiding so far: what would he do if the girl died? He was there because that was what she wanted, but nothing waited for him at the Wall, or anywhere really. Damn me. I need a wineskin of a good sour red wine. Maybe I could drink to death. But the only thing they had to drink was melting snow.

Every night, the two men sat by the fire to eat the root soup the old man had prepared. He usually didn't talk too much; maybe he was afraid of saying something inadequate. But that night it seemed he'd gathered the courage to finally ask the question he knew was bothering him.

"Is she your wife?" he asked.

It had taken him three nights to make the question. Sandor stared at the fire, holding a bowl of soup in his hands. That's what he'd told at the inn to avoid suspicion, although it seems that was an eternity ago. "No." The man opened his mouth to say something more, but in the end he didn't dare.

"Where are we?" he asked instead. "Is this ruinous house of yours any close to the Wall?"

"The Wall? Don't know… four or five days ride, I guess."

So close… he thought looking where Sansa laid. Come on girl; come back from wherever you are…

Sandor lay on the cold floor next to her, resting his head over his arm as he watched her. She was shivering and frowning as if dreaming. The fireplace lit her silhouette and drew strange shadows on the walls. It was going to be another long night.

"Lady…" she murmured in her dreams. He woke up and knelt by her side; that was the first time she called for someone he didn't know. "Lady!" she said again shaking her head. Then suddenly she opened the eyes and looked confused around until she met his gaze. She looked clumsily for his hand so he grabbed hers into his and squeezed it. "Welcome back," his voice was thick and nervous and that was the only thing he managed to say. She tried to smile but coughed instead. He helped her to sit up and handed her a bowl with water and she drank it slowly while he held her tight in his arms fearing she would faint again.

"How do you feel?"

"So weak…" she said in a faint voice, "but… I'll get better. I'm not going to die… not now that we are so close…"

He nodded and she rested her head in his chest as he buried her into his arms; "We are going to make it, little bird," he said and the knot that was tied in his throat was finally undone.

It took her two more days to feel strong enough to go on the road again. It had finally stopped snowing and shy sunbeams showed at noon between the clouds, slowly melting the snow settled on the ground. There wouldn't be a better time to leave.

The morning of their departure, while he packed their few belongings she went to say goodbye to the old man; she hadn't forgot her courtesies after all.

"Thank you for your hospitality. I'll be always grateful to you," she said.

The man might think he couldn't hear him and lowered his voice: "I knew your Lady mother, you know. I saw her once, traveling with Lord Stark. You resemble her, but more beautiful, if you let me say it. I don't know what's happened to you, but your secret is safe with me."

"Thank you," she whispered. Sandor frowned, angry, he didn't like at all that the man had recognized her, but what could he do? Kill him? She wouldn't like that. He waited for her on Stranger then helped her up onto the horse. Once again feeling her body against him gave him a strong feeling of comfort and confidence. Then he pulled the horse bridles and they rode again into the wood.

"I want to thank you too," she said softly next to his ear.

"Thank me for what?" he grunted, "for almost letting you die in that storm?"

"No. For taking care of me so I recovered". She tightened her arms around him and rested her cheek over his back, and he knew she was smiling then. He stroked her hands again, as an old habit between them, deeply pleased, despite himself.

It wasn't until a day later that they were finally able to make out the Wall. Its impressive solid ice structure stood out from the canopies of the trees, still far away, but closer than ever. She tapped him on the shoulder and pointed away. "Look! It's already there!" When she chuckled he couldn't but to smile a bit too; in two or three more days, their hopeless journey would finally be at an end. He had fulfilled his part, and now it'll be her bastard brother who had to protect her. That made him feel satisfied, though inside him, a black cloud overshadowed his heart as he realized his time next to her was about to end too.

Her mood improved the rest of the day until they stopped to camp at night, when she kept silent for a long time, deep in thought.

"What is it?" he asked her.

"Oh, nothing…It's just…I was thinking of Jon and…I'm worried…what if he doesn't want me there? What if he doesn't want to help me? It's been too long since we have see each other."

"He will," he said, though he wasn't so sure. "If anything I'm sure about, is the high sense of honor of your family. He may be a bastard, but he's still Ned Stark's son. I bet he's as stubborn and loyal as your father was."

"But if not, what would I do?"

"We'll find a place, little bird. Somewhere, there still must be a place in this bloody kingdom where you can be safe"

She smiled at him, her eyes slightly narrowed as she usually did when something pleased her, and that grin sent a wave of warmth over his chest that gave him goosebumps like a boy. He realized he liked the idea of continuing to travel with her, endlessly, feeling her chest pressed to his back, sleeping next to her every night and stroking her hands…only, that wasn't what she wanted. She needed a safe place, a home where she could rest warm every night and wake up surrounded by people she could trust. And it was his task to find it.

It was already dark so they went to sleep as warm as they could, wrapped in their cloaks. She rested with her back to him, breathing quietly. He ran his fingers again over the wound of his side and immediately, the memory of her hands touching his body returned to him as vivid as if it had been yesterday. Two more nights, maybe three and she would no longer be sleeping so close to him. Unwillingly, that sense of loss made him feel empty for the first time in his life, and at that moment, Sandor couldn't help but to stretch out his arm to touch her shoulder with his big hand, sliding it down over the fur cloak to her waist. As she didn't complain, he moved closer to her and hugged her body tight, pulling her back against his chest. She sighed, taking his hand, now resting over her belly, and tangled their fingers. He got a glimpse of her shy smile and kissed her temple softly, feeling how the emptiness vanished as he was aware that, even if it seemed impossible, her slim body fit perfectly into his. And that new emotion made him feel good.

The next morning he was already awake when she woke up and turned towards him. "Good morning," she whispered. He could feel her breath on his burned skin as she said so. So many weeks, and it still felt awkward hearing those words every morning. She was so polite she couldn't help but to be polite as if she was in a castle dealing with knights and lords. Nobody had ever said that to him before and even less, a beautiful woman so close to him. He clenched his fists and avoided the urge to stroke her face.

"Let's move. There aren't many miles left before we arrive," he said as he raised and stretched his body.

In a mimetic movement she stretched her arms too and then they were on the move again, riding straight to the huge iced Wall. Sandor had never been this far north before and he had to admit to himself that if was stunning. Standing next to its base, one should feel like the tiniest and most insignificant person in the Seven Kingdoms.

The day passed by quiet and cold, but they had become accustomed to the harsh climate now, even at night, when the chill was worse and the fire barely warmed them. That night Sansa lie to sleep close to him as if this was the most usual and natural habit in the world. He buried his nose in her hair and secretly enjoyed holding her again between his arms maybe for the last time. One more day, he thought, and everything will be over…

"We are arriving today, aren't we?" she asked eagerly next morning

"Aye. Only a few hours ride. But then we'll need to find Castle Black., at the northern end of the kingsroad. There's where your brother should be."

"Fine, let's go then!"

They were riding for barely two hours when a bright reflection on the ground a few steps on the right caught her eye. "Look! Isn't that water?" she wondered. Sandor pulled the bridles of Stranger and he diverted his path to the place she had pointed at. It was water, actually: a small lake located in a hollow, surely produced by melting snow because of the sun in recent days. They dismounted the horse and she ran to kneel to its edge to wash her face. He approached too; he knew he was completely covered by dirt and was eager to wash his scar properly. Even Stranger seemed to need it too, because he also came closer to drink.

"Oh, I long for a proper bath…I've never been so dirty…" she was saying.

He watched her washing; she was really a mess now, with that threadbare dress and her tangled and knotted hair. He bet she also had earned plenty of bruises and small cuts all over her body during the journey. She looked so different now from when he met her… different but somewhat better.

"Look at you, when I first met you, you were supposed to become a queen and now you have to wash yourself in a dirty pool in the middle of a wood!" he mocked her.

"Oh, you may have forgotten I've seen you winning the Hand's Tourney and then wearing the bright armor of the Kingsguard, and now you are in the middle of a wood with a failed dirty queen," she answered annoyed. "And be sure, you look far worse than me!"

She looked so funny frowning, upset showing on her pretty face, he couldn't help but to laugh at that. She relaxed her expression too and turned it into a smile.

"Fair enough, girl. I guess…"

"STOP YOU THERE!" a man's voice yelled suddenly behind them.

Sandor turned quickly, drawing his sword from its scabbard and standing right in front of Sansa, trying to cover and protect her, but they were quickly surrounded by six men on horseback, all of them dressed completely in black.

"Damned wildings! How did you fucking get to this side of the Wall?" another one asked.

"We are no wildings, you bastard!" Sandor snarled.

"Really? Though, you look like them, dress like them and I can swear for the Seven I've never seen a Westerosi woman fighting with sticks and stones! Hahahaha!" all of them laughed with him, so he turned his head and looked at her over his shoulder. She stood at his back with a concentrated gaze and had managed to grab a thick branch with one hand and a stone in the other.

What the seven hells do you think you are doing, girl?

She read his face: "I will not let anyone touch me, or hurt me or rob us again. I couldn't stand it anymore, not at this point…" she whispered.

Though she was brave, that wasn't going to save them in that moment. He studied the situation; he could try to fight them, giving her enough time to mount Stranger and run away alone to the Wall but if he failed she was going to be captured. So he tried again:

"I guess you scared her with those ugly faces of yours!" he rasped out "I'm telling you for the last time, we are no wildings!"

The men hesitated and Sansa took the moment to step forward, throwing away her improvised weapons.

"I know you! You are men of the Night's Watch! Please Sers, my companion is telling you the truth. We've come a hard long way from the south to reach the Wall. We come to meet the Lord Commander."

The man who seemed to be in charged looked askance at her and frowned, "What for? Nobody travels so north alone!"

Sandor put a hand on Sansa's shoulder, warning her about what was going to say next.

"I…" she faltered for a second "I have news from his family. Important news I need to tell him in person. This man here is my guard."

"The men of the Night's Watch have no family, girl," he grunted.

"But he once had. And I'm sure he'll want to hear what I have to tell him. Please, Sers, let us go our way."

The man stood thoughtful. "All right, I'll let you go," he finally agreed, "But I don't trust you, so two of my men will lead you there. And be sure they won't hesitate to kill you if you try something!"

Let them try, Sandor thought, turning his mouth into a twisted wolfish smile. But she got it; as she got them to pass through Moat Caillin. That was her better skill, the one that let her survive so long at Kings Landing and at the Vale: she really knew how to deal with people. She'd been trained for it since she was a child and now she made perfect use of it. She's good at this. She'd have been a good queen.

They mounted on Stranger and rode again; though this time they were escorted to the left and right by two men while the other four kept watching the south of the Wall. When a few hours later they made out Castle Black, less than a mile away, she hugged him tight at his sight.

Castle Black was one of only three strongholds still manned by the Night's Watch. Actually it was not a true castle, as it had no walls to defend it to the west, east, or south. Only the Wall stood to the north. It just consisted of several stone towers, most of them almost in ruins, and some wooden keeps. The two brothers made them stopped in front of one of the towers

"You two stay here," said one of the rangers. "I'm going to look for the Lord Commander."

They dismounted and Sandor grabbed Stranger's bridles. There was plenty of movement in the Castle; knights, wildings and brothers of the Night's Watch seemed to be working together, though no one paid attention to them. Sansa grabbed Sandor's arm and pressed against him; he could feel her nervousness.

"Please, don't leave me alone. I need you to stay by my side now," she asked him. He nodded and tapped her hand. Guard her? Fine, that was something he was really good at.

"My men say you wanted to see me" a deep voice asked behind them, "So, what do you want from me?"